A/N. Adult themes. Mentions of suicide, character death, self harm and questions religion. These are not necessarily my views; it's just how I see Kurt and Blaine's to be. M for a reason.
TIMELINE (IMPORTANT): I've set this about a month after the middle of episode 'Never been Kissed'. The scene where Kurt went to spy and met Blaine, Wes and David still happened but Blaine never confronted Karofsky. Blaine isn't aware of the sexual component to the attacks as Kurt never told him. Karofsky's attacks are escalating by happening more regularly and getting more personal. In between that episode and the time I have set this fic, Blaine and Kurt have met up many times and have become good friends, but Kurt never wanted to worry Blaine by telling him and he didn't want to be seen as the 'damsel in distress' anymore.
I'm sorry if I disappointed you. I tried, I really did, but I spent all my time thinking of reasons why I shouldn't do this, and I came up with none.
I never told you, but the bullying got worse. It wasn't just name calling and shoves into the locker anymore, there was one boy who seemed to live for making my life a misery. He made several sexual advances on me, as well as the physical ones, and I didn't want you to worry you about it when I knew there was nothing anyone could do.
These last few weeks have been hell. I tried sticking up for myself, but it just made things worse. I am ashamed that I turned to self harm, but it helped.
I am sorry for leaving you like this. I really do love you, but you have Finn and Carole now, you won't even know I'm gone. I barely see you anymore. I need you to know that this wasn't your fault. I love you dad, I just don't belong here.
This is for the best; I accept that now. I'd rather leave on my own terms rather than someone else's.
I don't know if I believe in God, but I hope when you read this I will be with Mom. I never let on how much I missed her, but seeing you happy with someone that wasn't her really hurt. I know I should have moved on like you, but I just couldn't.
I can't say I'm sorry enough. Please tell New Directions and Blaine that I'm in a better place,
Writing his suicide note had been a lot easier than Kurt thought it would be. He had made his mind up, and this really was the best way. Karofsky had cornered him again today after Glee club. He had followed him home, showing Kurt he had no where safe to hide. Karofsky had pinned him up against the front door and kissed him while running his large hands over Kurt's body leaving no way for the smaller boy to get away. Karofsky ignored the fact Kurt was unresponsive and tears were falling fast from his closed eyes and unluckily no one was at home or on the street to stop him. It was what the bully said that put Kurt over the edge.
"I want you. I can see you want it too, whore. Well, you'll get what you want again tomorrow. Remember, tell and I'll kill you. Not that you've got anyone to tell."
When Karofsky left with a long, mocking laugh, Kurt somehow found the energy to drag himself to the bathroom before throwing up. Disgust, fear and a hundred other emotions curled in his stomach. He remembered the way Karofsky had touched him a few days before. He couldn't go through that again, he just couldn't. Kurt reached for the blade for some release, but this time it wasn't working. The pain of the cut did nothing to relieve the panic in his chest. He knew now was the time to do what he'd been planning.
It had been in the back of his mind for a while now. He had everything he needed to give him a clean, painless death, and now was the time to do it. He didn't want to be interrupted and no one would be back for hours.
He had thought about telling his father, but he was never home. Karofsky was right; he did have no one to tell. Kurt would make his dad endless plates of dinner that ended up being thrown into the bin because he was working late or presumably out with Carole and Finn. And now telling wasn't an option. Karofsky would kill him.
Kurt lifted his weak, limp body up from the toilet seat and slowly made his way downstairs. Under his bed he fished out the box hidden behind the suitcase that was always kept there, and sat down on his bed with it placed before him.
He was not cautious or scared. He knew this is what he wanted. He calmly set out the sleeping pills and alcohol in front of him and had one last think on whether this was exactly what he wanted.
The only thing that had previously made him doubt himself was the thought of Blaine. Kurt had met him when he went spying at Dalton and had felt a connection immediately. Over the weeks they had been friends, it was clear to Kurt that all Blaine wanted from him was friendship. The loneliness that overwhelmed him when he realised this was crushing. So although it made him think about living for longer at first, now it was just another reason to leave.
