'Kay- this one's one of my favourites! Please review and enjoy!


"Ugh- Jasper!"- my wife whines petulantly, crinkling her pretty little nose. "Stop changing your decisions so much!"

"I would if I could, darling," I assure her. "You know I can't."

She sighs and entwines her fingers with mine, her little hand feeling incredibly tiny and fragile within mine.

"It doesn't help that I can't see the other end," she sniffs. "Sometimes I wish Nessie wasn't a blind spot."

I lift an eyebrow lazily. "Sometimes, Alice?"

She laughs that tinkling, faerie-like laugh of hers that never fails to brighten my mood. "Alright, all the time. But really," her face droops into a pout again, "I really do want to know if she'll like my gift."

"I'm sure she will, honey," I say soothingly, then add with a smirk, "she isn't like her mother."

"No, and thank goodness for that!"-she agrees fervently. "What that woman thinks when she looks into a mirror, I just cannot figure out."

"Ah, well," I say lightly, squeezing her hand, "to each his own."

"Her own, you mean chauvinist!"- she teases me.

"Of course. Forgive me, ma'am," I say, relapsing into my long-buried Southern accent, which I know she loves.

She giggles and rolls over to lie on top of me and pecks a kiss on my nose. "You play hard, Mr. Sexy-Southern-Accent."

I grin. "You ain't seen nothin' yet, missy."

She grins even more widely, her dancing eyes boring into mine. "Really?"-she drawls, when suddenly her whole body stiffens, just as I do the same.

"There they are," she murmurs and slips off me and onto her feet in the twentieth of a second; I stand up beside her an instant later. I tense into a crouch immediately, my throat taking first precedence in my mind again, when Alice touches the small of my bent back gently. "No, wait," she whispers. "They'll smell us. The wind's blowing their way."

I straighten up with a sigh, fighting a near battle in my head against the unreasonable thirst.

"We're fast enough," I say in a petulant ragged whisper, rumpling my hair sullenly.

"Yes, but you'll trip and fall," she explains calmly.

I freeze for a moment and then say, harshness still not gone from my tone- "That's impossible. I never trip and fall."

"No you don't, Jasper, not unless I trip you," she explains patiently.

I stare at her for a second, flabbergasted. "But- but… you can choose not to trip me!"- I say incredulously.

Her mouth stretches into a wide grin again. "Nope. Sorry, my love, but the opportunity's too hard to ignore." She leans in towards me, peering up at me from beneath her long-lashed eyes. "Absolutely irresistible."- she purrs and presses her finger onto my chest and gently runs it down my front as she turns away, a very flirty smile on her face. The bloodlust in me is nearly gone, driven to distraction by her seductive playfulness- and is replaced by a different sort of lust altogether. The decision is made as I am executing it: I crouch fleetingly before leaping into the air and onto her, sending us both flying some twenty feet before we crash onto the mossy forest floor at the base of a tree.

I have my arms wrapped tightly around her- so tightly that our diamond-hard bodies emit a harsh scraping sound as my limbs grate against hers. Her eyes are filled with shock as she gasps, her breath blown out of her- "Jasper!" She tries to escape from my grasp, but I'm not having any of that. I roll around so that she is on the ground, with me crouching on top of her like some weird cage, my hands holding her arms on either side of her face; her legs locked together between my knees.

"Wh- what are you-" she half-laughs, half wheezes, but I cut her off with a hungry, passionate kiss on her mouth.

Several seconds later I pull away abruptly, and she lifts her head as though to try and catch my face with her puckered lips, hunger burning in her obsidian eyes.

I grin from the safe distance. "You're right, darlin'. Absolutely irresistible."

Alice groans. "Come back here, you coward," she growls. "I'm not finished."

I chuckle lightly. "Come here yourself."

She pulls back her lips over her teeth and growls menacingly. A very disturbing reaction from one so doll-like. But I am well used to this Alice, and so I give her a happy, monster-worthy grimace of my own. She begins to struggle again, but I didn't survive through decades of Newborn babysitting through sheer dumb luck. As such, Alice is well and truly pinned to the ground.

She glares at me for a moment, nostrils flaring, and then demands frustratedly, "Are you ever going to let me up?"

"Hmmm, let me think," I say mock-thoughtfully, and then grin, "You should know. Am I?"

She focuses her eyes for a moment on the green leafy canopy visible just above my shoulder, then sighs, "I don't think so."

"Whatever shall we do?"- I chuckle.

"Jazz- we have stuff to do."-she says, her voice deceptively calm.

I lean in again- slowly this time- and place my cheek against hers, breathing in the scent from her hair, and gently brush my nose against her jaw, drowning in her distinctive aroma. I hear her stop breathing, and her arms twitch involuntarily in my hands. "Stuff can wait," I murmur, smiling.

She moans very, very softly. "Jasp-" I cut her off a second time with a kiss- this time it is slow, deliberate, and lingering. I feel her tensed muscles relax under me, and I do the same, loosening my hold on her as we delve in deeper into the kiss…

With a sudden Crack! My arms are slapped to my sides, and Alice propels herself off the forest floor, pushing me off her in the same movement; and then she is holding my arms and I am the one lying on my back on the floor, her ankles locked together while her legs are straddling me and her hands pinning my arms to the side like I had hers. It is only after this blur of movement that our lips unlock, and I open my eyes to gaze in shock at her laughing triumphant ones.

