Title: Just a little crush (9/9)
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine. The songs in this chapter don't belong to me either.
Summary: Sam was willing to admit, if only to himself, that it was possible that he might have a slight crush on Kurt Hummel.
A/N: The full title for this chapter is "What You Get Is Greater Than What You Risk". Thanks to everyone to read/reviewed (esp multiple times)/faved/alerted! For those asking about a sequel - I originally posted this on LJ and practically everyone asked for or in some cases demanded a sequel so yes there will be one.
Please review :)
"Are you going in dude?"
Sam turned around and looked down at Artie, apparently he had frozen in the doorway when he saw the Glee club waiting for his and Mike's performances. He nodded and quickly walked to the seat next to Kurt slouching into it. Kurt told him he looked terrible and asked if everything was okay so he mumbled something about not getting much sleep which was true, he had been a nervous wreck since Kurt left his house and hadn't slept a wink.
"Finn, Rachel, I'd like to schedule an extra rehearsal tonight for a potential duet for Nationals if you can make it."
Finn shook his head "Sorry I can't Mr Schue. I have to go straight home after Glee. I'm grounded."
"Why?" Mr Schue asked, seemingly stunned that his golden boy could do anything that warranted being grounded.
Sam snorted when Finn replied "For almost killing Kurt."
Mr Schue's mouth dropped open "You tried to kill Kurt?"
"What? No of course not! It was an accident and Puck almost drowned him as well so he should be grounded too" he grumbled bitterly.
"Okay well we'll have to work something out." Mr Schue shook his head "Who's up first?"
Mike got up glancing at Tina who gave him a thumbs up and nodded encouragingly. It seemed like Mercedes wasn't the only one who had gotten some help with her assignment, not that Sam wanted anyone to know before he started his performance...in five minutes. His leg shook and he had to stop it with his hand which got him a concerned look from Kurt, he smiled weakly trying to focus on Mike who appeared to have started singing.
Pink it's my new obsession
Yeah, pink it's not even a question,
Pink on the lips of your lover, 'cause
Pink is the love you discover
Suddenly the song was over which meant Sam was next, he suddenly felt incredibly sick.
"Well done Mike!" Mr Schue clapped him on the back "Guesses?"
Sam couldn't think about the other secrets, his own kept flitting around his head and he had barely even registered what song Mike had sung. He glanced up as Tina told the room that Mike only ever wore pink underwear and then Mike told a story about a red sock and a washing machine incident. Puck made some crude comment about Tina knowing the colour of Mike's underwear and was silenced by Mr Schue who then looked at Sam.
"Last but not least we have Sam. Are you ready?"
He stood shaking and slowly moved to stand in front of his friends.
"So I've been lying to all of you. And to myself." Sam watched their confused expressions for a moment. "I'm a complete dork. I've seen Avatar three times a week since I got the Blu-ray last November. The guys who run the comic book store know me by name and I enjoy doing James Earl Jones impressions. I even have a Star Trek uniform." Everyone laughed but it was good natured and he smiled slightly.
"The song I'm going to sing is for someone I admire more than anyone" he paused "And although I'm pretty certain they don't share my feelings for them I'm going to take a leaf out of their book and be brave." He glanced at Kurt who was tilting his head in confusion then he looked down at his feet.
"I'm...I.." he took a shuddering breath "I... I'm" he stuttered unable to get the words out.
Santana came to his rescue "Sam, it's okay just sing the song."
He nodded to the band then closed his eyes clenching his fists against his sides in an effort to stop the uncontrollable tremors that were shooting through his whole body.
My gift is my song
And this one's for you
And you can tell everybody
That this is your song
It may be quite simple
But now that it's done
Hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world
When Sam opened his eyes he looked straight at Kurt who was staring down at his lap with a sad expression. He wondered if Kurt had figured out that Sam had feelings for him and was trying to work out how to let him down gently until Mercedes nudged Kurt nodding towards Sam and their eyes met. Shock and surprise filled Kurt's face and his mouth dropped open before he bit his lip.
Sat on the roof
And I kicked off the moss
Well some of the verses well
They got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
Keep it turned on
So excuse me for forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten
If they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
To make sure that Kurt definitely knew that the song was about him, Sam walked forward and knelt in front of him smiling shyly as he leant forwards and touched Kurt's cheek, staring into his green/blue eyes. Kurt's expression was unreadable but he wasn't pushing Sam away so that was a good sign wasn't it? The rest of the Glee club joined in for the operatic section without prompting so obviously Kurt wasn't the only one with a Moulin Rouge obsession. Sam stepped away to sing the rest of the song still focused on Kurt.
