Title:I Wish You Could Hold Me

Characters\pairings: Castiel, Jimmy, Sam, John, Mary, and Mrs. Novak. Castiel/Dean.

Warnings: none so far, you'll just have a lot of questions at the end of this chapter.

Summary: Castiel is haunted by his past, and what happened to him. Now his family has moved to forget the past, but Castiel still can't be touched by anyone but his family... then he met Dean.


"Come on Castiel you'll be fine" Jimmy said moving closer to his brother "New school new people... although I think it was pretty stupid to start school on a Friday"

"Jimmy I can't do this" Castiel said when they walked through the front door into a crowed school. Students stood in the middle of the hallway talking, and running around. Castiel's grip on Jimmy's hand tightened.

Jimmy took in a deep breath "Okay, okay we can do this Cassie" he said, and started to make his way through the crowd of teenagers, pushing pasted people making room for his brother to slip through. They were moving fast, swift, and easy through the crowd Castiel could see the office when someone jumped out in front off Jimmy. Jimmy ran straight into the guy knocking them both to the ground, luckily Castiel had let go of his brothers hand.

"What the fuck!" the other boy groaned.

"Jimmy" Castiel breath crouching next to his brother.

"Shit, shit, shit!" he cursed as he held his wrist.

"Jimmy your wrist" Castiel said grabbing the twitching limb with careful fingers.

Jimmy gave a small pained laugh "What do you think mom will say when she hears I broke my wrist on the first day.. AH" he cried as Castiel lightly squeezed his wrist.

"Man are you okay" Castiel saw a hand reach for his shoulder, and he quickly flinched away from it falling back onto his elbows looking up at the boy. His eyes were shut tight as his body tensed, and he heart raised, his limbs trembled as he lost reality.

"Castiel!" Jimmy said, but Castiel was gone.

"I won't hurt you" he chimed as he inched closer.

"Kid, it's okay"

Castiel's eyes shot open, and blue locked with green "Not gray, not gray" Castiel whispered to himself.

"Are you okay" the boy said his hand reaching out only trying to comfort the frightened boy in front of him.

Castiel moved back "No, please d-don't touch me" he said.

There was hurt and worry in those green eyes that for some reason made him feel safe again, and his that nightmares would stop finally.

Jimmy was standing "Come on" he said grabbing Castiel who was still staring at the green eyed boy in front of him.


Jimmy and Castiel walked into their new home their mother already standing there waiting, Jimmy's hand was still twitching from hitting his nerve. "Oh my goodness, your finally home" she said rushing over to her sons, she gently grabbed Jimmy's arm.

He hiss "Mom... stop" he said.

She shook her head "Castiel honey go get his wrist guard. It's in one of his unpacked boxes" she said, and Castiel ran up stairs to Jimmy's room. He quickly searched through the boxes throwing clothes and books all over the floor, he reached to the bottom of one box and he could feel the guard brush against his fingers "Yes" he whispered. He went to grab it, but something sharp slide across his palm. He hissed from the pain, but still grabbed the guard. He ran down stairs his hand in a fist as crimson tears dripped from his hand, he handed his Mom the wrist guard before running to the bathroom. He held his bleeding palm under the cold running water, he knelt down as the pain subsided resting his head on the edge of the sink.

There was a knock on the door "Cassie?" Jimmy said as his slowly opened the door, he saw Castiel's bleeding palm "What' d you do" he said kneeling next to his brother. He grabbed a wash cloth and wrapped it around his hand "You did good today Castiel" he said.

"I saw him again" he whispered as tears blurred his vision "What if he finds us?"

Jimmy put a gentle hand on the back of his brothers neck, and pressed their foreheads together "He wont okay" he said as his brother started to cry "Shh.. its okay I'm here no one can hurt you."


Dean walked in to his house, he was still thinking about that kid he saw earlier. Why was he so scared? I wasn't gonna hurt him, Dean thought as he stood at the door. "Dean honey get cleaned up" he heard his mom say, but his brain didn't register it. "Dean honey I said... Dean?" she moved toward him slowly as if he was a frightened animal " Dean are you okay?"

Dean snapped back to reality "What... I'm sorry mom" he said.

Mary smiled "whats his name?" she asked, Dean's parents were very supportive of his sexuality.

