Angels in the Snow
Christmas Eve, December 2007
It was late and the entire house was silent, an occurrence that didn't happen too often with the twins Sami noted as she closed the door to their nursery. She leaned back against the wall, weary from lack of sleep, but she still had things to do before she could retreat to the sanctity of her bedroom.
Then again, she'd had many sleepless nights over the past few months and all the blame could not be laid at the feet of having infants in the household. She shook her head, not wanting to think about the other reason why many nights sleep was an elusive prize that she seldom seemed to find.
Pushing away from the wall, she made her way down the hallway, pausing momentarily to admire the Christmas tree that stood proud and majestic near the huge picture window, the miniature white lights blinking and shining like diamonds illuminating the darkened room. It was a beautiful tree, one that she had painstakingly worked on during her limited free time, but despite all her efforts to make it a wonderful holiday, she had failed miserably.
For the one she wanted to notice its beauty never even acknowledged the presence of the tree in the room, or any of other Christmas decorations she had placed strategically in their new house. She had hoped his eyes would alight with something, anything besides the ever present look of cynicism that now pervaded his entire demeanor.
Then again what did she expect? Nothing had been the same ever since Lucas had reported to EJ with such malicious glee about his tryst with her, how even though she had married EJ, she'd gone to Lucas' bed without a moment's hesitation on her part.
She shut her eyes trying to erase the memory of that afternoon in the hospital. It had been a good day for them; EJ was given the news he was to be released from the hospital, they were making plans about the move into their new home, they were even laughing over trivial things, it had almost seemed like they were slipping back into their long ago friendship.
It had seemed too good to be true, and of course it was because in the space of a few minutes all the happiness was gone from the room. It had only taken a few words from Lucas and when EJ looked to Sami, the look of shock upon her face over Lucas' confession was truth enough.
EJ had shut down on her right before her very own eyes. Gone was the tentative trust and the precious threads that were starting to help mend their bonds of friendship, they were swept away amidst Lucas' laughter as he shut the hospital door, the harsh sounds echoing down the hallway as he walked away from EJ's room.
She'd tried to explain, but her explanation fell upon deaf ears. For once, it seemed EJ didn't care to hear what she had to say. Finally she'd left his room in tears. If only he had taken the time to listen to her reason why she had chosen to seduce Lucas and that was to keep him from trying to take her daughter Allie away from her. She couldn't endure having her daughter taken away from her especially after Lucas had allowed Will to leave Salem without even saying so much as a goodbye to his own mother.
She tugged on the necklace that Lucas had also pointed out to EJ was a symbol of her undying love for Lucas until it broke free from the resting place where she had kept it around her neck. She barely even felt the abrasion upon her skin as the chain crumpled within her hands. She looked down at the broken chains that had held her wedding ring to Lucas and cried anew because she held the vestiges of her past and now she was ready to begin a new chapter in her life without him.
She shook her head, trying to clear the images of the terrible day away from mind. She'd tried every day since then to talk to EJ, but he turned away from her feeble attempts of conversation with an abruptness and anger that reminded her of the dark days she'd witnessed from the man who had a found a place in her heart even though she had fought the invasion with every fiber of her body.
She walked to the Christmas tree and rooted around the packages of gifts until she had found the one she was looking for, a gift for EJ although she had serious doubts that he would even accept it from her. Well she'd give it to him anyway, she never had been one to back down from a challenge and it would take more than stony silence from him to keep her away.
It was late, but she had no doubt he would be awake. Even though they had separate bedrooms, she knew his nocturnal habits, apparently neither one of them were sleeping too much lately. Tonight she would go to him, make him talk to her even if it resulted in further recriminations and accusations from him upon her character. She was strong, she could take it, after all she was a DiMera now and they didn't back off from anything until they got exactly what they wanted.
Armed with the brightly wrapped package Sami turned the knob on the door to EJ's bedroom, silently thanking the good Lord above that EJ hadn't decided to lock it because she didn't want to have to beg entrance into his bedroom. Cautiously she entered the dark room, trying to make out where he was at without causing too much commotion by her appearing in the doorway. She laid the package for him on his nightstand and looked around to find him.
She found him sitting in his wheelchair, out on the balcony that was just past the French doors in his bedroom, drinking what she guessed would be scotch from a Waterford cut glass tumbler, the prisms reflecting the pale moonlight that shined down upon him.
He sensed her presence as soon as she had entered the room, but he failed to acknowledge her until she came to stand behind him, resting her hands upon the back of his wheelchair.
"What do you want?" His tone was harsh, his demeanor not welcoming at all.
She walked over to retrieve a chair and put it beside him, settling down into it as she turned to face him, "I want to talk to you EJ."
"We have nothing to discuss," he waved his free hand as if to dismiss her from being there, but she refused to budge from her chair.
"We have plenty to discuss," Sami reached out to touch him, but stopped when she saw the coldness in his eyes as he looked upon her. She retrieved her hand, allowing him to dictate her moves for now, but she would not leave until she had her say.
