He remembers little flashbacks.
Only little flashbacks, nothing more... When Jim arrived in the backyard, and Kim ran off to him... The only thing he remembers is a faint tearing sound, and brown eyes. He thinks they're his eyes, but then again, he doesn't, because all he can think is Jim Jim Jim which somehow turns into Kim Kim Kim, and then all he thinks is Why, why, why...
And then in the backyard... Cutting her, seeing the red in the palm of her hand, seeing the pain flash in her eyes that he's felt many many times before... Knowing he caused her that pain... "Get out of here!"... Shredding his clothes...
Something takes over him. He doesn't know what it is. Usually, inside, there's only himself. He can't ever remember encountering another... But during those moments... Something bubbles up inside of him, something dark that burns and frightens him, something he doesn't recognize, bubbles and burns in the pit of his stomach until it spreads across his chest and makes his throat constrict. And then it explodes, and all he sees are little white twinkles behind his eyes, and what seems like moments later his vision clears and he is himself again, with people telling him he did this, or he did that, and he feels so badly because he wants to help, he does, he just doesn't know how, and he just can't control himself when the Dark comes and starts to burn.
When Jim arrives in his attic, when he holds the metal in his hand that fires and hurts his ears and burns his nose, some part of him realizes that Kim is in danger. Realizes that Jim does not want her to be okay and to be uninjured before he wants anything else, and then he's on the ground, the wind knocked out of him and Jim is hitting him, and it hurts, it hurts and he can't breathe and the edges of his vision are going dark.
The next thing he realizes is his arm has moved, is being held up, and Kim-beautiful Kim, everything he is not, with her bloody dress made of ice-is holding it to Jims throat.
She says something, and he strains to hear.
"...I'll kill you myself."
No, he thinks. No, no, wrong. Kim wouldn't hurt. Kim wouldn't injure others, wouldn't make them bleed or give them pain, she is Kim, she is everything that he isn't and knows, knows now he never will be, she is goodness and glows and he is cold. She would not hurt another. She would not make them bleed. She would not take their life.
When Jim shoves his arm away and slaps her, kicks her away, he is up faster than he has ever moved before, moving and moving and raising his arms but keeping his distance because he does not want to hurt her, and that's all he seems to do.
And Jim is screaming, coming towards them, and his eyes land on the blossoming redness across her cheek.
She could not make another bleed.
But he would.
He remembers, he will always remember, the fire that suddenly erupted in his belly and spread faster than it ever had before, engulfing him in its flames as he turns and starts toward Jim, and he will remember always the realization that Jim is, has been, and will always be, the thing that would hurt Kim.
The thing that would make Kim bleed.
And he can't have that.
His flesh is soft, so soft and so easy to cut into. He looks so startled, so pained, but he is still on fire, he is still burning, and he pushes him back, watches him fall through the glass and fall, fall, fall.
He can hear them coming, and then Kim is there, she's there, and he knows it's the end. Nothing lasts, he knows.
"Goodbye," He whispers. The fire is gone, gone now and he feels so bad, he feels so badly but he doesn't know why because she has a pained look, she looks so hurt, but he has not touched her and he does not understand...
"...I love you," She whispers back, and pressed her lips to his. They tremble, but they're so soft, and his eyes flutter shut.
Nothing lasts, he knows. Nothing stays the same, because it can't. He doesn't know why, and he wishes it was different, but it isn't. He watches her leave, and knows that even if the world around him, the people he has met, the way they react and feel, may change, he won't.
He will always want to keep Kim from bleeding.
I JUST WATCHED IT AND MY FRIEND MENTIONED KINKY FANFICTION AND IT'S NOT KINKY BUT IT'S FANFICTION.