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Summary: Jasper Whitlock spent his high school years being tormented by Edward Cullen. When their paths cross again years later, could the boy he once hated become the man he loves?
High school paves the way for what we'll become. Who you are in high school is who you'll continue to be for the rest of your life. This is my world.
I am Edward Cullen, and I rule Forks High. No one dares compare themselves to me – the son of Carlisle Cullen, Chief of Medicine at Forks General, and Esme Cullen, interior designer and socialite extraordinaire. No one can throw a party like my mother – any occasion put together by her is always the talk of the town. My parents are both respected and envied by their peers, and it is a tradition I plan to uphold.
At Forks High, the masses are divided into your typical diverse groups: the popular and the losers. We are known as the elite and the rejects. As the leader of the elite, my name is on every tongue; I am the most wanted, the most feared, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
The rejects are a constant issue for me. They all want to be a part of the elite, hanging around and kissing our asses. The only good thing about them is that they make such easy prey. It's unbelievable! All you have to do is fuck with them, and they go crawling back to wherever they came from.
This is my frontier, and I've succeeded in showing them exactly what we think of them in this school. There is still one that continues to test my patience, but he will crack eventually. No one defeats Edward Cullen.
Of all the rejects, he is the one who pisses me off the most. He dresses like a dork from head to toe, including wearing the same pair of black cowboy boots every day. Some days, his excuse for clothing even has paint plastered all over it from his art class. And he always has sappy emo music blaring out of through those cheap headphones he wears, trying to look cool.
Doesn't he know that the only purpose he serves in his miserable "trailer-trash" life is to kiss our asses? And even then, he should be thankful we the elite, have bestowed such an honor upon him.
Instead, he acts as if we don't exist. This freak thinks he's better than us. I know everything about his ass, unfortunately. I know he lives with his mother and little sister Rosalie, in a trailer and even that he prefers dicks over chicks. His sister goes to school here – but where else would she go? This dreary little town doesn't exactly have a lot to offer. I can't wait to leave. On the other hand, tormenting Jasper keeps me entertained for the time being.
What sucks the most is that even when I try, I cannot seem to escape him. Not only is he in every one of my advanced classes, but he also never misses a day of school, and I get to hear James girlfriend Victoria complain about her art teacher 'Ms. Connor' singing his praises in art class. Even when I catch a break from his appearance at football practice, pep rallies, and our parties, as a new day rolls around and I pull up in my Aston Martin, I'm greeted with the sight of fucking Whitlock sitting on that piece of shit dirt bike as soon as I step out of my car.
James, Mike, Tyler and I have made it our duty to teach Jasper a lesson every day. These lessons vary daily – from rumors to various pranks, such as keeping him out of his locker, tripping him in the hall, and hiding his clothes after gym. We know we're being dicks, but fuck him for ignoring us.
"Breathe, Jasper, just breathe. It won't be long now, it's almost over."
I repeat this mantra every day as I get dressed for school. My life isn't easy. I live in a trailer park with my mother and little sister, Rosalie. The old man bailed on us a long time ago, and it's just been me and the girls ever since. Mom does what she can for us, but Rosalie and I promise ourselves each day that the first chance we have to get out of here, we're gonna make the most of it.
My aspiration is to become a doctor. But Rosalie thinks I should be an artist because of my love for it, but I know I have to be the man of the household and take care of my girls. I know it will be damn near impossible to achieve my goal, but I have to be determined because my girls are depending on me to make it.
Rosalie is a manic for cars. She can fix just about anything under the hood and she dreams of becoming a mechanic and running her own auto shop. She is the one responsible for my dirt bike and ensuring it runs. It was her birthday present to me. She took it off some kid's hands when he was taking it to the junkyard.
"Are you through yet, Jas?" Rose always complains whenever I use her for my sketches, but will later praise the completed work.
"Hold still and shut up," I snap.
"Don't tell me to shut up," she snaps back.
"Shut up," I command, cocking an eyebrow at her.
"Hey, listen, I'm not one of your little boyfriends. Okay, lover boy?" she scolds. "I'll kick your scrawny ass."
Knowing her, I decide on the calmer route. "Alright, but hold still. I'm almost finished."
Rosalie has known since day one that I'm gay. I hadn't even finished coming out to Mom before Rosie jumped in and blurted out, "You're gay, right? Can you pass the cheese?"
Mom and I just stared at her in shock before bursting into laughter. It still took mom a while before she could stand the jokes Rosalie threw my way. She even cracked a smile every now and then. I asked her one day how she felt about her boy being gay, and she merely asked, "Are you happy?" I told her yes, and she said, "Then I'm happy."
"Finished now?" Rosalie whines.
I smile at her. "Yep, no whining required."
"Can I see it?" she asks, ignoring my comment.
"Fine." I turn it around and wait for her reaction.
Hearing her gasp in surprise, I know it's good.
"Rosalie, Happy Birthday," I say, giving her the biggest hug I can.
I don't have the money to get her the gifts that she deserves, but my art is the next best thing.
I have been drawing since I was seven years old. The world always seems like a better place through my sketches, and sharing them with my family makes me happy.
At school, my favorite class is art. It's the one place I am free of Edward Cullen and his minions. In my world, I can make them whatever I want them to be. But today is a special day. It's my baby sister's sixteenth birthday and I refuse to let thoughts of those chicken shits ruin the day. I'll deal with their ridicule tomorrow. Today is about Rosalie.
"It's so beautiful, Jasper." She hugs me and I feel her tears on my shoulders. "Is this how you see me?"
The painting is of Rosie sitting in a meadow amongst a variety of flowers, with the sun about to set, bringing a fiery glow to her beautiful blonde hair.
"Yes, I thought it would be befitting of you today." I shrug. "You never see yourself as others see you."
