Quieta non movere
Megurine Luka was programmed with a motherly instinct. Perhaps that was a good thing, because the two eldest Vocaloids were completely incompetent. Meiko was a drunk and teaspoons had greater IQs than Kaito.
If Megurine Luka hadn't been introduced to the Vocaloid family, it was not unfeasible to assume the family would have- eventually- destroyed itself.
Luka gave the family order.
She was calm, she was cool and she was collected; a motherly figure the other Vocaloids would all turn to in times of need.
In turn, Luka loved her fellow members of the Vocaloid family as though they were her real children- even if they did irritate her at times, and drove her to sighing and eye-rolling to such an extent it was a wonder her eyes hadn't fallen out of her head. True, Rin could be quite selfish, and eating Miku's cooking was a sure-fire way of expelling the contents of your stomach into the toilet bowl, but, despite their faults and flaws, Luka loved her family.
She loved her children.
She really, truly did.
And she wouldn't have traded them for the world.
Luka wasn't sure when it happened. Maybe it took one year. Maybe two. Perhaps three or four, five or six- seven eight nine ten?
Maybe it was more than that.
But after fifteen or so years of being alive Luka noticed a definite change in the members of her 'family'. Their appearances did not alter, but their mental ages seemed to.
Rin was no longer so insufferably annoying. Instead, contrary to her previous nature, she became quite sweet; even if she could be a bit tactless at times. Rin only poked fun at Len's unchanging, girlish features on rare occasions- and ever since the Kagamines had been redesigned for their append forms Len no longer looked all that 'girly' anyway.
Miku's cooking had gotten better. Miku was so very good at so very many things it was a little disconcerting, from playing the violin to dressmaking to producing food that didn't turn your stomach and make you sick.
Kaito had become more mature, his eyes world-weary. Meiko stopped drinking as much. Neru's words were less cruel, Haku's nature less brooding.
What had happened to Luka's family?
What… had happened to her children?
Even Yuki- the youngest Vocaloid, physically nine but mentally a young adult- wasn't a child anymore. Yuki didn't need anybody to read her bedtime stories; instead, her preferred choice of bedtime reading was Faust or Freud. That was probably Kiyoteru's doing.
They were all so mature now Luka hardly recognized them as her own family. Where were the petty squabbles, the loud rows, the tears and tantrums and violence? Luka had always pretended to hate conflict- but she had desired it too, in a strange way, because she was always able to keep level-headed in a crisis.
She was always the one her fellow family members turned to.
But they didn't need to turn to her for guidance anymore.
They'd all grown up so fast…
So impossibly fast.
Luka's beloved family were all virtual strangers now- and she hadn't even noticed it happening.
She hadn't noticed until it was too late.
The knowledge that she'd drifted apart from her family- that she was unneeded, unnecessary- came to Luka quite suddenly as she was sat at the breakfast table with Rin, Len, Miku and Kaito.
Rin had been poking fun at Len, as she was so prone to doing. Luka said, quite sharply, out of force of habit, 'don't pick on Len, Rin.'
Rin had blinked at Luka in surprise, her fork- the prongs skewered with bits of pancake- hovering by her mouth.
"I wasn't picking on him," said Rin, her voice incredulous. "I haven't picked on him for years. I'm not a child, Luka- I do put some thought into what I say!"
"Rin has become incredibly mature," said Len. "She even tidies her room up now… We just kidding around. Don't worry about it, okay, Luka? We can take care of ourselves."
Luka might have been imagining it, but could she hear… disdain in Rin and Len's voices?
They had been so reverent, so kind, so loving towards Luka before- but now they were looking at her with identical expressions of confusion. Their faces clearly read 'what is that stupid woman talking about?'
At that moment, Luka felt her heart constrict painfully in her chest.
The pancakes she had previously eaten (the pancakes made by Miku) felt like lead in Luka's stomach. It felt as though Luka's internal organs had been mixed around with a spoon.
The pain didn't get any better.
If anything, it grew worse.
Luka looked round at her laughing, talking family, all of them so wise, so mature… And Luka felt a stab of pain so intense it almost brought tears to her eyes.
