Disclaimer: Homestuck © the amazing Andrew Hussie. I own nothing but the prose~ [Unnecessary cursing ahoy!]


"Is your bro out or something?" It's not really that you hold a major interest in Dave's bro, really, but for all the years you've known Dave (and considering the fact Dave is a hell of lot younger than you and his bro is damn near your age) you thought it would be good – nice, even – to strike up a conversation with the guy. In hindsight, it was pretty stupid thing to think… but you don't regret it.

"Nah, he's here somewhere. Probably behind you right now or some ironic shit like that."

"Um…" You're pretty sure he isn't behind you, but you turn your head enough to peer tentatively over your shoulder just in case: no, nothing. Ah, though now you come to think about it, if what Dave says is right, his bro is probably in front of you right now. And was that freaky-looking puppet there before? Yeah, must have been. "Anyway," you announce, turning your head back. "Didn't you say you've got a game to show—Okay, something just touched my ass. Dave… Did you just touch my ass?"

"It's probably Lil' Cal: he's a weird fuck like that."

Oh, that creepy puppet is in front of you now. So he must have two of them. It's kind of cute – who are you kidding? You're afraid it's probably going to give you nightmares. "But isn't Lil' Cal a puppet? So isn't your bro in control of Lil' Cal?"

"Whoa. Just whoa. Stop right there." You blink because the cool-as-ice voice seems somewhat astounded. "That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Ever. And don't forget that I'm pals with Egbert. No one controls Lil' Cal; Lil' Cal is in control of himself."

"Oh right… gotcha." But really, you don't get him at all. You stare at the blinged-up puppet and he stares at you, smiling that golden-toothed smile. It's time for a topic change, you think. "Anyway, aren't you going to introduce me to your bro?" You ask as Dave opens the fridge, and then closes it again sharply.

"Bro won't be introduced if he don't want to be."

"But-"

"Look, that's just how a super cool guy rolls. You wouldn't understand." Irritated, frankly, at being told you won't understand even when it's true tempts you to ignore the prospect of a brand-new game and just go, now. But it's a new game, and you can't resist. "Dave, where's the bathroom?" A quick abscond to the toilet sounds good enough to settle your nerves.

"Up the stairs, first room on your right." You nod and scamper away as fast as possible, following his simple directions to a tee. The door of said "first room on the right" swings open with vigour at your touch, almost as though you weren't actually the one to open it—

And there's Dave's bro, but it definitely isn't the bathroom; it's a room filled with shit comics, colourful, oh-so-plump puppet ass and katana – the modern-day school-boy's heaven. Never mind that though, you're too distracted by the bed and the shine of pointy-anime shades upon the face of someone who's wearing not much else… nothing else, in fact. "Umm… wrong room?" Still, you don't have the heart to back away, entirely oblivious to Dave yelling a quick "I meant my right," up the stairs.

"Come here." It's not what he said but that's what you heard anyway. It seemed too good an opportunity to not battle against (what felt like) miles of puppet derrière to reach a wonderfully naked cool-guy. Anyway, you take Dave's words to heart: if he didn't want to be introduced, he wouldn't be.