Dean blushed "I don't know, but he.. never mind I'll tell you later" he said going to get cleaned up.

"Okay sweetheart when ever your ready to tell me" she said watching him with worried eyes.

Dean closed the door to his room and walked into his bathroom, he braced his hands on the sink "What did I do?" he asked himself out loud looking in the mirror.

"Dean are you talking to yourself again?" Sam asked from the other side of the door.

Dean groaned and threw the first thing he grabbed which happened to be his bottle of hair gel "Sam, go away!" he yelled.

"Okay, jeez I guess I'll just take your journal that I found in your book bag" he said and Dean laughed "Today there was a new kid at school his eyes were so blue it felt like I was swimming in the ocean. I think I'm in love. Only I don't know his name, and I think he's scared of me, I couldn't stop thinking of him like during math class I thought..."

Dean slammed the door open "You little shit!" he yelled running after his brother. Sam screamed running out of the room, and down the stairs "SAM!" Dean yelled following close behind Sam "Give it back" he tackled Sam to the ground reaching for the book.

"Get off!" Sam yelled back.

Dean ripped the journal form his hand "Dean Winchester!" he heard his mother yell. Dean looked up to see they had company "Get off of your brother right now!" she said through clenched teeth.

Dean rolled off of Sam and stood before helping his brother up "Come on twerp" he said as they started to walk toward they're mother. When they stopped next to their mother Dean felt someone smack the back of his head "Ow!" he said rubbing the back of his head and looking next to him to find his father standing there smiling at him.

"Now that we look like a normal family" she said with a smile "Boys say hello to the Novaks" Dean looked to the other family, and almost as if it was fate Dean's eyes met with a brilliant blue.

Jimmy notice and moved in front of his bother protectively "Hello!" Sam said stepping forward to stand in front of Jimmy "I'm Sam"

Jimmy smiled down at him "I'm James but you may call me Jimmy"

"I see your a man of good grammar" Sam smiled holding his hands behind his back.

Jimmy laughed "I guess you will enjoy our conversations?"

"It's better then talking to this barbarian" he said motioning to Dean.

Dean smacked Sam in the back of the head "I don't have bad grammar" he said.

John grabbed his arm "You will if you keep it up" he whispered "Hi I'm John" he said smiling.

"Guinevere" she said "My mother was obsessed with the Mid-evil time period and love the story of King Arthur" she explained.

"Well it's a lovely name" he said.

"Thank you, and these are my two sons" she said looked to the twins "Jimmy you already know, and Castiel"

Mary tilted her head to look at him "you don't have to hide we don't bite well unless your Dean" she smiled.

"Mom!" he groaned under his breath looking at her.

"what?" she said looking at him to see his flushed face, and realization set in. her eyes widen but she stayed calm "Anyway boys why don't you take Jimmy and Castiel up stairs and get to know each other while we talk with their mother"

"That sounds like a great idea boys" Guinevere said looking at her sons who had matching expressions of worry "You'll be fine" she whispered.

"Right um Guinevere please follow us" she said walking toward the kitchen.

Dean looked to the twins "Well lets go" he said leading them up stairs, he turned to open Sam's door.

"Wait why are we going into my room?" he said.

Dean snorted "What you afraid they'll find your unicorn collection" he said.

"NO!" Sam yelled "I'm doing a science project and my rooms a mess"

"Whats your science project on?" Jimmy asked.

"Lets find out" Dean said pushing the door opened "Holy shit dude!" he said.

In the middle of Sam's room was a two foot model of Apollo 13 "I'm gonna explain how it didn't make it home" he said walking over to it.

Jimmy walked over leaving Castiel behind "This is amazing" he said "How long did this take you?"

Sam smiled "five weeks"

Dean shook his head and turned to walk out of the room, but stopped when he saw Castiel in the doorway. Dean was afraid to go near him after what happened earlier, he looked at the notebook in his hand, he really did need to hide this. Castiel was shifting nervously, his shoulders tense, his eye locked on the floor. Dean was broken from his train of thought when something hard hit his back "Sam you have three seconds to drop the sling shot and run as fast as you can" he warned.

Sam giggle as he ran to the doorway "Excuse me" Sam said.

Castiel moved aside watching Sam run pasted, then watched as Dean did the same. Jimmy walked over to him laughing "Come on" he said following the boys. Castiel follow slowly behind feeling a little like a ghost to everyone else, forgotten and alone.

Dean was carrying Sam over his shoulder into his room, his journal sticking out of his back pocket. Dean laugh as he threw Sam on his bed "Alright Sammy" he said "Time for torture" he said as he began to tickle his little brother. Sam laughed and pushed at Dean as Jimmy stood there smiling, Castiel had a light smile on his face. He went to step forward when his foot landed on a notebook, he remembered that it was sticking out of Dean's pocket. He bent down to pick it up; he read the the front and smiled at the small written conversations like "Jo was here and Dean wants to marry Brad Pitt" he followed the line that lead to Dean's comment "No I don't and stop writing on my journal" Castiel smiled "You mean your diary" He leaned against the door frame "IT IS NOT A DIARY it's a journal" he turned it over to read the back cover "Ash was here and Dean wishes he had my hair... busyness in the front party in the back" Castiel grinned Dean had so many friends "Ash I wouldn't want your hair cut if it was the last one on earth"

"Wait... Dean stop" Sam said before standing and grabbing Jimmy's hand "I forgot to show you something" he said and squeezed past Castiel without touching him as did Jimmy.

Dean sat on his bed smiling as he watched Sam leave with Jimmy, but he gasped when he saw Castiel with his journal. He stood and slowly walked over to him "Cas...?" he said gently grabbing the notebook.

Castiel's head snapped up "S-sorry I-I didn't read i-it" he stuttered nervously letting go of the notebook.

"No, no Cas it's fine really" Dean said panic filled his voice.

Castiel looked at him like he head ten heads "What... Cas?"

Dean didn't even notice the nickname "Oh my god I'm sorry Castiel"

"No, no I-I don't mind if y-you call me... Cas" He said shyly.

Dean smiled "Well while our brothers are off being nerds you wanna come sit?" he said.

Castiel Nodded before walking forward, he jumped when Dean closed the door. Dean then sat down on his bed "Come on" he said.

Castiel cautiously sat down "You room is... nice" he said.

Dean laughed "Thanks" he said "Relax would' ya your backs as straight as a board"

Castiel looked at Dean; Dean was sitting back against the wall. Castiel slowly moved to the same position, he smiled at how comfortable it felt. It was silent in the room, but not an awkward silence more of a content silence.

"Do you like brownies?" Dean asked out of no where.

Castiel smiled "What...?"

Dean was staring at the ceiling "I love brownies" he said licking his lip. Castiel's eyes followed that little pink dot as it trailed across his lips "In fact I made brownies yesterday" he sat up "want one?"

Castiel smiled "I would love one" he said.

"Awesome come on" he said standing and walking out of the room Castiel following behind him. Dean pasted their parents on the way.

"Dean?" his mom said "What are you doing"

"Um... I am trying to mentally scar Castiel" he joked grabbing a knife to cut the brownies out with.

"Oh okay... Wait what!" she said.

Dean laughed as he cut Castiel's brownie and placed it on a napkin "Nothing mom, nothing"

"Okay just.. don't break anything"

Dean shook his head and picked up both brownies and place them on the kitchen table "Here sit" he said walking over to the fridge "Can you drink milk?"


Dean pulled out the milk and placed it on the table before going to get some cups. Castiel was watching Dean the entire time. Dean poured the milk before sitting down and ripping off a piece of the chocolate square and popping it in his mouth "You can eat it you know it wont bite back.. I hope it wont anyway" he laugh.

Castiel picked up the brownie and bit into it, he almost moan by the taste, but instead it came as a laugh as Def Leppard- Love Bites played in his head for some odd reason. He placed the brownie down so he could cover his mouth and laugh.

"Whats so funny?" Dean asked.

"Nothing the brownies are amazing" he said over his laughter.

"No seriously how are brownies funny.. did it actually bite you" he joked and Castiel laughed harder which made Dean laugh.

"Castiel..?" Guinevere said walking into the kitchen, tears filled her eyes when she saw how happy Castiel was. Its been so long since she's heard his laugh, or seen him smile.


Thank you all for reading, and please review.