She was excluded from this conversation.
They didn't want her help anymore.
They didn't want their advice.
She was their 'mother figure'- but they'd grown up now, and they didn't a mother figure at all.
They didn't need Luka.
"Wow! That's amazing!" said Miku- mentally thirty-three, physically forever a teenager.
Miku would never age.
"I know," said Tonarine Sai- mentally in her mid-thirties, and physically, too. Tonarine Sai was not a Vocaloid. Rather, she was a human singer who had, in her early years, modelled herself after the Vocaloids. Sai no longer wore those incredibly short shorts. Instead, she dressed conservatively, in flowing dresses and pants.
Sai was still beautiful, though, despite the wrinkles that had slowly started to form under her eyes. Sometimes, when Luka looked at aging humans, she felt jealous. They had physical signs to show their maturation and development- but Luka would never change.
And that wasn't the only reason why Luka envied Sai.
The main members of the Vocaloid family- Miku (of course), Rin, Len, Meiko, Kaito and Luka- were sat in Sai's living room. The pink-haired fauxloid was smiling, a hand pressed against her stomach in a protective manner.
A motherly manner.
She was pregnant.
She was going to have a baby.
All of Luka's children had grown up.
Unless Crypton released any new Vocaloids (that didn't seem likely, considering other companies like Internet Co. were saturating the market already) she would never be a mother again.
But Sai's baby would be completely dependent on Sai. The baby couldn't do anything for itself; the baby would give Sai a purpose; the baby couldn't survive without Tonarine Sai.
Sai was needed.
Sai was wanted.
Luka's maternal instincts bloomed into something sharp and spiky; something that made her insides clench and her heart hammer and her lungs constrict. Jealousy rushed through Luka, eating away her previous feelings for Tonarine Sai like the many sharp, jagged teeth of a hungry animal.
Sai could have a baby.
Luka could not. Her body was cold, metallic, unchanging- and she could not produce life. She would never hold a living, organic human being in her hands and feel the joy of motherhood; the joy of creation.
She had been born with a motherly instinct she could not use.
Luka was useless.
Rin and Len didn't need Luka to resolve their problems; they could do it for themselves. Miku didn't need Luka's help in the kitchen; she had long since passed the 'setting pots and pans on fire' stage. Yuki didn't need Luka to read her fairytales before she went to sleep.
What purpose did Megurine Luka serve?
And, all the while, Sai's stomach grew bigger and bigger.
So did Luka's jealousy.
"Aww!~ It's kicking!" Rin exclaimed, her fingers pressing against Sai's exposed stomach. "Come feel, Len! It's kicking!"
"That's amazing," said Len, smiling, as Rin grabbed hold of his wrist and splayed his fingers across Sai's stomach. "You must be so proud."
"I am~ I-it was a real surprise, but I'm happy," said Sai, smiling. Her face was dreamy. "I've always wanted to be a mother."
Luka's eyes narrowed.
So did I.
But your dreams will actually come true.
"Hn? What's the problem, Miss Megurine?" asked Master- not their real Master (he'd died a few years ago), but his son. His successor. Their new Master.
Luka sat in the familiar white chair facing her new Master. It was the same chair she'd sat in after she'd been created all those years ago; it was the same office where her old Master had told her who she was and what she was going to be.
"You're going to be a star."
But Luka had never been as popular as Miku.
Luka hadn't minded then- not really- because she had arguments between Rin and Len to dissolve and shopping trips she had to supervise to ensure Kaito didn't blow the weekly budget on ice-cream. Luka hadn't minded not being the most popular because she loved her family and they loved her.
She was their unofficial mother.
Their 'cool big sister'.
Not anymore, though.
"Don't worry about it, okay, Luka? We can take care of ourselves."
Luka's fingers curled into fists as memories- painful memories- ran through her head like the dizzying, swirling colors of a kaleidoscope. She felt sick. She was going to be sick.
She'd been feeling sick for a long, long time.
The words came out of Luka's mouth in a rush; vomiting sounds and syllables that left a bitter aftertaste on her tongue.
