A/N: I don't know, my muse kinda took over, ahaha. I was watching Thor and for some reason, I could totally see Loki/Sif happening. I haven't read the comics or anything, I've only seen the movie. So please don't criticize me for whatever I don't know…this will be a one-shot for now.
"Crash, crash, burn
Let it all burn
This hurricane's chasing us all underground."
- Hurricane, 30 Seconds to Mars
Sif didn't quite know when it crept up on her. Things had been the same whirlwind of monotonous events – she and the Warriors Three, accompanied by Thor and Loki, would go out on some hapless scheme that would most often end with Odin reprimanding them, tiring of their immaturity. They'd return to Asgard and laugh at their victory over dinner and wine.
Sif didn't know when it was that she started to feel suffocated. Why was she leading such a mundane existence? She felt alone, the only woman in a company of men. She was a tomboy and always had been "one of the guys", but she didn't always understand them. She was the youngest of the group and although she had been accepted as a young warrior maiden, she could almost feel the doubt in the gazes of those who observed her.
She was barely out of her adolescent years when things started to change. Loki was in truth a few centuries older, but appeared only a few years her senior, and to be honest, Sif had always looked up to him. Thor was a good friend with his roguish charm and he was imposing physically, but it was the dark-haired younger brother who had always been Sif's secret favourite. He was ever-changing, one moment serious and quiet, the next mischievous and teasing. Sif was fascinated by him, despite the fact that he seemed to fade in the shadow of his loud, boisterous older brother.
"You're awfully quiet tonight."
Sif had perched herself out on one of the stone balconies, her hands clasped in her lap and her chin tilted upwards so that she could see the stars and the wonder that were the worlds outside of Asgard. No one would ever have guessed that a fierce warrior woman could be so demure. At the sound of Loki's voice, she turned to face him with surprise lighting her features.
"Sometimes I prefer to be left alone."
She hoped that Loki would get the hint, but at the same time, she wanted him to stay. Loki sat down beside her with a smile playing about his lips. Despite the fact that she had been friends with him and Thor since childhood, Sif still found it hard to read Loki. It was as though he didn't want anyone to know the real him.
"Ah, but is that what you really want, Sif? Perhaps what you truly need is company."
Sif smiled humourlessly. Loki was so adept when it came to teasing other people. She shouldn't be surprised that he was mocking her now…but when Loki looked at her, his face was unreadable. She felt a wave of frustration as she wondered why Loki couldn't just be constant.
"I don't need to be patronized by you," Sif shot at him, already on her feet and walking away, but then Loki's cold fingers closed around her wrist and she whirled back around, astonishment crossing her face as he stood.
"Who says I'm patronizing you?" Loki asked, his tone one of amusement, "Oh, Sif. Haven't you known me long enough to tell if I'm joking or not?"
Sif stared at him with a mixture of suspicion and curiosity. "I don't know what to make of you. Perhaps if you didn't always wear a mask then I'd know who you really are. But I don't know why you hide, Loki. We are your friends."
Loki's lips twisted into a smile, but his eyes held none of their usual mirth.
"Well, sometimes it can be hard to tell who your real friends are. But maybe I'll take my mask off one day, just for you."
Sif rolled her eyes, feeling that she was being mocked by him. She tried to pull her wrist from his grasp, but then Loki reached forward with his other hand and brushed a strand of dark hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Startled and unsure what this meant, Sif stood completely still.
Loki leaned in slowly and pressed his lips gently to hers, releasing Sif's wrist at the same time. She understood that he was giving her the chance to walk away…but she didn't want to. She felt Loki smirk against her lips as she put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Sif let herself surrender for just a few moments, before she gasped and released Loki, wondering what in Asgard she was doing.
"Don't play games with me, Loki," she whispered against his lips.
"You wanted me to take off my mask," Loki replied enigmatically, "So it's up to you to determine the truth, Sif. Is this real or not?"
Sif and Loki were not consistent. Over the following span of years, they quarreled and made up, but the nature of their relationship remained secret even to Thor and the Warriors Three. If any of them sensed the tension between the god of mischief and the warrior woman, they did not comment on it. Their relationship was an ever-changing thing, but at least it gave Sif some contentment.
She heard Loki hiss her name from the shadows after they had been discussing going to Jotunheim to fight the Frost Giants. Sif glanced around as usual. She wasn't sure what people would think about her and Loki, but for some reason, she didn't want anyone else to know. His affection was a secret she guarded jealously.
"We've got to stop meeting like this," Sif whispered as Loki took her face in his hands and kissed her hungrily. With his lips pressed against hers, it was hard to think about anything else…yet the worry of Jotunheim surfaced and she reluctantly drew away from him. "I'm not so sure about going up against the Frost Giants. It's dangerous."
"So?" Loki was giving her that familiar smug smile she knew all too well. "You're a warrior, Sif. It's not like we haven't faced danger before."
Sif knew that this was different. The Frost Giants were brutal and destructive. They were a threat to Asgard, certainly…but she felt that Thor was taking a huge risk by deciding to go to Jotunheim. However, Sif had never disagreed with any of the daring plans Thor and Loki had suggested in the past. This time was…different. Little did Sif know just how different.
