Disclaimer: I do not own the Keys to the Kingdom, I simply intend to increase the number of fanfics it has, as it has few.

You Know You're Addicted to the Keys to the Kingdom when:

1. When someone says that they've lost their keys, you say that they're lying, keys can only be given.

2. When you lose your keys, you waste five minutes in trying to summon them with your mind.

3. When you watch Arthur!, you're surprised to know that Arthur and Drowned Wednesday are relatives.

4. Whenever you hear 'Bathroom Attendants' you scream and run, writing down important things so that you don't forget them.

5. You watch the Secret Saturdays on Cartoon Network and wonder if they're Saturday's secret relatives.

7. You believe T.G.I. Fridays is a hospital.

8. You want to be a Doctor of House Sorcery when you grow up.

9. You wonder why no medical college offers courses in that.

10. The telephone operators have complained several times as you've called up and asked for Lord Arthur, Ruler of the House, and get angry when they still ask for a number.

11. When people tell you their telephone numbers, you believe it's their number in precedence.

12. Whenever you hear that someone has a will, you ask if it's a frog.

13. You wonder if the trees will protect you from attackers.

14. You drink tea all of the time.

15. You see black ink and try to do sorcery with it.

16. You try to call Dr. Scamandros to see why it failed.

17. You want tattoos just like Dr. Scamandros.

18. You try to catch rats in your house and interrogate them, asking if they're working for the Piper.

19. You don't believe that they're regular rats and still keep them in.

20. You've tried to send messages by simultaneous bottle.

21. When you here 'piracy', you think Feverfew is behind it.

22. When you read The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, you wonder why he doesn't mention Grim Tuesday.

23. Whenever you hear the story of the Pied Piper of Hamlin, or read it, you wonder where the Architect comes in.

24. Whenever you here that someone wants to be an architect, you laugh.

25. You read all of the points above carefully.

26. You're counting how much relate to you.

27. You call Storm Lanterns as Strom Lanterns.

28. You wonder why the subway doesn't emit smoke.

29. You don't go into T.G.I. Fridays.

30. You shave every morning. Even if you're too young or a girl.

31. You ask people to call you by Lord/Lady/Sir/Master/Sublime Serenity/Dame, or they'll be demoted to Coal Collector.

32. You wonder why rings don't have gold inside that fills up slowly.

33. You've hidden all reflective surfaces in your house, as protection from Lady Friday.

34. You blame any economic crisis on Grim Tuesday's meddling.

35. You go to NASA and ask where the plant with the Cocigrue is.

36. You wonder why your atlas only shows geographical locations.

37. You marvel how you can turn it's pages without a key.

38. You wonder why elevators don't ride on light beams.

39. You still want to be a Doctor of House Sorcery, and are sad that you can't.

40. You spit in your hand and offer it to small children when you meet them.

41. Whenever someone gives you their keys, you try to claim them in a loud voice.

42. You try to blast things with your umbrella.

43. When you're in a boat and a storm is approaching, you wonder if Duchess Wednesday will let you go through the lightning.

44. You wonder why you can't stand on water holding your fork.

45. People who care about you advise you to lose your obsession.

46, You want to become a Winged Servant.

47. Whenever you lose something, you go to the Border Sea to look for it. When you can't find it, you scream the the Border Sea is lost and will reappear in the Border Sea.

48. You really believe the Architect made the universe.

49. You go on a fanfiction website to write and read about fanfiction relating to the Keys to the Kingdom.

50. Whenever you meet a soldier, you ask him how Sir Thursday is doing.

51. You're alert whenever it becomes Noon, Dawn or Dusk.

52. You answered 'Yes' to everything above.

53. You wonder why your Thesaurus won't talk to you.

54. You throw salt at dogs just in case.

56. You didn't notice that there's no number 6.

57. You went back to check.

58. You wonder if it will anger Superior Saturday.

59. You throw salt at normal people in black suits.

60. You go to the reptile section of the zoo, wondering where the Bibliophages are.

61. You visit skyscrapers and ask where the Grease Monkeys are.

62. You get mad when they tell you monkeys live in the jungle.

63. You stockpile silver and salt, ready for attack.

64. When you're asked in a test, 'Who is the supreme commander of the armed forces?', you write Sir Thursday.

65. You then remember that the real commander is the Architect or Lord Sunday.

66. You wrote a history report on the history of the House.

67. You wrote a biology report on nithlings.

68. You wish you could go to the House.

And, last but not least:

69. When you see someone who looks sad and then ask them what's wrong, and they reply, "Nothing.", you run around in circles and scream, "OH NO! NOTHING IS GOING TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE! SWEET MERCIFUL ARCHITECT HELP US!" And you do that EVERY time.