"Thank you, Jasper," she says as she wipes her tears. "Now come on, let me dye back your hair – the blonde is coming through."
I have blonde hair like my mother and sister, but I started dyeing it brown the beginning of senior year. I thought it was time for a new look. I had hoped it would signify a change, but that hasn't happened.
My ex-boyfriend Peter thought it was a great color on me and that it brought out my eyes. I still miss him, but he wanted try other things. Girls, specifically.
When he told me he wanted to end our relationship, I was devastated. But deep down, I knew it wouldn't last as we had too much going against us. The most threatening thing was that he's best friends with Edward Cullen. Imagine my surprise when I ran into Peter at one of my favorite haunts in Port Angeles. He approached me, and we got to talking, laughing and even kissing later that night. I could talk to Peter. I could be myself around him, and he never judged me. It hurts to see him now so wrapped up with the elite, posing with his arm candy, Charlotte.
I wonder at times how much she knows about Peter. Does she know how much he enjoys having his cock in my mouth and my dick up his ass? Or that he loves getting a hand job in a dark theatre? I wonder how she would react to hearing about the time I fucked his tight little ass in the bathroom at the movie theatre because he couldn't wait until we got back to his house.
But seeing them together now, I realize how much they deserve each other. They're both so deluded. Her, for not seeing how uninterested he is, and him, for taking everything from me and giving hardly anything in return. Peter was happy with everything else in our relationship, except for being in public with me where anyone knew us. In Port Angeles, when it was convenient for him, I was his boyfriend. In Forks, we were strangers.
But I refuse to dwell on the past. I have more important things to think about, like my goals, and surviving another day of bullying from Cullen.
Heading to school this morning, I prepared myself as I do every other day for what will no doubt be another torturous day at the hands of the elite.
Edward Cullen has been on me since we started high school. He sees himself as God in this place, and with Mommy and Daddy's money, he can get away with anything he wants. For four fucking years he has been on my ass, and now I share all of his classes. I can't escape him.
Every fucking prank Edward and his friends pull, I know is his idea. Mike, Tyler and James never make a move without his say so. The only person I can exclude from this is Peter. Whenever they corner me, whether it's to knock my books from my hands, push me into the lockers or trip me in the hall, Peter never engages. He only stands there with a sad expression.
"Mr. Whitlock, are you still with us?" Ms. Connor, our art teacher asks, jolting me back from my thoughts.
"Students, I have an opportunity for you. A prominent art gallery would like to put one of your portraits on display as a part of their 'Youth with Promise' charity event. A representative from the gallery will be here to help me pick the winner, and the lucky student will have his or her painting displayed and will be offered a scholarship to study at the Art Institute of Seattle. So, students, I would like to see your best work – something from the heart, something that stands out to you."
After Ms. Connor mentions the art project and the scholarship, I can't help but think this might be the chance of a lifetime for me. I know I still want to be a doctor, but this may well help me get noticed for my art.
I slowly walk out of school, thinking about the project and what I can do, not paying attention to my surroundings. I look up just in time to see a milkshake coming toward me, but it's too late to dodge it. It lands right in my face, soaking my hair and staining my favorite Metallica t-shirt. Before I can move from the spot, Edward drives through a puddle, splashing me and further soaking my clothes.
Breathe, Jasper. Just breathe.
I see Jasper heading out through the doors and an opportunity to entertain myself. Jessica has been going on and on about shit, and I have to do something to pep myself up.
Jessica only serves two purposes to me. One: sucking my cock, and two: letting me fuck her whenever and wherever. So seeing him coming out gives me a great way to both shut Jessica up and alleviate my boredom. I put her to work while I watch Jasper.
Seeing him up close, I'm struck with the familiar feeling I get whenever I see Peter and him together in Port Angeles, but I push it aside. No one except Peter knows I have such feelings, and I plan to keep it that way. However, between the moments I see them together at the club, or the times I have him pinned against a locker, I get to admire how beautiful his eyes are. They're the deepest blue I have ever seen. Having these feelings towards Jasper only makes me hate him even more.
Sitting here in my car watching Jessica bob her mouth up and down my cock, I think of Jasper, and strangely enough, my parents. They don't know anything about my sexual preference, and I know one day I will have to share that, but not now. I cringe when I think about the reaction I'll get from them. It's sure to be a devastating blow to Esme's social standing and Carlisle's conservative reputation.
Realizing that Jessica's blow job is doing very little for me, I continue to think about the one person that can make me come. I'm disgusted with myself for it, but only Jasper invokes these feelings in me. Looking down at Jessica, I replace her dead eyes with his deep blue ones, closing my eyes and letting the fantasy take me there. In my mind, I picture how good it would feel to fuck his mouth. I imagine weaving my fingers through his hair, holding his head still, and thrusting my hard cock between his full lips. Before I know it, I'm coming hard down Jessica's throat. I drop her off without a word and speed home. In my room, I think about Jasper and Peter's relationship. Peter really wanted to date him, but I put a stop to it. I told Peter all the things I knew would have him running scared so he'd end things with Jasper. I knew I would see him with Charlotte on his arm before the week was out. And that's exactly what happened.
Charlotte had been pining away for Peter ever since he broke it off with her. He shared his reasons with me, telling me how he knew he was gay, and how hard it was for him to even perform with Charlotte without thinking of a hard body against his. But the day I went over to his house looking to escape mine and hang out, I found out whose body he really wanted.
Seeing them together on the dance floor of my favorite club in Port Angeles was the hardest. Jasper had his hands planted on Peter's hips from behind, guiding his movements. I watched as Jasper pulled Peter's head back, kissing him forcefully. They looked so damn hot together out there, grinding against one another. I had to take a guy out back and have him suck me off, shooting my load down his throat while picturing Jasper on his knees in front of me.
