A/N: This story was written for my lovely Oneyka and hopefully it didn't come out to shitty. So, yeah. Enjoy(:
Castiel was the school nerd. Dean was the school jock. Destinies never to be intertwined, but Fate had decided otherwise. As well all know, Fate is a complete bitch with a stick up her ass who just likes to fuck with people, but what she thought would be a funny meeting between two different souls that should have ended terribly, ended up saving a life and giving home to another for awhile. This is not the story of how Fate did something nice for once, even if she didn't mean to, but the story of what happened because of what she did.
Castiel was smart, not like all honors classes smart, but like already has a full ride to Stanford and Harvard and has most of his college credits already smart, so he doesn't understand why they put him in a gym class, for the record, he doesn't understand a lot of things, like why girls play dumb to get a guys attention or why people make fun of him or mostly why he doesn't have friends. He has acquaintances, yeah, people who he sits with at lunch, and Science and English partners, but no friends. He knows people stay away from him because he's so smart but sometimes he wishes that he was normal so he could have at least one friend. He isn't ugly, bright blue eyes, striking black hair, toned body, but he guesses that it doesn't matter. Once one person thinks you're weird, so do the rest. Plus, people don't like guys who suck at sports. Which he does. Majorly.
His class is assigned teams, they're playing basketball, and just his luck, he's put on Dean Winchesters team. 'Great' he thinks, 'let the teasing begin.'
His team mates purposefully avoid passing him the ball, which he's kinda glad for, but he does get shoved and called names a couple times, nothing more than normal. When class is over, his team won by 3 points and the locker room is filled with joy and hate. Joy from his team, hate from the other.
He sighs, 'One period down, seven to go.' He thinks, hoping today will offer him something to learn, for once.
It doesn't. He goes to his next 7 classes. Does his work like a robot. Walks home. That's his life, he considers it sad and meaningless, but no-ones there to care what he thinks. That's why, a week later, he decides to end his life.
Dean is a man's man, he's amazing at sports, girls love him, has an amazing car, everything about him screams manly. He's on the Football team, Track team, and Soccer team. He's got a sports scholarship to some university he doesn't care about. He cant go as it is. Has to stay home and take care of his little brother. His mother died when Sam, Dean's little brother, was 6 months old in a freak house fire and their father left when Dean was 16 and Sam was 12. Dean doesn't really mind taking care of his little brother, he loves him more than life itself, and because he's been doing it since he was 6. The house is paid for so he doesn't have to worry about that and his dad left him his '67 Chevy Impala. Dean's job covers the cost of food and clothes so they live comfortably. Sam goes to all of Dean's games and meets and Dean always gets a boost of confidence when he sees his brother cheering him on.
Gym class is Dean's favorite, obviously, and he loves having it first period. When Dean starts playing that's where his head is at, in the game, he doesn't notice anything else.
His team won by 3 points and Dean's day has been made and he hopes the rest of his classes are as good.
They aren't. They're boring and he doesn't understand what the teachers are teaching. No, he's not one of those dumb jocks, he just doesn't understand sometimes. So he goes to his next 7 periods, laughs with his friends, has a good time, and smiles most of the time. That's how his days go.
He's popular and everybody wants to be his friend but nobody really means it, they just want to be popular by association and nobody notices how he seems to be missing a piece, not even his brother notices, he himself doesn't even seem to notice.
Castiel is sitting in Math when he decides to end his life. He came to the conclusion very simply and calmly. He sorta went from x=4545.34566 to what he calls his 'solution'. No one would miss him, probably wouldn't even notice when he was gone. He wouldn't be lonely anymore and people wouldn't tease him. At first he thinks he'll use a gun, until he realizes that 1. he doesn't know how to obtain a gun and 2. that would make a huge mess, he doesn't wasn't his mom cleaning up his brain matter. So he settles on razor blades. 'Tonight' he thinks, and he must be smiling because the people around him are looking at him like they're scared. He's fine with that; he'll never see them again.
When class is over, he smiles at everyone and says goodbye to the teacher. One more period to go and he's home free, or well free if that makes any sense. He still has to clean out his locker though. 'At least I don't have many textbooks, could probably leave them behind. Throw the rest of my crap away. Yeah, sounds good.' He thinks while the teacher lectures on about something he doesn't care to hear.
The bell rings signaling schools release for spring break, Castiel walks to his locker, opens it up, sighs, and starts cleaning it out. 'This is it'. He smiles while stuffing paper into a trashcan he dragged over.
