Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Dragon Age, or Monty Python. They are owned by lucky sons of mabaris. However I do own a bag of manure and will not hesitate to fling it at any lawyer that approaches me.


"Reeepeeent! Reeeepeeeent! For the end is near!"

"Would you stop that?"

"Fine. Doom! DOOM! DOOOOM!"

"And that as well?"

"Fine. E-!"

"Enough!"

Hawke sighed while Fenris and Harry were squabbling behind him. Anders was beside Hawke, struggling not to laugh as Harry mocked Fenris about his broody attitude concerning life in general. Still, Hawke mused, Fenris had it coming at times with his rather prejudiced views on mages in general.

From what he gleaned from Fenris and was explained by Harry, Fenris was a slave of a Tevinter magister. According to Harry, mages in Tevinter were given free reign since its founding and were practically nobility, able to do anything they wished. Slavery was common practice there and were treated like the mages used slaves as fuel and ingredients for their experiments, especially in blood magic. Fenris was one of those experiments. His master, Denerius, had grafted pure lyrium into his skin, allowing the elf the ability to phase through objects at will. Despite the great ability, Fenris despised it as due to the pain, he had lost every memory he had before the procedure.

However, Fenris' views on mages often caused him to clash against Anders and Harry. His first conversation with Bethany was a disaster as it caused the poor girl to burst into tears of shame for being a mage. Harry had taken offense and slugged the elf, creating a fist fight between the two. The resulting fist fight was in Varric's words, a fight of the ages, as the two brawled their way through Kirkwall. They fell into Darktown, slugged their way into Lowtown, wrestled to the docks, threw each other all the way up into Hightown, careened into the Chantry, and fought their way into the Viscount's Keep. To most of the men, it was a grand old sight as the two threw every weapon imaginable and used every dirty tactic in an titanic clash to overwhelm each other. Crates were crushed, barrels bashed, stalls and vendors' wares were used in the battle. Even a passing chicken was used. Harry had grabbed it in Lowtown and used the poor animal as a club against Fenris. It was so much of a spectacle that the city guards and Templars were hard pressed to stop the fight due to the sheer destruction Fenris and Harry caused and the eager mob of spectators following the two, Varric and Isabela leading the mob. Seneschal Bran was pulled into the fight when he attempted (feebly) to stop the fight. The end result was the poor noble stuck in the middle of the two proud fighter as they attempted to bash each other with their perspective weapons (a pig's head and a shoe). It finally came to an end when with an audible blow using a ham hock, Harry smote Fenris across the temple on the stairs of the Viscount's Keep. The silence was deafening as Fenris' body slumped and he fell to the ground with an audible thud.

Aveline ordered the guards to arrest the two, much to the crowd's displeasure, and had thrown the two into separate cells. After a night, the two were released due to popular demand of the people who had viewed the two as heroes. Viscount Dumar had the two released and were both fined heavily. Still the story of "The Drunkard's Brawl" was repeatedly told by Varric to crowds of eager listeners many a night and had become a myth to the inhabitants of Kirkwall.

Currently the four of them were searching around the Wounded Coast for the viscount's missing son, Seamus. Said son had apparently befriended a Qunari and often wandered the coast with him.

"Boom! Shakalaka! Shazam!"

"What are you doing?" Fenris asked.

Harry gave Fenris an annoyed glare.

"You're brooding and your aura is contaminating everyone. I'm fighting it off. So be grateful!" Harry replied. "Now where was I? Oh right! Whoooooo-!"

"You are by far the most annoying mage I have ever had the displeasure of knowing." Fenris grated. "I despise you even more than that accursed abomination standing next to you."

"Thank you," Harry said. He turned to Anders who was snickering. "You owe me three silvers."

Anders nodded and turned to his pack. Inside the pack was a small kitten, staring at the mage with adorable eyes that made Anders melt at such cuteness and innocence.

"Serrah Meowser, will you fetch me my purse?"

"Meow."

"There's a good kitty."

Hawke groaned as he took another look at his group. Fenris and Harry bickering. Anders fawning over his new tabby, Serrah Meowser. He palmed his face while the bard snickered at Hawke's ire.

"Why can't I ever meet normal people?"

"Bit ironic you call yourself normal, Hawke," Varric replied, snickering at the glare Hawke passed his way.