I can't have Jasper affecting my fantasies the way he affects other aspects of my life, so their relationship had to end. Next thing you know Peter would have wanted him to come hang with us, but I feared that my feelings toward Jasper would have become known and I couldn't let that happen.
Today is the day the winner is going to be announced for the art project. I can't wait to get to school. Rosalie jumps on the back of my bike, and we ride together with her laughing at me almost all the way. When we get there, she wishes me good luck and heads off to class.
I never told her and Mom that my entry for the competition was of them. I want it to be a surprise if I win. They're the thing closest to my heart. My girls.
When I get to the art room, there's a crowd standing inside, which is strange since most people have never had an interest in what we do in class before.
I push my way through the crowd and feel every single eye on me before I come face-to-face with Ms. Connor.
"Oh, Jasper, I am so very sorry. I got here this morning and found it like this. I don't know how it happened, but I intend to find out." I glance at her, noticing the sadness in her eyes.
But it pales in comparison to the horror before me.
Someone has destroyed my painting. My favorite portrait has been ripped apart and spray painted with the words "whores" and "trailer trash" written across Mom's and Rosalie's faces.
Why would anyone do such a thing?
I hear the whispers behind me, but they mean nothing. I have to get out of here.
I vaguely hear Ms. Connor's voice calling to me as I run down the hall to the bathroom, but I can't stop. When I get there, I stand over the sink, taking shallow breaths and clenching my fists. I know who did it. I know who is responsible. Edward Cullen.
I make it to the toilet just in time for my breakfast to make a reappearance.
"Well, well, what's this?"
No. No. No. Not now.
I get up and walk calmly over to the sink, rinsing my mouth out.
"What is it? Spam not agreeing with your stomach?"
For the first time in four years, I finally do something I swore I would never do.
"What is your problem with me, Edward?" I stare straight into his hateful eyes. "What have I ever done to you?"
"Really? That's your big answer?" I scoff.
I know I'm walking a fine line, but at the moment, I couldn't care less.
"All through high school you've been on my ass. You hound me every fucking day. What's the matter, sweetie? You like me or something?" I bat my eyelashes at him. He is getting more and more pissed off by the second, but I can't stop now. I don't want to.
"Fuck you, bitch," he growls. "I can have any and every ass in this fucking school, and I don't swing that way."
"Screw you! I'm nobody's bitch, unlike you and your fucking followers. What? Because I don't have to kiss Mommy and Daddy's asses to get what I want, I don't belong?"
I hear the door closing and his friends gasp, and realize I just got more volunteers for my personal beat down.
"Get the fuck out of my face," he snarls.
I see the fire in his eyes, telling me he means business. I decide in that moment to do what they want. I'll walk away from all this. He fucking won.
I step around him, making my way to the door.
"Tell me something, Jasper." He grabs a hold of my arm and halts my movement. "Is little sis ripe yet? 'Cause I can't wait for a ride."
All I see is red. Before he can say another thing, I attack him. I punch him right in the face, clocking him in his eye before he hits me in the gut and again in my right eye.
James and Mike are on me in a second, but at first they can't get a good grip on me. I am on Edward again, shoving him into the wall, before they pull me off.
I try to get out of their grasps, but they're too strong and hold on tight. Edward hits me again in the stomach, causing me to double over in pain. He grabs my hair, pulling it out of the ponytail. He grasps it forcefully, accepting a pair of scissors from James, which he takes and cuts my hair.
He butchers my hair, cutting the sides really short and leaving only the middle untouched.
"There you go." He looks so fucking smug. "Now you look like the bitch you are."
They drop me, and with another swift kick to the gut, they leave me there on the cold floor.
I stumble home, shocking my mother with my appearance. She demands to know what happened, but I can't tell her. Instead, I lie and say I was mugged.
Rosalie knows the truth but never says a word. She just holds me as I cry and tell her everything, eventually falling asleep in her lap. When I wake, she washes and fixes my hair. She shaves the sides shorter, wrapping the middle in a band and encouraging me that it's a good look.
I stay home for three days before heading back to school. I keep expecting Mom to say something, but she never does. I know that Rosalie told her the truth, but I'm not going to let this stop me. I have to do this for my girls. I know I'll leave Forks and exist in a world where Edward Cullen is nothing but a distant memory.
I end up graduating with honors and a full ride to UW. Walking across that stage to the cheers of my girls is the best thing ever. I turn, giving them a fist pump, to see Peter standing and applauding.
While everyone throws their hats in the air, I have my arms around my girls, ready to start a new chapter away from this place.
If I never see Edward Cullen again, it will be too soon.
Twelve years later
After leaving Forks High, I got a full ride to Dartmouth. I was just as popular in college as I was in Forks, but it most certainly wasn't high school. I studied hard and chased my goal of following in my father's footsteps and becoming a physician. Being away from Forks and in college finally made it easy for me to be comfortable with a lot of things, especially my sexuality. I gave up on the misconception I fed to others that I favored the fairer sex and came out to my parents. It wasn't the easiest thing for them to accept, and we've had our share of arguments over it.
When I met Seth, I was still the same cocky bastard I was in high school – I suppose I still am at times. But Seth changed me. He showed me what love could be like. He taught me a lot about myself and how skewed my vision of the world was. His love and understanding made me realize some of the mistakes I made and how much I had hurt people. I am more humble with success now. I guess I have him to thank for that.
Seth and I dated for seven years, and when we went our separate ways, I was devastated. I fucked around a lot, trying to ease the emptiness and pain I felt. It was my first real relationship, and I'd never felt that way before.
By the time my internship ended, I was already quite successful professionally. I moved through my residency just as quickly, and in no time, I was named chief resident in the ER of University of Washington Medical Center. I still loved the popularity and attention my job and my family offers me for my success, but I'm much more subdued than the boy I was in Forks.