He finishes in 5 minutes and starts walking home, 'I should leave my parents a note. At least saying I'm sorry and-'his thoughts are interrupted as he notices two football jerks walking his way.
"Hey Castiel" the stupid looking one says.
"Whatcha doin', buddy?" the ugly one asks. Castiel knows he shouldn't answer, so he doesn't, just keeps his head down and keeps walking.
"'Ey! We're talking to you! Stupid says. Castiel walks a little faster, then there's a hand pulling him back and he knocks the hand away and that does it. Stupid and Ugly are punching him all over, spitting on him, kicking him, hurting him anyway possible. He smalls blood, knows its his own, he can feel darkness creeping in. He can see Stupid and Ugly's shadow flicking across his eyelids and then a third shadow joins the other two. It's shorter than the other two but what does he care? At least someone else is killing him now. He starts to dive into his own head so when the final fatal blow comes, he wont feel it.
By this point fate is laughing her ass off 'cause, ya know, being a bitch and having a stick up her ass does that. She has the jocks beat up the nerds, laughs about it, moves on, ya know, all in a days work. This time though, she must have been having to much fun because when she meant to throw Dean Winchester in with Ugly and Stupid, She accidentally threw Sam Winchester in instead.
Sam is small, but he knows right from wrong, and when he sees two of Dean's football buddies messing with a guy he can tell isn't their friend, he does over to intervene.
Sam waits for Dean by the car everyday and Dean is always late. It doesn't bother him as much as it used to but today he just wants to get home. So when Sam saw those two guys being assholes, he snapped and had to go defend what now seemed to be crumpled up flesh on the ground.
He stalked over, heard Dean calling his name, he didn't care, he had to do this, and punched Ugly in the face and kicked Stupid in the nuts, girly move but hey, desperate times, right? He dint stop at that though, he kept attacking when he caught a glimpse of what they did to the poor guy. Blood coming out of his mouth and nose, his right eye was already swelling, and it seemed his hand was broken too and that's only what's visible, who knows if he's bleeding internally or has broken ribs or what have you.
"Sammy!" Its faint but he knows its Dean's voice, "Sam!" louder now, "SAM!", yup that's a scream. Sam comes to, never even knowing when he zoned out. Dean's pulling him off of Stupid, Ugly is nowhere to be seen, and all Sam can think is 'Is he okay?'. That's all Sam cares about, if the guy he just took on two football players for, and it seems he won, is alright. He scrambles out of Dean's grip and crawls until he's right next to the lump of flesh on the ground. He distantly hears Dean yelling at Stupid, he thinks he hears Dean call him Igor, how fitting, but doesn't pay much attention, he's checking for a pulse and thankfully finds one. Very slow, but there.
"Dean, he needs a hospital." Sam says.
"Who-ohmygod! Sam why would you-"Dean blurts out before Sam interrupts him.
"I didn't. Those two 'buddies' of yours did." Sam spits, quotes around buddies very audible.
"Oh thank God! For a moment I thought you were gonna go on a killing spree!" Dean chuckles.
"DEAN! Go get the car! He needs a hospital!" Sam's about to do this all himself, when Dean suddenly understands, after looking down at the blood covered human and literally runs to the car.
Sam's sending up silent prayers that he wasn't to late and that the guy's still alive, when Dean gets back with the car.
As Dean steps out he looks down and Sam hears him inhale sharply.
"What?" Sam asks frantically.
"I know him. He's in my gym class! His name's ….Kyle? No. Christian? No. Castiel! Yeah, his names Castiel Novak!" Dean says and Sam's glad he now has a name to put to the face, or what is supposed to be a face.
"That's great Dean, I'm really happy for you, but come on, help me lift him into the backseat!" and that's it for talking. They get Castiel into the backseat and to the hospital in 10 minutes.
They get him into the door of the ER and nurses are already taking him away. They ask Sam and Dean routine questions and all they can give is his name and what happened to him.
Castiel wakes up to bright lights and a white room. 'This is heaven?' he thinks.
"Oh thank God! You're awake!" The voice startles him, it sounds familiar but not at the same time.
"Awake?", he croaks, noticing how his face hurts and then how his whole body hurts, "So…this isn't heaven?"
"Heaven?", the familiar yet not voice chuckles, "No, you're in the hospital, Castiel. Some assholes beat you to shit before I got there and then me and my brother brought you here. You've been unconscious for 2 hours!"
"Oh." It's all he can think to say and then he looks over to see who the voice belongs to. He doesn't expect to see Sam Winchester, doesn't expect that at all.
