Sorry for the long wait. Hope this chapter makes up for it!
Caroline and I returned to the house after burying Damon. Caroline did most of the digging I just put him in when she was done. Burying my brother was worse then anything I have ever done.
Killing people does not amount to the pain I'm feeling right now for putting my older brother in a grave. Im not sure when I will be able to overcome this, I just put the person I've loved since I was born in the ground.
As much as Damon and I fought all these years and threatned to kill each other, I love my older brother so much I would have never been able to go through killing him. Now it was a balance of nature that killed him.
Caroline and I walkd into the living room to see Alaric and Jeremy sitting on the couches. They both stood up when we entered.
"So is it done?" Alaric asked.
I nodded. "Yea its done." I felt Caroline rub my back in comfort.
"Where did you guys put him?" Jeremy asked.
"Jer." Caroline said in a warning tone.
"No its fine. We put him in my family's plot," I told him.
"Wheres Bonnie and Elena?" Caroline asked.
"Upstairs in Stefan's room," Ric said.
"Im going to go talk to her." I said heading for the stairs.
"Wait Stefan let me go talk to her first. I wanna make sure shes okay," Jeremy said.
"Alright, let me know when your done," I said.
Jeremy went upstairs and I went outside. I really needed to clear my head.
I walked up the stairs and went to Stefan's room. When I got there Elena was sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs pulled up to her chest. Tears were falling down her face but she wasn't making any sounds. Bonnie was right next to her, rubbing her back.
"Hey is everything okay?" I asked.
Bonnie looked up. "Shes just in shock right now."
"Can you give me in a minute with her?" I asked.
"Yea. Call if you need anything," Bonnie said getting up and leaving.
I walked over to Elena once the door closed and I sat at the edge of the bed and turned toward my sister.
She didn't move.
"Elena come on, you have to talk to someone."
"Hes dead Jer and its my fault." Elena said quietly.
"Hey Lena no its not," I told her moving closer.
"Yes it is Jeremy. Klaus wanted me and Damon tried to save me."
"Elena we were all trying to save you, Damon was trying to fix a mistake he made when he gave you his blood, he did what any of us would have done," I told her.
"Yea but you didn't put yourself in front of a werewolf knowing that their bite could kill you," Elena said sobbing.
"Elena he knew the consequences but he didn't care because he loved you," I said.
Elena cried harder and pulled her knees closer. "I just want him back Jer."
I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around her. "I know Elena, shh its okay, I know you do."
"I feel so bad that it took me all this to finally realize I love him. I put him through so much emotional stress and for what? Hes dead now and he'll never know how I feel," She cried.
"Elena I think he always knew you loved him somewhere deep down. Thats why he always kept fighting for you, knowing one day you would be able to accept how he felt about you," I said.
"You make it sound like he told you personally," Elena said leaning into my shoulder.
"I've just noticed the way he is around you and what he really means when he talks to you," I said.
"Its like everyone noticed the way he feels except me," Elena cried.
"Yea but deep down you always knew."
I was outside in the back leaning against one of the brick pillars. A million questions going through my head. What am I going to do now that I'm alone? Should I leave or stay in Mystic Falls? Do I want to leave Mystic Falls? Whos going to drink all the alcohol in the house?
I've lived without Damon for fifteen years but now that I know he is never coming back at all I'm not sure how im going to manage.
I was outside alone when I heard a familiar female voice.
"Stefan are you okay?" Caroline asked.
I nodded. I knew right now I couldn't trust my voice.
I heard her walking closer to me. "Stefan please talk to me."
"I kinda just want to be alone right now Care." I quietly.
"Okay." She said turning to leave. "Just know that I'm here for you Stefan. Always."
She started walking again but I caught her wrist and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped around her arms around me tight and I did the same, a few tears falling down my face.
Neither of us said anything and I was okay with that. I didn't want to do much talking anyway I just needed my closest friend right now.
