Luna versus Storytelling
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfic By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.
"Yes, come down to the grand opening of Grey Marex's new carriage dealership! You can own your very own for a no-interest lease starting at-"
"The Dun Jones Equestrian gained five hundred fifty points today to close at a record breaking 30 million points. Investors credit recent extensive tax reforms and cuts-"
Luna looked from the television set over to Sundance with a raised eyebrow. "I was watching that," she said.
"Princess, you drew up the legislation yourself and looked at the results," Sundance replied, smiling a bit. "I mean, sure, it's great news but watching the financial segments of the news aren't how I like to unwind."
"Oh? Then how do you unwind? I mean, aside from... Er..." Luna tried.
"With Hoyden?" Sundance asked with a wicked little smile. Luna blushed furiously.
She really is cute when she blushes, Sundance thought, and squelched it when her cheeks burned red too. She returned her attention to the television. "Oh, well, this way."
"You show me a good piggy-backer and I'll show you a real pony. Now you take Abraham Lincoln for instance. A natural born piggy-backer. Where do you get all of that stuffed-shirts family of yours?"
"My father was a great piggy-backer!" *SMACK!* "Eep!"
"Oh my," Luna said, tilting her head. "It's in black and white..."
"Yeah, all the old movies were. Some films are still in black and white, usually for artistic reasons. They think it makes them classy," Sundance shook her head and sighed happily. "I love these old films... They weren't all about explosions."
"Oh, hey!" Hoyden called from the kitchen. "I'll have you know, explosions are fantastic!"
"Dear, if I want to get entertainment out of them, I'll go watch you at work," Sundance tutted her coltfriend. "I don't want my romance filled with them."
Hoyden trotted up to the back of the couch, and groaned when he saw the film. "This one again? It's so boring..."
"It is not boring!" Sundance said flatly. "It's a classic! It's preserved in the Central Archives of Equestria's Sacred Library!"
"Just goes to show you that taste is relative," Hoyden said. He looked over at Luna. "I prefer westerns, myself, or gangster movies. Real shoot 'em ups, with carriage chases and air duels and-"
"Explosions?" Sundance asked sourly. Hoyden grinned and shrugged.
"They can be used to great effect, you know," he said with a wink. Sundance chuckled.
"Yeah, in dumbing down the viewer... He took me to this film on one of our first dates-"
"Fallout: Equestria," Hoyden said with a grin. "And you liked it!"
"Well... A little, but only a little!" Sundance said defensively. She shook her head. "He had already seen it fifty times before-"
"Twenty times," Hoyden corrected. Sundance rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, twenty times, so he spoke along with the dialogue in the movie."
"And she joined in," Hoyden said smugly. Sundance shook her head.
"Yeah yeah... I did... A little."
"But it was still fun, right? Even after the ushers threw us out for talking?" Hoyden asked. Sundance laughed.
"Oh yeah... But I think that had more to do with your popcorn landing in the film booth and somehow igniting the film reel."
"Oh. Yeah. That was probably it," Hoyden sighed. "That poor movie..."
Luna had nodded, listening to their story with a fascinated look on her face... Yet with an equally familiar look of distance. Sundance saw it, and a sudden idea hit her.
"You know Princess... Um... You haven't really spoken much about... You know..." She shrugged. Luna blinked.
"My past?" She asked. Sundance nodded.
"I mean... Um..." She winced. "If you wanted to... You don't have to of course, I guess I just thought-"
"That you'd like to share some stories about your life, so that we could know more about you," Hoyden interjected. "You know, ex-coltfriends from a thousand years ago, adventures-"
"Hoyden!" Sundance hissed. Luna shook her head.
"No, no, it's all right." She smiled. "To be honest... It is a bit of a tough subject... "
"Because of Nightmare Moon?" Hoyden asked. Sundance shot him another angry look, but Luna nodded.
"Yes... Being her... My memories from before and after my imprisonment are a bit fuzzy. I remember a great deal of magic, facts, a few incidents but..." Luna frowned. "A lot of it is just hard to sort through."
"Well... Is there anything you can tell us?" Sundance asked with an encouraging smile. "Anything you'd like to tell us?"
