A/N: I do not own Twilight.
Thank you to A Jasper For Me. You take my words and prettify them. =) Any mistakes here are all mine, however.
This is short, but I opted to post instead of changing and adding some things, which would have taken a week or so.
Chapter 18 – You offer you
The silence was deafening. If it wasn't for Bella sharing it with me, I would suffocate in the eeriness of it.
I glanced her way. She was still staring blankly in front of her; her hands twisting around each other. She was still pre-occupied with whatever was on her mind and was just sitting idly. Maybe she wasn't aware I had parked a few minutes ago.
The lingering fear of what was to come crept through me, enough to make me prolong the agony of not knowing what was wrong with her.
I would follow her lead. If she would step out of the car, I would do the same. And if she wanted to go inside my apartment, the same one we had unofficially shared before, then that was what we would do.
"Bella." Another few minutes had passed of her not moving, and I could no longer wait. She might be in shock, and I wanted to be sure.
Upon hearing my voice, she slowly turned her gaze to me. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and I was tempted to reach out and hold her. Not wanting her to think that I was taking advantage, I did the next best thing I could think of.
"Do you want to go inside?" I asked softly.
She didn't answer right away, but instead, turned to see that we were on the exclusive parking lot of my building. She was familiar with it, and I was hoping she wouldn't freak out. When she nodded her head in agreement, I didn't know whether to be relieved or be fucking scared.
I didn't have time to open her door like I planned to because she was out of the car even before I was. We made our way silently up to the 9th floor without a word to each other. I was dying to know what this was all about. Bella was clearly upset about something, and I didn't know how to ask her.
I was somewhat happy she thought about me during this time of distress, and a little hopeful because she might still actually care about me. I wish with all my heart that was so.
Once the door of my apartment closed, I got another fucking surprise. I was not even halfway to my living room when Bella attacked me. Her hands were all over me, and she was kissing me. Her lips on my skin were like fire, and I missed them on me.
As hard as it was to reject her this way, however, I needed to push her away. She was making me the scapegoat to her problems, and I didn't like it one bit. Disentangling her arms around me was difficult, but once she realized what I was doing, the look of shock on her face couldn't be concealed. I was even amazed at the restraint I showed, because damn I wanted her so fucking badly. However, my desire to have her again didn't include me being an excuse to escape whatever pained her.
The shocked expression on her face changed to shame then to anger. It wasn't my intention to insult her. I started to explain, but she stopped me.
"If you have no intention of taking up my offer, you shouldn't have invited me here," she spat. She was shooting daggers at me, and I tried to remain calm.
"She's just agitated," I thought to myself.
As expected, she started to move towards the door, where I had situated myself, preventing her from leaving. I had no intention of moving any time soon.
She was staying, and we were going to talk.
"Edward, move!" she spat. I raised my brow in challenge, and that made her angrier. She started pushing me, but her efforts were to no avail since I stayed where I was. She was hysterical at this point, and I just stood there taking everything; even when she started beating my chest.
"Why don't you move? I fucking hate you! Just let me leave!" she yelled, looking deranged with anger. I grabbed her to me, trying to soothe her. Her small fists were still pounding wherever she could hit them, and I didn't say anything. "Goddammit, move! I can't do this. Just let me go!"
She was sobbing, and my heart clenched from her cries.
"I'm sorry," I cried gruffly, holding her tightly to me. I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for – the cause of her acting this way, or preventing her departure from my apartment – even if it wasn't because of me.
"I'm so fucking sorry," I repeated, kissing her hair. Or maybe I was apologizing for all the pain I, myself, caused her.
I held her until her sobs quieted down, making me relax a bit. She slumped against me, letting me know the drive to continue this madness had left her. When I carried her bridal-style toward my bedroom, she didn't protest, not even when I laid her down on my bed. Her hands gripping my shirt didn't loosen, however, and I took it as a sign not to leave her.
"Bella, is this okay?" I couldn't help ask. I didn't want her to hate me more than she already did.
"Yes, stay with me," she whispered so softly. I smiled in reassurance. She just stared at me through her lashes that were still wet from her recent sobbing; she looked so tired.
I reached to caress her cheek. "Sleep, my Bella. I'll never leave you," I said.
"Thank you," she whispered back, before closing her eyes to finally succumb to her exhaustion.
I stayed with her until I knew she was already asleep. I called Alice to tell her where Bella was. As expected, she was frantic. They had been looking for her everywhere for a few hours now. I assured her Bella was fine and already sleeping, and would appreciate if they would come and get her after she had some decent sleep, which clearly she needed. I promised to call once Bella was awake. She agreed reluctantly, knowing I was right.
Once the call was done, I returned to Bella's side, wrapping my arms around her. I couldn't resist caressing her cheeks, loving the way she sighed at my touch. My Bella had gone through so much in the last few days, and it showed on her face…in her eyes.
Alice informed me that Jacob had died.
Now I understood why she was so distraught. A little pang of jealousy shot through me at the thought of the difference between her reactions when she lost me and when she lost Jacob. It was there, the small tinge of pain of knowing Jacob was more to her than I was. But I was not angry, not any more.
I wanted to make everything right so she no longer suffered. Even if that meant I had to let her go.
Tomorrow, we would talk.
Jacob is dead. That's why Bella's devastated.
Next chapter will have some revelations that would change both their lives. So see yah next update! =)