DATE WRITTEN: 3/5/12
TITLE: Don't Be Afraid To Tell
PAIRING: Yaoi: MadaraXDeidara/HidanXItachiXDeidara/HidanXItachi
STATUS: Multichapter: Completed
RELATED STORIES: None
WARNINGS: Graphic sex between two males, abuse, rape, dark themes.
~For there to be a happy ending, there must first be a story~
I sat on my bed with my back against the wall and my head resting on my knees, facing the right side of my room. I was thinking about what happened yesterday. I made a disgusted sound that sounded like I was choking on something.
I was sick of being used.
My body was still as sore as though a train had struck me; bruises littered my body like dark reminders of what happened. I kept them hidden under long sleeves and sweatpants. I remember Kisame had asked why I was wearing sweats instead of my normal attire that was usually much tighter. Itachi had been standing there, glaring at me, daring me to slip up.
I scrambled for an answer before telling him,
"I just feel they're easier to train in, they're more comfortable as well, hm. The other pants were scratchy and difficult to maneuver in."
They both accepted this, thankfully. Kisame nodded before walking off. Itachi smirked at me, walking behind me and slapping my ass along the way to his room. I shuddered as I remembered his touch, how harsh it was.
I kept my cloak on at all times to hide the disgusting hickeys they'd left along my neck. How achingly ironic it was that another name for them was love bites. There was nothing loving about them. Hidan had left his own 'love mark' as well. A large, jagged, X shape was sliced into my chest and stomach, stretching from my left shoulder to my right hip. It hurt to the point of fighting tears back whenever my clothes rubbed against my bruises, bite marks, and other varying wounds. It didn't seem worth it to try taking care of myself, if I was just a whore, the wounds would never disappear. It didn't matter.
I was a mere toy to Hidan and Itachi, and when Sasori died, there was no one to protect me. I was vulnerable, and they took the chance. I had noticed their lustful gazes, but never thought they would have gone this far. It shows that Hidan was right; I was just a useless, stupid slut.
It had gotten to the point, I was nearly crazy. I had flashbacks whenever I was in the dark. I became afraid of the dark, more like terrified. In my mind, I saw Hidan tying me down, bonds digging into my sensitive skin.
Their cruel hands everywhere, I swear the touch actually burned my skin, because I repulsed it so much, it felt like acid. I pictured Itachi's frigid smirk as I eventually enjoyed the rein of torture, I still heard Hidan calling me a filthy whore. My body is different than my mind. If you touch it, it reacts, no matter what I think and want; or in this case, don't want.
I remembered the pain of them hitting me, cutting me, biting into my sensitive flesh. Itachi had a way of silencing me, by shoving his dick into my mouth until I gagged. Even then he didn't care. Neither of them cared. They want me to bleed, to scream, to beg and sob and to break.
I gasped in fear and surprise as a knock sounded on my door; I trembled, curling tightly into myself.
I called nervously. Tobi, my partner, flung the door open.
"Senpai! We have a mission; Leader-sama said we need to go to Kirigakure for a scroll! We need to leave right now or he'll get mad and we don't want that, because he is SCARY when he's mad!"
Tobi screamed in all his hyper glory, I smiled, despite my hidden problems and feelings. At least someone was happy. Tobi and I didn't get along at all when we were first partnered, after Sasori's death. He was annoying and useless in my eyes, and he never shut up. As in, I have never seen him quiet or calm. And on top of that, he always wore that infernal orange mask! What the hell! He always says no one should see him. I think he fell off the deep end years ago, even though I didn't think he was much older than I, despite his height or masculinity.
I nodded once, and told him to give me ten minutes. Ten minutes to get my shit together.
I gasped as Hidan appeared behind Tobi, grinning wolfishly at me, his violet eyes flashing suggestively.
"H-ey Dei-chan, how ya doin'?"
I winced as he smirked cruelly, dragging out the word 'hey' in a low tone. I lowered my eyes in shame. The feminine prefix he added to my name made me feel worse.
I flinched as he shifted, a whimper fell from my mouth, I prayed no one heard it. I didn't need questions from Tobi, or Hidan knowing the effect he had.
I had sensed Hidan coming, so I didn't give much of a reaction as he shoved in front of me bellowing some nonsense I didn't care enough to listen to.