"Well then you are forcing me to be blunt, I really don't care what you have to say to me," EJ drained the contents of his glass and started to sit the glass down upon a nearby table that he could easily reach, when Sami stood up to take the glass from his hand.
"You really shouldn't drink alone," Sami commented as she smelled the fumes emitting from the now empty tumbler.
"If you haven't figured it out by now I really don't give a damn what you think and I'll drink whatever, whenever I feel like it," EJ tried to take the glass away from her hand, but she moved it out of his reach and walked back into his room momentarily to refill his glass and to pour one herself from the decanter that he had in his room.
She handed him back his glass which was now refilled and sat down again with her own drink, pausing to raise her glass in a mock toast, "Oh come on EJ, you won't share a drink with me?"
"Samantha, I don't know what you are up to, but I just want you to leave me alone," EJ refused to bring the drink to his lips while Sami took a casual sip from hers.
"I'm not going anywhere," Sami said as she rubbed her arms, the coldness seeping through her thin pajama top that she was wearing, but if EJ could stand the cold, then so could she.
"You always do the opposite of what I wish," EJ sighed, finally taking a drink from the glass, welcoming the burn of the scotch as it traveled throughout his body. "I've told you to go, to divorce me, to go back to Lucas and yet you refuse to leave me."
"You don't want me to go," Sami said quietly looking out upon the new fallen snow that layered the landscape of their backyard.
"Yes, I do," EJ replied although he failed to look her in the eyes while he said it.
Sami chose to ignore his last statement and forged on determined to break down this wall he had erected between them after Lucas had tried to destroy EJ's confidence that day in the hospital, "A long time ago I was sent away from Salem with my twin brother Eric. We went to stay with our grandparents in Colorado. It was beautiful and peaceful there. To this day I sometimes wonder why I returned to Salem because for the most part I've found nothing but heartache and misery here in this town."
"I guess that makes two of us then because I wished I'd never stepped foot into this godforsaken town and now I can't leave it," EJ said, his voice cracking, but he refused to shed a tear in front of this woman, he wouldn't extend to her the privilege again to rip him apart with her lying words of comfort.
Sami continued onward as if he hadn't even spoken to her, "The snow was so pure and powdery in Colorado, not slushy like it gets here sometimes and Eric and I would play for hours outside until our grandparents had to drag us back in the house. On those days I forgot about being separated from my parents, my family, and my home in Salem. Eric and I would make angels in the snow, both trying to see which one of us could make a perfect angel imprint among the snowdrifts. I miss those days with my twin. It was almost magical, memories so pure and innocent that I could go back to them when the dark days came and believe me I've had my share of far more dark days than good ones in my life. Now I'm not asking you to forgive me for doing what I had to do, but I was willing to do anything to keep Allie and Johnny together, for them to grow up together, to not be separated from one another and if it took my sleeping with Lucas again to keep my children from being separated, then I'd do it again in a heartbeat even if I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I was betraying our wedding vows however shaky they were to begin with considering the circumstances surrounding our marriage. So if you want to sit in judgment of me, go ahead, you won't be the first and you certainly won't be the last."
She drained her glass after finishing her speech to him, the man who was such a big part of her life, one that was crazy and jumbled up, but one that she longed to share with him if he'd only allow her access back into his heart.
She interrupted him before he could say anything else, "I know this isn't going to be easy, but I'm willing to give this marriage my all if you can get past your stubbornness, all I want is for you to give us a chance, that maybe we'll find better days in the upcoming year."
"I don't know if I can," EJ looked into her eyes, trying to get past the hurt she had inflicted upon him and saw that if she was willing to take the risk maybe he could attempt to do the same.
Sami crouched down before him, taking his hands within hers, "EJ, You've got a tough road ahead of you and I want to be here by your side, helping you fight. Isn't that what Christmas is all about to be willing to open up your heart to new possibilities? You are my family now, for better or worse, and I want to be here with you and the twins."
"I've hurt so you badly, I can't expect you to stay here with me." EJ shook his head, trying not to get his hopes up again, because he knew how hard the fall was when his dreams of being with Samantha were smashed to pieces.
"We've both hurt each other," Sami leaned in to touch his face, "and I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't scared that we'll hurt each other again because we are both selfish people, barging into life with both barrels wide open, but I'm willing to try. Give me the chance to show you that I'm worth the risk that loving me is worth all the heartache and the pain that we've shared with one another.
He placed his hand upon her cheek and felt hope growing once again inside his cold heart, melting away the iciness that surrounded the fortress which guarded his emotions, "Samantha Gene Brady, you drive a hard bargain, how can any man resist your charms?"
"For your information it is Samantha Gene Brady Wells-DiMera and don't you dare forget it," she pointed a finger at his chest as a smile started to form upon her face.
"I won't darling, I won't," EJ returned her smile with one of his own, happiness slowly creeping over him for the first time in weeks and it was all because of this wild and beautiful creature that stood before him.
"Merry Christmas EJ," she kissed him on the cheek, then straightened up and left his room.
"Merry Christmas Samantha," EJ whispered as he watched her retreating figure leave the room, thinking to himself that he had just been given the best gift of all and that was the gift of hope for the future.