Wow, another oneshot completed! I've been working on this off-and-on for a month or two, so it's good to see it finally done. Most of the dialogue in this is the lyrics of "There! Right There!" from Legally Blonde: The Broadway Musical. So, without further ado, enjoy!
It was a rare day when rain was pouring upon Port Island, rarer still the fact that the entire S.E.E.S. dorm was available for spending time together. Currently, the six friends were sitting in classroom 2D, waiting for the rain to cease before returning home. The conversation had been light and active, but Yukari became significantly quieter the moment a certain French student entered the room.
"Yuka-tan?" Junpei ventured curiously. "What's wrong?"
Her eyes widened when something caught her eye, suddenly pointing discreetly at Bebe and whispering to her teammates. "There! Right there! Look at that pale, unblemished skin. Look at that figure, tastefully thin. Look at that girly hairless chin. Oh please he's gay, totally gay!"
The rest of them glanced at him, watching Bebe speak with a group of other students, hesitant to admit that they had all been questioning the boy's sexuality as well. Minato was the first to speak. "I'm not about to celebrate, every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say not gay."
"That is the elephant in the room," they spoke in unison, "is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?"
"But look at his gold and silky locks," Junpei pointed out, his face scrunched up in thought.
Yukari nodded vigorously in agreement, gesturing and adding, "Look at his silk translucent socks."
Minato shook his head. "There's the eternal paradox; look what we're seeing."
"What are we seeing?"
"Is he gay—"
"Of course he's gay!" Yukari huffed.
Silence reined for a moment before the others gave a resounding "Ohhhhh" in understanding. "Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?"
"H-Hey, don't look at me!" Akihiko stuttered, not at all comfortable being the sudden object of attention. Were they trying to insinuate something? If so, Akihiko was sure he'd never recover from the embarrassment.
Luckily, Fuuka noticed his plight, changing the subject quickly. "You see, they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports…"
"With shiny shirts and tiny shorts!" Yukari and Junpei exclaimed, stubbornly defending their opinion that Bebe was indeed gay.
"Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks. They both say things like 'Ciao, bella'," (Junpei spoke this in an Italian accent, though it was drowned out by the others' voices) "while they kiss you on both cheeks."
"Oh please…" Yukari scoffed again, this time rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.
"Gay or European? So many shades of gray!"
"Depending on the time of day the French go either way," Akihiko supplied fairly. It wasn't offensive if he said he could be gay or straight, obviously.
"Is he gay or European, or—"
"There! Right there!" Mitsuru interrupted, pointing less discreetly than Yukari had at a haughty Bebe, no doubt just given the opportunity to show off his extensive knowledge of 'Nihon' and looking like the rich, obnoxious engineers that worked for her father. "Look at that condescending smirk, I've seen it on every man at work. That is a heterosexual jerk! Bebe's not gay, I say no way."
Yukari gestured pointedly at Bebe, who was showing off his newest Fashion Club creation: a flowery kimono. She shot a look at her team as if to say 'I told you!', prompting a couple others to nod in agreement. "That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to presume that a Frenchie with that costume—"
"Is automatically radically—" Yukari looked at Minato.
Minato, in turn, said, "Ironically chronically—" and glanced toward Fuuka.
Fuuka's gaze was still fixed on Bebe, but nonetheless she contributed with "Certainly pertinently—".
"Genetically medically—" Junpei added, the whole group's eyes watching Bebe now.
"Gay, officially gay! Officially gay gay gay gay—" The entire group groaned in frustration as they observed Bebe blow a kiss toward a girl from class 2B before turning back to his male audience. "Dammit!" The S.E.E.S. team quickly feigned nonchalance when Bebe and his group looked over, confusion painted clearly on their faces. Once they turned away, however, the team began scrutinizing him again with expressions of immense concentration. "Gay or European?"
"So stylish and relaxed," Akihiko noted, drawing attention to Bebe and his elegant and French poise. "But is he gay or European?"
Junpei analyzed Bebe with squinted eyes, suddenly erupting with an "Ewww! I think his chest is waxed..."
Fretting a bit, Fuuka inserted herself into the conversation to defend Bebe, as the others weren't exactly doing his questionable sexuality any favors. "W-Well they bring their boys up different there, it's culturally diverse! It's not a fashion curse—"
"If he wears a kilt or bears a purse," Junpei and Yukari chimed again, no doubt referencing the handbag Bebe had also sewn in Fashion Club that he'd been showing off a few days prior. "Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code."
"Yes, his accent is hypnotic, but his shoes are pointy-toed," Mitsuru contributed with a hint of disappointment in her voice, the other girls giving a hum of understanding.
"Gay or European? So many shades of gray!"
"But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday…" Fuuka mumbled shyly, a rosy blush blooming on her cheeks. The others stared at her incredulously before continuing.
"Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro—"
"Wait a minute!" Five pairs of confused and curious eyes fixed on Junpei. "Gimme a chance to crack this guy. I… I have an idea I'd like to try."
Minato studied his friend critically, seemingly satisfied as he gave Junpei a nod of consent. "Alright. The floor is yours.
"Sweet. Hey, Bebe!"
The French boy stopped speaking mid-sentence, turning to look at Junpei in puzzlement. "Hai?"
"C'mere for a sec, I wanted to ask you somethin'."
"Gomen nasai, I will be right back." Bebe laid his kimono on a desk and approached the group cautiously, wondering what Junpei could possibly want to ask him about. "What is it you need, Junpei-kun?"
Junpei did his best to look completely casual. "How long have you been sewing?"
"Where did you used to live?"
"What's your name?"
"Andre Laurent Jean Geraux."
"Your favorite teacher's name?"
It was at this moment that Hidetoshi opened the classroom door saying, "Kirijo-senpai, Minato, we need your help in the council room—"
The room went silent, everyone staring wide-eyed at either Hidetoshi or Bebe except for Yukari and Junpei, the two cheering with a small "Yeah!" and sharing a high-five.
"O-Oh, you say boyfriend? I misunderstand! You say boyfriend, I thought you said best friend! Hidetoshi-kun is my best tomodachi."
Hidetoshi's expression of shock suddenly morphed into a scowl at Bebe's words, his hands gripping the student council forms harshly. "You fool…" he whispered menacingly. "You utter fool! That's it, I will not cover for you any longer! Students, I have an important announcement!" Bebe frantically waved his arms at Hidetoshi to stop speaking, but he did not. "This man is gay and European!" A collective gasp came from his audience, but Hidetoshi continued. "He's as flamboyant as a fay. I demand you cease your being a completely closet case! It's I, not her he's seeing, no matter what he'd say! I swear he'd never ever, ever swing the other way!"
Bebe flinched as Hidetoshi stomped up to him, looming closely with venom in his eyes. "You are so gay, you French parfait, you flaming boy band cabaret!"
"N-No, watashi is straight…!"
"You were not yesterday," Hidetoshi hissed. "So if I may, I firmly say, he's gay—!"
"And European!" Yukari and Junpei exclaimed.
"And European!" Akihiko and Mitsuru conceded.
"And European and gay!" the classroom concluded in unison.
"Alright! I am gay!" Bebe wailed dramatically.
"Hooray!" all but Fuuka cheered, her words a disbelieving murmur of "No way…"
Immediately after their victorious cry ended the air fell silent, no one quite sure what to do next.
Luckily, Minato was an expert at dispelling awkward situations.
"So Hidetoshi, you said something about the student council room…?"