Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. I own the rest, right? I guess. I own it if it's good...


Act One Scene One:

{Night. Street corner in Seattle, Washington outside of a four-star Japanese restaurant "Ichiban." Inside, a party of ten celebrating a birthday. Outside, a party of two, arguing vehemently.}

{Edward Cullen} A lean, tall, bronze haired male in a dark custom fit Armani and white starched shirt. Sake spilled on his shirt. Fuming.

{Bella Swan} A statuesque brunette in a red Herve Leger, Nude high Louboutons. Hurt. Snotty. Defiant.

Bella: You're such an... asshole!

Edward: And you're a spoiled brat!

Bella: How dare... {quieter, looking around} How dare you say that to me!

Edward: {yelling} How dare you come here and ruin Rosalie's party. It's time you learned that for once in your life, it's not about you.

Bella: Wrong. It's always about Bella Swan, Edward. You wouldn't have had all that sake tonight if it wasn't for me. Don't forget who made you!

Edward: {flustered} That's all we are to you, now? Your products?

Bella: {whispering, smiling at the passersby} Will you calm down? We're in public, and you're embarrassing me.

Edward: Afraid your precious reputation will be ruined? Don't worry, Bella. They don't care. Now, I want an apology.

Bella: Me apologize to you? I'll eat a filthy pussy before ever apologizing to your self-righteous, holier than thou, pompous ass!

Edward: Self-righteous?

Bella: Yes!

Edward: Pompous. {seething}

Bella: You got it, buddy!

{Edward grabs her by the arms, pulling her into the side alley between buildings}

Bella: What the hell are you- Where do you get off-

Edward: Shut up and listen. {pushes her against the wall covering her mouth with his hand}

{Bella bites his hand. Edward howls. He steps away, shaking his bleeding hand. Bella runs away for her bodyguard, Jacob. Edward runs after her.}

Bella: {calls Jacob Black on her Iphone} Pull the car around, now! We're getting on the next plane to L.A.

Edward: How could you do this to Rosalie? And Esme?

Bella: Always so damn sensitive. Always thinking of others. But you never think about how you hurt people all the time. You hated Rosalie in high school. You wanted nothing to do with her, remember? I was the one who was like family. I was the one who supported her. You abandoned her like she was a piece of trash. Fuck you Edward Cullen. Fuck! You!

Edward: It is taking everything in me not to slap you!

Bella: You wouldn't! You're too chickenshit to-

{Edward slaps Bella. Bella stumbles back, speechless.}

{Party of ten walk out of the restaurant dressed in evening attire- Rosalie Cullen Hale, Esme Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Emmett Hale, Jasper Hale, Alice Swan Hale, Tanya Denali, Jessica Stanley, Eric Yorkie, Quil Ateara}

Carlisle: What is going on out here?

Esme: We could hear you two from our table...{looks at Bella holding her face with her hand} Oh no, Bella! Are you alright? {sees Edward's bleeding hand} And your hand!

Bella: {glares at Edward} I'm fine, and it was coming to him. Enjoy the rest of the weekend. I'm going home.

Rosalie: Bella, don't do this. It's OK.

Edward: No, let her go. She didn't want to come anyway.

Bella: What? You read minds now?

Edward: If I ever read yours, I could hear a pin drop!

Bella: {cussing in French} I will never understand what I saw in you ten years ago, what anyone ever sees in you. If you were the last man on Earth, I wouldn't touch you.

Edward: I don't know what you said in that shi-shi fou-fou language but the feeling's mutual.

Alice: You two don't mean that. You used to love each other so much. You know you still do.

Bella: He never loved me. The only person Edward Cullen could ever love is himself.

{Rosalie and Emmett to themselves}

Rosalie: {mumbles} It's all my fault.

Emmett: {strokes her shoulder, consoling her} Don't worry about them. You have other things to worry about now. We both do.

Rosalie: You didn't tell anyone, did you?

Emmett: No, sweetie. I promised I wouldn't.

Rosalie: You're the only one who knows. If any of them find out, they will never forgive me.

{The Party watch Bella}

Bella: {opens her bag to pull out some keys} Here Esme. You can stay at my beach house for the rest of the festivities. I planned an entire weekend of events for everyone. The staff is expecting you tonight. And Rosalie's big surprise tomorrow evening is set.

Edward: Mom, we shouldn't.

Esme: {frowning} Bella, please work this out with Edward.

Edward: Let's go home and enjoy the rest of the evening as a real family. Rosalie doesn't want anything Bella has to offer.

Esme: {scolding Edward} Don't patronize her. She means well.

Carlisle: Bella, we don't want you to go.

{Alice and Jasper walk over to Bella and console her.}

Alice: It's been five years since you've been home. I've missed you. And we talked about hanging out a little bit more this summer, remember?

Bella: So come to L.A. We can hang out all you want. My next film doesn't start until September.

Jasper: Bella, she can't. She and I have to finish school this summer.

Bella: I can't {stares at Edward} I can't stay.

Alice: Maybe Edward was right about you... You're acting like a spoiled brat.

Bella: How could you say that, Alice?

Esme: She's gone through enough tonight. Let's let her be.

Alice: Give her the keys, Esme. We don't want it.

Edward: I always knew Alice was the smarter Swan. {stands at the curb, looking down the road} And here comes her chariot.

Bella: It's the least I could do. Rosalie deserves this.

Esme: No, what Rosalie deserves most is her friend back.

{A gleaming white Expedition rolls smoothly onto the curb. Jacob Black, a huge 6'5" guy in a black suit and Ray Bans, hops out}

Bella: Where were you, Blacko?

Jacob: Sorry, Ms. Swan. The private jet needed to be refueled. {notices her cheek, red from the slap} Who did that to you? {cracks his knuckles}

Edward: I did. She deserved it. You should slap her around more often.

Jacob: You want me to take care of this man for you, Ms. Swan?

Bella: {after a beat} Umm, yeah sure.

{Jacob lifts Edward off the ground by the collar. Everyone rushes to Bella, demanding she stop Jacob.}

Edward: {breathless and terrified} I'll have you know that I am a black belt, and I will take you down!

Bella: No, he isn't. {checks her cheek on her compact} He can't even beat up a couple of ten year old girls. But let him down.

Jacob: {sucks teeth} Yes, Ms. Swan. {drops him to the ground}

Edward: {standing up, brushing off his Armani} You love bossing men around, don't you? Something you learned in Hollywood? Sorry, Jacob. I wish I slapped her harder.

Rosalie: Don't speak like that in front of our mother, Edward!

Bella: {rolls eyes} Let's go home, Jacob. {walks to the back door waiting for Jacob to open the door for her}

Edward: I'll pray for the residents of Malibu.

{Jacob opens the door, helping Bella onto the backseat. The Cullens, Hales, and the rest of the party look on, some hurt, some disappointed. Edward Cullen walks back into the restaurant asking for some seltzer water. Rosalie cries onto Emmett's shoulder. Quil Ateara and Erik Yorkie spread information about the evening's incident on several social media sites calling Bella '#BitchySwan'}