The group I was a part of in high school, fell apart over the years. Looking back, I can see we were never true friends anyway. I lost contact with Mike and James. I can't tell you what became of Jessica or Victoria. I can only tell you about Peter, as we still talk every once in a while. He came out to his parents after college, and they took it just as badly as my parents had, but unlike me, only his mother has chosen to accept him. When Peter first contacted me, I was surprised, but he needed a friend, and I understood what he was going through. But despite his dad's rejection, he is happy and in a committed relationship with his partner of ten years, Riley.
This week has been brutal for me at the hospital. I feel like I've hardly left. After my last shift finally ends, I get the chance to head over to the diner for some "much-needed" food. Dr. Swan – Bella – has been working the same hours I have, so we finish at the same time, except she is heading home. She reminds me of my promise to have dinner with her and her partner, Alice, over the weekend. All I want to do is sleep.
After I bid her goodbye, she drives off. I make my way inside the diner and over to Dr. Weber's table. Emmett, Jacob and Ben are with her.
"Thought you weren't coming, Cullen," Angela says. She is my "no-nonsense" colleague, who I get a kick out of irritating.
"I always come. Thanks for asking," I tell her, earning a smack.
"I always do." I wiggle my eyebrows at her.
Everyone starts talking. Apparently there's a new guy starting in our department tomorrow. He's some hotshot who comes highly recommended by Aro Volturi, one of the most prominent surgeons in our field. I roll my eyes. I've been too busy with patients to worry about some new guy. Whoever he is, he'll have to go through me to get anywhere in my hospital.
It's good to be back in Seattle. I miss it here, and I've missed my girls.
Rosalie has been running her own auto shop for five years now, and together, we bought Mom a nice home out in Tacoma.
I am overjoyed about this transfer to University of Washington Medical Center from Northwestern Memorial in Illinois so I can be closer to my family. Aro told me I'll be working under his brother Dr. Marcus Volturi, and the one and only Dr. Carlisle Cullen.
Hearing that name draws up some unpleasant memories for me. Just the mention of it, and I think of his spoiled brat of a son. But it all means nothing to me now.
This morning I'm heading over to the hospital to meet the staff before I officially start my rotation on Monday. I hope it'll be a great learning experience, and maybe I'll make a few new friends. It hurts to think about Chicago and all I left behind.
Mostly I think about my ex, Demetri.
Demetri and I were together for almost five years. I loved him with all my heart. But he wanted something else or should I say, someone else more than me.
Demetri was a writer who wrote articles for the Chicago Tribune while working on getting his book published. I supported him wholeheartedly when he quit his job to focus solely on his writing. He even moved in with me and used the time and space to write.
I loved him and thought that tonight would've been perfect to propose to him. So I stopped off and picked up some Chinese and his ring from the jeweler which was engraved with our initials in the band and made my way home. When I got there, I made a beeline for the kitchen to set the food down. He wasn't sitting in his spot in the living room, working on the sofa. I checked my office, thinking maybe he had changed location. Maybe he needed the desk, but when I came up empty, I decided to try the bedroom. What I came upon in the room has forever scarred my mind.
The man who I wanted to spend my life with, the man I loved more than anything – was there before me on our bed with someone else pounding his ass while he begged for more.
I could do nothing but stand and stare. The shock kept me grounded to the spot.
I still remember the look of shock on his face when our eyes met. How he stopped his lover and made his way off the bed and over to me. I knew he was speaking, but the words weren't registering. I closed my eyes to get my bearings; I felt like the world was spinning out of control.
The moment Demetri touched me, it jolted my attention back to him. I turned and walked back to the kitchen, grabbing my keys and heading for the door. I had to leave. I could hear him begging me to stay and forgive him, but it meant nothing. I walked out of my apartment and Demetri's life that day.
Spending the weekend thinking about my past has been cathartic. And now that Monday is here, I walk in the hospital and notice all eyes are on me. A group of girls waiting for care, I presume, put on their best show to get my attention. I know they don't stand a chance unless they have a hard body and a "rock-hard" cock with a nice ass waiting for me to fuck, but there's no need to make their hard work go to waste. I smirk in their direction, earning a round of sighs and whispers. I went over to the front desk, noticing a young woman with long, wavy brown hair and a lab coat behind it.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Whitlock and I'm looking for the chief resident. Can you help me?" I ask, holding my hand out for a handshake.
"Ah yes, we've been expecting you, Dr. Whitlock. ER rotation before the OR, right?"
"Well, I'm Dr. Swan; nice to meet you. Our chief resident is a little busy, but I have a moment. Let's get you situated."
I've had back-to-back patients all morning and not enough time to even take a breath. I finally get a chance to relax and head to the break room for some coffee. My path to the coffeemaker is blocked by a small group, adding to my frustration.
Emmett's standing there with Angela, Bella and another man whose back is to me. All I want is my coffee. Emmett, sensing my distress, is nice enough to pour me a cup, while the girls laugh at something the stranger says.
Standing there, I take a quick moment to admire this fine specimen in front of me – at least from behind.
He has a nice, hard frame with his slacks hugging his muscular legs. His brown hair is swept up in a ponytail with the sides cut low. Could this be the resident we were waiting to meet? If so, I would follow that ass around all day long.
"Here you go, Edward," Emmett says, handing me the cup. The stranger's shoulders stiffen at the mention of my name.
Bella speaks up. "Dr. Cullen, let me introduce you to our newest addition. This is Dr. Whitlock."
Seemingly unaware of my shock, Bella continues talking. "He just got here, and I've been showing him around. I was just about to come and get you before letting him jump in."
I can't believe it. Jasper Whitlock is standing front of me.
He's the hotshot doctor that everyone has been gossiping about? The resident who comes highly recommended from Dr. Aro Volturi himself?