Kurt drank over half of the 350ml bottle of vodka before screwing the top back on. He felt graciously numb and a little dizzy. As he went for the pills, his phone buzzed beside him.
"Hey, Kurt. You looked down yesterday when we met. I wondered if you wanted to grab a coffee and talk as I'm in Lima."-Blaine.
Before, this might have stopped him. But now all he did was tap a quick reply and turn the phone off. Kurt took the note he had written the other night from the small box that contained the means to his death and placed it on his bedside table where it would be easily found. He then unscrewed the tablets and swallowed three at once. Then another, and another. Soon he had taken all eleven pills and felt himself droop. He collapsed on the bed, shutting his eyes from the blurriness that had replaced his room.
Memories flashed through Kurt's mind. Him singing; him playing in the park with his mom; him cuddling up to her as they curled up in front of the TV.
He didn't know when he slipped into unconsciousness, but the last thought on his mind, was that this really was a wonderful way to go.
Blaine had been worrying immensely about Kurt. Ever since the death and the trouble with Karofsky, he had seen the younger boy closing in on himself but he hadn't been able to do anything about it. No matter how many times he asked if everything was ok and did he need to talk, he would answer the same thing every time "I'm fine" and then change the subject.
Blaine saw Kurt was losing weight. The usually skin tight clothes hung loosely on him and he looked frighteningly paler. He was obviously still not sleeping well as Blaine saw past the meticulously applied concealer that fooled New Directions, to the dark circles under his eyes. He also noticed he lost his sparkle that Blaine day-dreamed about.
The worst was when Blaine saw the red lines marring Kurt's wrist. They had met up for coffee the previous night and Blaine, being the gentleman that he was, walked Kurt to his car. When Kurt had clicked on his seatbelt and turned on the engine, he waved to Blaine. Consequently, the long sleeved t-shirt he had been wearing slipped down his arm and revealed the barely healed cuts. Blaine had frozen in horror, and before he could control his actions to caringly confront Kurt about it, the younger boy had already driven off.
This is why he was in Lima, two streets away from Kurt's house. He was pretty sure that Kurt didn't know Blaine knew, and he was also sure no one else will have noticed how broken the boy really was, therefore, Blaine was going to take it into his own hands. Firstly he was going to talk to Kurt, then he was going to get him to tell someone, and then they were going to get the porcelain boy the help he needed.
He knew it went a lot smoother in his head than it was going to be in reality, but Blaine was going to fight for Kurt.
He sent the countertenor a text, letting him know he was here in Lima and did he want to get a coffee? Expecting no reply, Blaine had already decided to go to his house and knock on his door until the boy answered when he received a text. Shocked but pleased, he read the message.
"You were my best friend; I hope you can forgive me. I love you."-Kurt.
Blaine's stomach clenched in fear. All his surroundings seemed to blur accept from the bold, black letters on the phone screen before him. The use of past tense and the sudden declaration of love could only mean one thing.
Kurt had already decided to take his life.
Panic overtook Blaine as he rushed to put his car into gear and race to Kurt's house. It must have only taken him two minutes, but it felt like two hours. The houses blurred around him as he drove twice the limit, thoughts only on Kurt, begging he hadn't already somehow tried to end his life.
Sprinting down the path leading to Kurt's house, Blaine failed to remember, or care whether he locked his car. Nothing else mattered at the moment. Blaine pounded on the door, only leaving it a few seconds before trying to open it himself.
"Fuck." He shouted in frustration. The door was locked.
Blaine overturned the potted flowers by the door, hoping like him they left a spare key out. The relief that rushed though Blaine when he found a key under a red pot was indescribable.
Rushing through the house, Blaine looked for stairs leading to the basement, knowing from some of their conversations this is where he had his room, shouting Kurt's name at the top of his lungs as he went.
Finally finding the stairs, Blaine thrashed down them only to be stopped by yet another locked door. Blaine didn't even feel the pain of wood on skin as he shouldered the door. After six hits the door finally succumbed and opened.