I noticed with some concern Deidara flinched when Hidan spoke, whimpering almost inaudibly in fear. My eyes narrowed, I'd noticed Deidara was acting very differently, but I thought he was just being the kid he is and expressing himself differently. But then I noticed his limp, and the way he moved, it was as if he was in a pain. I was worried immediately. I had gone against my own rules and developed feelings for my own subordinate. After nearly a year of working with him, I had begun to see him as more than just a team mate, which was a mistake I couldn't help or fix.
I shoved Hidan out of my way to get to Deidara, paying no attention to his cursed threats. I stood over Deidara, he looked away from me, but I noticed how he inched closer towards me. Hidan still hadn't shut up yet and I was losing patience with him. Deidara trembled when the albino stepped forward. I glared through the hole in my mask, leaning down, I whispered,
"Are you alright Senpai?"
In a high pitch voice that even irritated me.
He nodded once, stuttering to answer.
"Y-yeah hm. I'm fine. Just got a cold, I guess."
He made a sorry excuse for his trembling. He stood, jerking his head away, but not quick enough for me to not see the tears welling in his eyes. I sighed lowly at his stubbornness and stood, skipping out the door like the hyper-active idiot I was supposed to portray. Hidan left behind me, shoving me into the wall on his way out, snickering. I was larger than he was, but my alias would never go up against him. Or anyone, really.
I growled when he was gone, my mask was about to crack. Maybe it was time for the true Akatsuki leader to come out.
I snapped out of my anger when I heard Deidara call out my name, and smiled slightly. He always used to be happy and optimistic. Now you rarely even saw a spark in his blue eyes. I narrowed my eyes in a nagging suspicion of Hidan; he had begun acting differently since Sasori died, a few months ago. Deidara always acted afraid of him, like he had a few moments ago. He had been jumpy around Itachi as well, but the younger Uchiha rarely showed much -if any-, emotion towards anything or anyone so it was difficult to tell if he had been doing something to Deidara. I knew the two had a rather strained relationship.
Deidara wasn't one to be afraid of something trivial, if someone was hurting him, I wanted to know.
I broke my train of thought as I reached my destination, the outskirts of the forest surrounding our base, where a single clay bird sat in all its "artistic glory."
Wait, only one? He usually makes me fly on a different one, so I didn't bother him. I said nothing to him, just walked past him and easily jumped onto the back of the large clay bird. I knelt down to help him up onto it, thankful the mask hid my smirk as I did so. No matter how much he was annoyed by me, he couldn't ignore the fact he needed help. He was shorter than I was and he had a difficult time getting onto his birds; he didn't like to waste chakra getting onto them so instead, he allowed me to help him.
I gripped his hand and gently lifted him onto the bird. He didn't weigh much, but it made me nervous to find he seemed to weight much less than he did before. With the baggy clothes he wore it was hard to tell if he had lost any weight or not, but when you picked him up he felt so light; it was frightening.
He crouched and sat cross-legged at the front of the bird; I sat near the middle, where I was safe from falling off and could give him some space. I glared down at our surroundings, muttering utter nonsense under my breath, as Tobi would do. I often had to remind myself to talk, Tobi was never silent.
I glanced up as the bird began to land; I stood and jumped off before we touched the ground.
"Senpai look! It's so foggy, I can't see anything!"
I lied as I looked around irritably. I could see just fine, even with only one eyehole through this disgusting mask. If I concentrated chakra to that eye I could easily see through the mist. I heard a mumbled reply from him as I turned and held my arms out as he jumped, catching him carefully and setting him down on the ground. I noticed his face glistened, as if wet. As he allowed his hair to fall over his face, I shook my head and chalked it up to sweat.
I focused on my thoughts, walking ahead of the lagging blonde. Why was he so, different? He was nervous, cautious, and he looked rather tired and… depressed, if I had to guess. I wasn't paying attention and I walked straight into the door of the hotel, which got a giggle from the blonde. I was grateful that at least the stupid stunt had seemed like something Tobi would have done. God, this charade would end up with me going insane.