So many questions run through my head. I'm not the same person I used to be in high school. I've changed.
Besides, I am sure he's forgotten all about that. We're grown men now.
I extend my hand in courtesy to him. "Dr. Cullen, chief resident."
"Dr. Jasper Whitlock." His grip is firm. His eyes hold a cold stare. If looks could kill, I would dead right now.
He releases my hand as fast as he'd taken it, turning back to Angela, Bella and Emmett, and continues chatting as though I'm not here.
I guess he remembers after all.
Over the next few weeks, I watch Jasper at work with patients and the staff. His bedside manner with patients is impressive, and the charm he lays on the staff is fascinating to see. But this isn't the way he treats me when we work together – or even we're in the same room. Around me, he gets cold and calculated. His words are sharp and to the point. At first, I think nothing of it and just see it as him being professional and trying to impress me with his strong work ethic. But every time I see him with other members of the staff, he is happy, charming and carefree.
The more he ignores me, the more I want to get his attention. He's really come into his own over the years. That lanky kid is now a hot guy with hard, lean muscles and broad shoulders. I've taken a few opportunities to stare at his ass in the locker room before he throws his lab coat on. Each day that passes, I become more and more smitten with him, but each cold look he throws my way makes me regret the way I maliciously treated him all those years ago.
I need to get it off my chest and apologize to him for it. I know it's a few years too late, but I think if he hears my sincerity he may forgive me so we can move on.
"Here you go, Mrs. Cope, now remember, take two of these twice a day. Okay?"Jasper says.
I stand by the door for a second just to admire him.
Mrs. Cope is a regular and often I'm the one treating her, but watching Jasper with her pulls at something deep inside me, a sense of admiration.
"Dr. Cullen, dear, hello," Mrs. Cope says, making Jasper aware of my presence.
I smile as I walk into the room. "Hi, Mrs. Cope. How are you?"
"Much better now that I have this fine young man helping me."
Jasper looks nervous as he graciously accepts Mrs. Cope's compliment. I like the way his cheeks flush when he's embarrassed. Together, we finish with Mrs. Cope and walk into the hallway.
It's awkward, but I need to get this off my chest. "I was about get some coffee. Would you care to join me, Dr. Whitlock?" I look in his direction, noticing his cold gaze. "We have something to discuss."
He looks stunned. "I don't think –"
"Listen, Jasper, I'd like to talk to you about what happened between us back in high school."
"We have nothing to talk about, Edward."
"I think we do."
"I have to get back to work." He tries to pass me, but I hold on to his arm.
He pulls it out off my grasp. "Don't fucking touch me!" he "whisper-yells" to avoid making a scene.
"What's your problem?"
"As long as you stay away from me, I'll be fine," he growls. "We get in, we do our jobs, and I complete my rotation and head up to the OR. We stay out of each other's way, and that's it."
I am stunned silent by his request. He's really thought this out.
"Do you really still hate me?" I whisper. It's hard to admit that his hatred towards me has burned me. "Is this because of high school? I'm so sorry."
"You're sorry?" he laughs. "For what? What are you sorry for?"
"For fucking with my life for four fucking years?" he says angrily. "For making my high school experience the most miserable time of my life? The name calling, the pranks, destroying my opportunity for a scholarship? What exactly?" his voice is now raised and attracting attention.
"Can we just talk?" I try to shuffle him into an empty room, but he resists.
"Pick one Edward. Tell me what you're most sorry for." His eyes burn into mine. "Go on, I'm waiting."
What can I say? I did all those things to him. I had set out to ruin him, and apparently I did.
"Jasper, I was an asshole." He scoffs. I ignore him and continue. "What I did to you is unforgivable, I know, but I am terribly sorry. I was insecure, but I've changed."
"Changed?" He's not buying it. "Changed into what? More of an asshole?"
"I deserve anything you want to say or do to me." I really want him to see how I am now, as opposed to how I was. "I was inconsiderate to you and your sister, and it was without reason. I shouldn't have been that way to you; it was wrong."
"It was fucking torture going there every day and facing your smug face."
"Don't you fucking say you're sorry, because I don't believe one word. You may have these people fooled with your little act, but I'm not one of them." He's right there in my face now. "I know the real Edward Cullen – the spoiled brat who loves it when everyone bows down and worships him."
"You don't know anything about me," I snarl because I know he sees someone different than who I truly am.
"See, that's the Edward I know." He shakes his head smugly. "Listen here, Cullen, I'm here to work and want nothing to do with you. You stay out of my way and I'll stay out yours. Understand?"
"But, Jasper, I…"
"Stay away from me, Cullen." He storms off, leaving me there.
I try to talk to him, but Jasper continues to avoid me every day, and like he said, we only communicate when necessary. Every time I see him, I'm reminded of how horribly I acted when I was younger, and I wish there were a way to fix what I've done.
Last week, Emmett even noticed there was something bothering me and asked if it had anything to do with Jasper. I guess our feud, or really, his refusal to talk to me, hasn't gone unnoticed.
Emmett is more perceptive than most people give him credit for. I trust him, but most of all, I just need to hear someone else's objective opinion that I'm not going crazy. It seems all I've thought about since he arrived is Jasper.
I need to get this off my chest. I want to know how I can get Jasper to talk to me. As I'm about to ask Emmett, Jasper walks into the cafeteria. I watch his happy eyes search the room, but when they land on me, they become hard.
"Hey, Edward, what's up?" Emmett asks, waving his hand in front of me, bringing me out of my thoughts. He follows my eyes. "You like him, don't you?"
"I shouldn't," I answer. "He'll never feel the same for me."
"Come on, a hot guy like you? Hell, if I batted for the other team, you would be first on my list." Emmett wiggles his eyebrows, and I can't help but laugh.