The sight in front of Blaine broke his heart. The beautiful boy he loved was curled up on his bed, not moving. His shirt had ridden up showing the dangerously prominent hip and rib bones. His left arm was freshly cut, bleeding onto his bed sheets. At the side of him were an empty bottle of pills and half empty bottle of vodka.
Rushing up to him Blaine cried freely, shaking the boy to hopefully get some response out of him.
"You can't die Kurt. Wake up, just please wake up."
The boy was alarmingly pale and his breathing was shallow.
"Ambulance please." He shouted into the phone he had retrieved from his pocket and dialled 911 into.
After describing Kurt's critical condition and giving them the address, Blaine cradled the boy in his arms. He couldn't stop crying as he kissed Kurt's forehead and cheek, willing for him to wake up.
He never did.
Hearing the siren outside, Blaine jumped up to direct the paramedics into the house. He didn't know how long it been, everything was a blur.
Three people worked over Kurt's still body, leaving me to watch at the bedroom door. One was checking his vitals, one was trying to stop his wrist bleeding, and the other was cutting his top off so he could listen to his heartbeat quicker. All Blaine could think is how much Kurt would hate them cutting his clothes. Then Blaine broke down, because Kurt may never wake up to see.
All Blaine wanted to see Kurt laugh one more time, to see his nose wrinkle as he saw someone wearing something last season, to see him look at him with those glasz eyes. Mostly, he wanted the chance to tell him how much he loved him, to say how he has since that first genuine laugh when they went to get coffee a few days after he came to 'spy'.
But he might never see those things again. He might never have the chance to tell him.
Having slipped to the floor, Blaine was now desperately holding his knee's to his chest, no longer able to hold his own weight on his shaking legs.
"Come on son. If you want to come with us in the Ambulance you'll have to come now." A tall, Caucasian man held his hand down to Blaine, helping up from the floor.
When Blaine got his bearings, he saw Kurt was already strapped onto a stretcher and was been carried by the other two paramedics. Looking on the bed, he saw they had taken the pill and alcohol bottle, but left on the bedside table was Kurt's phone and a note. Blaine quickly went to pick them up before following the doctors out, everything blurred around him except the stretcher.
The drive seemed to take forever. Kurt was hooked up to several machines with needles stuck in each hand. The calm, sleepy expression he had had on his face when Blaine first found him was now pained. All Blaine wanted to do was do something, anything, that would make Kurt better and wake up. But there was nothing he could do.
Now they were at the hospital the ride seemed to have passed really quickly. One man pulled Blaine out of the car while four others crowded round Kurt's still body. They rushed the younger boy into the hospital, leaving Blaine behind to be lead to a waiting area. Pulling his knees up to his chest, Blaine lent his head on them, not thinking, not feeling, just seeing Kurt's distressed face behind his eyelids.
A bright white light flooded my eyes. The only thing I could see was Blaine who was sat holding me, crying profusely. He was saying my name over and over. Was this death? I must be in heaven, with Blaine. I didn't feel anything, just sleepy and calm.
"You can't die Kurt. Wake up, just please wake up."
Wait, "You can't die"? Does that mean I wasn't dead yet? If so, why is Blaine here? And why was he telling me to wake up, I deserved to die. It is my time.
No! I want to be left. I want to die in Blaine's arms. I could feel the effects of the chemicals I had taken, but it wasn't happening fast enough. I wasn't numb enough, I could still feel and think.
If God hated me so much, why wouldn't he just hurry up and take me already? I'd even helped him out. Maybe he was doing it to spite me. All my life I've been told to die, and now I do it, I can't even get that right.
The numbness I had disappeared and I felt pains shoot through my stomach. I just wanted it all to end.