I muttered sarcastically before opening the door and bouncing in, telling 'Senpai' to hurry. He stalked in, peering around irritably, holding his arms over his chest. I waltzed in behind him, eyeing the hotel disapprovingly. I kicked at the ground, half listening as he paid for a room. I skipped behind his hunched form, staring with surprise as he nearly tore off the door's hinges getting into the room.
I immediately noticed there was only one bed.
The clerk must've mistaken him for a girl, something he, for once, didn't seem to care about. He flopped down onto the large bed, curling into a tiny ball, shivering harshly. I told him he should shower, ignoring the glare I received. I expected to be told off, because he never listened to me. I was surprised and even more suspicious as he actually obeyed me, rising up and walking to the main bathroom. I threw his bag to him, squealing randomness about water and asking 'Senpai' questions a mile a minute. I really didn't even know what I was saying; I was just trying to act hyper. I went to the bathroom on the left corner, irritably muttering about how stupid it was to have two bathrooms yet only one bed.
I half drowned in hot water for an hour, taking advantage of the fact that we had paid for the entire stay, meaning I could use all the hot water I wanted.
I shook my head, my shaggy black hair falling to near my ears. I glared at my reflection; sometimes I forgot my own damn face because I had to wear that mask all the time. I tossed my clothes on, situating my mask and walking out to the king sized bed.
I looked at Deidara, who had beaten me to bed. He was buried in blankets. His blonde hair splayed around him, down from its tie. He honestly looked very attractive. He had taken his eye scope off to sleep, something he almost never did, unless he trusted you. He had trusted Sasori, and now I had earned his trust. That was something fragile.
I contemplated sleeping on the floor and waking up tired and sore, or in the bed and risking his temper. I didn't even give it much thought before just falling into the comfortable blankets. I didn't sleep every night, and this was an occasion I wasn't going to pass up. I turned away from the sleeping teenager, removing my mask and setting it on the floor. It was all but impossible to sleep with, and I knew it was risky to sleep with it off around him. He would notice my sharingan immediately since I was incapable of turning it off like other Uchiha's. I started to reach for it, but feel asleep before I even touched it.
(Night time, Madara)
It took me a moment to realize I was awake; I could feel the bed shaking slightly and heard a strange sound. I forced myself to wake completely before I sat up and turned a lamp on. I turned to the side to see a heart wrenching sight.
Deidara was trembling violently; the sound was him sobbing quietly but uncontrollably. He was having a nightmare. I didn't move as he started to talk in his sleep, I leaned closer to understand some of his mumbled speech.
"P-please j-j-just stop! Leave me a-alone! It hurts! P-please stop, AH!"
He cried out suddenly, as if he was hurt. I jumped, startled by the outburst. He continued mumbling incoherently, his tears and shivers never ceasing. I reached over to him and lifted him into my lap, brushing his hair back and rubbing his stomach, as you do to young children when they have bad dreams. I figured it would work fine here as well. He gave a shuddering sigh, sounding as though he was trying to catch his breath, before whimpering again.
I shook him slightly to wake him from whatever was terrifying him so much, not caring if he found out who I was anymore. His breath hitched and he clutched onto me tightly, as though hanging on for his life. I removed my hand from under his shirt as his body tensed. He immediately freaked out.
"Get off of me! Please!"
He sobbed on the word please. I allowed him out of my grasp; his small body wrapped the blankets around him. I expected him to fight, he acted as though I was a monster. His tearful eyes looked at me in horror, before he realized I wasn't who he had apparently thought I was. However, his eyes widened when he realized, he didn't know who I was.
"Wh-who are you, un?"
He asked in a low whimper of a voice. A far cry from his usual confidence. His face was so afraid, his body shaking so vehemently I was afraid he was going to hurt himself. I stared him in the eyes, feeling my heart constrict as he began to sob once more, the moment he saw my sharingan. He slammed his azure eyes shut, bowing down.
"Please, p-please don't!"
He begged, but I didn't understand what he was asking me not to do. I didn't move, didn't touch him, I didn't want to scare him more than he already was.
"I'm Tobi, Deidara."
He shook his head at me, trying to speak but he was so messed up right now he couldn't properly form words.
"The Tobi you think you know, isn't real. He was an alias I created, a disguise of sorts, so people wouldn't know who I really am. My real name is Uchiha Madara."
