Title: Just a little crush (1/9)
Spoilers: S1, S2 up to ep 14
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine.
Author Notes: Set after Kurt's return and written before "Sexy" aired so Klaine never happened in this fic.
Summary: Sam was willing to admit, if only to himself, that it was possible that he might have a slight crush on Kurt Hummel.
It hadn't started until Kurt came back.
Okay that was a lie, it had probably started when Kurt burst in on him in the shower or maybe during Le Hot Jazz. The point is that Sam hadn't noticed how much he liked Kurt or how totally awesome he was until he returned to McKinley. The problem was it wasn't just huh my friend is cool it was huh my friend is cool, funny, adorable and kinda hot.
Sam was willing to admit, if only to himself, that it was possible that he might have a slight crush on Kurt Hummel. At least it explained why he was sitting in the choir room sneaking covert looks at the other boy who was sitting in front of him and slightly to the right, the perfect angle to watch his expressions. Not that Sam was stalking him or anything.
Sam smiled as Mercedes said something to Kurt making him laugh then quickly ducked his head so no one would notice him staring. He smiled down at his jeans until Mr Schue entered the room obviously excited. "Guys! I discovered something amazing last night!" The dude was pretty hyper, for a teacher anyway, bounding up to the piano dropping sheet music on it before turning to face the gleeks with a slightly manic look. "Did you know there's a website which features anonymous secrets written on postcards? People send them to this guy and he turns them into books and puts some on his site. How awesome is that?"
Sam glanced to his left in time to watch as Rachel rolled her eyes "Everyone knows about that site Mr Schue."
"You've just discovered Postsecret…. Seriously where have you been?" Puck demanded.
Mr Schue, obviously expecting his amazing discovery to have been met with enthusiasm, looked like someone had kicked his puppy before quickly recovering. "Well anyway it really inspired me so your new Glee assignment will be to write a Postsecret." He started handing out blank postcards "Everyone write down a secret, then you all have to sing something that relates to your secret in some way and we will try to match the secret to the song."
"Solos?" Kurt asked breathily. Damn he was cute.
"Is this really a good idea? I mean do we really want to know each other's secrets?" Quinn asked.
She had a point. "Does it have to be like a deep dark secret?" Sam licked his lips nervously.
Mr Schue shook his head "No not at all." Sam let out a sigh of relief. "It can be anything. It can be funny, about someone else, your feelings, something you could never admit out loud."
"But won't singing about it give it away?" Artie asked.
"That's why you should only choose something you don't mind your friends knowing if they do guess right. But guys I want you to remember that we are a family." Mr Schue sighed at the mixed reactions "Take a few minutes to think then hand your cards in."
Sam was in the midst of a dilemma. He only really had one secret worth sharing and it was one he had successfully kept hidden for months. It wasn't like he didn't want his friends to know the truth but after what had happened a year ago he found the words practically impossible to say out loud.
The assignment could actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise, it was a perfect opportunity to come clean but not actually have to tell anyone outright. Sam glanced at Kurt who was busy writing with a pained expression on his face. Taking a deep breath he wrote down his secret – I'm Gay – and handed it to Mr Schue. No going back now.
Sam listened to Santana explaining to Brittany what she should do and fidgeted nervously as the others handed in their postcards, accidently knocking Kurt's chair with his foot. Kurt turned around with an annoyed frown.
"Sorry I didn't mean..."
Kurt smiled "That's okay Sam" he said softly, turning back to the front.
"Let's see what we've got and no guessing before the performances" Mr Schue warned. "Okay first up – I watch Winnie the Pooh when I'm sick or sad."
Everyone laughed but Sam's heart sank a little and he hoped that some secrets were more profound than that one.
"Next – I wish we'd kept her sometimes."
Got to be Puck or Quinn. Probably Quinn from the way Puck was glancing at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Mercedes reached out and took her hand.
"Santana is my favourite notch on my bed post and believe me there's a lot."
Okay that definitely had to be Puck. Sam watched as Kurt rolled his eyes, leaning towards Mercedes to whisper something and had to stop himself from laughing at their disgusted expressions. Damn, he really had to stop watching for Kurt's reactions or someone would notice him looking, or worse Kurt would.
"I hope the rest of these are clean" Mr Schue looked sternly in Puck's direction. "I love graphic novels" he continued.
"Just how graphic we talking?" Puck leered.
"They're like comic books Puckerman." Sam rolled his eyes wondering if there was any chance it was Kurt's secret.
"Way to give away your secret dork" Santana sniped.
He shrugged "Never said it was mine."
"I said no guessing guys – I cried like a baby when I read the last Harry Potter book."
Everyone laughed again but a lot of them nodded in agreement, Sam included. He had cried when he re-read it.
"And next we have - I'm in love with my best friend."
Well I know what that's like Sam thought before reminding himself that he and Kurt weren't particularly close and he wasn't in love, it was just a silly crush.
Mr Schue sent a disapproving look towards Kurt "I'm Gay."
Sam felt his stomach lurch as people reacted to his secret fighting to keep all emotion off his face as Kurt, looking shocked, glanced around the room.
"Really Kurt that's your secret?" Artie shook his head.
"Cop out!" Puck yelled.
Mercedes patted him on the knee "Boo I know you never officially told everyone but that's not a secret."
"But it it's not..." Kurt stuttered and Sam felt terrible.
"Guys leave him alone. We're not allowed to guess remember?" he frowned at the other gleeks, not missing Santana's knowing look which was swiftly followed by a smirk.
Mr Schue cleared his throat and continued to read out the secrets. "After seeing what happened to my cousin I never want to feel like I need a man to complete me."
Well that could be any of the girls.
"I always wear Pink underwear."
Brittany maybe? God he'd die laughing if it turned out to be a guy! Not if it was Kurt though, then it would be cute. Shit thinking about Kurt's underwear was weird right?
Mr Schue continued "It hurts me when they use him."
Sam caught Kurt's brief glance at someone across the room followed by a sympathetic look so he obviously knew whose secret that was.
"My biggest regret is that I hurt him on purpose."
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that those secrets were linked.
"Okay and last but not least – "They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting."
Mr Schue looked thoughtful for a moment "Kudos for getting a song lyric in there." After slotting the postcards into the front pocket of his bag he clapped a couple of times "Okay guys that's it! We'll still be practicing for Nationals so the solos will start later this week and since someone has hidden the hat of fate..." he looked pointedly at Finn who started whistling and looking around innocently "...I'll pick who goes when randomly".
Schuester took a quick glance around the room "So Puck and Finn will go first, followed by Quinn and Santana, Artie and Rachel, Brittany and Tina, Mercedes and Kurt, then Mike and Sam. Got it? Okay see you all next time."
Sam watched as his friends left the choir room and let out a shaky breath, soon they would all know. He just hoped his second coming out would go better than the first.
It was kind of scary just how clean Ms Pillsbury-Howell's office was, even the chair he sat on which smelled sort of funky and squeaked every time Sam changed positions. He hadn't protested when his French teacher kindly told him that he was crap and needed extra help because man did he need it. Dyslexia sucked. Dyslexia plus a foreign language sucked the big one. So there he was slouched in the abnormally clean chair waiting to meet his new tutor and reading the titles of the pamphlets.
I just can't stop touching myself
Ouch That Stings!
Divorce: Why Your Parents Stopped Loving You
He winced at the last one.
Sam hoped whoever the tutor turned out to be was cool and patient, they would definitely have to be patient. At first he had worried it might be one of the jocks but really how likely was that, it would probably be someone awful like Jacob Ben Israel. Whoever it was they were late so Ms Pills had gone to look for them.
"Here he is!" Ms Pillsbury-Howell announced walking back into the room with Kurt Hummel trailing behind her. Sam's heart jolted – Kurt was his tutor? Was that a good or a bad thing? He would get to spend more time with his crush but Kurt would also discover how truly awful Sam was at French, one of his favourite subjects. After getting over his initial shock Sam looked at Kurt properly, noticing the other boy's wet hair and red stained shirt.
Kurt winced looking down to where Sam was staring "Slushie" he muttered "I only had time to wash my hair out."
Ms Pills smiled sympathetically "Well I'll let you sort out your own schedule. It shouldn't be a problem since you're both in Glee" she sat down shuffling pamphlets "I'm here if you have any problems."
Kurt nodded and left the room with Sam following close behind, stopping at his locker rummaging through it for his spare clothes. "Do you have fourth period free?" he asked.
"Yeah" Sam stared at the contents of Kurt's locker. Why did he need so many scarves?
"Okay meet me in the library then and we'll see where you need to improve."
Try everywhere. "Do you need any help?" Sam asked adding "Post-Slushie" when Kurt looked confused.
"No thanks, I just need to get changed."
By the time fourth period came along Sam was a nervous wreck. He was sitting next to Kurt in the library palms sweating and heart beating frantically every time they accidently touched. Oh yeah and he was attempting to speak French.
"Wow" Kurt stared mouth gaping open.
"What?" Maybe he was better than he thought?
"You said you want to touch the cow from Thursday."
Okay maybe not then. "Well maybe that's how I feel" Sam mumbled feeling himself flush with embarrassment.
"And you said it wrong" Kurt said bluntly.
Kurt shook his head "Try reading this" he said handing him a textbook and pointing to a highlighted section.
Sam struggled his way through the sentence trying to avoid looking at Kurt who although silent was doing a very good impression of a fish. "I'm not stupid" Sam muttered to himself half defiant, half in reassurance. Kurt tilted his head. "I'm pretty but I'm not dumb" he sunk into his chair pouting and looked up.
Kurt stared at Sam's lips for a few seconds then looked back to his eyes licking his own lips. "I never said you were."
No he hadn't but he was probably just too nice to say it out loud. "I know people think it."
Kurt frowned "Who said you were stupid Sam?"
"Quinn and Santana made their opinions very clear."
He let out an exasperated sigh "Well if you listen to girls like that... look I don't think you're dumb or stupid or anything like that."
"Really?" Sam realised he sounded totally needy and pathetic right now but he really needed someone to say it and actually mean it.
Kurt nodded "Really. Ms Pillsbury-Howell explained about your dyslexia and I know it'll be tough but we'll get there together."
Sam smiled slightly "You really don't think I'm stupid?"
"No, I don't think you are Sam" Kurt smiled back, eyes twinkling. "Although you never know, that peroxide may have caused lasting damage" he said with a wink.
"For the last time I don't... oh who am I kidding? Okay fine it's not natural but you're wrong about damage. It was just lemon juice." Sam's heart fluttered as Kurt leant over and bumped their shoulders together.
"Ahh but was it organic?"
Sam felt like a total loser walking into the movie theater alone but his mom would be working until late and he couldn't stand sitting home with nothing to do but think about Kurt. Apparently God had a weird sense of humour though because the object of his crush was standing just inside the entrance looking down at his watch.
"Hey Kurt meeting someone?" Well duh of course he was. What kind of loser went to the movies alone? Oh right Sam.
Kurt looked up startled "Hello Sam" he looked down at his watch again "I was supposed to be meeting Blaine but I guess he forgot."
Stood up by his boyfriend, man that was harsh. "That sucks."
Kurt sighed "He's obsessed with his new boyfriend. I'm not really surprised he forgot to be honest."
They weren't dating? Sam wanted to punch the air or do a little dance but he settled for a smile that he hoped wasn't a so big it's kinda scary smile. "We could see something together if you like?"
Kurt raised an eyebrow "You're alone?"
Sam rubbed the back of his neck embarrassed "My mom's at work." Oh great that sounded like if she wasn't he'd be there with his mom.
He felt like groaning but Kurt just smiled "What would you like to see?"
In the end Sam let Kurt decide and was surprised to say the least when he chose a sci-fi. Out of a blockbuster action, two romances, a cartoon, a sci-fi and one that sounded suspiciously like a musical Kurt Hummel had chosen a sci-fi! Sam may have fallen in love, just a little.
"That was awesome!" Sam exclaimed as they left.
"Mmm it was pretty good actually... for a sci-fi"
"But I thought you like sci-fi's?" Sam asked frowning.
Kurt nodded "I do. I just don't get to see many. The girls prefer chick flicks or musicals and Finn is pretty dedicated to action and gore." He smoothed his perfect hair "It was a nice change."
"So Breadsticks?" Sam asked trying to remain calm. It's not a date. It's not a date.
"Don't know about you but I'm starving. My treat?" Oh shit that sounded like a date didn't it?
Kurt gave him an odd look "Okay but I'll pay for myself."
Breadsticks with Kurt was incredible. He talked about designers and musicals Sam had never heard of with an amazing animated expression then went off on a tangent about cars with perhaps even more passion. Kurt must have noticed Sam's bemused and probably dorky expression because he blushed and bit his lip "Sorry I'm talking too much."
Sam grinned "No it's cool man. I was interested."
When the cheque came they split it and wandered the couple of blocks back towards the movie theater's parking lot chatting about other sci-fi's they liked and how lame most Glee club assignments were. As they approached the parked cars Sam noticed Kurt dawdle and then stand around awkwardly.
"Where's your car dude?"
Kurt shrugged rummaging in his pocket for his phone. "Finn dropped me off. Blaine was supposed to give me a lift home but I can just..."
"Kurt get in the truck" he pointed to his beat up car.
"Are you sure?" Kurt looked uncertain.
"Course, you're on my way." Since he had no idea where the Hummels lived that was a complete lie but Kurt seemed to accept it and there was no way he was leaving him in a dingy parking lot on his own. Kurt was silent during the drive apart from issuing the odd direction but he kept glancing at Sam when he thought he wasn't looking. Of course Sam was nearly constantly looking at Kurt out of the corner of his eye so saw every look. Maybe Kurt liked him back?
"You're engine sounds terrible. When did you last get it seen to? No don't answer I'm sure I don't want to know. Bring it into the garage sometime." Okay so Kurt liking him had been wishful thinking then.
As Sam walked Kurt to his front door he realised that he was majorly crossing the date-like line again but really couldn't help himself.
"You didn't need to walk me to my door" Kurt became suddenly serious "I'm not a girl."
Sam snorted "Yeah I noticed" he looked Kurt up and down watching pale cheeks fill with colour "But there's some weirdos out there."
Kurt gave a small laugh "I'm starting to think that you may be one of them."
"Thanks for tonight I thought it would totally suck but I had a great time."
Kurt really was gorgeous when his smile reached his eyes. "I had a great night too Sam."
"We should do this again sometime."
"That sounds awfully like a date" Kurt countered with a playful wink.
Laughing Sam pulled him into a hug which Kurt returned immediately. Not thinking Sam turned his head to press a kiss to Kurt's cheek at the exact moment Kurt turned his head slightly so instead of getting cheek Sam kissed him full on the lips. Kurt froze and pushed Sam away shock flooding his expression and maybe a tiny hint of fear.
"Oh Shit! I'm really sorry I didn't mean to steal your first kiss" he rushed horrified by the idea of Kurt being afraid of him.
"It wasn't my first kiss."
Well figures. Kurt and that Blaine dude must have been more than friends at some point. Sam felt a twinge in his chest as he wished he had been the first.
"Wasn't even my first stolen kiss" Kurt muttered biting his lip when he realised he'd said it louder than he had intended.
"What? Who?" Sam demanded angrily.
"I can't tell you. Forget it" he wrapped his arms around himself.
How the hell could he forget that? Then it clicked "Karofsky" he was the reason Kurt had left and only when Kurt and Blaine did some sort of intervention thing did Kurt decide to come back to McKinley. It made sense.
Kurt made a strangled noise "How did you guess?"
"It makes sense. Why else would he threaten to kill you?" Sam's fists clenched and he had to stop himself from reaching out to pull Kurt into another hug.
Kurt suddenly stepped close grabbing his arm "Please don't out him. I don't know what he'd do."
The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. "I would never do something like that." Kurt let out the breath he had been holding and relaxed. "I know what it's like to have a secret you're ashamed of."
"Oh?" Kurt looked hopeful for a moment and Sam wanted to tell him. Oh God he wanted to but he couldn't figure out how to make his big mouth form the words.
"Umm yeah anyway I'll catch you later dude" he backed away "I'm sorry I kinda face raped you" he mumbled quickly walking to his car.