Waiting for news on Kurt had to be the worst feeling. Thoughts of him dying before they could help him or him slipping into a coma filled his head and he couldn't do anything to shut them out. He tried to get comfy on the plastic chair but it was impossible. Feeling a dig against his leg from his trouser pocket, Blaine felt his thigh and produced a small, silver phone and a white envelope. Focusing, he turned on the diminutive piece of technology and ignored the letter. He went into recent calls to find someone to ring for Kurt when he saw six recent outgoing calls to Burt's phone. Blaine's heart ached for Kurt. Blaine was ashamed he hadn't realised that Kurt was in denial. He hovered over the number for a few seconds before scrolling down to 'Carole'. After ringing and explaining Kurt was hurt and needed her here, Blaine didn't know what to do. The letter seemed to be pulling him towards it from where it was placed on his right. Blaine knew it must be some sort of goodbye note, so he didn't want to invade on Kurt's privacy, but his curiosity and concern was getting to him. The answer to why he felt he needed to end his life was in there.
Blaine picked up the envelope and read the name on the front for the first time.
Tears fell from Blaine's eyes, heavier than before. He couldn't keep holding them back. The Warbler didn't know how he could have missed it. Kurt never talked about his father with Blaine anymore. He resolved it hurt too much and it was his way of coping. They were valid guesses, but they obviously weren't right. Now Blaine realised; Kurt thought his dad was still alive.
About a month ago, just a few days after Blaine had met Kurt for coffee the first time, Kurt had rung Blaine in hysteria. His father had had another stroke, but this time, he didn't pull through. Blaine had been there for Kurt; he had stayed with him late into the night and listened to him talk about times with his father and then calmed him when he relived his mother's death. After a few weeks, Kurt seemed to get better. He didn't break down into tears when something reminded him of his mother or father. He appeared to be eating again. He went back to school. What he didn't do was go back to Glee Club. Blaine wasn't sure why, but Kurt never sang anymore. When Blaine picked him up to go for a coffee Kurt would reach over and turn off the radio, while before, he would have sang along and if he particularly liked the song, he would have turned it up. Blaine never pushed Kurt, he knew it was going to take a while for him to adapt and he would never fully recover. Carole and Finn were doing their bests. Of course, they were also grieving, but nothing like Kurt. Carole let Blaine stay whenever Kurt needed him to keep away the nightmares and someone to hold him like his mum did, but lately, Kurt hadn't called him in need. They still met up but whenever Blaine inquired to whether he was feeling better, Kurt would give a brisk answer and quickly change subjects. It was when Blaine saw the red lines on Kurt's fragile wrists he realised how much Kurt wasn't coping.
Blaine opened the letter slowly and carefully. He read the note several times with tears continuously running down his cheeks.
I spent all my time thinking of reasons why I shouldn't do this, and I came up with none.
Blaine didn't try hard enough. Kurt didn't feel like he could have gone to him.
He made several sexual advances on me.
The bully knew Kurt's father had just died and he still went after him, and not only that, but he took it further! Rage boiled in Blaine and he felt himself shaking.
I barely see you anymore.
Kurt was definitely in denial. He thought his dad was ignoring him and leaving him for Carole and Finn.
I'd rather leave on my own terms rather than someone else's.
This bully was clearly taking things further than sexual harassment. This suggested his life had been threatened in some way.
Please tell New Directions and Blaine that I'm in a better place.
Something made him believe dying was a better option than living. Blaine's heart jumped at the sight of his name written in Kurt's calligraphy.
Blaine couldn't take the anger anymore. He got up, wiped the moisture from his face, and stormed out of the hospital doors only to be stopped by a tall, dark haired guy.
He looked up and saw it was Finn, looking confused, as always.
"Let go." Blaine fumed. He had to find Karofsky. Now.
"You need to calm down." Carole said kindly.
"No, what I need to do is fucking kill Karofsky." Blaine shouted trying to break free for Finns grip.
Carole let the swearing pass for now. "What has he done?"
Blaine pressed Kurt's note into her hand. "Read that."
Carole looked puzzled, probably from the way Kurt had written the letter to his dad. She became increasingly more upset and angry as she got further down the note.
"He's in denial. He's just lost his father and he doesn't know how to cope so he made himself forget it all. And on top of this, that bastard was sexually assaulting him in some way."