Sam laughs, "Calm down, its okay. They called your parents but they couldn't get a flight back from wherever they are and, yeah, we weren't supposed to stay but I didn't want to leave you alone so I convinced the nurses to let us."
"Us?" Castiel asks?
"Oh, yeah, me and my brother, Dean." Sam says suddenly interested in the floor, "we can leave, if you want."
"No! I mean, please. I don't- I don't want to be alone." He has no idea why he said that.
"Okay, okay! We'll stay." Sam smiling, "You should get more rest. You're pretty beat up." Castiel then thinks to check his wounds and he guesses Sam must know what he's doing because he quickly says, "You have a black eye, broken nose, broken left hand, bruised ribs, and bruises all over." Castiel thanks him and smiles, and then takes Sam's advice and goes to sleep.
When Castiel awakes next, the room's dark. 'Must be nighttime.' He thinks. He stares at the ceiling for awhile thinking about what happened. He huffs out a breath and a few seconds later a light in the corner of the room clicks on and Castiel expects Sam to be there, but its Dean.
"Hey, you awake?" he asks cautiously.
"Yeah….Thank you." Castiel says
"What? Thanks for what? Castiel, are you okay? Should I get a nurse?"
"For….saving me. Thanks." He tries to smile at Dean but he doesn't think it works because in the next second Dean's by his side.
"Are you in a lot of pain? Ima kill those fuckers. I'm sorry, so sorry. You sure you're okay?" Dean rushes to say, it all comes out sounding like one huge jumbled up word, he hopes Castiel understands him.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. Um…where's Sam?" He feels kinda weird and vulnerable sitting in a hospital bed with Dean Winchester, high school's king, freaking out over him.
"Home. I didn't want him here all night. Promised to watch over you until you got out. Kids freaking out over you, ya know."
"Why? Dude, you were covered in blood and had the weakest heartbeat I've ever felt! I was freaking out over you too!"
"But you don't even know me."
"Doesn't matter. Dude! You almost died!"
"When am I being released?" It's all he can think to ask, he doesn't want to hear about his almost death.
"Today. Your parents wired you money to pay for what happened and said they can't be back for two weeks so…"
"After you get released, you're staying with me and Sam.
"Yes. Its spring break and I don't want you to be alone."
"Tough shit Cas, You're staying with me and Sam." Castiel was quiet for a moment.
"Cas?" he asks trepidatiously.
"Uh….yeah…it's a nickname, ya know, 'cause Castiel is a bit of a mouthful."
"I've never had a nickname before."
"Well now you have one. You're staying with me and Sam."
"No. I can't."
"Cas, you're staying with us and that's final. Ill kidnap you if I have to." Castiel realizes he can't get out of this so he gives up, maybe this won't be so bad.
"Fine. Ill stay with you and Sam."
Castiel gets released shortly after that and Dean takes Castiel to his house so he can grab some clothes and whatever else before they head to Deans.
Dean's house is 2 stories, blue with white trim, and Castiel loves it right away. Dean helps him out of the car against his protests, then drags him inside, shows him his room, it's large and makes him feel really small but it's homey so he likes it, then forces him on the couch while he goes to look for Sam.
He has no idea why he's here; Dean doesn't talk to guys like him let alone force them to stay at his house. He knows he's being unfair and he shouldn't judge so fast but for the past 4 years of high school Dean's never spoken a word to him, not once, but maybe this is Sam's doing, it's still just as weird if it is.
As if on cue, Sam runs into the living room and plops down on the other end of the couch.
"Hey!" Sam says breathlessly.
"Hello." Castiel replies shyly.
"Dean said you're staying for spring break! That's good. I mean, I'm glad you are. I'm sorry, where are my manners? Do you want a drink or something to eat? What about TV? You wanna watch TV? There's this awesome show on now, The Pacific, but never mind. You feeling okay?" Castiel thinks his head might explode from the sheer excitement that Sam radiates.
"Um…no, I'm fine thanks. Are you okay?" he seriously thinks the boy may be a little to excited for his own good.
"Sammy, let Cas rest," Dean flashes him a stunning smile when he says the nickname," or at least calm down before he thinks you're a mental case."
Sam snorts at that, then turns to Castiel, "Not many people come over. You're the first one in a long time." Castiel looks at Dean, "Dean works 24/7 and doesn't have time for friends and I, well, I don't like being home alone so I'm sorry for my excitement." Castiel chuckles a little and the two brothers smile at him.
