The Awkward Turtle Contest
Title: Discovering Their True Colors
Word Count: 3,540
Pairing: Bella/Edward Bella/Jacob
Summary: Some time after the newborn war, Bella visits the Cullen household to find each member 'being themselves.' After witnessing their antics, Bella realizes just how normal her life with Jacob could be.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the things mentioned in this story, there are just too many to list, and if I don't say I don't own them, I'd be like, breaking the law or something.
Discovering Their True Colors
I drove my truck up, the hidden driveway toward the Cullen house. Now that the fight with Victoria was over, things were semi-back to normal. I hadn't spoken to Jacob in a while, after he asked me to leave that night, it's like he's disappeared completely. I miss him. I really do, but I truly believe that my place is with the Cullen's. My father had taken the engagement to Edward, fairly well. I guess, as well as any father of an eighteen year old girl could be, but still he didn't fight me on it. Alice and I were starting our official wedding planning today, and even a laid back girl like me, was excited about all the preparations.
When I pulled into the driveway, I was shocked to see Jasper standing off of the porch staring at the sky. He has slightly warmed up to me since their return; he still doesn't get too close, but doesn't stay as distant as before. I climbed out of the truck and moved to stand next to him. I cast my eyes above me and followed where his eyes were going. "Jasper, what exactly are you doing?" I asked.
"Waiting for my owl from Hogwarts, Bella, what else would I be doing staring at the sky?" He answered in the most serious voice I'd ever heard. "Emmett is waiting for you in the living room; you best not keep him waiting."
"Um, sure, Jazz, um….good luck with that whole, Hogwarts thing." I scurried inside afraid he would say something else even more awkward.
I opened the door, and braced myself for the usual bear-hug I got from Emmett. Instead, I was floored by the scene in front of me. Emmett was sitting in a rocking chair, much like the one in the corner of my bedroom, knitting.
Now, Emmett knitting wouldn't surprise me, if he didn't have a scarf wrapped around his neck, fingerless gloves on his fingers and glasses on his face. When I got a closer look, I realized they were bifocals, not just glasses, but the ones that old grandma's wear.
"Em, what's all this?" I asked, it seemed like this was going to be what I encountered every time I got to a different Cullen.
"Bells, you're here. I didn't hear you come in," he sighed, "damn ears, just not the same anymore."
I wanted to comment that he was a vampire, and he could see and hear perfectly, but decided against it, because I really was afraid of what his response might be. Instead I sat down on the couch next to him and admired his work. I suddenly noticed that the pattern of the gloves he was working on matched my scarf that I wore almost everyday throughout the winter.
"You made my scarf? I thought Alice did." I tried to stop myself, but it came out before I could.
"No, Alice can't knit for shit. This is my skill, so how are you Bella?" He looked up at me through his glasses, yet he never missed a stitch in the gloves.
"A little confused, Em, a little confused, what is going on?" I looked around to see where everyone else was but no one was in sight.
"Nothing going on, Bells, just the normal day in the life of a Cullen. Hey, I think Rosie was looking for you, said she had something to ask you." I stood up from the couch and received a slap in my behind.
I literally ran up the stairs and toward Rosalie and Emmett's room, if anyone was normal it had to be Rosalie. I knocked on the door and received no answer. I was about to leave and seek out Alice when I heard a girlish giggle come from the room. I slowly opened the door and found Rosalie Hale, Victorian Goddess, fan-girling over Zac Efron. She had posters and pictures taped all on the wall. She was wearing a shirt with his face on it and said "Mrs. Efron" and the worst part was, on the giant fifty two inch television that Emmett insisted they buy, was playing High School Musical.
"Bella, you're here! I've been waiting for ages for you!" She clapped her hands together and for a moment, she looked like Alice. "Why, oh why would you pick, my stuck up little brother, when you could have any of these human men?"
I didn't get a chance to answer before I was thrust into, what I had always assumed was their closet. Instead inside I found shrines to a variety of celebrities over the decades.
"See Bella, I started with Frankie, oh Frank Sinatra. His voice was just sooo…." She trailed off in a dreamy way, "Then I moved on to Johnny Cash, he was just so dangerous and enticing. I just wanted to eat him up. I mean not in the vampire way, the human way, isn't that the saying?"