"Karofsky?" Finn asked.
"Who else? Kurt never said it was this bad." Angry tears were building up in his eyes.
"Blaine." Carole tried to get his attention. "Blaine, look at me please." Reluctantly, he did. "I know you're angry right now, but Kurt needs you with him, not in some prison cell." Blaine's anger ebbed slightly. "Let's go in and see if there's any news."
Blaine let himself be guided back into the claustrophobic room.
Carole, Blaine and Finn all shot up from their seats towards the doctor.
Breaths of relief were let out from each person. He was alive.
"They had to pump his stomach so he will be in some discomfort when he wakes up. That won't be for a few days but one person is free to stay overnight. I can take you to him now and there will be someone waiting to talk about the steps that will have to be taken after this. It is a high chance he may have to be hospitalized as he went to extreme measures to make sure he would have been successful and not found."
Blaine already knew things were serious, but Kurt was going to be hospitalized. He couldn't wrap his head around the thought that he would be locked up and see doctors and therapists for next few weeks, or even months.
Now following the doctor, Carole, Finn and Blaine all tensed in anticipation of what they were going to find.
Kurt was hooked up to several pieces of equipment. Some were beeping, some were giving him fluids and some Blaine had no clue to what they were for. The boy on the bed was ghostly pale. His usually flawless skin had bruises dotted which had previously been carefully hidden. The circles under his eyes were now shockingly prominent without the cover-up and he looked distressed. Kurt was scarily thin. You could see his bones much easier than to what was healthy and his skin looked sallow.
"Oh, Kurt." Blaine breathed, rushing over to the breakable boy and closing his hand carefully over the cold hands punctured with needles, trying not to pay attention to the bandage wrapped tightly around his wrist.
Carole took Kurt's other hand while Finn stayed stuck where he was.
None of them paid any notice to the woman in the room. They wanted their time to process what had happened before they had to think about the consequences. The woman respected this.
It must have been half an hour before any of them looked towards the occupied chair in the corner. All of them had shed many tears, had several internal arguments of why they were to blame and wished Kurt hadn't of had to have such a terrible life.
"Hello. I'm Dr. Page but you can call me Emma."
Blaine and Carole nodded their heads in acknowledgement and to show they were listening while Finn stayed staring at the blank, white wall.
"I have been told Kurt has been through a lot in the past few weeks. I have been informed on the fact he has now lost both parents, been the subject of continuous bullying, had endured sexual advances from one of these harassers and I have read the note he left. It is not certain until I assess him when he wakes up, but it is most likely that Kurt will have to be placed somewhere where he can be monitored twenty four/seven and have someone help him to push down the urge to self harm and attempt suicide again in the future. I will be back when he wakes."
They all knew that was going to be the outcome. All they could hope was Kurt was to get better soon.
When Kurt woke up he had to be moved to the crisis centre straight away. He had woken in the middle of the night and had slipped out of his room to find something to try and take his life again. A nurse he found him in the bathroom with the blade out of the hand paper holder digging the blade vertically down his arm from his wrist to his elbow. The cut was extremely deep and he was caught just in time.
When admitted, Kurt didn't seem to improve. He went to a therapist, psychiatrist, and even group meetings but nothing got through to him. He was no longer in denial, but that seemed to make things worse. He would refuse to see anyone but Carole and Blaine, but whenever they came he wouldn't listen to them and sat in silence not looking fully there.
Karofsky was arrested for harassment and sexual assault even though there was no penetration, but even that didn't appease Kurt. He drew himself further and further into himself and started to refuse food and drink. As he couldn't end his life in any other way he opted to dehydration and starvation.
Blaine had to get through to him somehow. Carole tried her best. She genuinely loved and cared for Kurt, but there was nothing she could do anymore. He visited every night and stayed with him most of the Saturday. Kurt was getting schooled privately and Blaine would help him with his work, as this was the only time Kurt would willingly talk, and he would keep the conversation on how things were going at Dalton or the gossip he had heard about New Directions from Mercedes and Finn who constantly called him for updates. They also met up with the whole Glee Club every now and then, but they wouldn't stay for long as the atmosphere was nothing without Kurt.
