What Else is On?
Disclaimer: I don't own The World of Narue OR WWE. Apologies to Michael Cole (The worm…); also, apologies for The Chapman Bros. (The creators of Homestar Runner) for using their shtick
High above the far reaches of space, the Galaxy Federation was on its continuing mission to observe one Narue Nanase in the planet earth. However, the three Galaxy Fed androids, Ran Tendo, Rei Otonashi, & Rin Asakura, were about to see Narue like never before.
Ran and Rei were watching TV, while taking a break from destroying enemy aliens.
"Say, I wonder what's on TV?" Ran asked.
"Ran Tendo," Rei pleaded, "I don't wish to watch television, right now."
Ran turned on the TV and saw a show, with a guy in a business suit and short hair.
"Hey, who's he?" Ran asked.
"Must be one of the earthlings from another land," Rei replied.
The TV began to play:
"Good evening. My name is Michael Cole and I am an announcer for WWE. Lately, the WWE Universe has been overshadowing me, by giving me hate mail."
"Whoa, sucks to be him," Ran Tendo sneered.
"But I must digress…" Cole continued, "I have me a lot of mail from fans of WWE and fans of yours truly. And though, I cannot divulge any profanity, since this is a PG show, I will NOT divulge any member of the WWE Universe, by mentioning their names!"
"What's a WWE Universe?" Ran Tendo asked.
Rei then scanned and replied, "Hmm… It's an earth company, in the entertainment industry, that recently produces wrestling, movies, action figures, magazines, and other variable paraphernalia. It is securely located in Stamford, Connecticut, USA, North America, in the planet earth; owner of company is Vincent K. McMahon, who runs as CEO and chairman. Earth WWE champions include-."
"ALL RIGHT!" Ran scoffed, "ENOUGH! I want to hear what he has to say!"
Rei asked, "Will you be long? We have more orders from the Head Inspector."
Ran shushed, as Cole continued:
"Here's a letter I got from a young boy from Long Island. And I Quote…
'I've seen you act like you're king of the world. You praise The Miz and you praise Jack Swagger. But tell me, when was the last time you praised someone, before them?'
That's a very stern question, and I'll tell you why…"
As he was about to answer, Ran Tendo held the remote up and said, "Boring!"
She changed the channel, as Rei left.
"Oh, Tendo! You're incorrigible! I'm telling Tail Messa!" She scoffed.
"Hello, guys! And welcome to 'The Show'!" A girl cheered.
On another channel, Narue Nanase was on her own show. Ran was shocked.
"Rei! Rei! Get a load of this!" She cried, as Rei appeared.
Rei was surprised, "Wait… Is that… Nanase?"
The TV showed Narue, talking with a small microphone:
"Folks, I'm so glad we have been on the air for about three weeks now. Thank you for watching, for you have made me the happiest girl on this planet AND for making our show #1 in the ratings~! As you can see, we have upgraded our network from standard definition to HIGH-larious definition, thanks to our good friend, Miz-K Tacos. Today, we will be asking a lot of fan mail from all of you: the viewers!"
"Since when did Nanase have her own TV show?" Rei retorted.
Ran said, as she glued her eyes to the TV (not literally), "Shut up! Nanase is becoming more popular!"
Rei then sighed, "Okay… But if she says anything that'll jeopardize our mission, we're going down there and cancelling it!"
Ran nodded and said, "Watching… TV…"
Narue held up her first letter:
"Dear Miss Narue Nanase,
I'm only in the third grade, and I wanted to have hair just like yours. How DO you keep that beautiful hair so bouncy and still, even as a tilted boomerang?