As Hawke and Harry were rescuing the viscount's son, Bethany and her group were in Hightown searching for a job. Between their small group of rogues, warriors, and apostates, they had amassed an impressive amount of coin. Still it wasn't enough for Bartrand's expedition yet so they continued looking for work.

"Sebastian, stop this!"

Bethany turned to see an archer posting a job onto the Chantry board much to the distress of the mother next to him. Despite her caution with the Chantry, she approached the scene, listening in on the conversation.

"As one of the faithful, you cannot do this! The Chantry does not condone murder!"

"What happened to my family was murder! I cannot let this stand!" Sebastian replied coldly. "I will show these assassins that there is nowhere for these murderers to hide!"

The chantry mother ripped the page off the board as the archer walked away.

"Sebastian!"

Twang. Thud.

The chantry mother looked in shock at the arrow pinning the notice onto the board. The archer then left without a word, walking past Bethany. Bethany walked up to the Chantry board and took the notice, much to the displeasure of the mother. She read it aloud for the benefit of Merrill.

"Reward for the head of each Flint Company mercenary in the Kirkwall vicinity," Bethany read.

"The Flint Company?" Aveline asked. "Nasty bunch of cutthroats. They're one of the groups Jevan was bribed by. I'm sure no one will miss them."

"Why will no one miss them?" Merrill asked naively. "Is it because they're bad people?"

"Yes Merrill," Aveline replied.

"I'm sure no one will object to this job?" Bethany asked. "What do you think Carver?"

"It's a good job sister," Carver replied. "And hopefully an easy one."

"Isabela, what do you think?" Bethany asked.

"That archer lad. I wonder if he would purify me with his holy arrow?"

"ISABELA!"

"What? He is the strapping young lad," Isabela replied innocently. Bethany and Carver shook their heads while Aveline shot Isabela a disgusted look, muttering "whore" under her breath.

"How my brother is attracted to you is beyond me," Bethany muttered. "Let's just get going."


After retrieving the viscount's son to the Qunari, the five adventurers traveled up to the Wounded Coast due to a message simply from "A Friend".

"So we're traversing miles away from Kirkwall to an undisclosed location that no one except your friend knows about and you are not worried?" Varric asked Hawke. "This is a set-up if I ever saw one."

"Indeed, we could be targeted by mages at any time," Fenris stated, glancing at Anders. Anders saw his glare and frowned.

"Or templars more likely," Anders replied.

"Will you calm down," Harry commented. "Besides I doubt the templars would be this discreet. They would simply barge into the hovels we all live in with their shiny shields demanding us to be executed or Tranquil."

"Harry's right, it's either a band of mercenaries or just a person wanting to meet us here for a job," Hawke replied calmly. "I can already see someone waiting for us."

When the group came closer, the figure waiting for them turned out to be a templar. The templar stood up and waved at Hawke politely, ignoring the two obvious mages traveling with him.

"Serrah Hawke, last we met, you showed kindness to mages. I hope that you will do the same now," Thrask said.

"What do you mean?" Hawke asked.

"There is a group of apostates here in these caves. I wish for them to surrender peacefully but they have shown they attack Templars on sight. Though I had hoped to keep this civil, if Templar reinforcements come, it will be a blood bath," Thrask explained.

Hawke nodded. "Of course I'll help."

Thrask sighed in relief. "Then I wish you luck."

The five of them entered the cave. However it was not long until they were discovered by an apostate. The apostate quickly summoned the undead corpses using blood magic. Corpses of dead men holding rusted weapons quickly rushed at Hawke and the others. Fenris and Hawke smashed into the nearest clump of corpses, sending a couple flying. Fire and lightning from Anders and Harry caused the corpses to be blasted back or staggered. Arrows flew down upon the corpses like rain that caused corpses to be stuck to the ground, allowing them to be easy targets for Hawke and Fenris. Hawke quickly slew the blood mage, cleaving the apostate in half, dispelling the magic and allowing the corpses to finally rest.

They traversed further in to discover a large cavern where the apostates were hiding. They were huddled around a man who was imbuing some magic around his followers. As they got closer, the man realized that they were not alone and shouted in warning.

"They're here! The Templars have found us!"

Hawke held his hands up, trying to placate the apostate, Decimus. "We're not here to harm you. We just want to talk."

"He is," Anders said. "Calm down."

"Decimus, please calm down. They are not Templars," a woman near the elderly mage said. The mage shook his head stubbornly.

