YAY! Dib, Gaz, Zim, and even Gir are back for another round!
"He'd just be like, 'Ewww, this is sooo groosss!' and crying while they did it."
"Hey, what are you guys talking about?"
"Gay people on the down low having sex with their wives."
"Wow guys. Really?"
- The conversations my friends and I have. -_- No insult intended to you folks on the down low. Actually, one of the participants in this conversation were gay.
Oh irony. Enjoy. And yes, the title is a spinoff of Death at a Funeral
"Alien At A Funeral"
It had been 7 months.
The funeral procession was mostly quiet, filled with the groups of mourning people. The only sounds were that of them huddled together and crying pitifully. People were approaching the casket separately, as it wasn't the official time to do so yet.
This had gone on for the past 2 hours when a rather uncomfortable and suspicious figure entered the room along with several other people. Two of those three other people quietly excused themselves before heading off to make their condolences, leaving two behind to stand at the entrance. One of them being said figure, He was constantly glancing left and right and decided to break the silence and question the person who had dragged him there, who was the one left standing beside him.
". . . Why am I here again?" The figure finally said, leaning towards the one next to him to say so quietly and inconspicuously.
Beside him, the female sighed and ground her teeth before replying, quietly. "Because my aunt is dead, Zim. This is the funeral."
"I understand that," Zim insisted, as the two walked about nodding at people (most of which had handkerchiefs or tissues apparently attached to their faces) slowly in a somehow respectful procession. "But why am I here?"
Gaz stopped as they reached the edges of the room with the casket, hovering at the entrance where people passed (again, with nods) them to speak to the remains. Zim made faces of disapproval, but to anyone looking, it appeared as if he was frowning deep in thought and felt their commiseration towards him. However, if they had known he was belittling each and every one of them in his mind, they probably wouldn't have been quite as sympathetic to his nature.
Her white hands, encased in black, lace, finger-less gloves that went to her wrists, folded and unfolded uncomfortably behind her back. They began to play with the hem of her dress, which was just past thigh-length, puffy at the skirt and cinching at the waist with a silver, thick ribbon-belt. The top of the dress was corset-like and the sleeves were short and puffy. All of it was the traditional, funeral black. Even her tights were black with little rose-patterns stitched onto them. For Gaz, her usual black boots finished off the ensemble.
She wasn't the only one that had been forced to change though. Gaz had made Zim change his usual red/pink outfit with black pants for normal, human clothes. But when he'd completely revolted against doing such a disgusting thing as wearing Earth-clothes, he'd changed the color of his average clothes. So now, Zim wore a black instead of a red top, gray-armor-sleeves, and his usual black pants. Zim had even temporarily changed the color of his PAK to black patterns instead of red ones. His coat, too, was black but for personal comfort, on the inside lining of the zipped article, red dominated all. Occasionally glancing inside his collar to see the red, Zim was content to being surrounded by the enemy, as he refused to find consolation from Gaz out of pride.
"Because . . ." Gaz hesitated, as she had been avoiding mentioning this before now. "My family wants to meet you . . . Or something . . ."
Zim abruptly rounded on her, staring at her (while scowling at the horror she was about to put him to) and gripping her arms.
"They what?" He hissed, guiding her away from any prying eyes into the corner, stealthily but hurriedly. "And you didn't tell me?"
Gaz's eyes narrowed, mocking him in an attempt to guide the guilt off of herself. "You were the one who said 'I am Zim, nothing frightens me'. I was under the impression you wouldn't care."
Zim growled, angrily, his contacted eyes furious. "You dare turn my own words of truth against me? Fine, Gaz, I'll meet your disgusting little Earth-family. However, from what I've heard about your strange Earth tradition called 'funerals', you humans are normally under extreme sadness at this time and often depressed. I hardly would think anyone would want to meet anyone under circumstances such as those."
"Yeah, well," Gaz mumbled, raking a hand through her violet hair as she glanced at a vase in the corner. "They can mourn two things now."
"What is the second thing?" Zim asked, moving aside to allow her an escape from the corner (however much he'd like to keep her there; but there was quite an audience, and this was hardly the time to think like that).