From, Sidney Nash, San Diego, CA"
She then said, "Well, it's not always easy to fix this hot mane. First, I had to build it upward to make it long, blowing a hair dryer towards it, after washing it, of course. Secondly, I had to brush it about one hundred times. And as for the shape, it's natural. First, you need is a headband, like mine, to hold your hair up You can make as much fun on your hair, as you like, just as long as you don't ruin it, by tying each strand into knots. For my hairstyle, I divide my long brown hair in two perpendicular sides, and then, using the headband and a wire brush (I suggest that you use a soft bristle brush), and brush each side at a diagonal wave. Once combed back, use the headband to hold down the ends of your hair, located on your skull. In no time, my hair will be evenly fixed, so I can go to school, or even see my constantly nose-bleeding boyfriend on a date. I suggest that you not steal my style. My hair… is my trademark."
Ran scoffed, "She doesn't even know a thing about hair…"
Rei then thought, "I hope my letter gets to appear…"
She then said, "Maybe we should watch the rest of Nanase's show."
Ran held the remote up and asked, "How about we watch that Cole guy again, and see how he holds up? I'm pretty sure that he's finished with his boring story."
She set the channel back to Michael Cole.
He then announced, "This next letter is from a woman from Tupelo, Mississippi."
And I quote…
If you act like such a hotshot, how come we haven't seen you in the ring?"
"A very stupid one! Haven't you seen Wrestlemania 27?" He shouted, "If you did, you'll notice that I, Michael Cole, have defeated Jerry "The King" Lawler! And I did it, all by myself, thanks to the tutelage of my trainer, Jack Swagger, the former World Heavyweight Champion!"
Rei declared, "I read it up. He won by disqualification. He's not a wrestler, but it still counts as a win."
Cole then boasted, "BUT! But, for all you people who missed Wrestlemania or if you're living under a rock, I should also tell you that I also embarrassed the fatso Hall of Famer, Good ol' JR, Jim Ross! I even embarrassed him with his disgusting barbeque sauce, all over him!"
He started laughing and said, "But… But I showed him, one month later! I beat him, at Extreme Rules, in a Country Whipping Match! Learn your lesson, JR, when you mess with the voice of WWE!"
Ran then sighed, "No wonder people hate this human."
Rei then demanded, "Change it! I want to see how Nanase is doing!"
"YOU change it, Beavis!" Ran shouted, "I want to see how low this jerk can go!"
"Ran! Do not berate at the earthlings, even a fellow android! Besides, what do people think about this, since this is earth's way of Pop Culture."
They watched on, as Cole continued to shot his mouth. Rin Asakura appeared and was concerned.
"Hey, guys," she smiled, "What are you up to?"
Ran & Rei gasped. They turned to her and bowed, "Nothing…"
Rin looked at the TV and started to fume.
"Are you watching that jerk?" She bellowed, "That guy is most hated by the company! I even wrote a letter to him about himself!"
In luck, Cole read Rin's letter:
"This is from… uh, someone from Nihon.
And I quote…
I am from the planet called Nihon…" "What?" "…and was concerned about your behavior! Strange, really. I pictured to you as a handsome guy, but lately you have disestablished your role as a color-commentator as some weasel. What do you think you should do, when you decide to act like such a greasy guy with a black top?'"
He snapped, "How dare you? And who do you think you're talking to, you freak from Nihon? I have been in war, as a reporter, and I have been working here in WWE for a long time! Don't treat me like I am some grease jockey! I'm a broadcast journalist!"
Rin was stunned, as Ran changed the channel.
Rei scolded, "Rin, you should know better than to yell at the earthlings. Tail Messa would give you an earful."
Rin blushed and said, "Uh… sorry. I didn't know it would hurt him. Maybe I should calm him down with one of my mind waves."
Ran then showed Rin the TV screen, "Never mind that. Take a look at this!"
Narue read another letter:
"This next one is from, OH! She's a friend of mine! A Miss Rei Otonashi, of… of… Hunh… There's no address."
How do you have time to find a boyfriend? I've been busy working for my boss for a very long time, and I was thinking of how you fell in love with Kazuto?"
