Author's Note: I apologize for the delay in updating "Silence" and my other stories. Here are a couple of bonus scenes as way of apology. I also wrote them to get me back into the writing mood. I will work on a "Silence" update next.
This chapter takes place after chapter 33 of "Silence."
Chapter 4: Cobra shenanigans
"Fun with Fire"
Tomax honestly hadn't known if Deadpool would be able to go through with his scheme to torch the Baroness's clothing off. It wasn't that he'd doubted that Wade Wilson would try, but the elder Crimson twin had doubted Wilson's chances at success.
If he learned anything valuable that particular Thursday afternoon, however, it was this: if it was something insane and impossible, never doubt Deadpool's ability to do it…especially if money, beer, and a naked woman were involved as the reward.
Wilson had staged his prank during a particularly busy moment during lunch hour at the Cobra mess hall. The Crimsons twins rarely ate dinner with the cannon fodder of Cobra, but they had made an exception this time. Even rarer, they had seated themselves at a table with Buzzer, Weasel, Deadpool, and a few other Dreadnoks. To be fair, it was more out of the ordinary for Tomax than it was for Xamot, considering the company that his brother had been keeping lately.
It had started innocuously enough...the group was picking at their lunch while they waited for Deadpool to deliver on his promise.
They didn't have to wait long. Wade Wilson soon strolled through the cafeteria and plopped himself down next to Buzzer. Tomas saw a pair of lips move underneath the maniac's mask into what was probably a shit eating grin.
"She's on her way," Wilson told them all cheerfully. He swiped a greasy piece of pizza from Weasel's plate, rolled his mask up to his nose, and shoved it into his mouth. The rest of the group looked at each other before looking quizzically back at Deadpool.
"So…is it going to happen?" Weasel asked. Wilson grinned and licked his fingers.
"How?" Buzzer asked. "For all we know, the Baroness's clothing is fireproof."
Huh. Tomax had actually never considered that. From what he was feeling through his mental bond with his brother, the thought hadn't occurred to Xamot either. It was logical now that he thought of it. Why wouldn't she wear flame proof clothing if her mutant powers consisted of controlling fire?
Zandar snorted nearby. The normally silent man tipped back his glass of Pepsi and drained it before smirking at the others.
"Ms. Arrogant?" he asked. His voice was so quiet that the others had to strain to hear. "I doubt it. That would be a sign that she can't control her abilities. I bet you all dinner that Baroness wears expensive flammable clothing because of her powers. Her ego won't let her do otherwise."
"You bet us dinner?" Tomax smirked. "You sure that you can afford that?"
"Hnn," Zandar replied. The Dreadnok seemed pretty confident in his analysis. Tomax felt his brother mentally shrug and silently point out that it was part of Zandar's job to figure out character flaws in people.
"You're on," Buzzer smirked. The blonde Dreadnok turned his attention back to Deadpool, who had swiped another piece of pizza from an irked Weasel. Pizza sauce dripped down from the mercenary's mouth. Tomax pushed down a wave of disgust. The man was a barbarian. The Crimson Guardsman knew that he himself was many things, but at least he ate like a civilized human being.
"So…" Buzzer said. "What about…" Deadpool winked and hushed him. The mercenary indicated the end of the food line, where the Baroness and Destro were talking quietly with each other. The woman gave a derisive sneer as a Cobra trooper accidentally brushed against her. She quickly took him to task for his failure to show proper respect.
"I think that's your cue," Xamot murmured. Deadpool slurped from his soda before he began to saunter towards the Baroness's location in line.
"Baroness, baby!" Wilson shouted, making a beeline for the woman. The mercenary acted as though she hadn't torched him the previous day. "I loooove the getup today. Is that perfume you're wearing?" The Baroness scowled darkly when he put his arm around her and leaned in closely.
"Apparently you did not learn your lesson yesterday," Destro told him, stepping away. The Scottish laird knew perfectly well how his lover was going to react. "I suggest that you leave in due haste."
"Nah, Barry and I are good friends, ain't we babe?" Deadpool leered. The Baroness's eyebrows twitched.
"Barry?" she asked icily. The temperature in the room seemed to heat up by a few degrees. Deadpool stepped back and shrugged his shoulders.
"You know…Baroness…Barry for short," Wade Wilson explained cheerfully. "What, don't you like your nickname?" The mercenary suddenly poked her in the breast.
"Come on, what's wrong with Barry?" he asked.
The Baroness immediately exploded at the unwanted sexual attention. Rather than light up Deadpool with her powers, however, Anastasia DeCobray's hair and clothing suddenly ignited instead. The female Cobra shrieked and hissed as her clothing disintegrated in a fiery inferno. Tomax and the others watched in approval as her bare breasts bounced as she dashed towards the exit, still covered in flames. A concerned Destro followed closely behind her.
The whole cafeteria was dead silent when Deadpool rejoined his comrades. The Dreadnoks, Weasel, and the Crimson twins gaped at him.
