Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. It owns me ;)
Songfic to Mika – Happy Ending (which I don't own either).
Please, don't sue me.
A/N: Special thanks to Crosswood.
You're with him.
And it hurts. It hurts so much, at times I can barely look into your eyes.
I'd give myself for you, I'd die for you... did die.
But you're his.
And I never really had a chance to begin with.
We are friends, we'll always be. Best friends. I'll always be there for you.
But you'll be with him.
I get up every morning and do my chores at the dawn of the day. My duty.
I do it for you - the duty. I'd do anything for you.
If I was to die and never come back... At least I would know I gave my dying breath protecting you, doing everything in my power for you to be happy - even if it's with him.
Your smile, your laugh, your spirit, your light... it's the reason I get up every day, the reason I fight and keep going, the reason my fire won't ever truly burn out.
But when I see your sweet and fond smile directed at him... it breaks my heart to pieces.
I can't tell you, can't ever, can only try to let my actions speak for themselves, when I protect you with all my life - all my heart. And you know.
But you'll never be mine. I'll never be yours. What I do, everything I offer and sacrifice - it's only my duty after all, isn't it?
I'll never be your one. He's your one.
I feel torn apart when I am with you. All the more when I am without you - when you are with him.
And I can do nothing about it.
You chose him, forever.
I scream and shout at you. Challenging you- ..but it's really me I challenge...
You could never leave him. He's your soul mate, I am just your guardian. It's my job to be there for you..
Forever... just friends.
We laugh and fight together. We fight each another over the silliest things... it's the closest I can get to you.
I'll be always there for you - always and always. That's my promise to you.
You're my princess and I will protect you.
But you'll never be with me.
...even if you wanted to be.
It's another one of these restless nights. Pictures of you float in my mind. Always you. In joy. In pain. In hope and sorrow. I want to hold you, be there for you, be yours.
It's no use.
I get up and start pacing in my room without bothering to turn on the light. Beams of moonlight shine through the window's blinds, guiding my steps, protecting me.
Why, why can't I just shut you out? Why can't I ignore these feelings? Why are you always on my mind? In my heart?
I wished I could fool my heart to believe I did everything merely out of duty. I wish, I wouldn't love you so hopelessly.
I wished, that when you called me your best friend, I could feel I was just that and felt nothing more for you. I wished I could wish you felt nothing more for me.
I walk over to the window, open the blinds and window, take a shaky breath of autumn air and look up at the moon.
A perfectly shaped disk, surrounded by a soft platinum halo.
"I love you."
But like the moon, you are too far away. Not here. You can't hear me. You'll never hear my words, my confession...
And I'll always be like this. Bathing in your light, unable to touch you... It's better this way - isn't it?
You, my princess, are living your fairy tale - and I am not your prince.
I will always protect you as you will always watch over me...
'Happily ever after' -
while I kneel and bow my head before you... avoiding seeing how happy you are with- him.
I want to feel your head resting on my shoulder when you fall asleep during study lessons.
I want to hold you and feel you holding on to me.
I want to be the one to make you laugh and smile, to make you feel safe.
I long for you, your touch, as oblivious you are of its effect on me, as fleeting as it may be.
I long for your look, your gentle baby blue eyes meeting mine, making me feel like you know me... actually know my very soul, know the fires raging inside this shell.
I long for your warmth - not the physical one, but the one that floods through my veins with your simple presence.
How much I enjoy our little, pointless quarrels... as long as they mean I gained your undivided attention.
How much it means to me when you turn to me, out of all people, when you're in times of trouble, when you feel lost.
How much I know you fear to disappoint me...
How silly that is – you could never truly disappoint.
I need you to look me in the eyes and not say a word.
I need your rushed cheerful hugs to turn into shy gentle embraces when nobody's watching us.
I need... you.
I'll never leave you alone.
I'll never break your heart.
I'll never stop believing in you...
But when he calls, you'll always run into his arms.
It hurts so much, it burns and stings, I scream after you, call you bad names.
Fate. Soul mates. Duty.
There are some things not even the strongest and most passionate soldier can fight.
But I'll always fight for you.
Till my dying day. Or till eternity... -whatever comes first.
We'll always be friends. I'll always love you, and you love me.
But you'll never be my lover.
You're with him. You chose him. For destiny.
Tears stream down my cheeks, sparkling in the moonlight.
I lower my head, shiver against the cold breeze coming in and swallow hard against the cries of frustration, the anger, the pain building up in my throat.
I turn away from the window.
Moonlight now floats into my room through the wide open window.
I go over to my bed, look down at the cold sheets. My body is trembling slightly, goosebumps covering my skin, but emotionally I am numb. I curl up and wrap myself into my chilled blanket, shivering, yearning, starved for warmth.
And lonely, surrounded by your intangible glow, I cry myself to sleep.
'This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.'