Stephenie Meyer owns allthings Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
Story is non-cannon and rated for mature audiences only


Bella lost her heart the day Edward abandoned her in the forest.
The remnants of her tattered soul crumbled the day Jacob turned his back on her.
With nothing left to give, can she survive in the world knowing of the supernatural?

Chapter 1


The wind whipped at my face as I stood looking over the edge of the cliff. All the heartbreak becoming too much to bear. 'Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore.' First my forever left me, now my sun. What's the point in sticking around? I have nothing left. 'Don't do anything reckless or stupid… I'm thinking of Charlie, of course.'

Charlie. A sudden pang of guilt rushed through me at the thought of leaving Charlie. After all, none of this was his fault. He was a good Dad and I couldn't be more thankful that I had the chance to build a relationship with him. Nevertheless, had HE not left me, I'd be going away soon anyway. Besides, how could I go home to him and tell him yet again his daughter was undesirable? By his best friends son no less? No, I couldn't put him through the zombie stage again. If anything, he deserved better.

Such a failure… Oh great, now I have three voices in my head. It was bad enough with just HIS. No, now I get HIS, Jacob's and my own little imaginary friend. Maybe they're all right. Maybe I'm not worth it. 'You ARE worth it' Jasper couldn't have been more wrong. Obviously I wasn't. I have nothing to offer any of them. I thought my heart, my devotion and dedication to their family would be enough. But no, I should have known better. How could I be worth it when I'm nothing but a mere human? Nope, not worth it, not good enough at all. 'You're not good for me, Bella.'

That heartbreak was enough to tear a hole right through my chest. Had it not been for Jacob, I think I'd still be a mere shell of myself. Jacob. My best friend, my sun, my savior. He's finally figured out what I've been trying to tell him. I'm not good for him. He deserves better. They all do…

With that thought, I closed my eyes and jumped. The fall was peaceful. I had no reason to scream, nothing to fear. It's an amazing feeling, not feeling anything but peace. Then all too quickly, the bitter cold of the icy water took over my body. I felt my muscles seize. My lungs constricted and I had to fight my instinct to swim. I wasn't there to survive; I knew that before I jumped. The icy depths of the ocean were meant to be my final resting place.


My gift was going fuckin' nuts. Flashes of a hot little brunette in such despair kept flashing through my mind. It was getting ridiculous. I couldn't even hunt brunettes anymore. Char looked at me with worry in her eyes. "That's it! I'm done with this shit Char. I can't do it. We've gotta figure out what my gift wants me to do!" She gave me a sympathetic smile. "Maybe we should call the Major. I know we hate the pixie bitch but she might be able to help"

Sadly, I had to agree with Char. I was at my wits end with this shit. No one should be plagued like this. "Fine. I'll call him." Truth be told, I missed the Major. He hadn't been home in years and it was all due to the fuckin' munchkin he called a wife. He was blinded by pussy, though I can't figure out why. He could have a million different vampire women and he picks one that looks like a Disney fairy? Fuck that shit. My women need to actually look like women.

The phone rang and rang. I actually expected to go to voicemail. "Peter." Some fuckin' greeting. "Major." I replied just as tersely. Fucker. I loved the man like a brother but there is no need to be a fuckin' asshole. "What do you want Peter, I'm kinda busy over here." Char glared at the phone. I have a feeling my expression matched hers perfectly. "Fuck Jasper I didn't realize I'd be disturbing you. Why don't you give me a call when the Major decides he wants to talk to his family. We'll be here." I didn't give him a chance to respond before I crushed the phone.

"Has she really poisoned him that much? He couldn't even take time to talk to his own brother?" My mate sobbed into my shoulder. "I know Char. I know. But there's nothing we can do. We tried and he won't listen. He'll come around again eventually." We had tried warning him about the pixie bitch, but obviously I didn't work. Like I said, he was blinded by the pussy. "I just don't know where to go from here now Char. These flashes are going to drive me fuckin' insane if they don't stop." I swear if vampires could have headaches, I'd have a migraine.

"Maybe we could find her. She's the key I'm sure hun. We just need to figure out where she is and go find her." My mate suggested and I did agree, but where to find her. As if she could read my mind she continued. "I mean, come on… it can't be too hard to find one simple human. Can you describe the surroundings?" Char grabbed her sketchpad and charcoal.

"She's standing at the top of a cliff looking out over a body of water. It's gotta be the ocean the way the waves are crashing along the rocks. The wind is blowing and the sky looks overcast. She has tears in her eyes, looking completely broken. Behind her are trees… pine trees." Char sketched the scenery quickly. "Ok hun; now tell me more about the girl." I closed my eyes as I recalled the lost girl. "Her hair is a rich brown color, falling to her mid back. She's thin, too thin for her frame. Her face is heart shaped and drawn in sorrow. Her eyes… God Char her eyes look haunted. They are a deep brown but contain nothing but emptiness." She held up the drawing. As usual, my mate had sketched the scene perfectly.

I nodded indicating my approval. "Oh Peter, she looks awful! Just miserable. I haven't seen misery like that since… since Maria." "I know sugar, even if my gift wasn't driving me fuckin' crazy, I'd have to find her." We studied the drawing a bit but not making any progress. "Char, ya think we could maybe find something on the internet? See if we can find a general area? I mean, we've gotta start somewhere." She nodded and grabbed our laptop.

Three hours later I was more than pleased with my mate's crazy tech skills. "Well, it looks like Washington is the right area." She grinned up at me. I focused on my gift for a bit and BAM I got another flash. I grabbed Char and laid one hell of a kiss on her. "You are one amazing woman!" She pulled me close to her kissing me back. "Not that I'm complaining, but I assume you got another clue?" Kissing down her neck to her collarbone, slowly removing her shirt I answered her. "Yep. I know where we're going now… but first… I want you."