They talk for a little while and Cas, as he now refers to himself, learns that Dean got the week off, paid vacation even, Sam's on his way to being valedictorian and he also skipped a grade, and both brothers and himself love pepperoni and mushroom pizza, which they order for dinner later that night, while the two brother learned Cas will believe anything he hears.
Cas sits in the middle of the huge bed and thinks. Just sits and thinks. Its weird being in Dean's home and feeling so…..at home. Sam called him his friend earlier and he almost cried.
There's a soft knock on the door and Cas looks up to see Dean standing in the doorway, awkwardly.
"Hey," it's quiet and shy and Cas is kinda taken aback by it, "can I come in?"
'What a stupid question' he thinks, "of course is all he answers though. Dean walks in and sits on the edge of the bed.
"When, um, when you were in the hospital, the cops came and asked questions and I told them, well more like Sam shouted at them, that Igor and Kyle did it and me and Sam were just there helping you and so, just, I wanted you to know, they've been arrested and the cops wanna talk to you tomorrow. If that's okay?" Dean said all this while staring at a spot on the bed.
"Oh. Um, yeah. Yeah, Ill do it. I'm sorry thought." If looks could kill then the look Dean just shot him would have him burning alive.
"Sorry? For what? They almost killed you! Killed, Cas! And you're sorry?" he's angry, very angry.
"Yeah, no, I know. Its just, I know they're a major part of the football team and if you get in trouble with the law you cant play on a school team and well, this means you've lost 2 very important players because of me….." he trails off 'cause Dean's giving him an extremely pissed off version of the you're-fucking-kidding-me-right? Look.
"You're joking, right?" Cas starts to say no but Dean's still talking. "One, football seasons over. Two they sucked anyways. Three, they beat the living shit outa you, and four, they deserve what they got, really, I'm probably gonna punch them myself if I ever see them come near you again." Cas is shocked at the protectiveness in Dean's voice.
"oh. Okay." He almost whispers it.
"But anyways, Cas," now Deans smiling at him, god, these mood swings are gonna give him whiplash. "I just wanted you to know. We'll go down to the police station tomorrow when you're ready." He gets up, walks to the door but stops in the doorway, Goodnight, Cas." Then he's gone.
Cas didn't sleep well that night but the breakfast Dean made that morning was amazing enough that it didn't matter; They went to the police station around 10 and were back by 1. As dean had said, Igor and Kyle had been arrested, and he wasn't going to press charges no matter how much Dean wanted him to. He told the police everything, well besides his 'solution' and it all went smoothly.
When they got back, Dean shoved 2 pain killers down Cas's throat because he refused to take them even if he was in pain, and then made them both lunches, which was amazing. 'Dean should be a chef' was his first thought after he got past the mouth orgasm.
After lunch they sat and watched TV, mostly just talking to each other and TV as the background noise but whatever, until diner time. Dean asked Cas to go get Sam because Sam slept all day, while he set the diner table.
Diner was amazing too. Cas decided that Dean could probably make mud taste good. Then after diner more TV, aka talking but neither man would admit it or how much they liked it, then bed. Dean would come to Cas's room every night to talk before bed, he wasn't sure if Dean was checking on him or what, but he didn't care, it was nice to have someone he could call a friend, wait, could he call Dean a friend or was he just being nice?
"Dean, are we friends?" he asks, cutting Dean off in the middle of a story.
"Yeah, I mean, if you want." Dean looks guarded and Cas doesn't understand why.
"Yeah, I'd- I'd like that." Cas says with a smile, and then Dean dives back into his story.
That's how it is for the rest of the week, amazing breakfast, hanging out with Dean, amazing lunch, hanging out with Dean and Sam, amazing diner, nighttime talks with Dean. It's kinda weird how well him and Dean get along, Sam's always at the library so he doesn't see him much, but he doesn't mind. He doesn't think about his solution, but the thought never really leaves his mind.
When spring breaks over, Dean is reluctant to let Cas go home but he can't do anything about it. Dean does, however, make Cas agree to Dean driving him to and from school. Cas's house is on the way to school so he doesn't mind.
Cas knows he's Deans friend and Dean's his, but he doesn't think Dean would show it during school, kinda just a yeah we're friends but not during school kinda thing. But, he was wrong. They got to pick teams today and Dean picked him first and at lunch Dean forced him to sit with him,
It was kinda weird to Cas, having a friend who wanted to include you in everything. He never talked to Dean's friends and they never talked to him but Dean still included him in every conversation.