"Wha…" Xamot stammered. "How the hell did you manage to do that?"
Deadpool burped and picked his teeth with the corner of a knife. He placed one boot on the table and leaned back in his chair.
"I mixed acetone in her hair conditioner and perfume. I also put some of inside her boots and let them dry," he replied innocently. "See? Old Wade ain't dumb. He can plan ahead."
"But wouldn't she have smelled it?" Buzzer asked. "How the hell did…"
"Acetone is in nail polish remover, isn't it?" Xamot suddenly asked. "One of our subcompanies sells beauty products and some customers were complaining about it. Something to do with health issues…."
"Yep," Deadpool whistled. "And I paid one of the female mutants to "accidentally" dump a bottle of nail polish remover on her. I figured that Baroness would change clothing, but the smell was still everywhere in her room when I snuck in."
"She must have thought then that the acetone she smelled was still from the nail polish remover," Tomax mused. "Wilson…that was remarkably brilliant of you."
"Yeah?" Wade Wilson grinned. "Well this 'remarkably brilliant' guy wants his $2000. Pay up." The mercenary held out a hand to the elder Corsican twin. Tomax didn't even grumble as he pulled out his wallet. He could afford to lose a measly two grand for what he'd just witnessed. The businessman opened his wallet and pulled out a few hundreds. Wade Wilson actually gaped when he found $2000 in cash instantly in his hands.
"Dude…you actually carry that much shit around in your wallet?" Deadpool asked, still amazed. "If I ever go broke, I know who to rob."
"Wade!" Xamot rebuked.
"Kidding! Just kidding!" the mercenary replied. Deadpool pocketed the money and grinned at Buzzer next.
"Where's my beer and soda?" Wade demanded. Buzzer pointed a thumb towards the direction of the Dreadnoks' quarters.
"I've got them in my room," the Dreadnok replied. "I'll give to you when we're done." Buzzer paused for a moment before breaking into hysterics.
"Dear God…please tell me that someone got pictures of that."
Very soon, the rest of the table erupted into laughter. When it became known that Weasel had in fact recorded the whole thing, the young man became very popular among not just the Dreadnoks and the small poker group, but in fact with everyone in the entire mess hall.
Later that day, Tomax reluctantly admitted to himself that he'd actually had fun. However, the Corsican vowed to himself that he wasn't going to make a habit out of spending time with low lives like Wade Wilson and the Dreadnoks.
"Not a Geek"
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Tomax and Xamot had spent the morning training with the rest of the Crimson Guard. The afternoon and evening had then been spent in meetings with Extensive Enterprises' clients and consultants. Tomax was now relaxing in a hot bath while Xamot had found another way to unwind.
"Seriously, Leia kissing Luke and then later claiming that she'd 'always known' that they were siblings is one of the most disturbing things in the trilogy," Weasel complained.
Granted, this wasn't one of the ways that the "old" Xamot had usually found to unwind.
"Well…." Xamot paused, struggling for an explanation that would fit. "Maybe she felt the connection but mistook it for sexual attraction? Besides, she obviously did it to piss off Han."
"I know that…and eww on mistaking the sibling connection for a sexual connection," Weasel replied, making a face.
On screen, the duo watched as the victorious Rebel forces danced in victory alongside Ewoks. Shots of the galaxy celebrating the fall of the Empire played across the screen before the Star Wars theme suddenly blared out. The closing credits rolled down the enormous, flat screen TV as the two men looked at each other.
"What now?" Weasel asked. Xamot yawned in reply. He was tired, but he wasn't quite ready for bed.
"I don't know," he admitted. The Corsican yawned again.
"Want to call it a night?" the younger man asked. Xamot shook his head.
"Soon," he admitted. The Crimson Guardsman stretched his shoulders and popped a crick in his neck. "Why don't you show me that new weapon you're working on?" Xamot asked. Weasel immediately lit up. Soon, the two men were engrossed in the younger man's blueprints. The Return of the Jedi once again played in the background.
Neither man paid any attention to the fact that Deadpool had let himself in.
"Oh my God, you GEEKS!"
"Shut up Wilson!" Xamot shouted back. He threw a pillow at the mercenary, who easily dodged it. "I'm not a geek!"
"Tomax!" Deadpool continued to holler. "Your brother's in denial!"
The older twin unexpectedly appeared in the living room, wrapped in an expensive bathrobe.
"I know," Tomax replied wryly. There was a resigned sigh from the elder twin as he disappeared into the kitchen. Xamot gaped after him. Even his brother was against him. Not only that, but Tomax had actually agreed with Wade Wilson.
Hell had frozen over.
"I'm not a geek!" he insisted once again. However, no one listened.
Note: I owe willwrite4fics. It was her idea that the Baroness wouldn't wear flame proof clothing because of her ego. She also had the idea of Deadpool mixing something flammable in the Baroness's perfume. It was Totenkinder Madchen's suggestion that he mix something flammable into her conditioner. There is a type of hair conditioner that is left in the hair, rather than washed out like shampoo.