I loved The Doctor's Wife, and for the very first time in my entire life, my Doctor/Rose obsessive infatuation OTP has swayed(just slightly, I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow). Quite frankly I'm freaking out. So how could I channel my emotions? Fanfiction! If you analyze it too closely it may seem wrong, but really, they were just a happy family. The Doctor, The Bad Wolf, and The TARDIS.
Spoilers: The Doctor's Wife(duhh!)
Reviews are love!
(btw, missed you guys ;D)
The Three of Us
It was so strange, being in human form- Idris I believe her name was.
But it wasn't because it had never happened before, of course not. The last time it happened, was so...so magical. Golden tendrils of light, the power I could feel through my now-human eyes and fingertips, the sensation of kissing my Doctor, yet at the same time letting my Doctor's most special companion have what she wanted most, for a moment.
I love my Doctor, and I'm not afraid to say it, but my Doctor and I, our love is not bound by human terms. We are so different than merely friends, or dare I say, husband and wife, no. It's as if we're the same, bonded to our life of danger and adventure. And that's why I let her in, why I let any of them in. My...his Bad Wolf especially. He loved her, and I was happy for them, my leather-clad Doctor and my Golden Bad Wolf. It's what I wanted most for them.
I wish it had felt the same as being the Bad Wolf when I was Idris. When I was Alive. To feel that immense love that transcended all of space and time, to experience the ultimate sacrifices my two favorite people in the world had made for the other.
I could feel my Trench-Coat Doctor's pain inside as if all emotion had been stripped away, when he stood motionless inside my Console Room after the Battle of Canary Wharf, when my Doctor lost his Bad Wolf. I feared he would have stayed emotionless forever if I didn't find a way to let him have at least some closure. Closure, not in the sense of forgetting her, but a chance to give a proper goodbye. I did my part, but sadly, my Doctor didn't get his closure then. I heard those three words spoken on his lips, the ones intended for her, but the ones she never heard.
Those three words echoed inside me for ages.
I suppose he never did get his closure. Even after leaving her with her happiness in the form of his clone the second time.
I don't know if saying goodbye forever to her past self ever healed him, I can't say. But I know he still misses her, and he never will forget her. And neither will I.
So I take care of my Bow Tie Doctor now, because I'm the only one who will never leave him, who will always be there for him, in place of the one who promised forever but was cruelly taken away from him.
But occassionally I see this loneliness in his eyes, a pain that can never be erased. I see Bad Wolf across the sky, written in the stars, beckoning to her love. But he can't see them. The voices of long-lost Time Lords shatter his soul, and the feeling of my human lips against his mirroring...
I haven't thought of her name in so long, she was always Bad Wolf to me. But he knows her name, and that's enough.
I remember the three of us, when we traveled together. Occasionally there were others, but our love was untouchable. The three of us were as one. And I wish it was the same, that it never had to end. I even wish we could have all experienced being Alive together. Wouldn't that have been something?
But she's Alive, right now. Just as I had been. And that's good.
That's why I didn't want to leave him and become ordinary TARDIS again, to give it all up. To be silent when my Doctor cries out, to be motionless when he needs someone to hold close, to be cold when he feels lonely.
I wanted to be his Bad Wolf, the one holding his hand, the one reassuring him through human words that everything would work out, no matter what happened.
To tell him I loved him.
But now I feel dead. The only thing I can do for my Doctor is take him to places where he needs to be. We've survived doing that for this long.
And it's all I can do for him now.