"They are the same, despite the differences in shield! We shall not go back to Circle where they fear us!" Decimus roared as magic swirled about him. "And if they try, the dead shall rise to fight them!"

Before anyone could react, Harry picked up a rock from the ground. He used magic to propel the stone at breakneck speed to the apostate. The stone hit Decimus in the crotch, causing the man to let off an ear-piercing shriek. Varric quickly shot an arrow, pinning the mage subduing the enchanter. However the blood magic that the mage had started was not finished. The magic literally drained the mage dry before letting Decimus' drained corpse fall to the ground.

Harry prodded the fallen body of Decimus, an apostate and a blood mage to boot. He shook his head at the fallen corpse.

"If mages really want to be free, using a power like blood-magic only strengthens the Templars' reasons for locking them up," Harry said sadly. "What do you think Hawke?"

"I thought it was incredibly easy to take down a blood mage," Hawke said neutrally. "Then again, a magically banished stone to the gonads would stop anyone."

"Quite the vile and evil tactic I might add," Varric piped up.

"Indeed. But nothing the magister did not deserve, I'm sure," Fenris replied.

"Something we can all agree, surprisingly," Anders said.

"Meow."

"Even Serrah Meowser thinks so as well," Anders said. "Aren't you a smart kitty?"

An apostate ran up to them and looked sadly at the corpse.

"Oh Decimus, why did you have to resort to blood magic," the apostate said ruefully. She then turned to Hawke.

"So what will you do to us now?"

"A templar by the name of Thrask is waiting outside for you to surrender. He gives his word that you shall not be harmed if you give yourselves up," Harry said.

The apostate shook her head. "And you believe him? As a fellow apostate yourself, you cannot believe the lies the templars spout."

"And as a mage, you should have known better than to resort to blood magic," Anders replied.

"Still she has a point," Hawke muttered. "If we do turn her in, despite Thrask's best intentions, the templars will indeed punish them severely. Kirkwall is not known to be gentle to mages."

"So what do you intend to do?" Fenris asked.

"We'll tell Thrask the truth. The blood mages died in the caves," Hawke said. Anders and Harry grinned whilst Fenris frowned.

"Is it right to be so lenient?" Fenris asked. "I doubt the mages would be so gentle if the tables were turned."

"These mages are fugitives from their Templar overlords," Harry said. "Is it so strange that they would fight for their freedom, much like you have against your own master?"

Fenris could not respond to Harry's question and sighed bitterly. "Then let us go, before I regret it."

The small party traversed through the cave's entrance where Thrask was waiting patiently with an apostate, Alain, who had surrendered himself to the templar's mercy. However Thrask was not alone. With him was another party of templars, led by an irate lieutenant. This templar that was not so pleased at the fact that Alain was the only apostate that Thrask had with him.

"Thrask, I know that you are soft on the mages! Maker help me, I will find these apostates and have them tranquil by the evening!" the templar raged. He then turned to Hawke and the others. "Who are you?"

"Who are we?"

Everyone turned to Harry who by some hidden art had managed to replace his normally subdued clothes to garishly bright red and gold robes, emblazoned with a very ornate symbol.

"I am Monsieur Guy Du Escargot of ze Lusignie family," Harry proclaimed in a very thick Orlesian accent. "We 'ave been ordered to Kirkwall by 'er Divine Grace from Orlais to 'elp with ze apostates running amock in zis pigsty of a city, you son of a silly person!"

"I beg your pardon!" Ser Kerras sputtered.

Hawke, Anders, and Varric struggled not to laugh as Harry continued with his ridiculous persona whilst insulting the templar.

"You 'eard me you Kirkwalling Pig-dogs! We 'ave killed all of ze apostates inside except for one 'oo fled out ze back!" Harry said. "Now run along before 'e gets away! Go and do your kiiinigit duties!"

"Who are you to speak to us so rudely?" Kerras demanded.

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction. Your muzzer was a hamster and your father smelt of ELDERBERRIES!"

"How dare you-!"

"Now go away before I taunt you a second time!"

"Despite the insults, we need to move if we're going to catch the apostate," Thrask said diplomatically.

Ser Kerras grit his teeth but nodded. "I thank you for your assistance."