She sounded desperate.
Because she was.
And Luka couldn't even bring herself to hide it. Not anymore.
"I want to have a baby."
Master blinked at her surprise, obviously not expecting that- completely nonplussed.
He did the cruellest thing he could have done.
"What are you doing, Miku?"
"I'm practising a new song," said Miku, smiling, playing a few riffs of her guitar to demonstrate.
"Would you like me to help?" asked Luka.
"Nah." Miku beamed, tilted her head to one side. "I'm fine. I think a collaborative effort would mess up it, you know?"
"What are you doing, Rin, Len?"
"We're practising for our up-coming concert, Luka. Please don't disturb us, it's kind of important," said Rin, with her usual lack of tact.
"You could make us some tea if you want though," said Len.
"R-right…" Luka looked down at her feet. Sighed. "Of course…"
"Hey, Yuki-chan. What are you doing?"
"Don't call me that."
"Yuki-chan. I'm not a child. Would you address an adult like that? It's the exact same thing."
Luka gave a startled gasp- one she couldn't quite hide. It felt as though she'd been punched in the stomach.
"Look," said Yuki, closing her book and putting it to one side. "You can't pretend we're little kids anymore, Luka. Time moves on. We grew up. We don't need you babying us anymore. You have to accept that and move on."
Move on, move on.
That's what they all told her to do.
Time keeps going.
The clocks keep ticking.
Everybody grew up.
But Luka never did.
"How long until the baby's due, Sai?" asked Meiko.
Sai smiled. "About a month, the doctor said… It's a little uncomfortable, and I never realized what a pain stairs were before… but it's worth it!"
Luka clenched her fists together so tightly the knuckles cracked.
Nobody heard her.
Luka was sick and tired of people not hearing.
Couldn't they see she was falling apart?
Of course they couldn't.
Luka had never had any problems before; she was always the one who resolved conflict. Nobody knew what signs to spot when Luka was depressed; nobody could tell that Luka was upset.
They'd never bothered to look before.
Why start now?
"Luka, are you okay?"
Luka started. She looked up under her salmon pink bangs in alarm. Nobody had asked her that question in…
Nobody had asked her that question.
Gakupo stood over Luka, his brows drawn in an expression of worry.
He was worried.
"I'm fine," said Luka softly, shyly coiling a strand of hair round one finger. She'd never spoken to anybody about her feelings before- she felt a little shy, despite her cool outward persona. "I've just… been feeling a little depressed lately. Unneeded…"
"Hey, it's okay," said Gakupo, smiling, taking a seat beside Luka. "There are plenty of things you're good at."
"Like… being a rather amazing singer and an overall wonderful person?"
"Y-you… Really think I'm wonderful…?" asked Luka, her face flushing slightly, eyes widening.
Gakupo grinned. "I always have. You just never bothered to pay attention."
"G-gakupo, I… I…"
"And if there's something you want to do, I'm sure you can do it," said Gakupo. "You can do anything if you try- not matter how impossible it seems! I… I know it sounds a little cheesy… ahaha…" Gakupo gave a small, sheepish laugh. "But if you put your mind to it you can make miracles happen."
Could she really?
Was it possible?
Slowly, very slowly, an idea came to Luka.
She would have a baby.
Even if it killed her.
Or anybody else who dared stand in her way.
Red red red
Humans were so red inside.
Not like Vocaloids.
Vocaloids bled black. Engine oil. Unchanging. Pretty ice princess frozen for a hundred years; sleeping, always sleeping, but a kiss could never bring this princess out of her enchantment.
Maybe Luka wasn't a princess. She was beautiful, yes, but on the inside she wasn't flesh and bone and blood; she was cogs and wires and spinning wheels.
Luka bled black, when she remembered to bleed at all.
Luka wasn't a princess.
Princesses always got their happily ever afters.
She had to earn hers'.
The blade of Luka's knife (oops not her's, actually. She'd taken it from a drawer in Sai's kitchen- but she was sure Sai wouldn't mind) shimmered. The metal was smeared with redredred, drip-drip-dripping from the serrated edge and pooling on the carpet; blood dancing through the air in rivulets like rain water.
