Dean was sitting at the kitchen table at Bobby's nursing a beer as he stared out the window at the endless moon-lit junk piles. They were researching another thing, which Dean couldn't bother to recall the name of. The table in front of him was strewn with a variety of ancient texts that he had no interest in reading. Bobby and Sam where in the next room, the timbre of their voices wafting into the kitchen, but not quite reaching his ears. Dean's reverie was soon penetrated by Sam's huge frame flopping down in the chair across from him.
"I think I found something." Sam says, holding out the ancient volume, but receiving no reply. "Dean? Come on, man."
"Hmm," Dean replied shifting his attention away from the window and clearing his throat. "Ya, what'd ya got."
"You ok?" Sam asks, his brow creasing in concern.
"I'm fine, Sammy." He snaps. "Now are ya going to tell me what you found or do I need to order you a round of cosmos, Samantha."
"Are you sure?" He presses, ignoring the insult. "I know the whole thing with Cas… it's a pretty messed up situation, but…" Sam's interrupted by the scrap of Dean's chair as he stands up.
"I said I'm fine, damn it!" Dean shouts holding up his hand to stop Sam. "Let me know when it's time to go kill something." He grabs his jacket before downing the rest of his beer and swinging it on.
"Dean, come on! I'm sorry, but…" Sam calls after him. "Where are you going?"
"Out." He says before slamming the door.
Dean instinctively makes his way to the Impala, lopping the keys around in his hand. Debating if he should just drive until he runs out of gas or road, whichever happens first; instead he opts for a walk shoving the keys back into his pockets and keeping his hands buried within. He walks aimlessly through the piles, allowing his feet to take him in any direction that they see fit.
He's not sure how long he's been walking around for, but it seems like hours when he stumble upon the barn. For whatever reason, something compels him to go inside. As soon as he stepped foot inside, a faint ruffling was heard in the distance.
"Jesus fuck!" Dean jumped, momentarily caught off guard, but quickly composes himself. "What the hell do you want. You here for my soul now too?" He glares at Cas, who merely gazes back at him in his long suffering and wounded way. "I thought we made it clear, you are no longer needed around here."
"I just want you to know the truth." He sighs, turning his back on dean looking up at the loft of the barn.
"Oh, so now you're in the sharing and caring mood. Huh." Dean bites back.
"I do not know how many times I have to tell you that it was never my intention to deceive you, but I believe I am owed the right to fully explain my actions."
"What gives you the right? Or makes you think that I'd actually care anymore."
"I am still an angel Dean." Cas begins.
"If you pull that respect crap, I'm gunna punch you in your dick face."
"I should not have to remind you of all that I've done and lost, and who I did it for…"
"Ya, ya for Sam and me and Bobby, I know, thanks again really, don't let me keep you." He turns away from Castiel.
"You miss understand, Dean." Cas says starring straight at him now. "I did it all for you, only you. I do not think you realize the gravity of that, Dean."
"You can't toss your blame on me, Cas. I never asked for any of this." Dean says staring back before turning his attention to the support beam next to him. "I'm not your replacement for god and his blind orders."
"I know that." Cas replies his voice deeper and his gaze blazing. "Again, you misunderstand my intent." He sighs, his eyes softening a little. "I raised you from perdition, I helped you, I fell, and came back, and I raised Sam, all for you. I choose to do these things before I even recognized the concept of free will, and all I'm asking for now is for you to listen."
Dean knows he's right, and sternly nods his head for Castiel to explain himself.
"God," He starts, turning away from Dean with his head bowed. "God is gone, and I have no idea if the choices I make are true and just. I am without that guidance, Dean."
"You had us, man, we didn't go anywhere." Dean interrupts crossing his arms over his chest.
"I could not endanger you further; you had your normal life Dean. I didn't want to bring you back into this war."
"That doesn't mean we couldn't have talked, Cas. Shit, afterwards you just up and disappeared I had no clue what you where dealing with. All you said was that you where sheriff of heaven now and then poof." He shakes his head. "I assumed that meant you where in charge, end of story."
"If only," Cas replies sardonically looking at the ground.
"And Crowley. What the fuck, man." Dean snaps switching gears with the anger he felt. "I get that you thought I was happy or whatever, but you let us think that we killed Crowley. That's a pretty big lie."
"We had an arrangement," He states solemnly.
"Ya, with a demon, Cas. A black eyed, let's make a fucking deal demon!" Dean snaps, hitting the beam with his hand.
"It was a necessary evil, Dean. My brother," Castiel pauses searching above. "Raphael, is much stronger then I am."
"Necessary evil, my ass! So the souls can roid you up for the big game, is that?" Dean asks shaking his head. "That's a piss poor excuse."
"The gravity of this," Cas pauses swallowing.
"What! Just spit it out Cas," Dean yells standing squarely in front of the angel. "Christ!"
"If I lose, everything we fought for would be for nothing!" He replies, voice deep with venom standing right in Deans face, challenging him. Dean raises an eyebrow in silent questioning, his face hard and his jaw set. "Raphael will spring Lucifer and Michael from their cage and bring back the apocalypse."
"Then we'd just stop it again, jesus! Have some faith in us." Dean says realizing the irony of the statement.
"You'd be dead." He replies his blue eyes searching Dean's for understanding.
Dean swallows, realization sinking in. "We'd all be dead." He states simply.
"Exactly." Cas nods.
Dean pauses, turning away, scrubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Still, you could have just told us this, from the start man. I never thought you'd be the one. You lied to us and went to a demon of all things, over me. That trust is gone." Dean looks back at Castiel the hurt evident in his eyes.
"I understand." Cas bows his head. "Answer me, this Dean." He begins after a beat. "Is what I did so unforgivable, given the history of lies and mistakes that Sam and even Bobby have done over the years, that you cannot understand my intentions and forgive me?" Castiel raises his eyes to meet Dean's. "Or is it that I mean so little to you?" Dean barley turns around before the tell tale rustle and Cas is gone.