As the templars left, Harry continued to lay insults to the templars, blowing a ridiculous raspberry in between outrageous insults. Hawke and Varric were gasping for breath, leaning against the cave entrance. Fenris had an amused smile on his face while looking down on Anders. Anders was crying in laughter, thrashing on the ground in merriment.

"I cannot believe that worked."

Harry turned to see the young mage that had tried to persuade Decimus to leave. She turned to Harry with amazed eyes.

"To think that you would be the people to help us, I thank the Maker," she said. She handed Harry her staff. "Please take it as a token of my thanks."

"Where will you go?" Harry asked.

"Somewhere far from Kirkwall. Hopefully Ferelden. I hear that their tower is much more accommodating due to the damage the Blight has done to the lands," she said.

Harry nodded and smiled at the young apostate. "Be safe."

As the apostate and her companions left the cave, Hawke and the rest left. Unfortunately, Anders was in such hysterical laughter, Hawke and Fenris had to drag the Warden halfway to Kirkwall before Anders could get a hold of himself.


That evening the whole gang aside from Aveline were at the Hanged Man exchanging stories and having a friendly drink after a hard day's work. It had become a ritual for everyone in Lowtown and Darktown ever since Harry had induced the "Happy Hour" special with drinks half off at sundown.

As Harry and Bethany served drinks and talked with patrons, the rest of their group hanged out near the bar. Varric was entertaining another group of semi-sober customers with outlandish tales of people and sights within Kirkwall. Anders was currently talking with Merrill about the dangers of blood magic but unfortunately not making any headway at all with convincing the young Keeper. Carver and Fenris were exchanging old war stories over a pint of Harry's famous brew. Hawke and Isabela were shamelessly flirting with each other, much to the envy of many of the men within the bar. Harry chuckled at the stares Isabela received as she purposefully spilled a pint of beer over her chest. The sensuous moan of the beer soaking her chest made every man in the bar freeze and gape at Isabela.

Well aside from Harry due to Bethany smacking the apostate with a very solid mug.

As the evening went around, the Ferelden musicians that frequently played music in the bar started playing a cheery song that brought a smile to Bethany's place.

"I love this song!" Bethany exclaimed. "I used to dance to this back in Lothering!"

"Well what's stopping you from dancing?"

Before Bethany could speak, Harry pulled the barmaid out from behind the bar and started dancing with her to the music in the middle of the tavern. Though she was initially surprised, Bethany laughed in delight as Harry and her danced to the music. Soon other people began to dance, mostly Fereldens. Other people in the bar began to clap in sync with the song.

For Bethany it was one of those precious memories she would cherish for her life. Although Harry wasn't a dancer, what he lacked in skill, Harry made up for in sheer emotion. No matter how often they spun, twirled, or dipped, she could always see Harry's eyes on her. They glowed with energy, flashed with happiness, and were dark with longing. She could feel his gaze on her body and it thrilled her more than any magic could. It clouded her mind yet cleared her senses as she could feel Harry's rough yet gentle hands lightly held her hands as she danced. Her ears could hear their hearts beating rapidly. His smell of pinewood and wheat filled the air. She could even taste the sweat as they danced. It was exhilarating and frightening. She felt as if she could lose herself in the dance and yet did not fear it. Her breath hitched as Harry pulled her in close.

"Had fun Bethany?"

Bethany panted and blinked, a tad confused. It took her a moment to realize that the song was done and that everyone in the bar was staring at them. She blushed a deep red and gave Harry and embarrassed smile.

"I did. Thank you, Harry."

Harry returned her smile. Bethany could not help but look deeper into his eyes, marveling at the emotion she saw. Happiness, longing, fear, lust, excitement, and many more, but above all, she could sense his love for her. In his eyes, she could see that she was more than just Hawke's sibling. Or an apostate. Or Carver's twin. Even more than a pretty face. She was Bethany in Harry's eyes.

"OI! Kiss him already you daft idiot!"

Bethany did not question the command and roughly grabbed Harry's head, kissing him with all of her being. She could feel Harry stiffen in surprise but soon wrapped his hands around her body, pulling her into him, even more. She could faintly hear the cheers of the whistling of the patrons around them. But she didn't care. She only cared that it was Harry and her finally together.

And it was good.


Whoo! Long time since I updated and I apologize for that. Bio 2 in the summer class really kicks a person's arse!

Anyway, as always, PLEASE REVIEW!

Peace! Oso1991