NOTE: I am in the midst of a major rewrite of several of my stories, this one included. Please bear with me if updates slow down for a bit.

I got the idea for this fic from some picture I saw on deviant art with Alucard and Edward in it. I don't know how long this will be, but enjoy! Please review, as well.

I don't own Twilight, nor do I want to. As for Hellsing, if I owned that, that would be awesome, but I don't. I'm not making any money off this, either. Characters may be a bit OOC. I also quoted Hellsing Abridged. See if you can spot the quote :D


"Do you have an order for me, my master?" I asked, with that crazy grin that was sort of my trademark.

"Yes, Alucard," Integra said sharply, leaning over her desk and exposing just a bit of cleavage. Of course, she'd flay me alive if I ever admitted out loud to seeing it, so I was more than happy to keep that to myself.

"I want you to investigate reports of a clan of vampires living in America."

"America? Sounds like fun."

"It they prove to be dangerous, then you kill them. Do you understand?"

"Yes, my master," I said, with faux humility.

Sweet! I get to blow shit up! Was my approximate train of thought.

"Good. Now get going."

I turned and left the room, turning around to get one last glimpse at Integra before I closed the door.


I walked past the sign that read: Welcome to Forks in faded white letters, telling me that I was heading in the right general direction. Seras followed closely behind, looking around with curiosity. She reminded me of a puppy, trailing after me like that.

"Master, what are we looking for?" she asked.

"Integra told us to check out this town," I said, adjusting the brim of my fedora (fucking awesome hat, by the way). "We'll start with the forest."

I liked this part of the job. I got to take enthusiastic walks through the woods, and possibly get to kill another homicidal vampire priest.

At first, we really didn't see much- just groves of trees. Nothing particularly unusual. Trees, squirrels, and some sort of weird fungus growing on the side of a fallen log. But then, we came across a sight you definitely don't see every day.

"This is the skin of a killer, Bella!"

There was some teenage boy standing in a beam of sunlight, and he was…sparkling? Yeah, he was definitely sparkling. He was lit up like a motherfucking disco ball.

"I'm a vampire, Bella! I'm dangerous!"

A…sparkling…vampire? Oh, god, no! I had to be dreaming. Yeah, that was it…

I wasn't dreaming.

Just what kind of a sick joke was this, anyway?