Naruto's 4th Return to RAW


Nadda is mine.

-Diva's Locker Room-

Sakura wanders in, but every Diva is hiding in fear

Sakura: Let me guess, Naruto did something stupid in here didn't he?

Layla (fearfully): Khar-

Sakura: What? Car? Naruto vandalized someone's car?

Melina: Just saying her name is considered a death wish…!

Brie: She's been terrorizing us for the past several weeks.

Nikki: Some say she's the embodiment of Leviathan himself…! We're even lucky to be alive at this point!

Sakura (now annoyed): WELL WHO IS IT?

Eve (terrified): KHARMA!

(Kelly Kelly faints)


Sakura: I'm gonna tame that gorilla TONIGHT!


Sasuke and The Miz bump into one another. The Miz and Sasuke end up in a anime-like stare down

Sasuke (annoyed): Got something to say to me dunce?


Sasuke (annoyed): Naruto has better material than you!

Pan to a fire background where Sasuke and The Miz are chibi and glaring angrily at one another. Then walk away bitterly

Sasuke: Loser…

The Miz: Jackass…

(They turn around in anger)

Sasuke & The Miz (extremely angry): WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!

(Pans to an empty room for about a few seconds as fighting and Sasuke yelling is heard. Sasuke walks away and adjusts his ninja headband)

Sasuke (quietly, scoffs): What a loser…

-The Green Room-

Edge and Naruto are cooking up something devious as usual. Edge is actually wearing his Ninja sensei gear (similar to what Iruka wears)

Edge: -Vickie never saw it coming!

Naruto: I still don't know how she found my place to begin with…?

Edge: And not to mention as to her coming into the Ninja Academy and basically humiliating me! I was teaching the Genin when she came in!

Naruto: I'm lucky if I'll be able to pay rent this month!

(they glare at each other deviously and then laugh deviously)


King: Michael Cole isn't here to enjoy it, thanks to the restraining order I put on him until Over The Limit!

J.R.: King, I know you're a Narutard at heart, but don't you think that he's gone too far in his pranks?

King: …Let me think about that, J.R.?

(brief pause)

Josh & King: Nope!

Kakashi: You'll have to at least forgive him, J.R.; Naruto likes to be an instigator.

J.R.: There's a fine line between an instigator and an antagonist and that's what Naruto is, an antagonist. But anyway, we're LIVE in Phoenix, Arizona where almost 54,000,000 fans are in attendance tonight.

Lying Eyes (Cody Rhodes' new track) blares in the arena as the crowd boos loudly as his assistants come in with the dreaded paper bags. Cody is dressed in a corporate suit and he's bitter (when isn't he by now)

Kakashi (dryly): Oh, what a joy this is gonna be…

Josh: The mentally disturbed Cody Rhodes in the ring right now asking for a mic…

Kakashi (dryly): I'm sure it will be a blast…

Cody: …I'm sure you all would love nothing more than to bask in the spotlight with the idiot in orange by name of Naruto Uzumaki-

(crowd cheers)


(crowd boos)

Cody: You've all worship the ground that idiot walks on like he's a god! Meanwhile, you continue to repulse me and treat me like a monster!

Kakashi (sarcastically) I wonder why that is…

Cody: And this is all Rey Mysterio's fault!

(Crowd boos)

Kakashi: Somehow I knew he would go there…

Josh: No kidding…

Cody: Like Rey Mysterio, Kakashi wears a mask to hide his shame!

J.R.: Give me a break!

Kakashi: What he needs is a therapist… or at least get locked up somewhere far away…

Cody: Assistants! Assist me in handing these paper bags to everyone-

The crowd takes the paper bags, only a few wear them and Cody soon leaves.

Kakashi (dryly): Doesn't he have anything better to do?

-Later, Melina vs. "The Glamazon" Beth Phoenix-

King: So what's your take on these Divas, Kakashi? Beth Phoenix was eying you up earlier.

Kakashi: Why am I not surprised…?

(a loud chop is heard as the crowd responds with a WOO!)

Naruto: What is this? "Retarded Ghost" Country?

(A/N: that's the name he gave Ric Flair)

Sasuke: Zip it! Dunce…

Edge: I'm inclined to agree with Naruto!

(A savage scream is heard by Melina)

Josh: The Last Call!

Ref: 1! 2! 3!

(end match bell, Paparazzi blares in the arena)

Justin Roberts: The winner of the match, MELINA!

Naruto: Damn, she's got some powerful lungs!

Sasuke: As if she could be any louder!

(That evil wicked laugh is heard all over the RAW ZONE as Kharma comes out!)

(A/N: I say this as a concerned person, this woman is a monster! Kharma is gonna end up killing somebody in WWE one day! What the hell was Vince McMahon thinking when he hired her?)

Sasuke (terrified): what the hell…?

Naruto (peed his pants in terror): Is that even a woman…?

Edge: oh… my… God…

(Melina is in a doll like trance, even Beth Phoenix is terrified and she's one of the toughest women I know of, that's saying something)

Sasuke (thinking, terrified): Is this what it's like to stare death in the face? If she's out here any longer; I'll go insane…!

Kakashi: Sasuke!

(Sasuke gulps in fear)

Kakashi: If I have to, I'll protect these people! All of them!

(Sakura comes out and punches Kharma in the face, to no avail. Meanwhile, Melina and Beth manage to escape)


Sakura is paralyzed with fear as Kharma uses that sick move on Sakura. Then the wicked laugh is heard as Kharma leaves, satisfied with the destruction she caused

Josh: Wonder if Broly's currently single?

King: They'd make a perfect match, they're both psychopaths.

-The next morning, El Paso, Texas, Vickie's House-

(door bell rings)

Vickie answers it and it's Naruto (using his infamous Sexy Jutsu) is standing in the doorway (don't worry, the bits and pieces are covered with a very thick steam)

Fem-Naruto (sultry like): Hi, Vickie. Like my Justsu?

(Vickie screams in horror as Naruto changed back and laughs at her terror)

Naruto: That's for what happened in Kohona!

Edge: Liked what you see?

(Vickie screams and cries in horror)