I just nodded and unfortunately for me, she continued, "Then there was JFK that man was gorgeous, oh and the president, so he was powerful. I was so upset when he was killed. I wouldn't come out of my room for weeks."
With each new celebrity, she would take me further into her lair of stalker-ism.
"That John Lennon of the Beatle's wow, did he make my panties wet. And Bruce Springsteen, I just wanted to run my hands through his hair," she sighed dramatically, and if my decade calculation was correct, she should be nearing the end of this horrible tunnel soon enough.
"Bon Jovi, goodness, do I still love him. He's a little old now, but his singing voice is just dreamy. I stole a pair of his boxers once, from a show, did you know that?" She turned to look at me and my eyes went wide as saucers.
"Um, no Rose, you've never told me that before." I chocked on a laugh and shoved it away so she wouldn't kill me. This really was the most Rosalie had ever spoken to me, except that time she told me about herself.
"This, Bella Swan, is my greatest possession. Kurt Cobain was a lyric God, when he died; I really thought I might follow after him. I never understood that whole Courtney Love thing, she was so trashy." She paused and stroking something on the wall. "This is actual hair, from his head. I posed as a hair stylist and cut his hair for him. I still smell it sometimes and it smells the same."
"Now I know you have to know who this is," Rose glared at me when I didn't answer, "I'm bringing Sexy Back? I mean come on Bella, where have you been!"
She pointed to the wall, "Justin Timberlake, didn't you go through the boy band phase? N*Sync? God, Bella, what kind of human are you?"
"And your newest one is the High School Musical kid?" I asked pointing to her shirt.
"Yes, and his name is Zac, gosh Bella, don't be rude." Rose stuck her nose up in the air, in that way she used to do, whenever I walked into a room, when she didn't talk to me.
Rose and I spent the next hour going over all the men in her closest (literally). She told me every statistic about them, every woman they ever dated (and their flaws), how much money they made, and what made them popular. Sure some of these guys were very nice to look at, but to take it to an extreme like Rose had, was…unsettling.
As we made our way out of the closet, we ran into Jasper. He was patting the walls down, and I was honestly a little afraid to ask what he was doing, but Rose looked at him, then to me and stage whispered, "He's looking for Narnia again."
Jasper's head snapped towards, ours and his eyes got a little darker, "Have you seen the entrance?"
I shook my head no and ran out of the room; I was heading to Carlisle's study, so I could figure out what seems to have infected the seemingly normal people in this family. As soon as I stepped foot in the study, I stepped on what looked like doll clothes. Carlisle was sitting behind his desk, just like a normal day, but the difference was, instead of medical books in front of him. He was playing with, Barbie dolls and G.I. Joe's. The Barbie's looked like they were the nurses, and the G.I. Joe's were soldiers.
"Oh Nurse Betty, how sweet of you to bring me that juice, I can't reach it, can you lean forward a little." G.I. Joe said.
"Of Course Mr. Soldier Man, you're so big and strong. I don't even mind that you are looking down my shirt." Barbie Nurse Betty said next.
Carlisle just ignored my presence, so I retreated back out into the hallway and away from his bout of craziness. Esme's office for her decorating was just down the hall from Carlisle's study, so I made my way in what I was hoping was the only sane parental figure left in the house.
Unfortunately, when I got to the door, the obvious noises of that pop song, "Whip My Hair," was playing through the walls. I opened this door even more cautiously than I did entering Rose's room, "Esme, are you in here?"
"Bella!" she exclaimed, "Do it, I Whip My hair back and forth." She had this wig on her head that had rainbow colored pieces flailing all over the place.
"Esme!" I yelled, "Can we turn this off?"
"Sure Bella, do you prefer hair-bands? I love Axle Rose, he's to die for, 'Welcome to the Jungle,' come on Bella, sing!" She changed the song on her IPod to the eighty's hair-bands that Charlie used to listen to and started to play air guitar.
My face blushed red and I just couldn't think straight. I leaned against the wall and lowered myself to the ground, with my head in my hands. I took a deep breath and went off to find my future-seeing best friend, and surely she would have some answers.