He flinched, raising his head slightly to eye me nervously. I made no sudden movements, I waited until his breakdown was over and he sat silently with the blankets around him.
He spoke hoarsely. There were many things that question could apply to, but I answered the most obvious one.
"I am much older than I seem. I'm over two hundred years old."
His eyes widened, but I went on.
"I created Tobi and used a mask because in my time I caused a lot of war and anguish, and people wanted me dead or arrested. It wasn't safe for me to be out and with immortality of a kind in my hands, I didn't want to rot in prison forever. I covered my face with a mask and covered my tracks with a personality that is total opposite of my own; Tobi."
His mouth was parted slightly as he panted. He never met my eyes, but his gaze roamed over my face and form. He shook his head in disbelief, but never argued against my revealed identity.
"I created Akatsuki, to achieve a goal of world peace, something I could not make happen on my own. I did not want people finding out there was any chance of me being alive, so I assigned Pein as a decoy leader, while we met in private to discuss matters of the organization. I am the true leader of Akatsuki."
Deidara's face was painted with shock and fear. It was a lot for him to take in.
"I-is it safe; you know, f-for you to be, yourself? Now?"
He asked timidly and I nodded slowly.
"I've been contemplating it, but it's been years since my mistakes."
His body was tense, though he seemed less nervous now that he knew more about who I was. I was still the man he knew, in a way. I shifted once and he nearly jumped off the bed as I did so.
"Deidara, calm down, I promise I'm not going to harm you in any way."
I soothed. His eyes hardened, as though he thought I was lying. My eyes fell to where his shirt had fallen slightly off his shoulder, I glared at the torn wound that rested there. It couldn't be mistaken for anything but a bite wound. My eyes trailed up his throat, which normally was covered by a jacket or his cloak, to find hickeys spotting it.
"What happened to your shoulder?"
I asked carefully. He jolted, jerking his eyes to stare at his arm. His mouth opened and he jerked his shirt to cover his shoulder and his neck.
"N-nothing, hm! It's a kunai mark from when- It-Ita-Itachi and I trained."
He could barely say the other man's name as tears fell down his face again. I leaned forward, ignoring his yelp and attempt to move away from me. I gripped his chin and pulled him to look me in the face, as he wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Don't lie to me, Deidara. What happened to you, to make you so frightened and cause these wounds?"
I said, pulling his shirt down to reveal the wound. He stuttered, eyes filled with unexplainable fear. I eyed the wound precariously, it was violent and if it wasn't treated, there was a chance it could become infected. I placed my hand over the wound, ignoring his hiss, infusing chakra into it to heal the infected skin and close the wound cleanly. I had never had proper training as a medic, so there was still an outline of the wound, but at least it wasn't dangerous.
He stared at where the bloody bite mark once was, then back up to me. He still seemed weary. I kept a calm look on my face, though anger surged through my body. Not at him, but at whoever had dared to harm him in such a manner.
"Deidara, you need to tell me who did this to you."
He looked away, slightly shaking his head as though he was afraid to tell me no, but more afraid to tell me what had happened to him. I sighed, not wanting to push him. I lay back down, lightly pulling him to lie beside me. He was no longer crying, nor was he shaking. It took a few minutes before his breathing softened and he drifted to sleep.
I narrowed my eyes at his thin frame and the marks on his throat. I pulled the blankets back over him, closing my own eyes and waiting for the day ahead, where hopefully I could get more answers from him, before we went home. I tensed when I felt his sleeping form press against me. I didn't want to scare him but I tried to relax, wrapping my arms around him. A small smile graced my lips as he sighed contentedly and snuggled against me. Who would want to harm him, in any way?
As he clutched onto me once more I swore whoever had hurt him would pay dearly.
Oh god here we go. I'm finally gracing you with the full story LOL. So many liked the short version you were given, I had wanted to see if the idea would bloom to more and it has so I finally threw it to paper (type?) and posted it. I'm letting the ideas flow, I don't have an exact plan for it yet. However a few of you have really been waiting for this and I hope you like it, I'll try not to make it too angsty.
Fuck, like I even could. Unless I'm angry or sad everything I write ends up cheerful So…here ya go!
Btw the pairing IS MadaDei, I'm not someone to have the victim randomly love the one who hurt them in such ways. See what happens…