And that's how it was. Dean and Cas, being the two strangest friends any high school has ever seen. Their friendship never faltered. The rest of their junior year, through summer, and into senior year they stayed friends, best friends to be exact. Dean taught Cas sport and Cas tutored Dean. Cas even ended up getting a job at the same place as Dean. When Cas's parents finally returned home he introduced them to Dean and after that it was a regular occurrence to see Dean at Cas's house after he got off work or both boys had the day off.
Everything was going amazingly, until the day Cas's parents died.
Fate loved it. If you asked her, she'd say she loved the poetry of it, the death of Cas's parents. Her sisters called it an obsession and if they were human they'd put her in a crazy hospital but, alas, they weren't. Ever since her accident of throwing Sam in instead of Dean, she's been trying to find a way to fuck up Dean and Castiel's life. Dean was supposed to deal the final blow in killing Cas, not save his life and for the life of her, she can't figure out how it got so switched around, but when she saw that Cas's parents were getting on a plane to Africa, she couldn't help herself. Bringing that plane down was one of her happiest moments and now, she decided she could finally leave Cas and Dean alone….for awhile….maybe.
Cas was with Dean, at Dean's house chilling with Sam, when he got the call. It was from his older brother, Lucifer, yeah, yeah, laugh it up, the name suits him well, and he thought he was joking. The conversation went something along the lines of 'Castiel, our parents just died.' 'that's not funny.' 'not trying to be. They're dead. Plane crash over the ocean.' 'I don't believe you.' 'Well they are. I'm coming down.' Click. Dean knew something was wrong because Cas all of a sudden was unresponsive, but after an hour of Cas's come like state, he started to cry and Dean was right there for him. Cas cried for house and in-between sobs he told Dean what happened and Dean cried with him, feeling his best friend's loss.
Dean stayed by his side throughout the while thing. Helped plan the funeral and was there for Cas to lean on when needed.
Dean was there through the months of depression and the weeks of anger, through the refusal to eat to the only eating ice cream, he was there through it all.
Cas never told Dean about his 'solution', never told anyone really. He thought about it a lot though, after his parents died and Lucifer moved in to take care of him. He knew he'd never go through with it though, Dean needed him, it was weird. Cas seemed to be the only one that made Dean happy, besides Sam, and he'd never take Deans happiness away, if he could help it. That was another weird thing, he always thought of Dean first.
The more he thought about it, the more he noticed the weird things about him and Dean, the lingering touches, the longer than necessary staring, the way they both instantly brightened up when they saw each other, the way Cas always thought about Dean- wait, hold on. If 2 + 2 still equals 4 and not 852 then all of that equals…. 'no' Cas thought, but must've said it aloud 'cause Dean looked at him questionably. (Dean only left him alone at night when he had to go home to Sam, otherwise he was glued to Cas's side, and he even changed his work hours so him and Cas worked the same hours.) Cas quickly shook his head and Dean shrugged and returned to his textbook, they were in Cas's living room, studying.
He swore his mind was trying to kill him, it kept repeating the equation, lingering touches + long stares + brightening when they just look at each other + Dean being on Cas's mind 24/7 equals NO! Cas would always scream in his mind, he couldn't. He couldn't have a ….crush….on Dean. No way. Not his best friend. Not the straightest guy in school. Any guy, but Dean.
Cas knew he was gay in 5th grade. He's never told anyone though, he's not ashamed, oh no, he's just never been attracted to a guy after his neighbor in 5th grade, Misha, so he never felt compelled to tell anyone, well never been attracted to anyone since then…..besides Dean. Shit! No! That's not happening.
"Hey, you okay?" Dean looked worried.
"Heh, yeah. I'm- I'm fine." And Cas forces a smile and Dean smiles back and Cas almost dies 'cause he knows that that smile is just for him and so he just lets go and lets himself have a stupid, pointless, unrequited crush on Dean.
That was a bad idea, over the next few days it grows exponentially and Cas is scared to shit by it, but at least it takes away the pain that his parent's death has seemed to burn into him. He swears he won't freak out and he won't tell anyone. Yup, that's perfect, no freak-out and no one will know. Great plan, perfect plan, he'll do it. Except the freak-out, he'll do that part, Majorly.
When he sees Dean he starts shaking or stutters or something embarrassing. If Dean notices, he doesn't say anything and Cas is so thankful.
2 days before school ends, Cas overhears two popular guys talking, Trent and Geoff.
"Its pathetic really, I mean he's like a damn dog! Always following him around, hanging on his every word."
