PAINFUL SECRETS 4

OMG, 4 chapter already, wow. I DON'T OWN HOA!

LMFAO!

I heard Jara kissed but I didn't see the episode so I'm quite mad. ):

LOL JK I did see the episode it was so cute. I'm really excited about the Alfie and Piper thing also I do like AMFIE, this season is EPIC.

And I heard amber has a crush on Jerome which is absurd and yea I hope it's just rumors because Jara needs to happen forever and ever

3/20/12 I saw the finale! It was AMAZINGGG! JARA KISS…IT WAS EPIC!

I'm so happy! So this story isn't exactly like season two…okay? :)

Remorse and Temptation


No POV

She sat there, quietly thinking to herself about what happened last week at the sleepover.

It happened so fast, maybe too quickly.

A week had passed and Mara and Jerome had become official, their relationship had begun, and was nice and happy, like a fairy tale.

But Mara new better, Life was never a fairy tale.

It seemed so perfect, yet nothing was ever perfect,

It seemed as if it was amazing, wonderful, extraordinary, but Mara knew that this wasn't right.

She felt as if she was controlling Jerome.

As if she was a controlling manipulative freak.

But whenever she was with him, the feeling would go away.

She loved him.

She still does.

She wouldn't trade him for the world, she would die for him.

She knew he would do the same.

But something wasn't right.

There was just this feeling.

As if she wasn't good enough for him.

As if she was just taking advantage of him.

She knew she wasn't, but these feelings just manipulated her brain, making the thoughts of the "temptation" get back in her head.

She began thinking about it again.

That she was a horrible person

That she didn't deserve to live.

That she was the reason of his misery.

That she just made everything worse.

She sighed and entered the bathroom, studying herself in the mirror.

Why would he like somebody like her?

To her she was ugly.

To her she looked nerdy.

To her she just wasn't worth it.

All these thoughts made Mara feel miserable, but she couldn't stop. The negative energy just kept flowing in. All those thoughts made her feel like trash.

She tried to think more positive.

She tried leaving post-its wherever she went.

She tried talking it out with Jerome, for he was the only one who knew.

But at some points when she was alone the temptation just came back. All the negative thoughts, energy and action, which hurt her physically and mentally, came back.

She felt herself crumble down, like an old wall about to be torn down due to decaying.

She no longer felt the lust of Mara Jaffray, which she had rarely felt nowadays.

Her self-esteem had crumbled into nothingness. There would be times where she would cry herself to sleep.

She would do this in secret.

She didn't want Jerome to find out, and worry about her.

What has he ever done to deserve this?

He deserved better than her.

She believed that she herself was a burden on his shoulders. He was Hercules carrying the world and she was just a big boulder making it heavier for him.

She didn't want to be the boulder.

And he believed that she wasn't.

But she knew she was.

The bitter thought that she was ruining his life, frustrated her.

She never wanted to hurt him, but she knows she did.

All the thoughts made the relationship bitter. At least in Mara's point of view.

Jerome thought differently.

He found the relationship, perfect. Even though he believed nothing was perfect. He found it nourishing, a way to bring out his inner self.

The thought that he was Mara Jaffrey's boyfriend made him smile.

It helped him become a new Jerome.

She was a good influence for him, she still is.

Spending time with her was heaven for him, her face brightened his day.

He loves being with her, and seeing her.

She is the reason he lives.

Without her he is nothing.

He lives to love her, lives to be with her.

He doesn't know of any life without her.

He wants her to feel amazing, he wants her to love him, and she does but her love for him just brings more pain to her.

Mara Jaffrey is a confused girl.

She can't tell the difference, she loves him, but it pains her to love him.

She knows he loves her but her insecurity makes her think he doesn't.

It just tears her apart the mere thought that she isn't good enough for him, that she is hurting him.

She repeats it all in her head, making the thoughts worse.

A tear slips down her fragile pale face.

Her chocolate eyes well up, looking shinier than ever, glimmering like stars on a dark summer night.

She shed tears until there were none left.

Sighing she took one last look into the mirror.

Then she swiveled around, she didn't want to look at herself for she didn't like how she looked. She came face to face with it.

The bloody pocket knife

Its crisp silver edge gleaming as a ray of sun shined on it making it only more attracting than ever.

Mara's eyes were glued onto the knife, she inspected every edge, every sparkle, every angle, yet she found no flaws.

It was perfect.

She took it without thinking and quickly made a slit on her wrist, a tiny droplet of blood appeared; quickly she ran to the sink and rinsed it off.

All that was left was a small scar; the temptation was back, and all because of remorse.


Mara POV

It seemed as if an eternity had passed since we broke up.

He has moved on and is now dating, her.

By her I mean the most notorious bitchy girl this school has ever met, Britney.

