"Hey, Peaches," Spike barked out, stomping towards Angel's office. He didn't like to bring up the personal affairs between him and his – hell, who was he kidding? He loved to embarrass the old wanker whenever he could – but finding his flat ransacked was just too much.
"What in the bleeding hell did you do with my stuff?"
Spike stopped short as soon as he entered Angel's office and flung a handful of shredded papers at him and Wesley's bewildered faces. It was all nonsense fine print legal crap that he had actually spent a good ten minutes trying to decipher before realizing it was all just legal gibberish anyway. He knew he had a right to blame Angel for whatever happened, at least.
"What is that?" Wesley questioned the drifting pieces of paper.
"Ask him!" Spike yelled, still glowering at Angel.
"I had to move your stuff," Angel began, which immediately set Spike off.
"You had no right! How hard is it to stay out of my life? I don't touch your poofy shit."
"You stole one of my cars, Spike!"
"That's not yours!" Spike objected, met with a hot glare. "Well I don't steal your clothes! My clothes, Angel? Not enough wank material at hand?"
Angel's hands went to his face in frustration and a bit of embarrassment, rubbing his eyes quickly to cover. It was highly unlikely Wesley would spot anything but annoyance.
"You were squatting, Spike. Squatting is illegal," Angel stated as calmly as he could, which meant he was clenching his teeth.
"Who gives a flying rat's ass?" Spike scoffed. "You could've bought the whole building for me, but would you for your poor childe? Nooo..."
"For your information, I found you a new place," Angel growled, walking towards the door so he could show him, but the stubborn vampire blocked his path.
"Yeah, in some dump," Spike began to complain, until Angel grabbed him threateningly by the coat and pulled the blonde towards him, lifting him up onto his toes.
"With me," Angel said, in such a low tone that it could have easily just been a growl even to Spike's ears. Angel released him, having cleared Spike out of his path, and went out into the hallway, making a bees line for Harmony's desk.
Spike stood behind, stunned for a moment, and then quickly tramped after Angel, nearly stepping on his heels.
"Harmony," Angel said, receiving an immediate perky 'Yes boss?' that made him smirk. "Can you find the order I filed to relocate Spike's belongings?"
"It's right here," Harmony said, reaching for the manilla folder on her desk while Spike gave Angel a disapproving and disbelieving look. She went to hand it to Angel, but he didn't move to take it.
"Can you read the line where it says I have to right to relocate him?" Angel asked, keeping a pleased look on his face and holding Spike's stare.
"Uh, okay," Harmony opened the folder and shuffled through the papers. "Um... maybe... Oh! Here it is! 'Wolfram and Hart has the right to regard its employees and persons under their protection as chattel if...'" Harmony trailed off, a puzzled look crossing her face as she re-read the words. "Chattel? Isn't that really like a sex slave? Oh EW!" she proclaimed, dropping the folder.
"It's not-" Angel tried immediately, his face burning even without a blood supply, but Harmony was already running away and a few employees were giving him odd looks.
"Ah. I see how it is," Spike said, his face blooming into an amused smile.
"Say no more, Master!" Spike said, holding up his hands in mock surrender and moving away. "I"ll, uh, be waiting for you in the penthouse, honey," he added, kissing the air at Angel as he moved past him.
Angel could barely watch him go, his face still burning with embarrassment. Spike had to nerve to actually go into his office and use his private elevator, he realized. No doubt Spike would actually be waiting upstairs to mock him even further.
"Not the best idea," was all that Wesley said when Spike had left, then had the graciousness to move on, understanding Spike's games.
Not the best idea, Angel agreed to himself. But now that Spike had no other place to go, and all of his stuff was already in the penthouse, it meant that Angel would have plenty of opportunity to shag the smirk right off of his childe's face.