After another suicide attempt, Blaine really didn't know what to do.
Blaine was at home laying on his bed listening to music when a song he didn't remember having come up on his iPod. It was perfect. The lyrics, with a little modification, fit exactly what he wanted to say to Kurt after he first tried to take his life. Blaine grabbed his guitar and searched the sheet music on his laptop. He mastered it in a few hours and he fell asleep with it on repeat to learn to lyrics.
The next day when Blaine went to visit Kurt, he took the guitar and tried to fight down his nerves. As he was guided to Kurt's room, Blaine hoped this would work. It was his last chance.
As always, Kurt stayed laid down in his bed, ignoring the nurse as she told him he had a visitor. From where Blaine was standing, Kurt looked even worse compared to yesterday when he came. It was upsetting how one day had so much difference to how Kurt looked. Even though he was been force fed, Kurt kept getting thinner. His clothes hung off him and were visibly several sizes too big.
Blaine made his way to the side of Kurt's bed, pulling the desk chair with him.
"I wondered if I could play you something?" Blaine asked as he sat directly in front of Kurt.
He made no indication that he heard Blaine. He just kept staring blankly ahead.
As there was no objection, Blaine took this as a yes and started playing the introduction.
At this Kurt flicked his gaze to the guitar.
It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light.
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud.
Now here we are gathered in our little hometown.
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd.
Kurt seemed to be listening to lyrics. This had to be the first time in months he had heard anything Blaine had to say.
Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'.
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking,
Such a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong.
And why, you'd try leave the stage in the middle of a song.
Blaine blamed himself every day. Why couldn't he have noticed something sooner? Why couldn't he of tried harder to get through to him?
Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a sixteen year old,
Singin' loud for everyone to hear.
You always sang with passion, no matter what the song.
When you took the stage, you shined just like the sun.
Here Blaine changed the lines to fit Kurt personally. He had always sung and Blaine missed that immensely. His voice was so emotional and fulfilling. His range was incomprehensible and Blaine could never pass up an opportunity to hear the younger boy sing.
Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'.
And was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking,
Such a troubled soul, oh, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd try leave the stage in the middle of a song
If Blaine's eyes weren't mistaking him, Kurt's eyes were glazing over. He must be finally getting through to him.
Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze.
The golden sun is shining on my face.
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing.
This old world really ain't that bad a place.
The moisture escaped Kurt's eyes and ran down his cheeks.
Oh, why? There's no comprehending.
And who am I to try to judge or explain?
Oh, but I do have one burning question.
Who told you life, wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong, they lied, and now you're gone, and we cried
Blaine couldn't even start to understand what Kurt was going through. He had lost both parents, been bullied and been sexually assaulted. He could see why Kurt would have turned to self harm and attempted suicide multiple times. He just wanted to know who told him he had no other option than death. He obviously thought of Karofsky, but Blaine believed it was a build up from everything over the years and Kurt himself.
This song was written for someone who had succeeded in taking their life so Blaine had previously change the lyrics slightly so it related more, but he decided to keep the last line in this verse in because although he was alive physically, he wasn't himself anymore. Some part of him was gone; Blaine just hoped he could find him again.
'Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song, your absolutely beautiful song
Blaine ended the song and placed his guitar down on the floor.
"I am sorry I have been pushing you Kurt. I cannot comprehend what you are going through. All I want to say is; I am here if you need me. I might not know what you are going through, but I can try to understand and help you."
More tears were falling from Kurt's eyes into his pillow. As he was listening, Blaine carried on.
"I don't want to lose you Kurt because... because I love you."
Kurt's eyes widened in shock and the tears stopped.
"I have since the first time we met up for coffee." Blaine continued. "You were so unashamedly yourself and interesting and beautiful, it's not a shock I fell so fast.