She smirked at him. "They can be depressed about Aunt Clara's death, and having to meet you."
Zim was quietly snarling at her when someone cleared their throat, catching their attention and causing Zim to put on his best about face as he turned, hands folded behind his back in a soldier-like manner.
An old, well-groomed and chubby female with gray hair stood before Zim with such a sour expression it made his brow raise.
"Ah, there you are, Gaz," The woman said in a rather haughty tone that both people in attending disliked. "I saw Dib, but I was wondering where you had run off to." She eyed Zim and he scowled back at her, almost like a challenge. But she looked away, nose apparently permanently angled towards the roof. "Apparently, you were with this young lad. Am I to assume that this is the Zim your brother mentioned to me on . . . less then friendly terms?"
Gaz resisted a scowl, hand curling behind her back. She'd get Dib for that later. "Yes, actually. Zim, this is my father's adopted mother, Grandmother Afid. Grandmother Afid, this is my, um, boyfriend, Zim."
"Mm," Grandmother Afid said, holding her hand out for Zim to kiss. "Nice to meet your acquaintance, Zim."
"Thank you," Zim replied, eying her hand but making no move to touch it.
After a moment or two she withdrew her appendage, a bit of a smile hinting at the corners of her mouth. "Yes . . . Well, I'll be seeing you two later then. Ta."
As she walked away, Gaz snorted the amusement she'd resisted when Grandma Afid had been so unintentionally rejected.
"What an odd woman," Zim commented, watching her as she left to the casket room. A bit more quietly though, he added with extreme disgust, "And she's so old!"
"I think she likes you." Gaz informed him, remembering that hint of a smirk with a scowl. "The meaner they are the more she likes them."
Dumbfounded now, Zim shook his head after a pause. "However strange the rest of this shall be, I, Zim, will nonetheless be strong for his sahlm and persevere until these depressing festivities are over."
Gaz glared at him. "I thought I told you to stop calling me that."
He simply sneered at her, taking her hand. "Yes. Yes you did. Now, who else shall Zim bestow his temporary attention upon?"
And so, at the funeral, with Dib giving Zim a bad review beforehand, Gaz was forced to introduce her boyfriend (with a loose term on the word 'boy' and just an all around annoying and girly word) to her family, some of which who were blubbering out sentences through their tears and others who acted very much like Grandmother Afid. But Zim charmed them all, much to Gaz's annoyance. She'd been curious to see the viper-like attributes a selective few from her family had unleashed upon Zim.
Just because they'd been 'an item' for 7 months didn't mean they still didn't like to bother the hell out of each other.
It was then time for the speeches. Tomorrow they'd be burying Aunt Clara in an exclusive, immediate-family only. Zim had been dragged her under the false pretense Gaz was upset (tricked by Dib, of course) about the death of her family member, and had heroically offered to take her. Gaz had accepted without the slightest hesitation and it was only then did Zim realize that he'd been duped by both of the Membrane siblings. Dib, also, had been under the impression his family would let loose on Zim.
They were both fairly disappointed.
Gaz left Zim with Grandmother Afid once again, excusing herself from the dreadful woman (that Zim still disliked and shot a glare over her shoulder when she deserted him; hey, at least he'd get some torture out of this) with the pretense of needing some air. When Zim had offered to take her, Afid had insisted that if he really wanted to go outside, she could take him through the graves in the back and show him where her dear husband Alfred lay.
And so Gaz, on the outside and deserted patio, got to watch with a smirk and a cup of punch as Zim was dragged off into the backyard to see the dead, inferior human who had once been married to this even worse (because she was alive) woman.
She almost wished it rained while they were outside.
It was this moment when she heard something, though, making her turn her head to peer, uninterested, at the rustling bushes. Her brow rose as she waited for some sort of animal to scurry out. Oddly though, it just settled after she watched it for a few minutes. Then, nothing.
Gaz spared a glance at the intruder before refocusing on the bush for the slightest of movements, "Someone's in there, I think. What a weirdo. Who spies on a funeral?"
