'And the day is coming when I'll look into that man's eyes, my Doctor, and he won't have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me.'
"Please Doctor, tell me you know who I am," she begged him desperately, tiny specks of tears beginning to shroud her vision.
This wasn't supposed to happen. The stupid, stupid man had turned up in the wrong order again, and this was not the greatest situation for that to happen; she wanted to slap him.
But his eyes were so vacant, his expression dulled with a look of utmost confusion and curiosity. He looked at her blankly, like she was some kind of impossible puzzle. That blank look almost killed her. It was like a blank piece of paper on which had been written their incredible relationship but some incomprehensible fool had come along with a rubber and erased their whole history.
"Who are you?" he whispered back. He hadn't meant to hurt her with his comment, but by the way her bright blue eyes stopped hoping, and the way she breathed out in a 'this-can't-be-possible' way, he knew, almost instantly, that he had. This woman, this archaeologist, who he never met before, was treating him like she knew every little thing about him, he didn't understand; which was a problem because he understood everything.
What he didn't realize was she actually did know everything.
X – X - X
His name. He hadn't heard someone speak it to him for many a century. He had not uttered the words since he had officially become 'The Doctor' and he thought he had no intention of ever telling another soul what it was.
The words shook him to the very core of his existence. His eyes glistened with an implausible kind of expression, his lips tried to form words but he could not bring himself to say them,
"Are we good?"
He remained silent, shocked, utterly shell-shocked,
"Doctor!" she said, raising her voice slightly, reaching the point where she was going to start shaking him by the shoulders if he didn't answer, "Are. We. Good?" she said slowly, annunciating every word with precision.
He was not aware that he was nodding, he was not aware of the fact that he was going to nod. The neurons in his brain, as far as he was aware, were not even activated. She nodded her head as well and turned to walk away, her silence demanding him to follow. Slowly, and with no sense of what he was doing, he walked after her, not knowing he would be doing that, willingly, for the rest of his life….
X – X - X
"Time can be re-written," he suggested frantically, struggling forward, a severe headache glooming over his mind.
"Not those times. Not a single line of it, don't you dare!" she pleaded furiously, her curls bouncing, her head shaking, expressing her emotion about it. Her voice was quivering and her soul was silently weeping.
He tried to shuffle forwards to grab his sonic screwdriver, which was lying on top of River's TARDIS shaped and coloured book of 'spoilers', but his right wrist was restricted by a pair of handcuffs. Where the hell did she get handcuffs from?
Tears were springing from her eyes, but she found her voice and continued, "It's okay, you'll see me again, you've got all of that to come. You me. Time and space. You watch us run," she cried out passionately, tears brimming and spilling over the edge and becoming caught in her long, black eyelashes.
The countdown continued, almost screaming out the seconds until the download.
Nine. Eight. Seven.
"River, you know my name. You whispered my name in my ear. There's only one way I would ever tell anyone my name. There's only one time I could." He whispered, his voice vibrating with distress and anguish. He didn't know her, but he wasn't going to let this happen. He knew he wouldn't have a chance either, but he would've done it anyway.
Five. Four. Three.
"Hush now," she breathed gently and lovingly, a huge smile spreading across her pale pink lips, "spoilers."
She slammed the two cords together and sparks flew out from the connection. There was a blinding flash of bright white light and he put his free hand over his chocolate brown eyes as River Song leant backwards in the chair and disappeared into atoms. The light faded slowly and he removed his hand covering his face. He stared at the empty chair and, even though he had no idea why and he still doesn't now, felt a huge weight sink in his stomach, and a part of him melted and fizzled and died within him. He swallowed back the tears threatening to pour down his cheeks. He yanked himself just a centimetre further and fumbled and grabbed his sonic screwdriver. He undid the handcuff and silently walked over to the chair.
He pressed his fingers lightly over where River's shape had been only minutes before and swallowed again, a single tear slipping from his eye and travelling slowly down his cheeks. He could feel it, and it was like ice and fire; that tear made him realize that what he had just lost would forever affect him. A pang of grief and misery and a strange sense of guilt shook through his system, sending goose bumps up his arms.
He turned around and almost crawled over to the blue book lying, abandoned and ruffled on the floor. He knelt down next to it, and picked it up, twirling it around in his thin, pale palm.
Spoilers, he thought, damn spoilers. They were what had killed her in the end.
He let a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. He had learned to understand what she said, and it was typical, she had to go and save everyone. She was just like him. He had learnt that that was never a good thing.
He sighed out in sorrow, clutched the diary to his chest and walked away from the room, not knowing that this event would change his life forever.