And you can tell everybody
This is your song
It may be quite simple
But now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world
Sam stood frozen as he watched Kurt's reaction to the song flicker across his face.
"You're gay" Kurt whispered.
"I knew there was something going on!" Mercedes yelled but her grin slid off her face when she looked at Kurt and noticed his tight expression.
Puck was the first person to stand up and Sam braced himself just in case he threw a punch or something but he just threw an arm around his shoulder and ruffled his hair. Finn approached him next pulling him into a very awkward hug that thankfully was interrupted by the rest of the gleeks hugging, fist bumping or patting him on the back.
Mr Schue squeezed him on the shoulder "That was just what I was hoping for out of this assignment. Thank you Sam." As if that was the reason he had done it, for an assignment, he felt like rolling his eyes but just smiled and turned his attention to Rachel who was talking at him.
"I can't believe I didn't know. I mean my gaydar is normally so finely tuned it's almost scary. If you would like to talk to my two gay dads..."
"Can it Berry he's gay not a total loser" Puck interrupted and Sam had to smile at the fact no one seemed to care. Finn looked a bit confused and Brittany seemed to be explaining something about dolphins to Artie and Mr Schue but for the most part everyone was taking it in their stride. Apart from one person it seemed, Kurt had slipped out of the room while the others were hugging him.
Santana squeezed his arm "Just give him time to let it sink in.
Sam wrote and deleted at least twenty text messages before finally plucking up the courage to send one, dreading what the reply might be.
Are we still freinds?
Almost immediately he received a reply, his hands shook as he opened it.
Yes but I need time to think. ~K~
Going to Kurt's house might not have been the best idea Sam decided a second after he knocked on the door. Best case scenario Kurt would refuse to see him and worst he would look like some kind of desperate-stalker-loser. Just as he was about to turn around and run away Finn opened the door.
"Hey dude, did you want Kurt? He's not here."
Sam let out a relieved breath and nodded when Finn invited him in anyway. They played on his Xbox for around twenty minutes which was turning out to be a good distraction from his Kurt situation except for the fact that Finn had been not so subtly sneaking glances at him for at least fifteen minutes.
"What?" Sam asked irritated.
Finn paused the game and put his controller down "Are you sure?"
He seemed to be under the misapprehension that Sam was psychic or something. "Sure about what Finn?"
"Sure that you're gay" he said as if it was obvious.
"Well I'm in love with Kurt and fancy Jonny Depp so yeah I'm pretty sure dude." Sam shifted awkwardly, aware that he had just said way more than he had ever intended to admit, especially to Kurt's step-brother who would probably tell Kurt what he had said.
"Oh." Finn looked thoughtful "Wait you're in love with Kurt?"
Sam shrugged, he supposed he couldn't take it back now. "Please don't tell him."
"Dude you sang to him, he probably knows. He's kinda perceptive." Finn patted him sympathetically on the back as he groaned. "I never thought you would be gay" Finn said reverting to his earlier train of thought.
"Well you're a dude."
Sam rolled his eyes "So is Kurt. That's kind of the point."
"Yeah I know, I walked in on him in the shower once" Finn replied then laughed at Sam's expression. "It was an accident obviously and I'm still paying for it." He looked thoughtful again "It's just you're kinda like me, a jock and into Xbox and stuff. Your clothes aren't even a little bit fancy, hell I think I've got that shirt somewhere."
"Are you like every other straight guy in the world?"
"No suppose not." Finn made a huh noise then started the game so Sam assumed that conversation was done, in Finn's eyes anyway. Sam glanced towards the door as if looking would magically make Kurt appear, not that he would know what to do or say if he did.
"He's not here dude." When Sam looked at him he elaborated "Kurt. He's with his dad at the garage, he likes to work on the cars when he needs to think."
While Finn played single player, Sam tried to think of something to say to Kurt when he saw him, something that would express exactly how he felt about him. Words were important to Kurt so he wanted to get it right and saying something romantic or sentimental always sounded better in French for some reason. There was a phrase in the book that Kurt had lent him which was pretty perfect actually but he had no idea how to pronounce half of the words and asking Kurt for help would kind of defeat the point.