"Maybe someone who gets off on remorse or pain, like, say, you're boyfriend." Dib suggested, with a scowl as he too focused on the bushes with crossed arms. He was wearing the traditional black suit garb and somewhere, his father was doing the same, with an over-sized black scarf wrapped around his neck, hiding his mouth and nose as well in its vastness.
Gaz cringed at the word, "Ugh. He's not my boyfriend."
"Well then what would you call the person who you've been dating for the past 7 months?" Dib demanded, glancing at her instead of the bushes for a split second.
Her response was to glare back at him and in the instant she looked away, they both heard the bushes rattle. Gaz growled, glad the dress she'd picked out wasn't long and allowed her to run in it.
"Now look what you did!" She snapped just as she turned away and began to run off the patio towards where the person had disappeared.
It was at this moment Zim was returning, having insisted he had to use the facilities urgently, with the absurd old woman who had decided Zim would like nothing better then to link arms with her as she droned on about her life with Alfred. Zim was looking anywhere but her, desperately itching to disentangle himself from Grandmother Afid as his skin crawled, when spotting Gaz giving chase in the distance and Dib shouting after her.
"Gaz?" He said, eyes widening at the unexpected sight.
Grandmother Afid stopped in her speaking to look at what he saw with a disapproving look. "Ugh, that insufferable little girl. Always running about somewhere. You know, in my day, ladies never-."
"Your speaking bothers Zim!" He shouted, rounding on her with his restrained irritation. Growling now, Zim replied, backing away as he did so, "I'm leaving now, as I must run after the only hope of intelligence your species has before she gets herself into trouble that I must save her from."
And then he turned on his heel and ran after Gaz, muttering curses in several languages under his breath, leaving Grandmother Afid looking after him. Dib, having heard all of this, looked at his stunned grandparent with hope. Maybe, finally, someone knew about Zim other then-!
Then she sighed in content, "What a heroic young man."
Dib groaned and followed chase to the two.
Gaz was well ahead of both of them though, spotting the shadow darting through trees on the vast property of Grandmother Afid. But Gaz's eyes narrowed, focusing harder, as there was a clearing coming up that would soon reveal this creeps identity. Even if Aunt Clara had been a rather shy (and possibly schizophrenic) creature that Gaz had never really quite grown fond of, that didn't give this weirdo the right to spy on them. He was going to pay for the sake of paying, as she hadn't really given anyone a traumatizing experience in a few days now. Not since summer had started, at the very least.
They broke through the clearing then and Gaz saw the strange outfit he was wearing. She almost laughed at the very poor attempt at 'Dark Prince' this boy was trying to portray with his black and gray striped stalkings and little black elf shoes. His shirt was gray with black and gray striped sleeves, matching his stockings. On his head she could see from behind a poorly attached black, Afro-wig (obviously the last thing they'd had in the Halloween Shop he'd apparently bought it from, as the tag was still stuck in its poof) the only slightly impressive thing that he wore; a black, miniature king's crown that glistened with blood red stones around the white, cotton rim*.
"Hey!" She shouted, coming to a stop as he whirled around, leaving herself hidden in the shadows.
He moved very weird, like a puppet-shadow thing. But even with black gloves on his hands, his neck informed her he was white and unnaturally pale, even for her rather concerning standards. But Gaz considered herself pale but this kid was just . . . sickly. The guy wore a mask (smart, if you were breaking into someones house) that looked like a stitched-up scarecrow or something, with a mouth that could have been a smile or a grimace.
Gaz emerged from the shadows, amber eyes dark and menacing. Through her hiss she demanded, "Where do you think you're going, peeper?"
The boy didn't respond and had a posture between a human's and an apes, hunched with his arms dangling towards the floor and squatting slightly. From the distance between them Gaz couldn't see his eyes, but she could see the shadowed slits as he looked at her.
"Well here, let me give you a hint," Gaz replied, her hand curling into a fist as she approached him slowly, like a hunter with it's prey, except more cautious. Gaz was smart and vicious, not reckless and furious. She had no idea what this kid could do, though she wasn't afraid of him. He looked about her age. "To the depths of your personal nightmare realm."