She's that perfect brit.

Golden straight hair that cascaded perfectly down her shoulders, without one frizz, or one split end.

Light blue grey eyes, which partially signify her darkness, and evil.

The blue in her eyes shows her nice, cheerfully, peppy cheerleader side.

The grey shows the envy, jealousy, anger, and hatred that are dying to expose themselves.

She's the cheerleader.

Miss Popular.

The one Amber Millington praises, and envies.

The one all the boys swoon over.

But aside from all her niceness, popularity, she has that egoistic, evil, envious, side.

I know that side.

She has harmed me mentally.

At one point I was bulimic… Because of her.

Her evil ways have affected me; they have made me fragile like glass or paper.

She crumbled my walls in to nothingness, destroying every bit of hope happiness that I had.

And that was a lot, especially since the reason I lived was for the tiny bit of happiness and hope that I held on for dear life.

She ruined all my years at this boarding school and somehow she never gets tired of it, and she keeps hurting me.

A tear rolls down my face as I squeeze my eyes shut to impede more tears from spilling.

All I see is black.

Black has become a peaceful color for me, serene and empty.

"Watch it nerd, gosh stop dreaming this is reality. Reality is when you're a damn piece of shit, and I'm important. So stay out of my way!" Britney pushes past me.

Realizing that it was her I run, run to the girl's bathroom like I always do.

Out of the corner of my eye I see him, he's about to follow me, but then he turns around, a tear streaming down his perfect face, he kicks the ground and follows her, like a puppy.

God and I thought I was the manipulative freak.

It's been like this for days, I can't stand seeing him like this.

Every time I see him with her, I break down.

I come to the conclusion that I am fat.

A fat ugly bitch

That's why he now is with her.

It's my fault, I guess Britney is right "It's what on the outside that counts" and apparently I'm worth nothing.

I guess people call it insecurity I call it "who I am".

After a long day of monotonous school work I finally get to the Anubis house.

Relieved I quickly do my homework and go to the bathroom.

Inspecting myself for the fiftieth time in the mirror, I frown.

I'm ugly and fat.

It's so unfair.

I sigh and walk out of the bathroom displeased with myself.

Bumping into Patricia she gives me a sympathetic smile. She grabs me by the arm and we begin a conversation. It is pretty awkward because we have lost contact ever since Joy came. I have nothing against that. I really don't care if Patricia is ignoring me. Slowly realizing I was deep in to thought not really paying attention to Patricia I just nod so she thinks I'm talking to her.

"So do you think he likes me?"

"Mara…Mara…MARA!" Patricia yells as I slowly jump out of my train of thoughts.

"Am I fat?"

It was the first thing to come out of my mouth.

Patricia began to laugh, she fell on the floor laughing hard. Looking at her in disgust I leave and once again run into the bathroom.

Breathing heavily, I feel as if I can't breathe.

The walls seem as if they are closing in, capturing me, taking me into darkness, I want to scream but no words come out of my mouth, my throat feels like the Sahara desert, the white walls unfriendly and heartless, I shiver as I gasp for air. Slowly I run to the toilet. Staring at its circular shape I begin to feel nauseous. Sticking one finger down my throat makes the feeling go away. I vomit into the toiled and flush.

I wish it was always this easy.

But nothing is this easy.

Trembling I reach the sink and rinse my mouth; I grab the toothpaste and slowly brush my mouth.

Satisfied I walk out and go to bed.

I have now found the easy solution to not being fat.


Jerome POV

As I walk out of Mr. Winkler class, I stumble into her. Her beautiful chocolate brown eyes lock with mine, and then she tenses up and runs away.

I sigh and slam some 7th grader's locker, and walk away.

Britney meets me and starts talking to me about something.

I really don't know what.

All I see is her mouth moving, and every now and then she would flip her hair.

She notices that I'm not paying attention and she slaps me.

"Jerome Clarke, listen to me, you listen to me or I'll break up with you." She hisses.

I bow my head and walk away.

I hate listening to her but what else should I do?

I guess it's a punishment for me because I broke her heart.

I really don't know why or how I broke Mara's heart, but somehow I did, I guess I must suffer the consequences.

It all passed so fast.

We were happy, it was all perfect, as perfect as perfect can be.

The next day we broke up.

It was so sudden, my heart shattered.

The nice person that I was inside was long gone, and the egoistic dark heart of stone was also gone.

I had nothing, correction, I have nothing.

I'm a body filled with emptiness, no emotions, no nothing.

Kill me now because right now I have no reason to live.

I'm just an empty body with a lost soul.


Mara POV

Satisfied

I'm absolutely satisfied.

97 pounds, I lost ten freaking pounds.