"That's a very good question, Miss Rei," she giggled, "I don't mind working, but being away from Kazu… It was so… so… so lonely. But, working helps to getting you money. When you work for some money, you'll be able to buy some cool food for your boyfriend! I sometimes save, because my family, namely my dad and big sister live with me. And I usually buy, just to save up. Family, first; love, second! You should try it! Save a lot of money, and then, splurge for your boyfriend. But leave some for rent, food, and bills for your own home. You'll be okay, in no time."
Rei then turned away and whispered, "I'm not sure that's how it goes, Nanase…"
Rin then asked, "Nanase has her own TV show? The head Inspector will freak!"
Ran then yelled at Rei, "Are you stupid? You can't date anyone! We only fight the evil space pirates; that's in our programming!"
Rei then sobbed, "But I'm just bored! I know it is wrong to disobey my directives, but I needed something to cope out. An android is also human, remember?"
"Rei Otonashi, you need to focus at the job at hand!" Ran Tendo ordered.
Rin changed the channel and said, "I hope this Cole guy calmed down, after he shouted about me."
She changed it to Family Feud:
"RIN!" They shouted, "THAT'S THE WRONG CHANNEL!"
"Sorry," Rin smiled.
She changed it back to Michael Cole. He then calmed down and read another letter. This time, it was from someone of Narue's past:
"And I quote…
'Dear Michael Cole,
I'm not a huge fan of wrestling, but my girlfriend and I watch you every day. You're so funny on those segments with The Rock, but lately, your behavior has been disapproving my girlfriend's viewing. She thinks of you as like someone she knows. Sadly, she cannot mention his name, since it's…'"
Ran then asked, "Was that from… Nanase?"
Cole continued, "Your attitude reminds of our friend, Yagi. She's just obsessed with aliens, by the way. In any case, do you have anything to say about her? She thinks you are a mean man, but deep down, you're a great man at heart."
The androids figured it out, "Kazuto!"
The letter was from Kazuto Iizuka, Narue's boyfriend.
Cole then replied, "Well, kid, I must say that your girlfriend has a 50-50 chance, but, let me ask you this: she would happen to be that weird girl on TV named Narue? Her show is awful!"
The androids growled, as he continued, "But, knowing she likes me, no matter what, I shall explain, as she's a member of the WWE Universe."
He took a breath and exclaimed:
"Here in WWE, we are sometimes nice and dependable, even if fans don't like us. Inside the ring, we are biting, clawing, slamming, and pinning each other. But outside the ring, we are very honest and in good will. Think about it! We had to bring WWE in the Middle East for Christmas, which has been going on for years. We even helped out with children and those who want to vote in the upcoming elections. To you, my friend, it's all just what we do. Outside the ring, we have no grudges; we are WWE and we say different about what we say. Whether you're Triple H, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, The Nexus, The Corre, R-Truth, John Morrison, and our WWE Divas, we all share a special community here, and we all share a part of sports-entertainment."
Rin was in tears, as Ran was snoring. Rei then applauded, "Mister Iizuka has a strong way with words."
Ran sighed, "What else is on?"
Rin changed the channel back to Narue's show. Narue read a letter:
I was wondering… How come you're so popular with your fans? I'm just curious (and jealous) about you.
Sincerely, Cole Miner, USA"
Narue was speechless. She then said, "Well, Ol' King Cole, sometimes you have to show yourself into the world, by being outspoken and bubbly. Take me, for instance! For me, I-."
Rin turned off the TV in embarrassment. She whispered, "Let's not, and say we hear that from her, okay?"
Ran and Rei nodded and agreed.
(Michael Cole): Thanks for watching this special report, courtesy of our website. Also, tune in to our weekly episodic show, WWE Monday Night RAW, and WWE Friday Night SmackDown! Until next time, I'm Michael Cole.
(Narue Nanase): And that concludes our show for today. We hope that all your fan mail will be checked out and cleared. And I apologize for the others, for their letters were not read. But NEVER FEAR! I'll get the chance to read all of them, on our next show. Until then…
(Narue points at the camera)
(Narue and the audience): DIRECT HIT!
(Fade out; musical jingle)
Thanks for reading!