"Then your dad died and I thought I was helping you to be better, but I saw the distance you were making between us and the circles under your eyes, and the finally, the cuts on your wrist. When I texted to meet you the next day, I was already around the corner to barge in when you didn't reply. But you did.
"My world seemed to end in that moment. I knew you were ending your life. I rushed over but you had gone to many measures to be sure you weren't interrupted. I finally got to you and the sight broke my heart.
"It seemed like ages until you were in hospital. I was sure you were going to die, but I tried to stay positive.
"The relief when I got told you were stable was... there are no words. I knew you were still going to be ill, but I believed you were going to get better. Then you tried to take your life again.
"You recovering in here seemed to be my last chance to see you get better, but you didn't. Every time I came I would be scared of what I would find and whenever the phone rang I would be afraid it would be someone telling me you were finally successful in taking your life.
"I didn't know what to do anymore. You weren't listening to me, you were closing further and further into yourself and I thought there was nothing else I could do.
"It was last night. I was listening to music and thinking of you when that song came on. It came to me that I could try get through to you by singing to you. While I learnt the song, I realised how much I really did love you. How I would miss seeing you, even if you did ignore me. The thing is, while you were here, I had hope. I had hope you were going to get better. I had hope we could be together the rest of our lives. I know the last one is unrealistic, but I cannot assimilate my love for you. I know without you, my life would not seem worth living. I cannot expect you to feel the same, but just being friends with you for the rest of my life is fine with me. I love you."
Blaine lowered his eyes from Kurt's shaking frame to his equally trembling hands.
"I...I..." Kurt started.
"It's okay Kurt. I'll leave." Blaine picked up his guitar and made his way out of the room. Out of Kurt's life.
"No!" Kurt cried.
Blaine turned in astonishment to see Kurt standing a few feet away.
"The text I sent to you was true. I love you too Blaine. After everything, I believed I didn't deserve you. You were the only thing left in my life, and I knew I could never have you. You're perfect. I couldn't look at you when you came to visit because I didn't want to see the disgust there as you saw the marks of my new attempts of taking my life. I didn't want you to see how weak I was and how hopelessly in love with you I was. You are better without me. All I do is cause you worry and..."
"No Kurt." Blaine cut in. "I will never be better without you. I love you."
Kurt crashed forwards into Blaine's arms. Both were crying, clinging onto each other, trying to believe this was all real. Neither boy was sure who started the kiss, but it was everything they needed. It was hard and passionate; they had been kept from this for far too long for it to be sweet. They were both comforted at this moment. Blaine had new hope Kurt was going to get better, and Kurt had hope to get better. They fell on the bed in each other's arms where they finally drifted to a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time in months.
"It looks great."
Kurt and Blaine were studying the decorating to their new house. It was two years since the night they both admitted they were both in love with each other, and they were finally going to college.
It had been a hard time, but Kurt was finally better. They had their rough patches, more so than others, but they stayed together the whole time.
Kurt had never tried to end his life again. When the urge was there, he told Blaine and after Blaine comforted the younger boy, he would take Kurt to see his therapist.
Being one year older than Kurt, Blaine had stayed in Lima getting some waitressing and other small jobs to save up for the two of them to go to college together. They didn't get nearly enough but they were funded by Blaine's parents and both of them had achieved full scholarships.
Just after Kurt finished school, Blaine had proposed, using the ring Burt had proposed to Elizabeth with. Kurt, saying yes, had loved the thought and wore his mum's ring with pride.
Both Blaine and Kurt never said they loved each other again until the day Blaine proposed. They both knew each other's feelings and they didn't want to jinx or overuse the phrase.
They didn't know what the future held for them, but they knew they would always be together, no matter what.
A/N. Sorry if some bits don't seem realistic. I tried to research what happens when someone is hospitalized but it didn't come up with much.
If things get bad and you ever get the urge to self harm or commit suicide, tell someone. There will be someone who will listen and help you. It could be a friend, a parent or guardian, a relative or even a teacher. Someone out there loves you, and your life is too precious to end.
The song used in this is 'Why' by Rascal Flatts and I do not own that or Glee or the characters used in this.