The info I used for Alucard's background is from Wikipedia's page on Vlad the Impaler. Except for the rape. That I got out of chapter 70 of the Hellsing Manga. Yeah…it was rather strange to see a young Alucard about to get raped by some fat bastard.

Spot the Hellsing Abridged quote X3

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If I could have died of boredom, I would have.

The sparkly ginger freak had taken me to his coven ("Family", as he kept reminding me). Said coven then proceeded to tell me the life stories of each one of the respective members. Seras, the lucky stiff, had fallen asleep part way through the one called Jasper's little sob story. Little old me was forced to listen to this blond girl Rosalie bitch about how much her life sucked. I made fake snoring noises, which made her glare at me.

"Oh, and you have a better story?" she demanded. "What happened to you, anyway?"

"Let's see…got initiated into some weird cult when I was about five…" I began. "Got sent by my father as a political prisoner to the Ottoman Empire, alongside my brother…got beaten a lot by my teachers because I didn't behave like they wanted me to…oh, and I got raped in the ass somewhere along the line. You know how much fun that is, eh, Sparklelord?"

"Who are you to be bossing us around, anyway?"

"I'm a fuck mothering vampire, and if I think you pose any threat to the rest of humanity, I have permission to splatter your non-existent brain matter all over the fucking wall."

The coven was dead silent. I counted that as a huge improvement.

"And then, just some junk about getting exiled, betrayed, buried alive, making a deal with the devil to save my own life, yadda, yadda, yadda. Nothing interesting, really."

Blondie looked over at Ginger, then glared at the wall, apparently nothing else to say.

Seras woke up.

"Huh?"

"You fell asleep," Edward told her.

"No need to state the obvious, Sparkle boy. You people are boring me to undeath, will you please just get a life and stop whining already?"

I chuckled, and ruffled her hair. My little police girl could be so cute sometimes.

"Seriously, don't you people have better things to do that complain about your pasts and go to high school for the rest of eternity?"

I had to admit, she had a point.

"Well, I believe the blonde was whining before I so rudely interrupted." I said, unable to keep the grin off my face. "Go on."

"…Never mind," she growled.

My smirk widened.

Now I was getting somewhere. At this rate, I could get back to staring at Integra's boobs before tomorrow morning.

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Yes, my friends. If you look carefully during some of Alucard and Integra's scenes together, Alucard is totally staring at her boobs XD

Review?