Different Kind of Scared


I rush up the hill and gaze down the other side, frantically looking for Spencer. I can feel my heart pounding rapidly in my chest and am certain that Emily can hear it, too. I jump and stifle a scream when a gentle hand is placed on my shoulder.

"We'll find him, JJ, I promise." She says forcing a smile on to her face. I smile an uncertain, watery smile at the raven-haired agent, and my best friend, standing next to me. I try not to let the tears that have threatened to fall since Spencer was taken fall, but some slip through. I wipe them away as quickly as I can so that Emily doesn't see. I know that she has seen them when I feel arms wrap around my shoulders. Although Emily doesn't show it I know that she is just as broken up about this as I am from the shaking that I can feel through her hug.

We both jump when a gunshot breaks the silence. I immediately sprint down the hill forgetting about holding back the tears, fearing that Spencer has been shot. I reach the bottom of the hill and pause, once again looking around frantically, not knowing where to go. I feel Emily brush, ever so slightly, pass me with her gun drawn. Momentarily coming to my senses, I draw my own. I know immediately that I won't be able to shoot anyone, even if I needed to, because I am shaking to hard. I glance back up in time to see Emily pass through the branches of a weeping willow. I hurriedly push through the branches, becoming even more nervous since I can't see Emily. When I finally reach the other side I almost drop my gun. I'm woken from my shock when I am almost knocked over by Morgan pushing his way through, with Gideon, Hotch, and the police behind him. I glance at the body lying on the ground: it's Hankel's. I glance at Morgan who is seeing if he has a pulse when he looks at me and shakes his head. He's dead, Hankels dead. Realization and relief that it is not Spencer that is lying on the ground, dead hits me. More tears flow, this time, though, from happiness. I look at Reid and smile when I see that he is with Emily. I slowly move closer, not wanting to interrupt. My smile widens as she wraps him in a hug. I can see the tears of relief flowing from her eyes when she pulls back and looks him in the eyes.

"Don't ever go in alone, Spencer, okay? You scared the hell out of me." She asks and I can hear the desperation in her voice. Apparently so can he when he looks down guiltily and nods. She pulls him in for another long hug and when she pulls back she kisses him on the forehead, closing her eyes and letting a few more tears slip. She turns, pats him on the shoulder and walks away.

At first I was confused. Emily never showed anything romantic towards Spencer, ever. I got mad. I had told Emily that I had liked Spencer, and when this happened I had cried on her shoulder that I hadn't gotten to tell him that I loved him. Then it dawned on me. I had only seen something like that happen once before, it wasn't even Emily who had done it, but it was almost exactly how my mother did it. That was the exact same thing my mother did when my sister had committed suicide.

I hadn't realized that I had moved in his direction until I heard his voice right in front of me.

"JJ? JJ are you alright?" he asks with concern layering his voice. I look up at him in shock a watery laugh escaping my lips. He was the one being tortured and he was asking me if I was okay? I jump at him and wrap my arms around him and hold on as tightly as I can. I feel him stumble and that just makes the tears I had managed to rein in again flow freely.

"Oh, Spence. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you go alone." I say hugging him even tighter.

"JJ don't cry it's not your fault…it's mine. I should've listened to you." He says hugging me back just as tight. I pull back mad.

"Spencer Reid do not go and blame yourself for this understand? And next time we stick together clear?" I say poking him in the chest.

"Crystal." He says smiling a tired smile and pulling me back into another hug.