OK soooooo... I got bored in class yesterday. And I was daydreaming about how exactly I feel about Envy. There's nothing really positive about him, yet somehow he's so... charismatic, in a way. He's the kind of character you love to hate, but wish you could love at the same time. So... hate to love, I guess. XD But I love to love him. I think it's just the insanity of him, how he is, how he seems to rationalize everything to make him look like the good guy... and when he can't do that, he just makes it sound as evil as possible. He's totally proud of everything he does, whether it's admirable or not. Usually not. It's odd how that can make someone all the more attractive to somebody... especially if that somebody is the same way as he is. I'm not that way, I personally think all the stuff Envy does is horrible, and yet... well... read the poem below and you'll see what I mean! I hope I've put it into words better than I can trying to think straight. XD
Hope you enjoy!
I watch you as you make these gestures
As words flood from your lips
Fingers fly in jealous rage
I can't bear to look away
I search for a hint of you in
Everyone I come across today
Any one of them might be you
But what's the chance of that?
After all, you're not on my side
Not where I can touch you or love you
Even if I willed myself a thousand miles
I'd still be no closer to you
Your words aren't words of kindness
Your actions speak not of love
Yet I can't help myself from
Finding comfort in your everything
You're the one I turn to
You understand what I'm going through
But it's a battle, a struggle to
Decide how I should think of you
It's not that you're perfect
Or overly bursting with pride
I can't hide what's inside
What I'm trying to do
The moment I first was introduced to you
I knew I'd keep my eye on you
Things progressed, the pages turned swiftly
Soon you gave me reason to be interested
I pitied you, but was it right?
Is it wrong that I cried for you?
Felt sorry though if I said so, I'd be dead?
Who ever prays for the sinners?
Numbers fly by, how long has it been?
As I tried to find some deeper meaning
There's not much for me to work with
But there is... something... similar
That thing buried deep inside of you
It's not unlike my own heart
I know you feel, I know you cry
I know your soul is hurting
But don't you think I hurt too?
I've spent days, weeks, months... years
Pining for you, the unfeeling envious...
And you never came! You don't deserve me!
Couldn't you hear me? My pleas?
My desperation of loving you
Wanting to make the pain stop and
Knowing I can't do anything...
Do you know how bad that hurts?
I feel outrageously helpless, useless
As pathetic as you think I am, I...
So I guess... we're both wrong then...
Your words carry only malice
Your touch carries only hate
But I hear the gentle undertone I want to hear
Feel the tenderness of your fingertips I want to feel
It's probably not even there at all
But am I wrong to want it?
Am I wrong to love you?
Should it hurt this bad?
I can't be with you now but
I promise I'm working hard
Trying to understand you
To find a deeper good burrowed in you
I know it's there somewhere
Tucked away safely
Where no one can corrupt it, ever
I swear to you, I'll protect it with my life
I can't let this one last shred of love
Don't worry, I promise
I'll be with you soon...
Thanks for reading! Please review and FEED ME. ^^