The figure suddenly reached into it's back pocket with a lanky arm that one would guess was uncoordinated, but seemed unnaturally sure of itself. He whipped out something at her, aimed with accuracy towards her face.
Gaz, however, was much too quick for this amateur.
She caught the ball that was the weight for the very medieval weapon, twirling it around her finger as the boy stared at her in surprise, his posture straightening at the unexpected catch she'd done. Gaz gave a jerk then, pulling the chain from his hands and whipping it behind her, so it was now in her possession. The boy fell forward because of this but rolled, rolling back onto his feet and tensing. He just barely had time to dodge his own weapon turned against him.
Dib and Zim ran up then, Dib having pushed himself to catch up with the nimble alien. They reached the outskirts and paused to deduce the situation.
It was this time, however, that Scarecrow Boy got the upper hand. In Gaz's distraction at seeing her brother and significant other, the boy snatched the outstretched chain that she had just snapped at him around his ankle, jerking it down hard. Gaz slipped onto her backside, or would've if Zim hadn't shot forward and caught her, snarling at the boy vicious.
Once again he straightened, as if this was the cause of a new, interesting change to the situation.
Dib stepped forward then, fist held out at the boy, aiming his watch at him. "You wanna play tough? Let's play."
He hit a button on his watch then, and some form or another of a mini cannon appeared, aimed and charged at the boy. Said boy straightened completely, frightened beyond belief at this turn of events, and then began running for his life, Dib shooting at him as he disappeared, squealing, off of the property.
Zim, having caught Gaz by her arms as she'd fallen backwards, lifted her to her feet. Gaz, when standing on her feet again, began dusting off her dress. The forest had gotten a bit of dirt on it here and there.
"Great idea, Gaz," Dib said, retracting the cannon as he approached the two. "Chase after the weirdo hiding in the bushes."
"I thought it was the Dib-monkey's job to go gallivanting recklessly after strangers," Zim added, in all seriousness of scolding Gaz's decision while undermining Dib at the same time.
Gaz smirked a little at the jibe, ignoring her brother's sour expression. "If you hadn't distracted me, I would've probably caught the guy."
"Yeah, well," Dib said, dusting off his own garments. "He was a creep. You don't need to catch people like that."
Zim nodded, slipping his arm around her waist for guiding purposes, but he also enjoyed that whenever Zim touched Gaz fondly, Dib's skin crawled. Any chance Zim got to make Dib uncomfortable without consequence, he took.
"Let us go back to your dreadful little party then, before it is noticed we are missing," Zim insisted, leading Gaz, still dusting off her clothes, onto the path they'd made running through the undergrowth and trampling whatever was in their path. Quietly though, with the intention of privacy, Zim murmured, "Honestly though, Gaz. What compelled you to chase after that odd little monkey?"
Gaz glanced over her shoulder, past Dib, who was looking up at the trees and pretending Zim wasn't touching his sister, to where the boy had run off to. She scowled as the correct answer came to mind, "I'm not sure."
Zim eyed her carefully, looking where she had turned. He saw nothing and cursed the contacts for the slightest impairing effect they had on his true vision. Though he saw nothing in the shadows, Zim's grip tightened on Gaz's waist. She glanced up from her cleaned skirt, giving him a confused look at the possessive and protective nature. Zim rarely 'staked his claim over her', so to speak. Only when something was wrong. But Gaz didn't ask, because she wasn't going to get an answer anyways, and they both knew it.
Gaz nudged him with her elbow as they walked back, her arms crossed around her. Zim looked back to her, meeting her eyes. It didn't take a genius to see she was reading him, knowing his every thought in that instant and he knowing hers. The silent caution both of them felt. It only proved to worry Zim all the more, unnerve him, even if he didn't really show it. But he did in his way, by moving her so her head was on his shoulder and her body closed against him.
If only caution was good enough to prepare for an assassination.
WOOOO! A fight scene (however short) and a preemptive warning of a murder?
Come on; How much do you love me right now?
I'm just kidding. Till next time. *salutes*