The scene when I opened my best friend's door was something out of Hollywood. All over the place was camera's and those boom things, microphones, speakers, and glitter, lots and lots of glitter.
"Cut!" I heard Alice yell, "How dare you interfere with my music video, do you know who I am?"
"Um, Alice?" I answered.
"No silly, I'm Ke$ha, and that's with a dollar sign, not an s." She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted out her lip. The blonde wig on her head and the glittery pant all over her should have been a signal, but the video equipment, I wasn't too sure about.
"Bella, really, I'm in the middle of a music video, but if you wait in the hall for one more take, then I'll speak with you." She pushed me out the door and once in the hallway again, I was met by the face of Jasper, again.
This time, he was drawing some sort of marking on him. I cocked my head to the side, and he let out a chuckle, "I feel your curiosity, Bella I'm a shadowhunter, really. I am, and I'm off to fight the down worlder's."
"Somebody's obviously read too much Mortal Instruments," I muttered under my breath.
"No Bella, my name is Jasper Wayland. I am a shadowhunter and I love Clary." He huffed and walked down the stairs.
Emmett came by as I was waiting for Alice to finish her video and handed me the matching pair of gloves to my scarf, "Next, I'll make you a hat, but you'll have to be measured."
I just nodded my head and sat by Alice's door. I could hear Esme's rock music and Rosalie's sing-a-long to the second High School Musical. Alice's music stopped and her door opened.
"Enter, we have work to do." She sat down at her vanity and added more glitter to her face before picking up a remote. She pushed play and on her television was a video of Alice dressed as Cher, the long hair and everything. I was pretty sure that Jasper was her Sonny, as they sang, "I got you Babe," but honestly, I wasn't sure. The video changed and I saw Alice in rocked out metal gear, and singing "I love Rock and Roll," just like Joan Jett. A very Madonna like Alice popped up next singing, "Like a Virgin," and then I saw Alice in a school girl uniform asking people to hit her one more time. I didn't get it, but when we got to the last clip of her being Ke$ha, I was thankful.
"Don't you love my work? It's so awesome right? I mean, it's so much easier to make a music video now, and I'm a big star, and I love it." She clapped her hands together and then stage whispered to me, just as Rose had, "I can see the future, so I know what songs to sing."
"Alice, I, um have to go home, right, home and cook dinner for Charlie. I'll see you later." I ran from her room and started towards the door, when I heard a sweet melodic sound of a piano playing. I knew that must have been Edward, and I couldn't figure out why I didn't go looking for him in the first place.
Once I reached the music room, I stopped, unable to breath, and for a moment, I thought I might pass out. Edward always brought out this reaction to me, but this time. It wasn't a good thing. I was in complete and utter shock, and all I wanted to do was run far far away from this family.
My Edward stood in the middle of the room, shirtless, and sporting a pink tutu and tights. He was dancing around to Swan Lake. He hit all the proper marks, and moved perfectly. His movements were fluid, and languid. He was the perfect ballerina.
I cleared my throat and he spun around to look at me, "Bella, love, want to join me in a dance?"
I shook my head no and felt the tears burning my eyes, how could my family; have all gone crazy in less than twelve hours?
"Bella, love, the family, is just…showing their true colors, they wanted you to see the real them. They hid away for so long because they didn't want to upset you, but now that we are getting married, that's all changed." He reached his hand up to stroke my face, and I flinched against him.
I ran out of the house and towards my truck once again. The sun was going down, and I realized I had been terrorized in the Cullen's home for hours. I drove straight to La Push and into Jake's garage. I hoped he would sense that I was around and come comfort me.
Jake did find me, and wrapped me in his arms. He kept telling me it would be alright, and that we could be together and happy. I must have fallen asleep in his arms, because I heard my name being called.
"Bella, Bella, wake up." The voice continued to call.
I opened my eyes and stretched and realized I was back home at Charlie's house, "Bella, love, are you okay?"
My eyes went wide with shock, and my heart beat accelerated exponentially. "Do you like ballet?" I asked.
"What's wrong, love? Did you have a bad dream? Something about Jacob?" He kept questioning.
