"Section Chief Strauss, it appears people have been writing stories about us on the internet. We have been exploring them to see if they contain any threats to security, but so far have found none that are noteworthy," said Hotch calmly, the rest looked at him in relief, not wanting to face down the dragon of the BAU. As it was, they were glad she never had a gun on her, if she did then bye bye Unit Chief.
"I would have thought the Bureau would have been made aware of this immediately," snapped Strauss.
"With all do respect ma'am, some of these stories are rather personal," interjected Emily.
"Regardless of personal information, the Bureau must be notified so we can get those trained to handle breaches of security."
"There is no breach of security that we have came across so far. These writers seem more interested in us as people, not the Bureau itself," countered Hotch.
"Do you have any evidence to back up these claims Agent Hotchner?"
"Indeed I do. JJ bring up one containing the Section Chief," ordered Hotch.
"Erin, you have no idea what you've just done," said Rossi, his lips twitching as he fought the smile that so badly wanted to appear.
Erin felt the cool steel rub against her skin. The lingerie never prevented the chill that it created, but as lust filled eyes surveyed her, she never cared. She had stopped caring a long time ago. Clutching onto the pole, she shimmied down it, the eyes following her every move.
"Will I get fired if I ask you to come over here?" asked Anderson, from his position splayed on the bed.
"Depends how you ask it Agent," she whispered seductively, spinning slightly round the pole.
"Ma'am please come over here, I need you," replied Anderson huskily.
"Well I cannot let my Agents wait, can I?"
"Agent Jareau, is this your idea of a joke?" Her cheeks were a faint pink, but her eyes were blazing.
"Of course not Ma'am, there are ones containing all of us in equally compromising positions," replied JJ, looking for another story.
"But JJ, did you really have to put that one up, those were images I never needed," complained Rossi, his eyes glimmering with amusement.
"Agent Rossi you did not need to comment," snapped Strauss.
"Believe me Erin, I needed to," grinned Rossi.
"Agent Jareau, find one with Agent Rossi. I believe someone is in need of a taste of his own medicine," ordered Strauss, glaring at the Media Liaison.
Dave looked up as he heard happy chatter come up from the hall, They were back earlier than he had anticipated. Sure enough, Emily popped her head round the kitchen door.
"Are you just up?" she asked, motioning to his pyjama clad form, and the fact that bacon was sizzling in the grill.
"The perks of retirement honey," Dave grinned at the outraged look that passed over her face.
"Just because your retired does not make you allergic to mornings!"
"See what you've done now! Don't mention the 'M' word, I'll have broken out in a rash by tonight!" exclaimed Dave.
"Oh shut up!" laughed Emily, slapping him on the arm, "Do you want to go to the park this afternoon then with Jessica? I have to write up some case reports, and she's just getting changed just now so you have," Emily glanced at her watch, "Approximately ten minutes to get ready."
Standing up, Dave ignored her, instead ambling over to the grill. Checking to see the bacon was well done, he turned it off, happy that he had prevented an explosion - his first wife never let him live that one down - he scooped the meat onto a plate, before grabbing the toast he had made earlier.
"Dave, why aren't you answering me?"
Sitting back down, he grabbed the newspaper and a pen - he had been doing the crossword before they had came back - and wrote:
'You told me to shut up.'
"With intelligence like that it is easy to see how you are one of the world''s foremost experts on profiling," said Emily, sarcastically.
"Because that's as bad as you pole dancing, Erin!" scoffed Rossi.
"Actually I would say being married to you is a fate worse than death, but I think that's just me and every woman you've ever met," joked Emily.
"This is enough, get back to work now! I shall direct this," Strauss looked at the website name, "fanfiction to our Technical Analysts to investigate further."
As she left, the team exchanged relieved glances. That pole dancing story must have really rattled her. Then again, it rattled anyone who could picture it, and Emily personally felt it outranked any crime scene she had ever seen.
Not wanting to tempt fate, they shut the site down, before getting back to work. It was going to be a slow day, and as the minutes passed Emily tried hard not to fall asleep (she had even considered taping her eyes open, but decided she liked having eyelashes so that wasn't an option). Somewhere between writing up the Warner case, and dreaming of food she remembered she still had her sandwich. For such a small thing, the grin that spread over her face at this was just idiotic, but she was hungry, and bored so refused to care that she was getting weird looks.
Rummaging through her bag, she retrieved her sandwich and the bottle of orange juice - if she at least got one of her five-a-day she was happy, but as it was the sandwich had lettuce, and so technically she was having two and so the chocolate bar she pulled out after that was totally justified and not indulgent in anyway. Digging in, she looked around, surprised to see that she had been the only one that was working. Both Reid and Morgan were glued to their screens... wait was Morgan drooling! No she did not want to know what he was reading. Grinning to herself, she looked at the clock. With an hour to kill she did have time. Pulling up the word document, she put her sandwich to the side and began to type. Part of her wondered if her co-workers would read this and trace it back to her - how would anyone else know their reactions as well as she did? - but, with reviewers waiting for another chapter, she couldn't bring herself to care.
A/N: Thank you for the feedback! I want to emphasis again that I am just making these extracts up, there are most likely stories like these on the site, but all of this has came from my twisted mind. That said I am worried about where the Strauss one came from *shudder* images like that were never meant to be created! Anyhoo, before I bore you any longer I just want to thank those who reviewed, favourited and alerted this story. Also a huge thank you to those who suggested scenarios and pairings, I generally just stick to H/P so those suggestions were invaluable - although, no offence to any fans of this pairing, I wish I had never known Reid/Foyet existed.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I have Hotch back... is it possible for someone to get free from handcuffs and duct tape?
I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter.