Once again I'm sorry I was out of town for a while... and there are lots of amazing fanfics. love them, subscribe to them and checking my mail impatiently for new chapters muhehe.

so once again I'm sorry

please enjoy!

She released Merlin soon enough so Arthur would never notice, she was sure Merlin is gonna play against her but Arthur is still blinded by everything new, he is innocent, naive little boy at least that's how she saw him. As soon as the doors were closed behind their she and her nun starter planning Morgan's second steps.

Morgan was a good actress, playing the strong queen while inside she was unsure, scared and somehow sorry for everything she was doing and had done. Sometimes she envied her servants, living poor lives, having stupid problems with goats and horses. Somehow Merlin's words about killing her father rang in her head, she didn't think about it for a long time, it was fast, everything, the killing the plan, watching him dying, like it was just a dream.

"Don't think I'm a bad person, don't think I didn't love him" she whispered to no one but her words were meant for Merlin, yes she did kill her father who she had loves so much, really , for her he was a hero, everything a girl would want, she wanted to marry a man like him, she wanted to be like him why was she born as a woman? What would her mother say?

Her thought were with her mother right now, just a little she could remember about her, no one was allowed to talk about her, it was forbidden by the king Uther. How would things turn to be if her mother was alive? What would it change? Once an old servant whispered to another one "she is the split image of the late Queen" was she ? Her mother's long hair, her smell, her eyes, she missed her so much, the only Queen she could ever accept.

"Mother" she cried

Nun knocked on her door, brought something to eat and tell her Lady Igraine was prisoned, Morgan cleared her head and prepared for leaving Camelot to follow her brother and Merlin.

It was hard to accept for him but he was fascinated by her, by her actions, by her devotion to the throne, by passion and how much she payed for everything. Poor Morgan she was like a girl playing with fire.

"Merlin?" Igraine smiled at him

"Dreaming?"

He laughed, looking at her soft features, loving face, the only woman that he could not have. He remembered her wedding day, Uther couldn't be luckier, he was not the one she deserved.

The way to Camelot wasn't as long as Morgan expected. The conversation with Merlin didn't last for long, he was rather the silent type, the one who enjoyed being the mysterious one. She wanted to know his secrets his past but this wasn't a time for that. She had to play her role perfectly.

The day turned into night as the night turned into day. She woke up early, took a walk around Camelot, yes it was something she would never have. People there ... they seemed to be content, almost happy, everyone was working, kids running around.

"Lady Igraine will you play with me?"

a little boy asked her, taking her by a hand, she shivered by his touch. she couldn't say no.

Redwald took her hand and they were playing with his toy castle and knights when he asked

"are you lonely? you look so sad"

oh it was true little man if you just had an idea but she didn't say so she just smiled and swallowed the bitterness

"no of course"

when Merlin came, they were forced to play with little Redwald, she finally got to know the boy's name, Merlin looked like he could be a great father, he made boy laugh and winked at Igraine.

Would he look at me like that if he knew who I really am? she couldn't get off this question.

She felt sick, all her energy was taken away, she did her best not to give up during the dinner, be the perfect Igraine and then when she went to sleep it all started again but this little curious boy. oh this boy he saw her. She didn't want to, she didn't, he was just a boy, just a little boy but too curious, she couldn't let him get Merlin or Arthur, they would know what if they knew and she tried to stop him, just to stop him, tell him to go to sleep but he ... he fell, he died and she let him there on the floor, on the cold ground, broken, little broken body, orphan, alone just like she once was.

They soon found out but it was after she was once again off the grief, calm herself, pretended to be sorry, the funeral was short, she and Merlin, he even took her hand. She could feel his pain and if she just was a bit better if the time was different she would hug him and saved him and told him how much he meant to her but she was Morgan Pendragon and the only thing she wanted was the throne.

"remember how you told me I should be more open?"

"I think I'm ready ... to be more open"

He kissed her, slowly with whole his heart. How long she waited for it, she almost forgot she was Igraine. There was more to envy her, not just that she stole her father but also Merlin.

His hands touching her, the energy that was coming off him, she was melting, as he kissed her body, warming every single cell of her, she touched him, cooling him, making him shiver, they were like ice and sun, everything was perfect in that moment and when he got inside just for a while for few minutes they were one peace. she took a breath almost forgetting that she was supposed to fill her lungs,

The following morning she met her, how could she be so naive and think Sibyl and Vivian would keep her cannot trust no one.

"good morning" the mad expression on her face made her laugh.

poor woman but what Morgan didn't know was that it was a start of everything.

sorry I hope I didn't speed it up too much and hope you enjoyed it at least a bit