"Do you know anyone who knows French?"
"Other than Kurt?"
Finn looked furtive for a moment "Umm yes but I'm not supposed to say anything. It's kind of a secret." He glanced around as if someone might be listening "Puck."
"Puck? Seriously?" Apparently Finn was serious. Puck it seemed had decided that learning French was the perfect way to make Quinn want him because it was a romance language and French dudes seem to do pretty well with the ladies. After a lot of persuasion Kurt had agreed to teach him and they both got what they wanted, Puck impressed Quinn and Kurt got a new scarf.
"He's pretty good according to Kurt, has a knack for languages."
Sam whipped out his phone getting Finn to spell check his text to make sure it was legible before he sent it to Puck.
I need 2 learn a French phrase 4 Kurt, Finn said u could help with the pronunciation.
After prompting from Finn he sent a second message.
P.S. He says pls dont kill him 4 tellin, I forced it out of him on pain of death.
About ten minutes later he received a reply.
Sure dude. I'm home. Tell Finn he's dead.
Finn walked Sam to the door waving him off and wished him luck with Kurt, he arrived at Puck's house after a ten minute drive and knocked on the door. It was answered by a little girl wearing a Disney princess dress with pigtails wrapped up with pink ribbons.
"Hi!" she half yelled at him. "Are you here to play princesses with me and NoNo?"
Sam stared at her in disbelief then up at Puck who had ran down the stairs after his sister.
"Molly what did I tell you about opening the door?"
"Not to because it could be kidnappers or an axe murderer or the daleks" she replied grabbing onto Puck's arm and swinging from it.
"Daleks?" Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah well you never know." Puck picked up the girl who couldn't be more than four or five and closed the door behind Sam who followed the odd pair up the stairs and into a pink bedroom wondering if he had been dropped into the Twilight zone. "Okay Mollywolly stay here and play with your tea cups" he gently put her down on a tiny chair next to a flower shaped table which had a little tea set and plastic cakes set out on it.
"Kay but hurry or you'll miss the purple cakes you love!"
"Say anything and I'll kick your ass" Puck glared, arms crossed once they were in his bedroom. Sam grinned at the realisation that Puck was completely wrapped around his baby sister's little finger but nodded and agreed not to say a word. "So what do you need help with?"
Sam handed over the phrase book that Kurt had lent him what seemed like forever ago and pointed to the words he wanted to be able to say to Kurt. Puck looked up smirking and Sam felt his face flush, it wasn't exactly ideal that Puck now knew exactly how he felt about Kurt but if Sam wanted to do it right then he needed his help.
Puck drilled him on the correct pronunciation, ignoring the way it was written they focused on the phonetics until Sam appeared to have it down. Molly then insisted that he stayed for pretend cakes and tea so he spend half an hour crammed on a tiny chair next to Puck who looked far too into the game.
Finn, Puck or both must have sent a group text soon after he left because his phone bleeped constantly as he received eight texts in the space of five minutes.
The first was from Mike Frankenteen said you have a plan for getting Kurt on side... Good luck!
Are you going to make baby dolphins? xxxxxxxxxxxxxx The next was from Brittany and he didn't have a clue what it meant.
Almost immediately he received a text from Santana Tell Kurt he's lucky to be getting the chance to get up on those froggy lips.
The next one was from Mercedes My boy's into you just don't push him or he'll clam up :)
Good luck Yo! That one was from Artie of course.
Tina's text was a quote from Star Trek Nothing makes us more vulnerable than when we love someone. We can be hurt very easily. But I've always believed that what you get when you love someone is greater than what you risk x
Sam smiled, if he wasn't gay and totally into Kurt he could see himself falling for Tina and her dorkiness. She also won the award for longest text ever.
Quinn then sent I hope everything works out xxx
Rachel was the last person to send him a text, it was short and to the point. Go get him! xx
Sam walked into Hummel Tires and Lube a few hours after he had arrived at Kurt's house, he made his way over to Burt who had looked up from what he was working on and waved him over.
"Hey Mr H, Kurt said I should get someone to look at my engine" he said looking nervously around the garage.
"You told him didn't you?" Burt asked taking his keys. "That's why he'd been acting weird?"
Sam sighed and nodded "Is he here?"