"Trust me, when you know what I've done, you won't be so forgiving." He nods, beckoning me to go on. "Jasper and I went to high school together. I was a snotty bastard who thought the sun rose and set on my ass. I was mean to any and everyone who didn't fit into my circle of friends. The elite. Jasper was a part of the rejects."
I keep my eyes on the table while answering, ashamed. "It's what we called those who weren't like us."
"I envied him, Emmett. He was so different."
Emmett starts laughing at me then.
"I'm serious. I envied him. He lived in a trailer park while I had everything, but he was free to be who he really was, and I wasn't. There was this guy, Peter. He's my childhood friend. I knew he was gay, but he wasn't out. And when I found out he was dating Jasper, I made him end it even though I knew he was in love with him. I told him all the right shit to scare him into dumping Jasper. I hadn't come out to my parents yet, and seeing them out there together made me jealous and pissed off that I had to hide who I was while Jasper got to be out there without judgment, and with the reputation I had to uphold, I feared to pursue it discreetly. Because if it came out that I was gay, I would've been ruined."
"So you told Jasper this?"
I can't answer right away. I'm too ashamed. But I know I have to.
"I got Peter to move on to Charlotte, even though he was gay, but it didn't faze Jasper. He was still the same. I finally got his attention when we destroyed a painting he'd done of his mom and sister. Emmett, I was such a fool back then, and by the time I learned how to be better, we were nowhere near one another. When he showed up as the resident here, I felt threatened by him and then jealous when I saw how kind he was to all of you and how cold he was with me. I foolishly thought maybe he had forgiven and forgotten about those horrible things but he hasn't. He very much remembers, Emmett, and he hasn't forgiven me one bit." I look up into Emmett eyes, waiting for his response.
"Look, Edward, what you did, it's bad, it's almost unforgiveable. If I'd known you then, I wouldn't have hesitated to beat your preppy ass up. But I think if you apologize for all of it, and let him know the reason behind your actions, then maybe he'd consider it."
"I tried, but he refuses to talk to me. He told me to stay away from him unless it's about patients' treatments."
"You have to push him. He needs to know the truth behind it all."
I hung my head. "I know."
He stood to leave. "Get it done."
The rest of the day is rough. There was a "multiple car" collision, and the ER has been on high alert waiting to receive the patients.
Finally, the patients are starting to arrive. I am assigned a mom and her "ten year old" daughter. The mom has a broken arm and minor abrasions, but the little girl's injuries are much more serious. She's bleeding from the ears, has a nasty gash on the forehead, and is vomiting, which is sign of possible internal bleeding. I ask Dr. Swan to call the OR so we can get her into surgery. We spend as long as we can on the little girl until Jasper comes rushing through the doors, wanting an update. I run through my prognosis while we both rush her to the OR. I don't want to leave her; she's so small and helpless.
I watch Marcus, Jasper and the rest of the team work on her as long as they can, but in the end, they lose her. I'm crushed.
I wait for Jasper by the doors for the news to report back to her mother, even though I know what that news will be. When he finally comes through the doors, his face softens. I can only imagine the look of remorse on my face over the lost of the little girl. He then did something completely unexpected by lightly punching my arm and saying, "I'm sorry, Cullen. Let me help you do it." We both walk off in the direction of the OR's waiting room to tell the mother the sad news.
When our shift ends, Emmett, Bella, Angela, and I meet up at a bar for a drink. After a hard day like this one, we need it.
I know I'm drinking too much, but I don't give a fuck. I can still hear the mother's scream when Jasper told her about her daughter, and I think it'll haunt me forever.
"Hey, man, you made it." I look up to see who Emmett is addressing, only to come face-to-face with Jasper.
"Pull up a seat and have a drink, we fucking need it." Emmett says.
Emmett orders another shots from the bartender and passes one to Jasper, while I knock back mine, slamming the glass down. I notice Jasper sitting next to me on the other stool, but he says nothing to me.
I have to leave. I can't be around Jasper and have him ignore me.
I know where I'm heading with my drinking, and even though I want to get "piss-poor" drunk by the end of the night, it makes no sense to wrap my car around a light post in the process.
"Listen, I gotta go," I tell them, staggering off my stool. "I'm going home."
Emmett catches me. "Hey, Jasper, do you think you can give Cullen here a ride? I live in the other direction."
"I'm perfectly capable of finding my way home on my own." I accidentally stumble into Jasper's arm. Being this close to him, I take the time to openly admire his eyes. "Wow! Your eyes are really pretty."
I hear chuckling behind us and realize I said that out loud.
"Why, thank you." He smirks at me, and it's a huge fucking turn on.
"I love when you do that." I chuckle. Since the floodgates are open…
Emmett saves me. "Okay, Jasper, I think you need to get him home before he wants to bear your children."
Jasper helps me walk even though I'm fine on my own. "Come on, Edward, let's get you home."
He helps me into his car after making me promise to let him know if I want to hurl.
"I can hold my liquor," I say as I hiccup.
I rattle off my address to him and then lay my head against the plush seat and close my eyes.
I must have dozed off because in no time, he is helping me to the elevator and then my door. After wrestling my keys from me, he gets me inside and sits me down on the couch. I think he's leaving as he walks away, but then he's back with a bottle of water.
"Here, drink this," he says handing me the bottle. "It'll help."
He moves to leave, but I can't let him go without at least trying to talk to him.
"Wait! I'm so sorry."
He sighs. "Not shit this again."
"Yes. This again."
"What's with you and the fucking apologies?"
I've got to get this off my chest. "Because I know how much I hurt you, and I want to say I'm sorry and no, I won't stop until you've forgiven me."
"Why can't you just drop this?" he pleads.
"Because I was an asshole and you didn't deserve any of it."
