Forever Young

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. R/R.

The walls are white, clean, pure. The room is sterile and there's not much furniture. It's probably cold in here or maybe that's just me. I always feel cold now. The thought of something warm makes me think about the sun. The thought of the sun makes me want to run and hide. Even the light in my room makes me cringe. It makes me nervous and jumpy, makes me pace my cell like a caged animal. That's what I am now. I'm the worst predator on the face of the planet and I'm hungry. Animals are always dangerous when they're hungry or trapped. I'm both right now.

I used to love light. I remember spending hours every day soaking up the sun when I lived in California. I never got tired of watching the fireworks I could make with my powers. Everyone always said I had a personality that lit up the room, you know, when they weren't telling me to shut up. I don't believe in light anymore. I don't enjoy the comforting warmth that it brings and I don't have my sparkling wit so much. The light lied to me. I thought it would always be there, always be mine to use, and then one day it wasn't. One day, I woke up and I wasn't a mutant anymore. No more paffs, no more fireworks, no more hanging out with my friends in the X-Men. Then there was the day I didn't wake up at all. Then came the day that I died in the light and was reborn in the dark.

It's funny. Somehow, I always thought I would live forever. Even with all the craziness I've seen, I always thought I'd live forever. I guess most kids are stupid like that. They think they're invincible so there's no need to think about dying or getting hurt. Dying is what old people do, or at least that's what kids tell themselves. Well here I am, Jubilation Lee the princess of the undead. Now the only thing I want to do is die. The only thing I want to do is stop existing because I feel like I've always been a burden to everyone. Someone's always dealing with my crap or picking up my slack. Everyone was always telling me to grow up, be an adult and be responsible. Well I can't do that now, can I? I can't do any of the things kids dream about doing like going off to college, getting married, having a family of their own. I may look young but I don't feel it. Truthfully, I've never felt it. I've always felt old, so ahead of my time because of what I've lived through.

When I look at them now, at these people I called family, I see the fear in their eyes. They'll all die some day, probably sooner than they think. They'll all die but I'll just keep going. I wonder if this is how Logan feels, if he thinks about what the world will be like when all of us are gone and he's still here. I tried to kill him. Worse than that, I tried to turn Logan into . . . into what I am and even though I failed I still think about it. I think about killing all of them. I think about what their blood tastes like, about how easy it would be if I could just get out of this damn room for one night. Is this how you've felt about us, Logan? Are we just the sheep and you the wolf, always walking among us and ready to sink your fangs into us when the hunger gets to you?

I'm so damn hungry. I'm scared and cold and hungry. I wanna go home. I wanna go back into the light and be able to remember what it was like when the world was young. The shadows keep me safe though. They wrap their arms around me and their darkness fills the emptiness inside me. They tell me that everything will be okay if I just don't go into the light. There's no room in my world for light, not anymore. There's no room for the innocence of youth or even the radiance of life itself. There's only room for the cold and the dark. There's only the hunger that gnaws at me no matter how many injections of Logan's blood they give me. They can't save me because I'm already dead. I died young the moment I saw Logan out there in the Australian outback so many years ago. I was too damn young for any of this.

When I was a kid, I always thought I would live forever. I thought I couldn't get hurt no matter how many reckless and stupid things I did. I was invincible, immortal even. I'm not a kid anymore but it turns out that I got my wish anyway. Life is a real bitch like that sometimes.