Far to Nowhere

Disclaimer: I don't own Thor. Sadly enough.

Warnings: General Spoilers

AN: I never read the comics, so this is strictly movie canon.


He still calls her mother. In his head and in his heart.

Loki knows she didn't birth him; some part of him has always known. But he closes his eyes, and it's Frigga's face he sees. He sees her smile; he hears her laugh. And for a moment, he can pretend that they were just for him then and are just for him now.

She's the only one to ever look at him. The only one whose eyes ever lingered. But even at his best, even at his worst, she always thought of Thor first.

Odin will always be his father. Blood be damned. He'll forever think of himself as Odin's son. Laufey couldn't take that from him, and no one else ever will.

And Thor… His dear stupid, reckless, prideful brother. Loki won't – can't – ever forget that tie either.

He was a fool. He let them beat him. He let them win. He let himself try in the first place.

It was idiotic and insane, and he can even admit that to himself now. But for once in his life, they looked at him. They saw him.

Him.

Not Thor's brother and shadow. Or Odin's second and lesser son. Or even the abandoned baby screaming at the top of his lungs.

They saw him.

Odin. Thor. Frigga, too.

They saw what he'd become. What they'd made him. They felt what he'd felt. What he'd always felt. Like an outsider. Like a weakling. Like a monster and a freak both.

They saw but didn't see before. They didn't understand then, and they still don't now.

But still, he misses them.

It's a bitter taste on his tongue and a heavy weight on his heart, but he misses them all. He misses the breakfasts spent together. He misses the stories she still insisted on telling and the way her hands brushed his cheek. He misses seeing his father's face soften for just an instant after a task done well. He even misses chasing Thor from one realm to the next and forever following in his footsteps.

His misses all of them. He wants to see them again. He wants to see his family. He wants to scream and laugh and cry. To be punished and beg forgiveness on bended knee and with a bowed head.

Loki wants to go home.

But deep down, he knows he never can.


AN: I was skeptical when I first watched Thor, but there was something about Loki's character that was not only captivating but stole the proverbial show. He was very real. Very broken in ways that nobody else was. He was worth seeing it a second time.


Ever Hopeful,

Azar