Yes, it's my all natural diet, or at least that's what I tell everyone, and by everyone I mean Amber.

I knew it wasn't good, what I was doing.

It's not that I'm bulimic or something…well kind of…well yea.

No, I'm not bulimic.

I'm fine.

There is nothing wrong with me… but there is.

NO!

I stand in the bathroom, and repeat to myself

"Mara Jaffrey, is not bulimic, there is nothing wrong with her."

But she knew she was lying to herself, she knew what she was doing wasn't right, but she pushed those thoughts deeper into her brain, and so she would try to forget about it.

Why is it that when I'm in thought I refer to myself as third person? Simple answer I don't want to be me.

Walking out of my room, I spotted Amber.

Amber Millington, standing there, with someone.

Speak of the devil.

"OH MY GOD MARA! I'M SO HAPPY! WE HAVE STUDENT SWAP DAY, BRITNEY'S COMING AND JOY LEFT!"

My eyes paralyzed with fear, my body went numb.

The platinum blonde gave me her evil smirk, her blue eyes gone, and her grey eyes dancing with a fiery passion like an eagle eyeing its prey.

I stretch out my hand, its quivering, but I see her take notice.

She walks towards me and smiles; as she gets closer she scowls at me.

"Hey, Loser, I'm guess you're stuck with me, but get out of my way and I won't hurt you! Wait! I still will, you're a loser and if I'm seen with you the I'll be a loser, and that will make me happy, you won't like me when I'm angry. So stay out of my way and get your bitchy ass right out of my face! Capiche, good!" She turns around. A gust of wind followed by the lashing of her hair that hits me, a single tear drop rolls down my face, out of the corner of my eye I see him again, inspecting everything. The look of pain on his face, as he puts all of it together, he senses how she hurts me, but he does nothing.


Jerome POV
I watch them.

I watch that bitch, torment the one I love.

She seems so nice, but she's so evil, she's bittersweet, a fake sweetness, and true bitterness.

It hurt me seeing Mara like this. Every day I tell myself that the part of me that loved her is gone.

But I can't keep hiding it; I'm head over heels in love with Mara Jaffrey.

It hurt me that she broke up with me. But I could never be mad at her, her chocolate eyes, the hurt in her eyes. All of that made me feel as if I was hurting her. That is probably what happened. I am evil; there is no doubt about it. And that is killing me.

What could I have done to still be with her? The remorse of hurting her mentally has come back.


Mara POV

My eyes play tricks on me as I stumble into my room. Everywhere I see her face.

Taunting me, tearing down all my pride.

I shut my eyes but it gets worse her sing song voice takes over my ears.

And then I become a troubled mess.

Every day the one hallucination becomes another, and another and another.

The accumulation of these forms of torment impedes me from thinking straight.

Every day the door that leads me to the light and hope becomes fainter.

Today I met Jerome's sister Poppy, I never really paid attention to her. There is a strong family resemblance between the two. You could see it, the stunning dirty blonde hair and the crystallized blue eyes.

I got to say it wasn't there looks that amazed me it was their charisma and character, arrogant yet humble, charming yet annoying, they were so how can I put this…similar.

I sat there on the cold granite floor of the empty white bathroom. Mick had finally gone to a school in Australia that would help his conduct and the house had gotten word that he had a new girlfriend…and Joy even though she still loved him she also loved Fabian. Although I was still depressed a lot had changed. For one, Trudy was helping Jasper, Fabian's godfather, with an Egyptian exhibit. And the new housemother Vera arrived a few days ago. There was something wrong with her, it wasn't just the fact that she had a stuffed beagle, or the fact that she and Victor have a "thing" for each other, but all the "great" achievements of hers sound phony, fake, and aren't supported by facts.

The temptation had been there for a long time. Now the bulimia factor had risen from the back of my brain, to the front. But I wanted it to stop, I need it to stop. I try to entertain myself, writing helps, drawing helps. Music helps but it isn't enough. Two days ago Ms. Andrews gave me an important assignment…to find out what is wrong about Vera. I personally am psyched. I feel that it is my honor to write about the TRUTH. But the downside is that the piece I have to write on Vera is highly qualified, I can't speak about it to anyone.

Why can't I expose the truth about Vera?

Why doesn't anyone understand that the truth needs to be told? I've been fed up with all these lies.

Chocolate Midnight Cake, Vera's special recipe, my mom bought that for me on my third birthday.

All the references for Vera's placement as the housekeeper don't add up. The people she worked for…are dead. The pictures of the kitchen where she worked don't show her in it.

And isn't it strange that only Vera applied for the job?

One way or another EVERYONE will know the dirty little secrets that Vera keeps to herself.


hey guys please review, it sounds selfish but i want to reach 100 reviews. (: