Wanting a Child
As long as I remember, I've always wanted to have children. I wanted to have that type of love and closeness with my children as I've had with my parents. I thought there would have been nothing greater than that. I was so excited when I came to be of an adult age where pregnancy would be likely to happen, but the problem with that scenario was….
I'm a lesbian.
I would need a man in order for me to get pregnant and I knew that I couldn't have relations with a man sexually, even if I wanted to have a child. What were the alternatives? I wasn't aware of any other than having sex with a man and since I knew that wasn't possible, I was saddened that my dream of having a child wouldn't come true.
Luckily after mentioning my problem to my sister Miyuki, she mentioned something about sperm banks. I was amazed because I hadn't realized such places existed, but I was happy because I had a way to fulfill my desire of having a baby. So I asked immediately for the address.
The very next day, I went to the sperm bank address to start the process of my pregnancy. I was a little scared at what would happen as I made my way inside the building, but I was confident that everything would work out.
"Good morning. How may I help you?" The receptionist behind the desk asked. For some reason, I became nervous.
"H-hi. I'm here to get an insemination done" I tried to smile even with my nerves.
The receptionist stood from her chair, going to the stack of clip boards with papers on them. "Do you know if you're ovulating?" She asked after handing me the clipboard with some paper work on it.
I definitely didn't know if I was ovulating. Stupid me. "N-no, I don't know. I think I was so excited getting over here that I forgot to check"
She smiled. "You must really want a baby, huh?" I nod. "It's okay. You're not the first who's come in here not knowing if they were ovulating due to excitement" she bent down looking for something. After finding what she was looking for, she stood up, a box of some kind in her hand. "This will help you see if you're ovulating. Just follow the directions and when you're finished, return the paper work and we can get started"
I made my way over to the chairs that were in the lobby, taking a seat and proceeded to fill out the paper work for the insemination. The paper work was pretty simple, so I was done in a few minutes. All I had to do was take the ovulation test. Walking over to the reception, I placed the clipboard in front of her.
"So you're done with everything?"
"Well not quite. I need to take the ovulation test, but I don't know where the bathroom is?" I sheepishly said while scratching the back of my neck.
"Okay, you want to go down that hall" She pointed to my left and so my eyes followed. "and it's the first door to your left"
"No problem. Just come back when you're done and we'll take it from there"
"Okay. I'll be back" And with that said, I made my way down the hall and opened the door on the left.
The bathroom was a spacious pink colored room. There were some magazines in the corner, which hinted to me this is probably where the sperm donors come to handle their business. I couldn't help by giggle at the realization. It was sort of gross though, especially at the thought guys sperm landing somewhere other than the wherever they put the sperm.
Trying to focus on what I came in here to do, I put the toilet seat down before sitting and opened the book that contained the ovulation test. Taking out the directions, I began to read.
"So just basically pee on the stick, wait 15 minutes, and if it shows a plus sign then I'm ovulating. Pretty simple directions to follow" And so I got to it.
I lifted the toilet seat, pulled down my jeans and panties and sat down. I positioned the ovulation stick where I thought my pee would come out and began to use the bathroom. Once done, I sat the stick on the sink before wiping myself and fixing my clothes.
It was definitely the longest 15 minutes I had ever encountered. I was so nervous just waiting. I really hoped that I was ovulating, so I can become the mother I've always wanted to be. After looking at my watch and seeing that 15 minutes had passed, I hesitantly picked up the stick. I closed my eyes too scared to see what it was going to read.
Please be positive! Please be positive!
I cracked an eye open, still not too sure what to expect. To my surprise, I was actually ovulating.
"Yes!" I jumped in the air before doing a little victory dance. After composing myself, I threw away the stick and made my way towards the reception desk. "I've completed the test"
"I'm ovulating" I said in an overly excited voice.
"Good for you. I guess that means we can continue on with the next part of the insemination process" The receptionist went over to a nearby file cabinet, flipping through a few folders.
"So what's the next part of the insemination process?"
"To pick out your sperm donor silly" She giggled and I blushed. How could I be so stupid? "Here are some folders of some possible donors. If you don't find any you like, just return them and I'll give you some more to choose from"
I picked up the folder, saying a quick thank you to the receptionist before taking a seat.
"Let's see what we have here" I picked up the first folder opening it.
Hmm…Yunno Scrya. Works as an Archaeologist. Interesting. Looking at the accompanying picture, I could only think of one thing….Damn he looks like a ferret. I don't want my kid looking like an animal. Next!
Chrono Harlaown…hmmm….not too bad looking. I'm not too fond of his blue hair though. I'll keep him in mind.
I continued to go through the folders, but it seemed that none was catching my attention and I didn't feel like there was a good candidate in the bunch to being my sperm donor. I want him to be different than the usual guy….something better.
I got to the last folder of this pile. I really wasn't sure that this person would be the right person either, since all the other ones weren't any good.
Fate Testarossa. Well that's definitely different. Sounds like a girl's name. I took a glance at the accompanying picture. Definitely looks like the feminine type of guy, but he's definitely handsome. And what beautiful eyes. I found my fingers to be tracing the face of this Fate Testarossa. He was something I had never seen before. His eyes seemed so sad and I couldn't help but wonder why. I was definitely intrigued by this unknown person. I just had to read on. Age: 25 (Same age as me)….lives in the city….he's a lawyer. Well I'm sure impressed. As I read on, I was even more impressed with him. He would be even willing to see the child if it decided to want to know its father. Fate seemed like a really nice person and I just knew I wanted him to be my donor. As I got to the end of the documents in the folder, something caught my eye. Gender cannot be specified. Is a Hermaphrodite! Ehh?
I knew that hermaphrodites existed, but I had never expected to encounter one here. I wasn't sure what to do now. Fate was the best candidate I had come across so far, but now….I wasn't so sure. So many questions flooded my mind. Would my baby have both male and female anatomy? How would people react if my baby did? As I thought about it more, I didn't want to risk my baby going through problems. I couldn't put my baby through that.
I closed Fate's file ready to put it in the pile with the rest, but stopped. Opening the folder back up, I couldn't help but be drawn in by those sad eyes again.
You must have had a hard life, didn't you? I was feeling sad for this person I didn't know. I couldn't help but wonder about Fate's life. What was it that caused these beautiful eyes to look so sad….those eyes…..my baby would look beautiful with eyes like Fate's.
I decided then, at that moment, I didn't care what Fate was. She deserved to have her sperm used and so I chose her as my donor.
I gave my donor choice to the receptionist and a little after that, I was called to the back after Fate's sperm was thawed. I was told to put a hospital like gown on and after doing so, I laid down to begin the insemination process.
I do have to say I was nervous when I saw the syringe with that long tube on it. I was a little worried that it would hurt having that tube placed in my uterus, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I had to lay there for a little over an hour after the doctor put the sperm in me, but all I could think of was the process that was occurring within my body. The pregnancy process was taking place and I just hoped that everything worked out the way I wanted it to be.
I was told to take a pregnancy test a few days after the insemination, but when I did, it came out negative. I was very sad about it. I would have to wait until next month before I could try again. And I wasn't so sure that it would work then. I began to doubt everything.
I was so depressed after that, that I began eating my pain. I wanted a baby so bad at that time. I just wanted to be a mother as soon as possible. It was just unfortunate that the insemination didn't work.
As the weeks began to pass, I ate more and more and as a result, I was getting sick more. I knew I should have been cutting down on how much food I would eat, but I would always feel hungry for some odd reason. Everyone was getting worried about me because they felt that I was having a really hard time after not getting pregnant the first time. I told them not to worry. Things would be better when I ovulate again. I guess they were unconvinced and still were worried since I continue to overeat and became even more sick.
One day, my sickness got so bad that I had to go to the hospital. No one knew what was wrong with me. I just kept on throwing up. Nothing would stay down and that's what really had everyone worried.
After spending a few hours in the hospital, I found out that I was pregnant. I was so shocked and I definitely wasn't the only one because when the news was delivered everyone's mouth hung open, eyes wide.
My mom was the first to recover from the shock of the news saying that the pregnancy explained my sudden habit of eating like a cow. I pouted, but nonetheless accepted all the congratulations from my family.
I placed my hand on my stomach, looking at my stomach affectionately.
I'm going to be a mother….
As the months passed, my belly grew bigger….I think I was getting chubby too. My little baby must have been constantly hungry because I was still eating everything in sight. I was hurting all the time. My ankles were swollen, my back was hurting. Who would have thought wanting a baby would cause me so much pain.
Once it was time for me to get the ultrasound that would tell me whether my baby would be a girl, a boy, or both, I was a little anxious. I wasn't sure what I was going to have. I never told my parents about Fate being a Hermaphrodite. I didn't really tell them anything because I wasn't sure how they would feel about me choosing someone like Fate. So I just kept it to myself.
My nerves were on overdrive when the gel was placed on my belly. I guess my mom could tell, because she took my hand in hers giving me a reassuring smile. Her smile calmed me down a little.
As I thought about it more though, it really didn't matter what my baby was because I would love my baby no matter what. And I promised at that moment to protect my baby from those who would try to harm it.
"Well congrats Nanoha, you're going to have a healthy little girl" Dr. Shamal smiled.
I looked towards my mom and she had the most delightful smile on her face. "You're going to have a granddaughter mom"
"I'm so excited because of that and the hundred bucks your father owes me now"
Huh? "You betted on what I was going to have?"
"Yep. I knew you would have a girl. It was easy to figure out since I have more daughters than sons. So I'm going to have some extra money today" she grinned.
My family was ridiculous.
Looking down at my stomach and thinking of my daughter that was growing inside of me, I couldn't help but think of what Fate was doing right now. Did she know that I was pregnant with her child? Was she okay? For some reason, some part of me wanted Fate to be here to experience all this with me. It's definitely rough being a single parent and the baby isn't even here yet…but at least I still have my parents and my brother and sister to help out.
Those last few months went past really quick and I was currently in the hospital with my mother and sister holding my legs up as I began to push my little girl out.
"Mommy, it hurts" I cried as I took a break from pushing.
"Shhh" She soothed as she moved some hair from my sweating forehead "Now you'll think twice about having a baby and not want it so fast" She teased. I pouted even though I was in pain. "You don't have much to go baby. She'll be out in no time. You just have to push a little more, okay?" The smile my mother was giving my soothed the pain a little. She had a way of being able to soothe people with a smile. I'm happy she's here with me.
With some new found strength from my mother, I began to push again.
"Ahhh! Oh my God" I pushed harder even though it felt like I was being ripped open.
"I see a head!" My sister said with excitement.
"Come on Nanoha. Just a little further" My mother encouraged.
And that was all I needed to push harder and when I did, it felt like a canon popped out of me, followed by the feeling of something being pulled out of me. I would have thought about the pain I was feeling if I didn't hear the sound of my baby crying.
It was the sweetest thing I had ever heard.
I opened my tightened eyes and there before me was my baby. The doctors were suctioning her mouth out as she cried. I could feel tears coming down my eyes. I was so happy. I was finally a mother….my baby was here at last.
The doctors placed a blanket down on me before placing my baby on my chest as they continued to clean her and removed the placenta from my body.
"Hey little one" I cried. I was so proud at what I had created….what me and Fate's sperm created. I was so thankful and appreciative to Fate for donating her sperm and helping me create this little buddle of joy.
The doctors removed my baby from me in order to clean her properly and put a diaper on and wrap her in a blanket. They then weighed her.
"She's 7lbs Nanoha" Miyuki called out as they finished weighing her.
"I'm surprised it isn't more than that. She had you eating like a cow" My mom teased, which caused me to pout in return. "Don't worry, you'll lose all that baby fat" My mother laughed. I was about to whined, but the doctor came with my little one.
"Here's your baby" Dr. Shamal said while handing me my little girl.
"You're so beautiful" She was. She was like a sleepy angel. She had a cute little button nose, small little hands, brown strands of hair. She was everything that was me and it had me wondering if she had anything that resembled Fate.
"She's so beautiful Nanoha. You did great" She mother kissed my forehead. I couldn't help but smile at the affection.
"Yeah, you did great little sis. I'm so proud of you"
"Thank you mom and Miyuki for being her with me" I cried some more and it caused some tears to come to their eyes as well.
"So" My mom wiped her eyes. "What are you going to name my granddaughter?" She placed her hand on my baby's head.
"I don't know. I haven't been able to come up with a suitable name yet"
My mother gasped. "You haven't come up with a name? Not even a few possibilities?"
"No" I sheepishly said.
"Well this certainly won't do. You can't just have a nameless baby, Nanoha"
"I know mother" I sighed. I looked down at my baby's sleeping face. "What should I name you my little one?" Right at that moment, her little yes opened to reveal bright burgundy eyes. And at that moment, Fate's face came to mind. I knew what I was going to name my baby. "Faye"
"What was that?" My mom asked.
I snuggled closer to my baby with a smile on my face.
"Faye. Her name is Faye T. Takamachi"
My little angel….
A/N: Hey everyone. Just wanted to write this before anyone got the idea. Hope you enjoyed it and I'll be updating my stories after I graduate next week.