We were in yet another family meeting. The emotions flying through the room were thick and starting to wear on me. "I don't see why we're discussing this anymore! He made his choice. She's his mate. It's his place to make those decisions. We should respect that." My wife practically yelled for the fourth time this week. I couldn't get a full read on her emotions, which honestly wasn't something odd for us. You'd think after so many years together I'd be completely in tune with her. For whatever reason I'd always had a hard time reading her.

"What I don't get Alice is how you can just follow directions like that. She was your best friend. You of all people should want to know how she's doing without us. Whether or not she's moved on with her life." Rosalie spoke through gritted teeth. Now that woman had some emotions. I know most thought she was heartless and cold but Rose had more passion in her than any vampire I've ever met. Alice glared at Rose in an attempt to intimidate my dear sister. She should know by now that Rose is not one who can be intimidated easily. Hell, she held her own against me and I'm the God of War!

"Of course I want to know how she's doing but I refuse to go against Edward's wishes!" She looked to Esme now. "I love Bella as much as anyone here Esme, but I'm sorry. I won't betray Edward. Keep in mind his feelings. Back me up here Jazz. You know he was right to leave her." My wife looked at me pleadingly. Did I agree with her? No not entirely. I felt awful for what I did to Bella, but leaving her unprotected with knowledge of our world? No that I could not support.

"I'm sorry Alice, but I don't think he was right at all. In fact, I'm just as worried as Esme when it comes to Bella. Not to mention our whole family. We are all at risk. If the Volturi discovered what we've done, we'll all be punished. I don't get how you and Edward cannot see that." She glared at me and went to open her mouth just as my phone rang. Thank God, I thought to myself. I took my leave, heading to my study before answering the call.

"Peter" I answered in a brusque tone. "Major." He said just as rough. I knew I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on Peter, but he called at a really fucking bad time. "What do you want Peter, I'm kinda busy over here." I answered. I needed this call to end and fast. The emotions from the dining room were almost too much to bear. "Fuck Jasper I didn't realize I'd be disturbing you. Why don't you give me a call when the Major decides he wants to talk to his family. We'll be here." The line went dead. He fucking hung up on me! I didn't get a chance to stir in my own anger too long before I felt wave after wave of jealousy. That's an odd feeling to have during the family meeting…

When I arrived back in the dining room Alice had the faraway look indicating she was having a vision. The whole family had stopped to watch her. Esme was being comforted by Carlisle while Emmett held Rose back away from Alice. That's when I noticed her emotions went from jealousy to elation and relief. What the fuck did she see?

"Language Jasper." Esme scolded softly. Oh, I must have said that aloud. "Well Alice, what did you see?" Carlisle asked in a tired, almost resigned voice. Alice just shook her head and stared into my eyes. I could tell she was trying to get her emotions in check. "What are you hiding Alice? Why are you trying to control your emotions? What did you see?" She glared at me a moment longer before answering.

"Not that any of you have taken the time to think about him, but the vision was about Edward. He's in misery. Shacked up in some run down one room apartment somewhere warm." Ok, so she had a vision of Edward that spurred those emotions? No, I don't fucking think so. "You're hiding something Alice." At this point, everyone in the room focused on her, their emotions raging once again.


When we left that sniveling human in Forks I thought it was over. I thought our futures were secure. Something changed. I don't know what, or who made the decision, but it changed nonetheless. Our family had been having these 'meetings' every day for the past month. Carlisle and Esme missed their 'daughter'. Emmett and Rose wanted their sister back. Jasper was being overrun with everyone's emotions. It was awful. No one was happy. Carlisle hadn't even started working yet. Edward took off to escape 'the memories'. At least that's what we told the family. In reality, he was at our little getaway home, waiting for me.

We were in the midst of yet another argument on whether or not I should look into Bella's future. It was everyone against me. How in the hell did I lose control so easily? I needed Edward here to help manipulate things, but no… He had to escape to keep up appearances. Even Jasper had turned against me. I was about to rip him a new one when his damned phone rang. Lucky moron got off easily. I'd been controlling him for so long. He'd do anything for me. He was the perfect companion. Mate? Fuck no. That'd be Edward. However, I did enjoy having Jasper around for several reasons. Edward didn't mind, it let him have his fun with the humans. The Cullen's were so easily manipulated. Everyone thought Carlisle was head of this coven but really, it was Edward and I.

Jasper had retreated to his study to take his call. He'd only been gone a few minutes when I was sucked into another vision.


Bella was standing on the front porch of a traditional farm house, staring out across a large meadow. The area was surrounded by vast snow capped mountains. The sun was just peaking above the horizon. Her skin was sparking like a vampire's. Two strong arms circled around her waist, pulling her close to him.

His skin sparkled as well, but a bit differently. The reflection was broken in spots. Much like Jasper's when he's in the sun. JASPER? Could it be? Could he really be with her?

"It's beautiful here." She whispered to her companion. "Not as beautiful as you darlin'." He kissed her neck. "I think you may be delusional Major."


That useless fucking human! Always ruining my plans! How did this happen? I thought we took care of everything! Victoria was to return and finish her off. She should be dead by now! Not fucking making plans to spend eternity with MY Jasper. I was raging as I was pulled into yet another vision.


Bella stood on the edge of a cliff. She seemed broken. Her body was much smaller than when I had last looked in on her. She'd lost weight and looked exhausted. A sudden look of determination crossed her face. She held her arms out wide and jumped head first into the ocean.


Her future disappeared. Everything went black. I looked for Jasper's but his was fuzzy. I couldn't get a good reading on his future, but at least it wasn't with her. I could work with that. Everything would be just fine. Bella Swan was dead and my life was perfect.