He wandered through the garage in the direction Burt had pointed and found Kurt bent over an engine wearing dirty coveralls looking sexy as hell with grease on his face and messy hair.
Kurt looked up startled, dropping the tool he had been using then quickly ran his fingers through his hair and patted it down. "What are you doing here?"
"I decided to take your advice and get my truck looked at." Sam nervously licked his lips. "About earlier...I'm sorry if you didn't like it or whatever I just thought you should know." When Kurt didn't reply immediately talking about it suddenly didn't seem like such a good idea after all, he turned to leave in an attempt to minimize his embarrassment.
"I can't decide whether to hug or slap you." Sam turned back and stared at Kurt who was frowning at him. "You let me go on thinking you were straight. That I couldn't have you."
"Do you want me?" Sam asked hopefully.
"That's not what I said" he replied quietly.
"But do you?"
Kurt bit his lip and looked away, his left hand clutching his right elbow. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I find it hard to tell people." Sam pushed his hair out of his eyes then rubbed the back of his neck "The first person I told didn't take it well."
"Your dad?" Kurt guessed.
Sam nodded and let out a shaky breath as the memory washed over him "He put me in the hospital. My mom filed for divorce the next day." Kurt gasped and reached out grabbing Sam's hand, their fingers interlaced and he stared at them for a moment then slowly removed his hand. "What's wrong? If you don't feel the same way please just tell me."
Kurt shook his head, almost on the verge of tears and refused to look up at him. "It's not that."
"You have feelings for me?" Sam asked confused.
"More than friends?" he asked, heart beating frantically.
"A lot more. That's the problem, Sam I didn't lie when I said you were my best friend." Kurt lent up against the car he had been working on putting more distance between them. "I don't want to lose you, even though I have feelings for you I don't know what to do. I don't want to risk losing my best friend" he rambled then looked down before quietly repeating "You're my best friend."
"Look at me" Sam said forcing himself to stand still and not reach for Kurt when he looked up with conflicted eyes. "L'amour est l'amitié mise en feu et tu es mon étincelle" he recited the words he had been practicing all afternoon. It turned out to be more perfect for their situation that he had thought. Ignoring the sharp intake of breath Sam turned and left without looking at Kurt's face.
After walking for about forty minutes Sam got home to an empty house. He stared into the fridge for a good five minutes before making an exasperated noise slamming the door shut and stomped into the living room to turn the TV on. He didn't know if it was the mood he was in but there seemed to be a lot more crap than usual on the channels as he flicked through them. Hunting for the DVD player remote took up a few minutes because his mom always seemed to hide it after she used it, he found it under the couch along with a hairbrush and a shoe.
Sam had thought that Avatar would cheer him up but unfortunately he was sadly mistaken, he sat through half an hour before turning it off and heading upstairs to bury himself in his bed. His iPod was abandoned after three songs because they all reminded him of Kurt. Attempting to sleep also proved impossible, Sam's mind was racing with possibilities most of which weren't good. Kurt seemed genuinely worried about ruining their friendship so he didn't rate his chances when it came to this fiasco having a happy ending. At least Kurt had admitted to having feelings for Sam, so maybe he would change his mind one day. It was possible if not likely.
Sam heard his mom knock on his bedroom door from where he was buried under his comforter but didn't answer. It wasn't like that would stop her. He flipped the covers off his face as she sat down on the edge of his bed and waited for him to speak.
"I came out."
"To Kurt?" she asked stroking his hair out of his face.
He nodded "And the Glee club. I sang a song for him. He knows how I feel."
"What did you sing?"
"Your Song. The Moulin Rouge version."
She smiled slightly before asking "What's wrong honey? Did he not like it?"
Sam shrugged. He knew Kurt liked that song and he hadn't sung it badly despite his nerves but had Kurt actually liked being serenaded to in front of everyone? Sam wasn't so sure.
"He feels the same but doesn't want to ruin our friendship." Sam had a feeling that he had pretty much wrecked it anyway.
"Don't worry he'll come around. Who wouldn't love a face like this?" she asked patting his cheek and he huffed out a slight laugh. "How did the Glee club react?" her voice was calm but he felt her tense slightly.
"They were all cool with it. Kurt left when they were hugging me" he muttered tracing the top of R2D2 on his duvet cover.
"I'll go dig out the Ben and Jerry's."
He shook his head "No. I'm fine I just want to be alone for a while." His mom got up, placing the covers back over his head and left the room closing the door behind her.