The mutilated body of Tonarine Sai lay on the carpet, like cold meat on a butcher's slab. Sai's mouth open in a frozen screamed. Her eyes were glazed. Flies could have crawled across those empty blue irises- laying eggs inside her skull, hatching out into carnivorous insects that fed on flesh and opened holes in her head to escape- and Sai wouldn't have blinked.
It was okay to borrow the bread knife, right?
Sai wouldn't mind.
Sai's stomach was cut open, her insides exposed for all to see. The intestines had been pulled out- and it had been more difficult than Luka thought (humans were surprisingly resilient; not at all soft or breakable). Sai really put up a fight when Luka pinned her to the floor, took the knife and began cutting-
But Sai soon stopped struggling when her anguished movements only made the knife dig deeper.
Sai was probably dead before Luka buried her fingers in the open cave of her insides and began to dig- but Luka wasn't sure. Maybe there had still been some life left in her, even as Luka sawed at the intestines with the bread knife and tried to pull them out in a messy of sticky, viscous fluid that stained the hands.
The internal organs didn't matter; they weren't what Luka wanted.
Where was the baby?
It wasn't Sai's baby anymore.
It was Luka's.
Removing the dead infant had been no small task. Luka had been careful not to hurt it- she didn't want to damage her baby, after all. She was going to be a good mother- so she'd taken another knife, a smaller one, to cut open the womb and sever the umbilical cord. Luka still snagged the baby with the edge of the knife, though- but it wasn't that bad. If it bled, it didn't make a difference. The baby had been alarmingly red, redredred all over like a monster in a horror movie smeared with gore- but Luka loved it all the same.
This baby would never grow up.
This baby would never leave her.
This baby would love her.
It didn't have a choice.
This baby was...
It reminded Luka of a song, an old song- unpopular, now, but it had been popular once. The Kagamines had sung it.
The baby was...
That was it.
And she wouldn't share it with anybody else.
Luka felt a little bad for leaving Sai like that; a cut-open corpse with wide-open eyes and a still-screaming mouth. It seemed a little undignified; and Sai's internal organs were strewn everywhere in a bloody mess. She was still bleeding even though she was dead.
Humans had so much blood.
Luka didn't hate Sai, not really. She wouldn't have done it if there was any other way- but there wasn't.
Sai had derived her fame from emulating the Vocaloids. It seemed only fair Luka- a Vocaloid- should want something in return.
That was fair, wasn't it?
That was perfectly normal.
Even so, Luka still felt a slight shudder run down her spine as Sai's cold, dead eyes stared at her.
In the end, Luka wasn't sure whether she closed them out of fear or reverence.
The baby was cold in Luka's arms. Its heavy head flopped forwards on an unsupported neck; its fingers were clenched in a strange state of rigor mortis; it wouldn't open its eyes.
It was red.
But Luka loved her baby all the same. Now it would be frozen not only physically, but mentally. It would not grow up, grow apart, and leave her like the others had done. No other woman would have loved a cold, dead baby (a corpse)- but Megurine Luka did.
All she needed to do was take the serrated knife and make an incision in her own stomach… And put the baby back where it belonged.
Then, it truly would be hers.
Luka would be a mother again, just as she'd been programmed to be.
Luka smiled a dreamy, far away smile as she took the serrated knife in one hand- her other still holding the floppy, lifeless baby to her breast.
She was going to make all her dreams come true.
a/n: What the fuck did I just write ;A;
-turns head to the side and vomits-
…Now that's all cleared up…
This is the most twisted thing I've ever written ;A;
But yeah, believe it or not it was based on a vocaloid song. I can't remember what it's called, but it features Miku singing about how Vocaloids can't have babies but she still wants one, only in that song she does get her wish and in this… Luka doesn't.
This is the song that inspired me:
http : / www . youtube . com / watch?v=urEnIx_PZsk&feature=channel_video_title
Actually, even though the song has a happy ending, the content is still fairly disturbing XD;
Don't hate me ;A;