Okay so this is a very…. Funny/disturbing story about one Harry Potter and his love for his grill. It is not to be taken seriously and is in fact completely satire.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot…. If there is a plot.

The pleasures of grilling

There are very few things in this world I find truly pleasurable, a cool breeze on a warm day, the feeling of flying, the sight of my families happy faces and for some undetermined reason, grilling.

I understand that equating the act of cooking meat on an semi-open flame to the happiness of my family is slightly, well let's say strange, but I have found nothing that parallels the high that I receive every time I turn each piece of warm slightly charred meat. Even the act of love making pales in the face of the heady aroma of slowly cooking animal flesh.

My family, for obvious reasons, has no idea about my fascination with the grill. Yes the grill, the metallic case, rotund wheels, and dainty grating, I have had this stainless steel beauty for years now, and yet she still shines as brightly as she did the day that Ron presented her to me. At the time even I could not fathom the way I would obsess over every smudge on the chrome plating, every drop of grease that fell in to her flame.

I am not permitted to grill as much as I would like, although in truth if I were left to my own devices I would eat nothing but the sweet succulent grilled meat. These days I grill two or three times a week, allowing Molly to cook for us the rest of the time, although I know every time I take up those tongs I hurt her a bit more. I can't stop grilling not even for the sake of the only mother I have ever known.

My most favorite part of the grilling experience is what happens the next day, the dainty grating, coated with animal flesh and grease collects crispy crunchy little morsels that melt in your mouth I will go out every morning and eat my fill leaving yet more on her grated surface for the next meal.

My friends worry that I am ill from all of the extras I eat from my grill, although I can assure you I am not, nothing that comes from her could ever harm me. Well other than the flames, I learned quickly that licking, touching or… caressing her intimately are not good things to do while she is warm.

Molly worries that I will never find a significant other, it is almost a shame she would not approve of the one I have chosen for if I thought my family would not commit me I would shout my love of her to the heavens.

My name is Harry Potter and I love my Grill