"Well..." Luna looked at the television, the old movie still playing. The stallion with a mustache was driving hard to get to the city to ask the rich father of the runaway mare he'd paired up with for her hoof in marriage. Risking everything...
She closed her eyes. "There was a warrior... A long time ago, who was one of the few ponies who was at home in the night. I don't remember his name, but he was skilled, and brave, and very... Very stubborn." Luna smiled a little, and Sundance and Hoyden couldn't help but notice the change of tone. Her voice, while quiet, was that of a young filly discovering the world around her with a bright pitch. Now her voice was deeper, silkier... Older.
"This young warrior would hunt monsters that threatened ponies. He used traps, he used cunning, and when those failed he used his weapons and his bare hooves. He was... Magnificent," Luna said. She opened her eyes and looked out at the setting sun.
"This Earth pony had grown up largely without parents, so he knew nothing of social norms or courtly etiquette... He had heard of my sister and I, of course, but one night he saw me as he was hunting a Rex in what is now called the Everfree Forest. I was going for a walk to listen and adjust the music of the night when I came across him." She smiled a little.
"He was dark in color, and very wild looking. His mane was unkempt, his hooves blunt and his tail was short. He stared at me in amazement for the longest time. I asked him if there was anything wrong, if I could help him." Luna shook her head, her mane falling more neatly on her head.
"He said I was the most beautiful pony in the entire world, and he asked if I was married," she said with a chuckle. Sundance's jaw dropped.
"He did," Luna said.
"Geez... Colt had balls," Hoyden commented.
"I was a little confused, but he clarified. He wanted me to be his wife," Luna said with a blush.
"What did you do?" Sundance asked. Luna smiled a little.
"I told him that I could not be his wife. I... I was a goddess, after all. I couldn't love just one pony above all others. It would be unfair for a princess to have any other in her heart beside her subjects..." Luna sighed.
"How'd he respond to that?" Hoyden asked. Luna chuckled again, a very sad sound.
"He said that there wasn't a thing alive he couldn't trap, and he'd capture the heart of a princess just as easily as a Rex or a Hydra. I told him that nobody could catch the moon... And he said he was willing to do just that."
"Wait... He said he'd capture the moon?" Hoyden asked. Sundance shook her head and giggled.
"He sounds crazy..."
"Oh, I thought he was," Luna said. "So I told him that if he captured the moon, he could have me as his wife." She smiled. "Most ponies weren't aware of the true nature of the solar system at that time, that we keep the moon and sun in motion around Equestria, with the moon at an average distance of 238,857 miles. It was impossible."
"But he managed to do it anyway, right?" Hoyden asked. "I mean, come on, this guy is Kamarena level stubborn and awesome."
"Kamarena?" Luna asked, confused. Sundance shook her head.
"Modern Japony cultural reference. Keep going. What happened?"
"Well... He would erect large traps around the palace for several weeks afterward," Luna said. "I gave him food and drink when he needed it, some supplies. He would take no charity, he worked for his meals no matter what I tried to get him to do. He tried so many things... Hoops, nets, even a great basket... They all failed, of course, but he never gave up." She looked down at her hooves.
"I talked to him every day, trying to dissuade him. I tried everything I could think of-Setting him up with other ponies, trying to counsel him, I even tried to restrain him when he fell from a tree and nearly died." Luna smiled again down at her hooves. "I finally told him that I wasn't worth it. I may have been beautiful, and wise, and a goddess, but that... That shouldn't be all he wanted from me."
Luna looked back at the movie. The lead had learned from his own editor that the mare he loved was going to get married to another colt. The look on his face... She took a deep breath.
"He told me that the fact I kept telling him not to do it, that I cared enough to come out every day to stop him, proved the exact opposite... That I was truly the only mare in the entire world worth all this struggle." She closed her eyes. "Because despite him being thought of as crazy, or crude, or violent by my own court, by everypony... All I saw was someone to care for."
Sundance and Hoyden were silent for a long time. Luna watched the movie. The male lead had gone to the father of the mare, and had asked to be reimbursed only for the items he'd lost on the road getting her home when he could have had a much bigger reward. She sighed softly.
