It's my Amazing friend Julie (Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon) birthday today! Everyone go wish her a happy birthday and read her awesome St Berry and Puckleberry stories :) This one's for you Julie! Love you!
"What are you waiting for? Do it. Break it like you broke my heart"
Her words cut him, even though he knew he deserved them but all the same, he played his part, he was after all Jesse St. James, never one to mess up a role. "I loved you" he said before cracking the egg on her head. He forced himself to watch her eyes as she visibly crumbled inside. Outside she stood strong like he knew she would, never one to let herself be broken but as they say, eyes are the window to your soul and her soul had been shattered by him.
"I'll make it up to you" he promised her silently before turning and leaving with the rest.
"How is she?"
"What the fuck? St. James? Why are you calling me?"
"Look, Puckerman, if there was anyone else I could call to ask I would but you're the only one who can answer. How is she?"
"Why would you care? You're the one that fucking broke her. You and that band of douches you command. Do us a favor and show your face around me and the guys. We'll break your outsides like you broke my girl's insides"
He flinched at the my girl part, he knew there was a chance Puckerman or Hudson would move in as soon as he was gone but he took that chance for a fourth national championship. Damn he was an idiot. "I was wrong, alright? I know it and I don't deserve to know how she is or anything but I need to know, Puck. If you don't tell me, I'm going to call her and see if she'll answer."
He heard a growl on the end of the phone and knew he'd won. Good thing Puckerman didn't know he already tried calling and Rachel refused to pick up. "She's broken, like I said. It took us days to get her to eat and function on her own. She still has nightmares at night and she's screwed up. You did your job well, so go pat yourself on the back and leave her alone." with that Puck hung up on him, which wasn't surprising, Jesse expected it much earlier then this.
He dialed the number he knew by heart for the millionth time and listened to her "This is Rachel Berry, leave me a message and I'll get back to you" Voicemail for the millionth time but this time he left a voicemail instead of hanging up. "Rach, baby, I'm so sorry. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you so I don't expect your forgiveness but please, take care of yourself. I know you won't believe me but I love you and will forever hate myself and die a little more each day thinking of what I did to you. If you ever need me, call me, I'll be there no matter what. Until then, goodbye my love"
He saw her at Regionals, their eyes meet across the room and he was entranced. He let his showface slip as he took in her appearance, how her face fell at the sight of him, the crack in her own showface almost brought his crashing down but the slight shake of her head reminded him he was on stage and this wasn't the time to let his emotions show so he continued on, trying to rake up enough courage to talk to her after the show.
They won, of course, and he was off to a fourth championship. He saw her standing by herself down the hallway from him so he headed over, determined to talk to her but before he got there, Finn was there putting his arm around her.
He heard the quiet "I love you" From her lips and his heart shattered. He turned and walked out, not noticing that she had seen him the entire time or that she had be looking at him as she said the words, and watching as he walked away.
School was started and he was thousands of miles away from her and yet he was still thinking about her everyday. He threw the love of his life away and he wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to do now so he threw himself into his new show choir. They weren't near as disciplined as Vocal Adrenaline, of course, but they weren't bad.
A couple months in, however, he got a email saying that he was doing poorly in every class except choir itself and that made his jaw drop. He went to the director to find out that they hadn't made arrangements for someone to take his classes for him. This was ridiculous, didn't they realize who he was? What he would be someday? He took his phone out to call Rachel and remembered she was with Hudson now and besides she never answered his calls anyway so he put it away and went back to trying to talk his way out of the mess these imbeciles put him in.
Imagine his surprise when the first notes of Hello started on his phone. He rushed for it, quickly accepting, "Hello?"
"Rachel? Are you alright? What's wrong?" She was crying and he didn't like it.
"I need you"
and just like that he grabbed his bag out of his closet, sent an email to the school board, withdrawing himself out of this joke of a college and another email to his parents saying he was heading home, all the while staying on the phone and making soothing sounds.
"It's alright, babe, whatever it is, we'll make it better." He promised, "I'll be there in a few hours, I promise"
"Ok. See you soon" she whispered before hanging up.
He made all the arrangements and was on the plane within the hour.