"Edward, do you like the ballet?" I asked more serious this time.
"I enjoy it every once in a while sure. I love to see a good ballet, would you like to go, maybe we can get into the one in Seattle." Edward rambled and didn't let me break in otherwise.
"I mean, do you like to dance ballet, in a tutu?" I asked hiding behind a sheet of my own hair.
"Bella, love, what are you talking about?" Edward pushed my hair out of my face and placed his hands on my cheeks.
"I need to see the family," I whispered.
"Because I need to see if they are normal." I got out of bed and got dressed as quickly as I could. Charlie had already left for work, so we were out of the house without a problem.
Edward drove at his normal "Cullen Speed", and I honestly couldn't find it in me to care. I was more nervous about what everyone was doing at the house. We arrived and Edward opened my door and ran us inside calling for a family meeting in the living room.
I was feeling, quite awkward and uncomfortable as I watched each member of the family join us in the living room. Alice was trying not to laugh, so I knew then that she had seen the whole thing. Jasper was concentrating on me. I'm sure, trying to send me some calm, so I wouldn't stroke out.
"Bella seems to have to speak to everyone." Edward turned to me, effectively giving me the floor.
"Okay, I just have a few questions, and then it will all be okay." I nodded and I think I was trying to convince myself more than anything.
I started with Emmett, "Em, have you ever knitted anything in your life or worn granny glasses."
Emmett stared at me, and then looked at Edward, and I saw him nod, which meant that he asked a silent question. "Bells, um, are you feeling okay?"
"No, I'm really not. Just answer the question." I put my head in my hands and felt even more embarrassed as time went on.
"Nope, can't say I have Bells." Emmett looked at Rosalie, who actually looked like she might laugh. Maybe Alice told her too?
"Okay, Rose, have you ever stalked male celebrities and stolen their hair or underwear?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or laugh, because the more I thought about all this, the more assine it became.
"Can't say I have Bella, sorry." She gave me a stiff nod and a small smile.
"Carlisle, do you play with dolls?" I whispered the last part, hoping that in a room full of vampires that no one heard me.
"Play with them how Bella?" Carlisle gave me a grin and continued, "I mean I don't play doctor with them or anything."
I sighed, that meant that Alice informed everyone about my horrible dream, and even though she did. I needed to get this out. "Esme, do you, or have you ever, enjoyed hair-bands, or Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair?" song?"
"Sorry Bella, no eighties bands for me, I like to listen to Edward play." She gave my hand a little squeeze and took her place back next to Carlisle.
I looked at Jasper and then at Alice. I looked back and forth before I could decide which person to ask next. Alice saw and busted out into giggles. "Oh Bella, I would love to dress up at pop stars and make my own videos, will you do it with me?"
I looked pleadingly at Jasper. I really wanted him to make my misery stop, but he just cocked a smile at me and said, "Go on, and ask darlin' it's the only way you'll get an answer."
I bucked up and got the balls to ask my question. I looked at Edward and then to everyone else in the room, "Jasper, do you like to believe you are a character in a young adult fictional book?"
"What you mean like, Harry Potter, or The Chronicle's of Narnia, or The Mortal Instruments?" He chuckled and then went on, "Not me, Miss Bella, I like my historically accurate novels."
I groaned and grabbed a pillow from the couch and shoved my face into it. I let out a small scream in frustration. Edward whisked me off to the bedroom and sat me on the bed.
"Bella, no one is angry with you, you know that right?" He asked cuddling me into his chest.
"Yes Edward, I know. I just didn't think I would find you doing ballet in a tutu." I rubbed my face against the exposed piece of skin from the open buttons on his shirt and felt him shiver and not from being cold.
"And what did you think you would find me doing, love?" He asked.
"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded, "I thought you might be jacking off to your piano or something."
Edward sat there gapping like a fish, and I took the moment to kiss him all over. He didn't respond, just sat still as a statue, unwilling to move, and hopefully thinking about what I'd said.
My day at the Cullen's wasn't as exciting as my dream had made it, but I did get to spend one on one time with everyone, and we talked about things they actually liked to do. It was a good bonding experience, and I was happy they were showing me their true colors.