one day i was thinking to myself, what is haymitch's sorry life like? He really must be really out of touch with the world..

The World According to Haymitch Albernathy.

You know what? My life sucks. I think I should be entitled to some happiness you know? But all I have is my drinks and me.

I just woke up and I guess I slept on the table because I am not in my bed. I am staring at a butterfy that is on my windowsill.

I looooooooove butterflies. Yay for butterflies.

Like I said I am entitled to happiness. The only happiness I have right now is my butterfly…I will name him Gilligan. Or her. Do you think I care about that dern butterflies gender.


Why do I care what you think. You're just my conscience. You don't help me with anything do you? You are a very bad conscience. I should trade you in for a new one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are fired.

Now whose life sucks? HAHAHA-oh wait

still mine.

Eh. Where was I? oh yes. my life. well let me tell you abo-

(pauses because the doorbell is ringing)

Dang that doorbell. Why do I have a door bell? I thought I threw a twinkie at it last week and it broke.

Oh yeeaaahhh. That dumb Mellark kid got someone to fix it…

Well I better go buy somemore twinkies to throw…

Or maybe some liverwurst. Those are also pretty reliable.

I guess I better get off the table. That's the problem. In life you have to move and get your lazy butt up and do something with your life

. Whos smart idea was it to give humans arms and legs eh? And a purpose?

I should go teach them a lesson. But then of course I would have to move so maybe I won't.

(doorbell rings again)


I like talking to inanimate objects…

You know why?

It's a big secret…maybe I shouldn't tell you.

Ok I guess I will.

Sometimes inanimate objects talk back to me! Like the piece of bread I had for dinner last night. Or the toilet…or my beer bottle.


You know I hate a lot of things. I could make a list. Yeaaaahhh. Why don't I?

I hate cell phones, screaming kids, the color pink, baskets, president snow, Finnick, the smell of Finnick, happiness, reading(I HATE THAT!) flowers, shaving cream, on/off buttons, talking, pointy objects, walking

…the list goes on.

(hears door open, Katniss walks in.)

"What are you doing in my house! Havn't you ever HEARD of a doorbell?"

Katniss really could use some of my smarts. She really never thinks anything through.

I really should write book

!What if i wrote a actual book! That would be funny. Or not. HEYyyy what about reviewing and telling me what. you. think!

that is a terrific idea