"Dudes a freak, man."
"I heard Dean hates him. Only keeps him around 'cause he feels bad for him."
"Probably. 'the fuck, I mean, what type of name is Castiel. Fuck man."
"Dudes fucking weird. It's probably a pity friendship. Yeah defiantly a pity friendship."
That's all Cas wanted to hear. Dean was only his friend out of pity. Okay, okay, he'll deal.
Fuck, no he won't. His 'solution' seems perfect to him right now, he's just a burden to Dean.
He knows where his razorblades are, he knows what he's going to do and he knows when.
Dean always leaves Cas alone at home for an hour after school so he can check on Sam, that's the when. Razorblades in the bathtub are the how. He's a burden to Dean and he can't stand that is the why.
Dean drops Cas off and Cas grabs Dean's hand, holds it between his own and stares at Dean and says 'Thank you.' In his most grateful voice, then leaves the car.
He waits until he hears the impala drive away, then he's upstairs running a hot bath. Razorblades under the counter now sitting on the side of the bath, ready to go. He smiles because he knows what he's leaving behind. He thinks back over everything, well the happy everything, as he slips out of his clothes leaving just his boxers, and slips into the tub.
He looks at the counter and makes sure what he put there is in plain view and then grabs the razor. The first cut doesn't hurt, but when he hits the vein tears spring to his eyes, he doesn't care, just one more to go. The second vein he hits right away. He sits back and watches his blood flow until the blackness takes him.
Dean finds him like that. In the bathtub, bloody water spilling over 'cause the water was never turned off. Dean runs and pulls Cas out, praying to whoever will listen that he isn't dead, that he wasn't too late. He doesn't feel a pulse and calls 911 right away. The cuts are barely bleeding and Cas is extremely pale. Dean starts CPR and doesn't stop until he's being pulled off by the paramedic. They check Cas out and all hope Dean had that he wasn't to late, was killed the second the paramedic looked at him with a sad look and a shake of his head. Dean collapsed right there on the spot, he's crying and he doesn't care who sees. He just lost his best friend.
"Are you Dean?" asks the paramedic who pulled him off of Cas.
"Y-y-yeah" He stutters through sobs. The paramedic handed him an envelope addressed to him and left. Dean stared at it like he didn't know what to do with it, but when he looked up he saw Lucifer walking towards him. He expected him to yell, scream that it was Dean's fault, but he didn't. Lucifer's face was calm and then, Dean never knew how it happened, they were hugging and Dean was crying, envelope stuffed in his pocket, forgotten.
Dean got home around 3am, he called earlier to tell Sam everything but only managed an 'I'll be home late. Don't wait up.' He dreaded telling Sam, really wished he didn't have to, but Sam was- no, is- Cas's friend and he deserves to know.
He trudges up to his bedroom and takes his clothes off and hops in the shower. When he's done, he grabs his clothes and walks into his room, throws them on the floor, puts on some boxers and sits on his bed. He doesn't want to sleep; he knows he'll have nightmares, so he just sits there for awhile. Eventually he remembers the envelope and goes and retrieves it from his pant pocket.
He looks at it for awhile, just staring at it; Dean is sprawled on the front in Cas's handwriting. He lifts it up to smell it, it smells like Cas. He starts to cry again but knows he needs to see whatever's in the envelope, so he wipes away the tears and opens the damned thing.
Inside he finds a letter and a photo. The photos of him and Cas, they're both smiling and he remembers the day they took it.
They went to the park because there was nothing else to do. They talked and watched the kids play for hours and before they left Dean pulled out a camera, put his arm around Cas, said 'Smile' and took the picture. Cas did smile and just this one picture made Deans heart swell and break at the same time. He decided he was going to frame it and put it on his night stand. Then he put the photo down and picked up the letter and started to read.
I'm sorry, really, truly sorry. I don't know if I want you to read this or not because if you do, that means I'm gone, but if you don't then, well, I don't know. You were truly my one and only friend, my best friend and you have no idea how proud I am to say that, but there's something you need to know, I love you. Not in the friendship way, Dean, I really truly love you. I couldn't tell you any other way and I couldn't leave without you knowing. If you don't accept, I understand but do know, no matter what, I love you.
Ps. Tell Sam I'm sorry too.
Dean cried for a long time before he choked out "You stupid bastard. You Stupid fucking bastard. I love you too. I fucking love you too."
Fate laughed for years over it, really, 'cause Dean did end up dealing the final blow to Cas. The final blow being unsaid confessions and overheard lies.