On their return from Jotunheim, it all happened suddenly: Thor was banished for being insubordinate, Odin went into the Odinsleep and Loki became the king of Asgard. Sif looked upon that smug face and saw something had changed in Loki's eyes. This wasn't the man she had kissed all that time ago on the balcony, this wasn't the man that she just might love. She took a step forward, but Fandral grabbed her arm and stopped her from doing something stupid.
The Warriors Three turned and left, having reluctantly accepted Loki as their king. Sif stayed a few moments longer, letting Loki see the contempt written on her face. He stared back down at her with an impassive look in his eyes and then Sif knew the moment was over. This wasn't the Loki she knew…and the thought of what he had become frightened her, because she didn't know what he was capable of now. Sif had never thought Loki jealous of Thor, but the sneering way in which he'd spoken about his older brother now made her see differently.
Sif glowered up at Loki and then turned on her heel and followed her real friends out. Loki had once said it was hard to tell who your real friends were, and he had been the last person Sif had expected to be betrayed by.
"Wait." Loki waved his hand dismissively towards the guards as he descended the steps towards a surprised Sif. "Leave us."
Sif stood her ground as Loki marched across to her. The doors clanged shut behind the guards and she was very aware that she was alone with the shadow of a man she'd once known. Despite her height of 5'9, Loki was easily over six feet tall and he towered over her. Sif averted her eyes, not even wanting to look at him, but he took her chin in his hand and forced her to.
"Do you really want me?" Loki demanded of her, "Do you really love me, Sif?"
The question caught Sif off-guard. "I…I don't know."
"Liar," Loki whispered, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as he released her and paced around her. Sif tried not to show how intimidated she felt. He was the king of Asgard now and she was just another warrior. He could order her dead if he wanted. "I can see the disgust in your eyes, Sif. You think I've become something horrible. But you were the one who wanted to see me without my mask. Here I am. So why can't you stand the sight of me?"
He sounded angry and frustrated. Sif watched him apprehensively, wondering if he might strike her. Instead he faced her, gripping her by the shoulders, his green eyes boring into her blue ones. There was a fervent light in her eyes.
"Why don't you understand?" he seethed, "Thor is an idiot, yet our father always loved him best. I thought it was because he was the first-born…but now I know the truth. Odin is not my father. Laufey is."
The power of the truth struck Sif harder than any Frost Giant ever had. Her eyes widened and she observed Loki with a mixture of confusion and horror. His fingers dug into her shoulders, making her wince.
"Do you think me a monster?" he hissed, "The truth hurts, Sif. It hurts you to see me as I am…and it hurts me to know what I am. Would you change any of it if you had known before?"
Sif was breathing shakily and she just stared at the floor and was betrayed by the word that seemed to leave her mouth of its own accord.
Loki slid one hand around the back of Sif's neck and he leaned down and kissed her almost forcefully. Sif wanted to fight against him and break free. This wasn't her Loki. This was a man consumed by bitterness, anger and jealousy. In fact, Loki wanted her to fight him. It would give him an excuse to be furious at her as well. Instead Sif just stood there and took it and that frustrated him, her unresponsiveness. She would not kiss him back, nor would she break away.
"You're supposed to be mine," Loki spat as he released Sif. "Instead you side with Thor. Odin is one matter…but you are another. I could bring you to tears. I could make your life a living hell…but I'm not going to. Look at me, Sif."
She couldn't. Sif wasn't entirely sure whether she loved Loki or not, but she had her own morals – and she would not consent to see this man, so warped now, destroying Asgard through his own ambitions. Sif hadn't seen this kind of malice and need for revenge before, not in Loki. Loki was shaking as he gripped a handful of Sif's hair and twisted a little.
"I love you and I hate you," Loki told Sif passionately, his hate clearly stemming from the fact that she would not side with him, "I just can't decide which feeling is stronger."
"Let me go." Sif's voice was hoarse.
Loki blinked in shock as if he couldn't believe what he was doing and he released Sif, taking a few unsteady steps backwards. Sif immediately turned on her heel and walked towards the doors, turning her back on her former lover for the first and last time.
Sif didn't know who to side with. Thor had returned, yet as the two brothers battled for power, Sif found herself more conflicted than ever. Her childhood friend, who was obviously in the right, or the fractured man she loathed to love? As Odin rushed to the aid of his sons, to stop one from killing another, Sif felt the tension building up inside her, coiling tighter in her stomach.
So when Odin and Thor returned with grim expressions on their faces, they returned without Loki. Sif wasn't listening as Thor explained how Loki had thrown himself into the abyss that had been created with the destruction of the Bifrost Bridge. She calmly excused herself from dinner that night, passing Frigga and speaking aloud what ailed her, but instead of her name she uttered Thor's.
Sif went up to that balcony where she had questioned Loki about showing himself, where he had first kissed her. She sat down heavily, desperately hoping that he would pop up behind her now and laugh mockingly, and claim that it had all been some kind of joke…
She pressed her face into her hands and after so long, she finally allowed the tears to come. The tears for all of it – Loki's betrayal, her own inner turmoil, Loki's death. How could Loki be dead? It just didn't seem real. Sif's shoulders shook with the force of her grief, but she couldn't let anyone else see the pain that ate away at her from the inside. It was something numbing, something that made her feel as though someone had torn her open from the inside out.
What hurt even more was that no one could know the truth. It had always been Lady Sif and the Warriors Three. No one had known of her relationship with Loki, and she sobbed all the harder because now she knew that her grief was proof that she really had loved him.