Caroline and I stood like that for a few minutes until I broke us apart. She still held onto my hands though. "Do you need anything?"
I shook my head. "Is Jeremy done talking with Elena?"
"He should be finishing up here soon," Caroline said.
I didn't answer back. Talking felt so forgein, when I wanted to talk I felt like crying and I couldn't do that right now. Damon would tell me to toughen up and death is just one of the pitfalls of being a vampire. In a weird way his own personal wisdom and beliefs made sense.
Caroline and and both turned at the new voice. It was Alaric.
"Jeremys done with Elena." He said.
"Alright thanks Ric," I said.
Ric nodded and went back in.
Caroline turned to me. "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yea I'll be fine." I said letting go of her hands and walking towards the door.
"Stefan your not alone. You still have all of us, were here for you."
I stopped. "I know Caroline."
Caroline walked closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "Plus your stuck with me for eternity and its kinda hard to get rid of me." Caroline said in a lighter tone.
I gave her a small smile and hugged her again. Once we let go I went inside the house.
Jeremy left and told me Stefan was coming up now. I have alot to explain when he comes up here, I know hes going to be hurt but he has to know the truth. I don't even now right now if you can consider us broke up.
I sat there alone for a few minutes and heard face steps coming closer, I looked up and saw Stefan coming through the door way. He looked back at me but his face was blank, no emotion showing.
He walked over to the bed and sat on the left side, his back against the headboard and had one leg on the bed. We both sat there in silence for a few minutes until I spoke.
"I'm sorry Stefan."
"Its okay Elena, I understand," He said quietly.
I turned to him. "Stefan I don't think you do."
"I do Elena. I knew somewhere along the way you started falling for him. I was just hoping that it would be while before you started realizing your feelings for him," Stefan said.
"Im so sorry Stefan," I cried.
He moved closer to me and pulled me into his embrace. I felt comfortable but they weren't the arms I craved for. I leaned into his shoulder and let the tears fall.
"I never meant to hurt you Stefan," I told him
"I know Elena," He said.
Stefan and I just sat there as he held me. I cried into his shoulder and he rubbed my back. As I started calming down I knew I was going to have to bring up the question he didn't want to answer.
"So what happens now? About us?" I asked.
"Thats up to you Elena. How do you feel about us?"
I moved closer to him. "Stefan I love you, you know that but after finally realizing I love Damon I don't think its fair to be with you when he didn't have a chance. I know I didn't give him one but since I finally realizied how I feel about him I don't think its right."
Stefan just nodded. "Okay."
I see the sadness in his eyes but I knew this is what I had to do. I owed it to Damon.
I was putting on my heels getting ready to go to the cemetary. I had already finished dressing and my make-up so I was almost out the door.
Today was Damon's ceremony. It was probably the worse day for everybody, we all lost Damon in some way. Stefan lost his big brother, Elena lost her lover, Alaric lost his best friend, Jeremy and I also lost someone who was like our big brother and even if neither of them admitted it, Bonnie lost a very good friend.
Damon was like a brother to me even though we were together before. He would tease me and he had those nicknames for me, and sometimes he would wrestle with me, Damon would call it training for the real thing.
I noticed the way he was with Jeremy. When Jeremy would ask him something that was bugging him Damon would act like he didn't care but would always help him, when Jeremy needed to talk to a guy he'd go straight to Damon, when Jeremy was looking for a dude to hang out with first place he went was to Damon.
Jeremy didn't have anything against Stefan or Alaric I think that it was because Stefan was dating his sister and Alaric was more of a father figure to him and Damon just set off that big brother vibe.
I pulled up to the cemetary, got out and started walking towards Stefan's family plot. It wasn't in the normal part of the cemtary more in the way back with cluttered trees and vines hanging around. When I got there I noticed I was the last to arrive. I could just here Damon's comment.
"You just had to be fashionably late, didn't you barbie?"