"I don't want to remember any of it. I spent the better part of my life forgetting about all that shit – and you. I've moved on and so should you."
"Why the hell not?" he shouts.
"Because I like you," I mumble.
"I like you…a lot," I say firmly.
"You're fucking insane." He walks briskly to the door.
The water has sobered me up a bit, and I'm not going to waste any more time.
"I was jealous of you."
He pauses at the door and turns to me, so I continue.
"I was jealous of you in high school. You had the freedom I wanted. You could be anything you wanted, and you were happy with it. I saw that. I saw it every time I looked at you, and I envied it. You weren't insecure; I made you that way. You were brave. You painted. You were so smart. I used to spy on you with your sister at lunch. You had the most beautiful smile. You still do. Seeing you at that club in Port Angeles with Peter, I was fucking pissed. Watching you two out on the dance floor grinding against one another, Peter was lost in the moment, and when you kissed, I lost it. I found this twink, took him out back and stuck my cock down his throat, picturing you on your knees in front of me."
I realize he's moved from the door and is now seated across from me.
I look in his eyes and continue. "I went over to Peter's one day. He was the one person who knew the true me. When I hung out with Peter, I could be myself and not be judged. But when you guys started to date, he didn't have the time anymore. He was always busy. So one day, I just showed up at his house. I knew his parents were away, and I figured we could hang out like we used to."
I dismiss the knowing look in his eyes and go on. "I let myself inside and headed straight for his room. His door was ajar, I could hear moaning coming from within. I saw the two of you having sex. The look on your faces was bliss. I stood there listening to him tell you how much he loved you, how good you felt inside in him, how much he never wanted you to stop. And when I couldn't take anymore, I left."
"Because I realized I wanted you. I wanted you to be with me, not Peter. I wanted you to want me, not him. I wanted to feel that. I wanted to be that happy. I raced home, got in my shower and jacked off to the image of you and Peter fucking. I slept with Jessica, Lauren and any other girl that would give it up, but I would still have to picture you just to come. I admitted to myself that I was gay and that's why I was attracted to you. But it was something deeper. I would head out to the clubs, find a boy and stick my tongue and cock down his throat but it wouldn't live up to the fantasies I had of you."
"If you were feeling this way, then why did you…?"
"When Victoria let us know about the art project I was so far gone in blaming you for my dissatisfaction that I wasn't thinking straight. When we sneaked in and fucked up your painting, it should have been gratifying to me. I thought, finally, you would hurt like I did. But before Victoria started to rip it and spray it, I looked at it. It was beautiful. You captured them perfectly. The expressions on their faces were breathtaking. I could practically feel the love you all had for each other through that one painting."
He looks away from me, and I swear I see a tear fall from his eye.
I need to get this out before I lose my nerve. "When you confronted me at the hospital, I expected the same quiet Jasper Whitlock, the one who took it all, took all the punishment. But you stood up for yourself; you stood up to me." I motioned to his hair then. "You kept it the same."
"Yes, I grew to like it."
"I know you don't care to know, but…"
"You don't know what I want, so don't speak for me," Jasper says abruptly. "Care to know what?"
"Why the change. Why I'm different now." I say.
"I fell in love. It wasn't anywhere near the intensity I felt for you, but it was love. He taught me so much about myself and life. His love changed me."
"What was his name?" Jasper asks.
"Demetri." He points to himself with a small smile.
"When you started working at the hospital, I felt that familiar feeling of envy again. But this time, it was toward my friends. You smiled with them, you joked around, and you treated them with respect. You're so alive around them, but with me, you go cold. Your eyes are hard and I can see the hatred in them when you look at me."
"I don't hate you, Edward." He lowers his eyes to his lap.
"But I thought…"
"If you had taken the time to ask me, you would have known this, Edward." He smiles. "I didn't hate you as much as you annoyed me, and I only came close the day I saw my painting destroyed. When I got here, I just told myself we had to work together, but that was the end of it. The less interaction we had, the better, but you wouldn't stay away." His head rests in his hands.
I get up and go to him. "I couldn't stay away. The more you pushed me away, the more I wanted you. The more I wanted you to want me."
I have to convince him I'm sincere. "We have a day off on Sunday. Please go out with me?"
He smirks, which I take as a good sign. "How are you so sure I have a day off?"
"I inquired," I say, blushing.
He laughs a hearty laugh. "Really?"
"Please say you will, Jasper."
He begins to rise from his seat. "What exactly did you have in mind?"
"Dinner for two and a movie. A walk, perhaps." I stand as well.
"Thought this through, haven't you?"
"And prayed you'd accept."
"Hmm..." He walks forward slowly, while I back up until my back hits the wall.
Looking in his eyes, I'm caught in their intensity.
"Well, then…" he whispers.
My mind doesn't have time to catch up before his lips are on mine. I open my mouth to his, enjoying his softness and his tongue dancing with my own.
Grabbing the back of his head, I fuse his lips to mine. I never want to stop kissing him.
He slams me back into the wall, grinding his hard body on mine. The feeling of his growing erection against my own is amazing. He detaches his lips from mine and nips at my jaw. Grabbing a hold of my hair, he pulls my head back, exposing my neck to his mouth.
"Bedroom," he murmurs.
I push away from the wall, taking his hand and guiding him down the hall to my room.
As soon as we get through the door, he slams it shut and pushes me against it. Giving me no time to protest, he pulls me into a hard kiss, pushing his tongue into my mouth while working the belt buckle of my pants.
After getting it open, he rips my shirt open, and then takes his t-shirt off over his head.
His hard naked chest rubs against my own, massaging my sensitive nipples.
He pinches my nipples between his fingers, rubbing and tweaking them and leaving me panting for more. I reach for his jeans, pulling his fly open and trying to get them past his hips, but before I can, he pulls away.