"He finally told me he'd caught the moon, one night. I asked him to show me. He held up a bucket of water, and showed me it's reflection." Luna said softly. Hoyden stared for a moment, and couldn't help a laugh.
"So what did you say?"
Luna smiled. "What could I say? He'd done it... He had me, fair and square."
"Sounds like he caught you a lot sooner than that," Sundance teased. Luna laughed again.
"You're probably right..."
There was another silent moment following the moon princess's laugh. That sad feeling still remained in the air... But Hoyden couldn't help his curiosity. Not after hearing this much.
"... So... What happened to him?" Hoyden asked.
"... Have you ever heard of the legend of the Smooze?" Luna asked. Sundance frowned thoughtfully, and nodded.
"Right... It was some kind of goofy slime monster released by some dopey witches, a thousand years ago."
"That's the storybook version," Luna said calmly. "The real thing was... Was horrific. It tried to consume and destroy everything in Equestria. It absorbed the essences of anything it killed, making their memory part of it." Luna stared down at the floor. Sundance felt her throat constrict, and her eyes water as the realization hit her.
"Celestia's flanks..." Hoyden cursed under his breath.
"Oh... Oh Luna..." Sundance said.
"... It could have been a lot worse," Luna said in a whisper. "Everypony might have died before we figured out a way to stop it... He bought us time." She looked back at the movie screen-The mare galloped away from the altar, to the surprise of everypony but her father. She was galloping with a smile on her face as she went out to find the stallion she loved. To reunite with him.
"... I'm sorry," Luna said, her eyes shifting around. Her body language became very awkward. "I'm sorry, I-I'm not good at telling stories."
"No Luna, no... You're good at it," Sundance said with a sniffle. She leaned forward and nuzzled the moon princess affectionately. "You're really good."
"Yeah," Hoyden said with a smile. He neck-hugged Luna from the other side. Luna kept her eyes shut, breathing softly between her two friends.
After a while, they released her, though Sundance was glad to feel not the slightest bit awkward about it. Luna smiled back at her two friends, before frowning at the sky.
"It's late... We need to get going," Luna said. She rose off the couch and headed for the door, carefully affixing her glasses. She looked back at them. "Coming Sundance?"
"Coming, your majesty," Sundance said with a warm smile. She pulled on her uniform and was soon following her princess out the door. "Goodnight Hoyden! See you in the morning! Love you!"
"Love you too!" Hoyden called back. He trotted up to the window and sat down to wait. He didn't have to wait too long-The sun slipped behind the mountains, before the moon and stars appeared, shining in the deep, dark night. Hoyden frowned for a long while, before a smile came onto his face. He trotted to the fridge, and pulled out some of the Sweet Apple Acres cider Luna bought religiously once a week. He poured himself a cup, and carried it over to the window. Holding it carefully, he maneuvered it until he had the reflection just right. He smiled up at the moon.
"Here's to you... Whoever you were, you've still got her," he said as he took a long drink.
Yeah, I know. It's another abrupt change in tone for Progress, but what can I say? I like to experiment. Future installments will be more light hearted, and if you'd like to consider this canon you can-If not, you don't have to. But I'm a sucker for tragic mythology and giving Luna a little myth to call her own was something I wanted to do.
While I am going to be very busy this semester, look forward to more stories-Especially with the premiere of Season 2! Thank you once again for your support.
And just to make the job of any TVTropers out there easier:
The movie referenced is "It Happened One Night" starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert, one of my favorite movies of all time.
"Fallout: Equestria" is another fantastic MLP fanfiction. In the "Progress" verse, it was a kind of Mad Max/Conan the Barbarian style adventure series of films.
The 30 Million Points joke is in reference to Equestria Daily breaking 30 million views. Better late than never. "Dun" is a term for a horse with a dark stripe down their back.
Kamarena is, of course, a Ponyfied version of Kamina from the epic anime series "Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann".
And of course, the Smooze is in reference to the My Little Pony movie. I maintain that the real events were darker in my take on the MLP: FiM universe