Pirate Penguin vs Ninja Chicken: The Ultimately Awesome Battles of DOOM!

By Dr MilkyWay

Ninja Chicken was enjoying himself reading a newspaper while making himself breakfast.

While he was reading an article about the scientific possibility of 2+2=5, his orange juice spilled. At an amazingly quick speed, he grabbed his cup and used it to catch the orange juice in the cup.

Having finished off the orange juice, he sat back down in his seat.


Pirate Penguin came out from behind the fridge, laughing his head off.

"Hah! Ninja Chicken, you fell for oldest 46-year-old joke there is: Whoopee Cushion!" said Pirate Penguin.

Ninja Chicken looked under his seat.

"PP, there's no whoopee cushion under my seat, and I didn't fart. And knowing that you don't even own a Whoopee Cushion, that means-"

"Nevermind that, do I need to tell you why I pranked you?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Because you can?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"The other reason."

"I'm guessing you held the calendar upside down and think it's Pranksgiving," said Ninja Chicken.

"Nope! I was getting revenge on you for losing that race to I bet on you!" said Pirate Penguin. "I lost my pirate hat! How do you lose to something as slow as a turtle?"

"For one, you broke my leg on the day before that race by dropping one of the bricks you were juggling, two, that was Turbo Turtle who's famous for being fast, and three, you've got a baker's half dozen of pirate hats in your closet so I don't see why you're complaining," said Ninja Chicken.

"I'm complaining because that was my eleventh most lucky hat! Not only was it lucky, but it had a cool skull on it!" said Pirate Penguin.

"All your hats have skulls on them," said Ninja Chicken.

"Well, I still liked that hat!" said Pirate Penguin.

"So what if you lost it? You have tons of others! What are you going to do, chop my arm off?" asked Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin took his sword.

"As a matter of factliness-"

As he tried to chop Ninja Chicken's arm off, the sword broke in half against his arm.

"You're a robot! Or possibly a cyborg!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Nope! Just a ninja that can chop swords in half at the speed of light. It's one of our secret powers. Now let me eat my breakfast. If it'll make you happy, I'll play a board game with you or something afterwards," said Ninja Chicken.

"I don't want to play a bored game! Hah, word play. I'm so clever. Of course since the words sound alike, you won't get it. Maybe if I wrote it out?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"It's not that hard to figure out, I get it," said Ninja Chicken.

"Anyway, what if we played something else. No, forget playing, I'm a pirate and you're a ninja! We should be fighting each other in mortal combat!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Every fight we've ever been in ends in either me winning or a tie with both of us tuckering out. What makes you think this will be different?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"You'll see. Now just let me suspiciously walk over to the garage and I'll get our weapons," said Pirate Penguin.

Suspicious walk! Suspicious walk!

Later, Ninja Chicken saw water coming from under the garage door.

"Hmmm, I better check this out," said Ninja Chicken.

Ninja Chicken opened the garage door and a huge wave swept him up.

"What happened?" asked Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin walked in from the garage, completely drenched.

"You turned our splashy ammunition loose, that's what!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Water? Ammunition? Does this mean-"

"Yes. Get your swimming Ninja Pajamas on NC, because for round one of my brawl of revenge, we're having a Squirt Gun battle!" said Pirate Penguin.

"A Squirt Gun battle? I expected something like your sword versus my ninja skills. Is that really what you want to fight with?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Yes! Yus! Yes times three!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Alright, just let me finish my breakfa-"

Just then, Pirate Penguin jumped in front of Ninja Chicken and stuck his Squirt Gun in his face.

"Unless, you're making me pancakes, we're fighting first, or I will soak you here and now," said Pirate Penguin.

Ninja Chicken grabbed his Squirt Gun.

"Alright PP, you have a reason to fight me, to get revenge for a hat you don't need, and now I have a reason to fight you: to get breakfast sooner," said Ninja Chicken a he loaded his Squirt Gun. "You're on."