I walked over to Stefan seeing that Elena already had Jeremy and Bonnie as her support group. Alaric stood alone but he was close enough to Stefan that if I got between them I was close to both of them.
None of us really talked we just decided to come together and have a moment for Damon, after everything hes done both good and bad we know he deserved this. Damon did the things none of could or wanted to do, he was the strong one out of us all.
After about half an hour we all started to leave. Elena, Jeremy, Bonnie and Alaric were ahead of me and Stefan. I knew Stefan wanted to walk alone but I was worried about him. After everyone went home the night Damon died, I texted Stefan a few times to make sure he didn't do anything stupid like stake himself, take his ring off or go on a murderous rampage.
I hated that I was being the clingy friend but I couldn't stop worrying.
Stefan and I walked side by side but I stopped when I felt a firm hand hold onto mine. I looked down to see my hand in Stefan's.
I looked up to see a pained expression on Stefan's face.
"For being here for me," Stefan said.
"I'm your friend, of course I'm going to be here for you," I told him.
He grabbed onto my hand tighter, gave a nod and we continued to walk together.
I threw off my jacket as I came downstairs. Alaric and I took Elena upstairs so she could get some sleep, she hadn't slept in a few days. Elena wanted to talk to Ric alone for a minute so I came downstairs to see that Bonnie was in the kitchen.
"Hey, what are doing?" I asked taking off my tie.
"Making coffee. You want some?" She asked
"Where Ric?" Bonnie asked pouring me a mug.
"Hes up there with Elena she wanted to talk to him," I said undoing a few buttons on my shirt.
"I really hope she starts feeling better, you guys have been through so much."
"Way to much." I added quietly to myself.
Alaric came down the stairs and walked into the kitchen. "Hey."
"Hey is Elena asleep?" Bonnie asked.
"Yea she passed out," Alaric said taking off his jacket and tie also.
"What did she want to talk to you about?" I asked
"She just wanted to ask if I could help her with whatever financial problems and stuff come at you guys and if I could take custody of you if she can't when she turns eighteen,' Alaric said.
"Shes already putting alot of stress on herself," Bonnie said.
"You know Elena she has to be in control," Alaric said.
"Theres gotta be something we can do to get her to relax," I said.
"Like what? Its not like we can give her a holiday vacation," Ric said.
"But we can give her closure," Bonnie said out of nowhere.
Ric and I turned to Bonnie giving her confused looks.
"What?" I asked.
"We can give her closure about Damon and their feelings," Bonnie said.
"How are we supposed to do that?" Ric asked.
"Well you guys can't but I can. I just need you guys to get the stuff," Bonnie said getting up.
"Bonnie wait what are you talking about?" I asked.
"I can let Elena talk to Damon."
"How?" I asked.
"Its a spell I learned in Emily's book. She would put people in this dream to help them come in contact with a person they miss most. They go into there loved ones subconscience and it gives them a chance to do unfinished business, its kind of like channeling a spirit but you can actually feel them, be with them and talk with them," Bonnie said.
"Sounds good to me, what do we have to do?" Alaric asked.
"I need something personal of Damon's like a shirt or jacket."
"I think Elena has a hoodie of his," I said.
"Damon wears hoodies?" Ric asked.
"It was an old one he gave Elena when it was raining one time," I told him.
"Do you know where its at?" Bonnie asked
"I think Jenna put it my closet thinking it was mine." I said.
"And let me guess your gonna need candles?" Alaric asked.
Bonnie gave a little smile. "Right."
A few minutes later we were in Elena's bedroom setting up the candles.
"So can you do it while shes asleep?" I asked.
"Yea it will be alot easier," Bonnie said.
"Are you sure it will work?" Ric asked.
"It was one of Emily's simple spells. It doesn't really take alot its mostly up to the person under the influence," Bonnie said.
"Everything is set up, are you ready?" Alaric asked
Bonnie got on her knees held onto Damon's sweater and started chanting. The fire grew and Bonnie had said both Elena and Damon's name.