Straight from the airport he rented a car and drove to Lima to be with her but she wasn't there. She told him to come so where was she?
It came to him and he felt a little stupid for not assuming it would be where she was in the first place. He drove to the school and went to the auditorium and there she was, on stage staring blankly at the piano. He rushed to her side but slowed as he got closer.
"Rach, baby it's me." He called quietly, not wanting to startle her.
"Jess?" She asked, looking up at him blinking.
"It's me" he assured her sitting down smiling, not expecting the next thing would be a loud 'SMACK' across his face. Before he could register that however she had thrown herself into his arms, crying. He held her, trying to calm her down and to make sense of her words.
"You.. left. Promised if I needed.. but... gone. No one.." were the only things he caught but he got the gist of it. She was upset he left for California and felt he broke the last promise he made her.
"Rachel, if you would have asked, I would have stayed. You didn't answer me so I assumed you wanted me gone."
"You hurt me Jess" She finally said a full sentence.
"I had nightmares for months"
"You shattered my already cracked heart"
"HOW?" She yelled "How could you know all of this and still leave me like that? How can you claim to love me and then leave me broken?"
"I tried to call you, to fix things and when you wouldn't answer I called Puckerman. He made it clear you were better off without me and he was right. I was going to talk to you at Regionals anyway but I Hudson came up to you first and I heard you tell him you loved him. How do you think that made me feel? My heart shattered as well, my love, to think you could love someone else and say it so quickly after us...I couldn't stay knowing that"
"You idiot, I said it to you. I was looking at you but you were to busy glaring daggers at Finn to notice it. I almost ran after you when you left but Finn would have followed and that would have been a disaster"
"You don't love Hudson?"
"Of course I do. He was the first boy I ever thought I loved and I will always have a piece of my heart reserved for him, just as Noah holds a, albeit larger, piece of my heart though he's going to get a talking to when I see him next. I'm not in love with either of them though. Despite the pain and the heartbreak you put me through, I'm in love with you, and only you hold the greatest place in my heart as well as my soul."
He was shocked, all of this time he thought he had lost the greatest love in his life and she had been back here waiting for him to realize he was an idiot. That was a lot to process. He almost didn't hear her ask, "What are you doing here Jess?"
"You called me. I told you if you ever needed me I'd be here so here I am"
"What if I said I needed you to stay?"
"I've already made arrangements to do just that. I couldn't leave, not again"
She threw her arms around him again, holding him tightly before pushing away, "I warn you, I gave Noah full permission to hunt you down and do whatever he choses fit punishment if you hurt me again"
"Consider me warned and know that he'll never get the chance to carry it out because I will do anything in my power to never hurt you again"
She nodded, smiling slightly as she told him, "I hope not because I've actually made friends this year, Jesse, not just teammates and as teammates they were ready to kill you this year, I'm pretty sure as actual friends they'll go through with it"
He kissed her cheek and said, "If I hurt you again, I deserve it so I'm glad you have them"
She nodded, satisfied.
"Why'd you call? You had me worried"
She bit her lip, unsure what to say but finally settled on the truth, "I ran into Giselle, she said you were happily engaged to the lead of your new show choir and had called to make sure they were working on their funkification scheme for Nationals. I couldn't believe you were getting married...let alone still out to hurt us after that voicemail so I called."
He couldn't believe that bitch was still out to get Rachel now that he'd left but he just took her hand and promised, "I haven't so much as been on a date since you and I, love, she was just trying her own tactic to make you upset because they're worried you'll beat them at Nationals now that I'm gone."
She nodded, "I believe you now that you're here but before...I wasn't sure."
He kissed the side of her head and said, "You won't have to worry again because I'm never leaving your side again."
"That sounds nice but I'm afraid I can't allow you on stage with me. I won't have love messing up my performances" She said as serious as she could around the grin on her face.
"Oh, I'd never dare ruin a Rachel Berry Performance but I hope I can be a part of some of them." he teased back, leaning closer to her.
"Only the very special ones" She whispered just before she pressed her lips to his for the first time in almost a year.
When he pulled away he whispered, "I can live with that. Love you"
"I love you too." She whispered pulling him back to her, where he should have been all along.