"Not yet, baby," he whispers. I moan out loud at the sound of his voice. I can see his abs and the "v" of his hips and I want nothing more than to lick him my way down to his happy trail.
He kisses his way down my chest, taking the time to suck my nipples before he gets on his knees in front of me. He gives me a devilish smirk while roughly pulling my pants off. My throbbing cock springs free, and he gives the shaft a long lick from base to tip, dipping his tongue into the slit.
"Oh, God!" I groan, closing my eyes at the intense sensation.
I open them in time to see him take my cock between his full lips, licking up and down the shaft before sucking in earnest. He bobs his head up and down my hard cock while he massages my balls. I can feel them tightening at the sensation, and I know I won't last long, but I don't want him to stop.
He takes me deep in his throat, humming around my cock, and that's it.
"Ugh! I'm coming!" I shout, my knees buckling underneath me.
I come hard down his throat as he licks my now softening cock clean and then lets it go with a pop. None of my fantasies can compare to the feeling of being in his delicious mouth.
I pull him up, bringing his lips to mine, tasting myself on them.
"Come on." I lead him over to the bed and push him down on it. As I pull his pants off, I arch my eyebrow at him, realizing he is going commando.
"What?" He smirks.
I climb on top of him, kissing him as I run my hand down to the object of my desire.
I nip on his collarbone, taking his hard, leaking cock into my hand and rubbing the pre-cum all over it. I grip the base firmly before rubbing my hand up and down from tip to base and back again.
I pump his cock hard, creating a delicious friction as he arches off the bed, his head thrown back and his eyes closed in ecstasy. I suck on his exposed collarbone, pumping my hand faster up and down his cock. His eyes snap to mine, and he sucks one of his fingers into his mouth, slowly licking it, covering it with his saliva, then crushing his lips to mine. While our tongues tangle, I feel the same finger circling my entrance before he pushes it in, causing both of us to groan out. He begins to finger-fuck me while I stroke him.
He stares at me, breathing hard, before he arches and shoots his load on my chest and his stomach, screaming out his pleasure.
We kiss languidly for what seems like hours. No words are spoken while he continues to pump his finger in and out of me, adding another and scissoring them, hitting my sweet spot over and over again. I moan and plead with him, telling him I want to come, feeling his cock growing harder and harder.
"Don't you dare come, Edward," he commands.
If anything, my dick gets harder at his harsh tone.
He looks at my nightstand and nods. "Lube?"
"In the drawer," I mumble, trying desperately not to disobey his command.
He reaches over, pulling out the lube and condoms and throwing them down next to me. Then he turns me on my stomach, sucking my neck as he pulls his fingers out of me.
"Don't come," he repeats.
He lubes his fingers and rolls on the condom just as quick, coating his now hard cock.
He prepares me, kissing and whispering how he can't wait to be inside me.
"Oh, Jasper, please fuck me," I beg.
"Oh, baby, I have every intention of fucking you." With that, he pushes inside of me.
He holds still, letting me adjust to him once he's completely inside – I have never felt so full.
I groan and push my hips up to let him know I'm ready. I want this as much as he does.
"Be still." His tone is demanding yet playful.
I know what he's doing, but I have to have more. "Ugh! Please move, Jasper."
He begins to move his hips at a slow pace. "You're a needy little bitch, aren't you?"
It's just what I need. "Oooh...yes, fuck me."
"I intend to, baby. I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be thinking of me with every painful step you take." Just as he says that, he pulls out and thrusts hard back in me.
I scream out, but I don't have time to recover before he pulls on my hips. Sitting me up on all fours, he gets behind me and pushes his cock inside of me to the hilt.
I've never felt anything so deep. His thrusts are long and hard, and he keeps hitting my sweet spot on every pass.
I can't think straight.
I scream and grunt until my throat starts to feel sore while he fucks me thoroughly.
"Oh yes, baby, you're so tight." He grips my hips, going faster. "I could fuck you all night long."
"Ugh! Yes, Jasper, don't stop!"
I feel the familiar tightening in my belly as his thrusts become erratic, and I pray he's close.
"Jasper...Uhhh...I can't hold on any longer."
He groans, obviously close himself. "Come for me, baby, please."
I moan as Jasper pushes into me once more and even though he's not touching me, his hard thrusts are so powerful that I explode. I feel my orgasm spread through me like wildfire. I scream out my release, shooting my come all over my sheets and stomach. He continues to move inside me, drawing out my climax until he finally comes filling the condom, while my ass milks him of his orgasm. He collapses on my back, both of us breathing hard.
Turning my head to him, our lips meet in a slow kiss while he slowly pulls out of me.
I am so spent; I collapse on the bed, not caring if I'm lying in my own come. Jasper gets up and goes to clean up. I hear the water turn on and off, but I can't move. A warm cloth cleans me, wiping along my spine and backside, before it's moved away and replaced by soft kisses on my ass as he wipes the come off my stomach.
I must have dozed off because the next time I open my drowsy eyes, I see Jasper fully clothed, standing over me.
I want him to stay but can't find the strength to talk.
He bends down, kissing my lips chastely, and then moves his mouth to my ear.
"Pick me up at 8." I feel him smile against my cheek before he playfully bites my ear.
The next time I open my eyes, I'm alone.
I shoot up, thinking it was all a dream, but seeing the note with his cell number beside me on a pillow and the sharp sting I feel in my backside, I smile, realizing it happened.
I gingerly lie back down and stare up at the ceiling.
I'd finally gotten to tell Jasper the truth, and reasons behind my horrible actions. And it seems he's forgiven me. After everything that happened here between us tonight, I think we can turn over a new leaf, together. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know I'll never let him go again.
This is just the beginning.
Is it just beginning?
Thanks for reading…Thoughts?