"Absolutely irresistible," she repeats with a dazzling smile.

I stare at her for a minute, then burst into laughter. She joins in with me.

"Touché," I say lightly. "You saw it happen?"

Her grin widens. "Actually, no. It was all on the spur of the moment."

"Well-played," I compliment her generously.

"Thank you," she says, just as affably.

We pause for a moment, both gazing at each other with polite contentment.

"Er- aren't you going to let me up?"- I ask her finally.

"No," she tells me happily, and my jaw drops.

"Alice!"- I protest.

"Decide on Nessie's gift."- she orders me.



"Aw, come on, Alice… right now Nessie's the last thing on my mind."- I grin, eyeing her suggestively.

"My, aren't you the charmer," Alice says sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"You can't be serious," I tell her, incredulous again.

"Nessie's birthday is three days away," she says, as though that explains everything.

"And so I have to decide here? Now?"

"Yes, where you're away from Edward's nosy curiosity and burning desire to lecture you about what gifts are appropriate for Nessie… whether you like them or not!"- she snaps, giving way finally to the irritation I had sensed in her eyes quite some time ago.

I simply raise an eyebrow. "I- I've had the honour of being subjected to such a session already," she adds unwillingly. I can almost see swear words gathering on the tip of her tongue, ready to be dropped at the least provocation.

I hide my laughter with some difficulty: Alice does not like being advised or commanded or ordered about by anyone against her will- especially by the fussy, overbearing, over-protective parent that Edward has become.

She guesses at my attack of mirth, however, and she says dangerously, eyes narrowing, "Oh, and you think you'll be spared the horror, do you? My dear, silly, ignoramus of a husband, Edward will jump on your back the moment you step within his hearing range. His mental hearing range. It doesn't help you've offered to keep Emmett's gift a secret from him."

I sigh with half-apprehension and half-irritation against my brother.

"I know, the man pisses me off," Alice agrees to my sigh darkly.

It is at that moment that I realise that her hold has loosened on me. Without daring to think any further- knowing that to think near Alice is to act- I push her off me, just as realisation hits her with a too-late vision.

We roll on the forest floor again, crushing a treacherously exposed tree root in the process. But Alice has been forewarned by the vision and she holds on to my wrists tightly, not for the life of her letting go. At times it is her on the ground, me gaining ascendancy on her, but before I can enforce the same strong prison as I had before, she uses her momentum to push me off her, and her surprisingly strong, slight figure is pinning me down. This general sequence of events is punctuated by much playful hissing, growling and other monstrous noises on the part of both parties, and goes on for several minutes as we crash around, knocking off young trees and flattening everything else in our path.

"Ha!"-Alice squeals triumphantly, her knees on my abdomen, her hands pressing hard on my arms, her dancing black eyes inches away from mine.

I grin wickedly at her, and then do an absurd manoeuvre completely against the laws of physics- I draw my knees up, and then, with a tremendous push from the ground- which I'm sure has left a dent- I do a backflip, a somersault over my own head, lifting my wife's petite form with me and crash onto the ground a full one-eighty degrees from before, the wife's aforementioned petite form crushed under me.

"Dammit!"- she curses before her breath is whooshed away from her lungs. I laugh triumphantly and kiss her again, letting go gently to smirk, "Ha."

"Alright, truce… truce!"-she gasps as soon as she regains her breath. Then she becomes aware of her appearance. "My clothes, Jazz!"-she groans ominously. "My Guess jeans- argh!"

I understand immediately that she has really passed to serious business now- and I don't have to be an empath for that.

So I roll off her into a lazy seated position next to her, composing my face to an expression of solemn repentance. She rises in human speed, still grimacing and still detailing her ensemble for the day. "Authentic stonewashed! And the new Marc Jacobs shirt- I've been saving it since ages!"

I bite back the "Last Saturday" which rises on my tongue as a very amusing comment indeed. Alice at such a time is not to be trifled with.

"And my Fendi espadrilles, torn- torn!"-she adds a mortified dry sob. "I look like an impoverished beggar- no, worse- a rag doll! A rag doll, Jasper!"

Rag doll.

And at that moment, I attain enlightenment. Ignoring her still voluble cribbing, I gather her in my arms and crush her to my chest, depositing a fervent kiss on her lips. "Thank you," I say feelingly. "I've decided."

Alice sees what I have in mind, and a reluctant smile appears on her face. "It's perfect. Even Edward won't object."

I laugh and kiss her again. "You're a goddess," I tell her happily.

Her smile is still grim as she mumbles against my chest, "Not with my shirt in this condition."

I unwrap my arms from around her and hold her at arm's length, surveying her critically, my eyes lingering on what's remaining of her shirt. "Personally, I think this Marc Jacobs fellow should have sold the shirt in this condition," I tell her seriously, before engulfing her with my embraces again, and drowning her giggles with my kisses.

So, a question to the readers... what do you think each Cullen's going to give Nessie? Go on, make your guesses... and I might even use some ideas- the prizes being loads of virtual sweetmeats and of course- credit at the end of the story. Go ahead!