Everything was cool, there was a nice breeze and the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The ocean was a beautiful blue, it reminded me of the best blue I had ever seen.
I wanted to cry right now for Damon but I couldn't because I kept feeling happy, like the world was at my hands. I looked around and saw I was on a beach, I had no idea where though.
I looked around to catch anything to show where I was but I stopped when I saw a figure. It was a man, he was sitting on a rock, looking out at the sea. I walked closer to get a better view and I noticed I was wearing a white knee length dress. As I got closer I foze, the man was Damon.
I stood there mouth agape just looking at him. He looked so peaceful and relaxed. I guess I was somewhere in Damon's subconscience.
As I stood there looking at him, Damon finally turned his head toward me with a surprised look on his face. "Elena?"
I never thought I would hear that voice again. "Damon."
"How are you here?" He asked walking over to me.
"I don't know, but I'm glad I am," I told him.
"Elena you didn't...hurt yourself did you?" Damon asked putting his hands on my cheeks.
"No of course of not."
He dropped his hands from my face. "Then what are you doing here?"
"I told you Damon I don't know."
"What?" I asked.
"Bonnie sent you here."
"How do you know?"
"I can sense her. She connected our minds."
"Well Im glad she did," I said moving closer to him.
He backed away, I looked at him confused.
"I don't want you here Elena," Damon said.
"I though you would be happy that you were able to see me again."
"I am happy to see you Elena, you have no idea how happy."
"Then why don't you want me here?"
"Because this is someplace you don't need to be, Im at rest now."
A few tears fell down my face. "So you know that your dead." It wasn't really a question more like a statement but Damon nodded.
"Damon I don't want to leave you," I said to him.
"You have to Elena," He said with a hand caressing my cheek.
"No! I can't leave you again Damon, I love you!"
"I know you do Elena."
"No you don't! You died before I said it to you."
"Elena I heard every word right before I died," Damon said.
"Then why didn't you say anything?" I cried
"I was fading quickly," Damon told me remving some hair from my face.
"Damon if you know I love you then let me stay here with you."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I want you to move on from me. I want you to live a normal life, get as far away from the supernatural as you can. Live your dreams, do what you want to do. Grow up, go to college, marry someone, have a family, do the things I couldn't do."
"I don't want to do them if your not apart of them," I said.
"I will be apart of them because you doing them for me. I never asked you for anything Elena, except to love me back and you have but now I'm asking you to move on. Its time for me to stop being selfish with you."
"Damon you were never selfish, you just wanted something that you never had before. Im glad im the one who gave it to you but now that I finally realize I love you, I don't want to lose you," I said.
"Elena please? I don't want to lose you either but this is the one thing I ask of you before you say goodbye to me forever."
"Your saying you would be okay with seeing me happy with someone else?" I asked.
"I've been doing it for the past few months while you were Stefan even if I did cause riffs in your relationship, but yes I would be okay with it because your happy and thats all I want," Damon said.
I leaned into and hugged him, a few tears fell and he grabbed onto me tighter. I wanted to stay in his arms forever, I was going to miss his touch. I savored every second and remembered what his arms felt like, what he smelled like, what it was like to be held by him. I regeret never realizing my feelings before and I would regret it for the rest of my life.
"I love you Damon."
Damon grabbed onto me tighter. "I love you Elena."
We pulled away from each other and I looked into his eyes. I wanted to remember those beautiful blue eyes that held so much love and passion.
I felt Damon's breath come closer to me and I knew what was happening and I leaned into him. Soon our lips met.
I felt Damon press his hand against my cheek and felt his tongue ask for entrance and I gave it to him. As the kiss went on I felt myself losing contact with him but I held tighter onto him never wanting to let go.
As I felt myself breaking contact with him I heard his voice one last time.
"I am always with you Elena. There will never be day when your alone. I love you."