Sam lay there thinking for a while about a perfect scenario where Kurt rushed into his arms at the end of his performance and declared his undying love. Or maybe he would have made Sam sit down and listen to a song which expressed his feelings, that seemed like a very Kurt thing to do. Or he could have shot Sam a flirty look and told him to be at Breadsticks at seven. A hug would have been nice. Hell Sam would have been happy if Kurt had just stayed in the room.
A quiet knock on the door roused him from his daydreams but he didn't make a sound until he heard the door slowly open with a slight squeek.
"I told you I don't want any ice cream mom" he said from underneath the covers.
"I'm not your mom."
Sam quickly pulled the duvet off his face and sat up gaping at Kurt who was still dressed in his blue coverall but had tied the arms around his waist revealing a crisp white t-shirt underneath which clung to his chest and arms. Kicking the rest of the covers off his legs Sam stood, embarrassed that Kurt had caught him moping in his bed and unsure what he was doing in his bedroom.
"Your mom told me just to come straight up. I hope that's okay?" Sam just nodded in reply, his mind racing through all the reasons Kurt might be there. "I'm sorry I walked out of the choir room. I needed to think and I didn't consider how it would make you feel." He nodded again and shrugged as Kurt shifted awkwardly. "According to the ten texts I received while I was working on that car it was a pretty douchy move."
"It's fine. I understand."
"Still... I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. It wasn't my intention."
Sam didn't think he could stand it if Kurt had just come to apologise "Was the song okay?"
Kurt's smile lit up his face "It was perfect." He played with the sleeves tied around his waist "I love that song. I just wasn't expecting it."
"Because you thought I was straight?" Kurt nodded. "I never said I was." Sam said defensively.
Kurt gave him a pointed look "No but dating Quinn and Santana doesn't exactly scream I'm gay."
"I was scared. The person I trusted most hurt me, I didn't want to go through that again" he spoke in a quiet voice avoiding eye contact with Kurt.
"I know, I'm sorry" Kurt said. "It's just I told myself over and over that you were straight and tried to stop myself falling for you and then suddenly everything changed." He walked over to Sam's desk and picked up a Wolverine action figure "I tried to get out of being your tutor because I already had a crush on you and you kept doing sweet or dorky things which made me fall even harder" he admitted.
Sam's heart fluttered and he wiped his palms on his jeans as Kurt set down Wolverine then ran his fingers along some of the Avatar sketches that littered his desk.
"I've been thinking about what you said. About love being friendship set on fire" he added when Sam frowned in confusion.
"And?" Sam asked nervously biting his lip. Kurt closed the gap between them and placed his hands on Sam's chest gazing into his surprised eyes. He leant forward and rubbed his cheek against Sam's.
Sam stood still, completely shell shocked and swallowed the hope that had risen in his chest. "Kurt you don't know what that means" he warned.
Kurt's hand moved up his chest and Sam felt fingertips gently press against his lips "Yes I do."
His hand fell away as they both stared at each other, their gaze dropping to each other's lips before they leant forward and pressed them together.
They moved hesitantly at first, a gentle brush of soft lips until Kurt pressed more firmly, tentatively moving lips which were smooth and sweet. Sam tilted his head parting his lips to slide his tongue along Kurt's bottom lip earning himself a gasp, he pressed forward for more as Kurt's lips parted. His heart stuttered as Kurt pulled him closer by his shirt, his body pressing firmly against Sam's as the kiss became more confident and slightly desperate.
Sam moaned as Kurt's intoxicating smell surrounded him settling one hand on Kurt's cheek, the other sliding down to hold his hip. A tingle shot down his spine as Kurt's hands slowly moved up to his shoulders then one slipped higher, the fingers threading through Sam's hair. Most of the blood in his body rushed south as Kurt let out a breathy moan then whimpered slightly against his mouth, attempting to pull Sam even closer. He stroked the soft skin of Kurt's cheek marvelling at the sensation of being pressed up against him and the warmth growing in his chest with each passing moment. Pulling back Sam pressed their foreheads together overwhelmed by the giddy light headed feeling which made him feel like he was going to fall over any second.
"You're my spark too" Kurt whispered before pulling him into another kiss.
L'amour est l'amitié mise en feu et tu es mon étincelle - Love is friendship set on fire and you are my spark.