Does This Darkness Have a Name?
A/N: So this is a story that I'm resurrecting because I like the concept of it, but I don't like the way that I wrote it to begin with. I started it about three years ago and published it with no intention to finish it, I suppose. So now I'm rewriting it! This story is AU, and has nothing to do with the war or Voldemort. I know it's the typical, beaten-to-death "Hermione and Draco are Head Girl and Boy" story but it definitely has a twist and I hope you guys enjoy it.
I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. Also, the title is a One Tree Hill quote. Don't judge. Here's the full quote, if you're interested. I believe that it really fits in with Draco's story later on.
-Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty? This hatred? How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed all by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?-
Hermione couldn't believe how far she had come. How had seven years passed by so quickly? She looked beside her at Ron, Harry and Ginny and she sighed a little, feeling a mixture of warmth and sadness in her heart. She knew that once they had finished their last year at Hogwarts that they would obviously still be best friends, but would they stay within close proximity? She knew Harry wanted to be an auror, and Ron had been talking about joining a professional Quidditch team somewhere down the line. And Ginny, of course, was staying one more year at Hogwarts.
But Hermione? She had felt such anxiety over these sorts of decisions. She loved everything about magic… how was she supposed to choose just one profession?
"What's up?" Ron asked her, squeezing her hand a little. "You look nervous."
"Not nervous," she replied. "Just… ready, I suppose."
Although vague, her answer seemed to make sense to Ron and Harry. They both nodded thoughtfully, watching as the train came into view. Their last year was to be the most fun, and yet they grew weary just thinking about it.
"Chin up," he told her with a lopsided grin. Hermione leaned in and promptly gave him a kiss on the cheek. His grin turned into a full-on beam when she pulled away.
"Save the PDA for when you're not around a family member, hm?" Ginny asked Ron, who shoved her in response. They both laughed in response. Hermione and Ron had been dating since the end of 6th year, but Ginny still playfully gave him a hard time about even the slightest bit of PDA.
The laughing slowly subsided as the train came to a full stop in front of the hopeful students. Hermione found herself smiling a bit as the doors churned open and exposed the innards of the train to the waiting children. She climbed in happily, Ron at her back, breathing in the familiar smell of the sweet snacks and newly furnished compartments.
The four students crammed themselves into the nearest compartment and sat down, placing their belongings next to them. Almost immediately, Hermione was standing back up and smoothing the creases from her robes.
"I'm going to keep my things here, if you guys don't mind," she told them, feeling rather nervous for the most important part of their long ride to Hogwarts. About a month ago, Hermione was greeted by a silvery, good-natured owl that arrived by her window. A large roll of parchment was attached to its talon, as well as a smaller envelope. Confused, Hermione untied the goodies and sent the owl off after a few loving pets to the back of its head.
As she unraveled the parchment, a large pop noise sounded off as confetti and sparkles exploded from the paper, along with the sound of people cheering. The confetti simply whirled within itself, disappearing with a smaller pop before it even reached the floor. The little intricacies of magic would never cease to amaze Hermione.
She scoured the paper hungrily.
Miss Hermione Granger, you have shown us much courage, intelligence and strength over the past seven years. Being a prefect for the Gyrffindor household as well as receiving remarkable grades for numerous courses, the staff at Hogwarts would like to appoint you as Head Girl for the 2009-2010 school year. Congratulations on your amazing feat! We have no doubt that the students of Hogwarts will grow to love and respect you as the Head Girl of the academy.
The letter continued with a list of responsibilities, as well as Hermione's new living quarters and password.
We are very excited to see what you can do for your students this year.
Wishing you the best,
Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Filius Flitwick, Pomona Sprout and Albus Dumbledore.
Inside the envelope was a shiny badge, enriched with maroon and gold highlights and etched with the words Head Girl.
And now here she was, standing in the corridor of the train as the last of the students clambered on and found a compartment.
Just a few compartments over, Draco Malfoy sat with his usual cronies. They were all laughing and punching each other in the sides, going on and on about some joke that Draco had missed out on.
Draco no longer felt alive after the summer he had endured. He no longer felt that holding his head high was obligatory, or even possible at this point. Looking up at his "friends" and wondered how they could laugh at something so menial, so incredibly stupid when he barely even felt his own sanity within him.
His thoughts were disturbing and maniacal and he couldn't even help it; he was trapped. He recapped the events that happened over summer and he winced uncontrollably. It was like reliving an embarrassing moment that you just want to be able to forget, but you can't. It keeps coming up in passing, causing you to turn pink and sheepishly stare down at your shoes as you relive that moment in your mind. It was almost exactly like that. Except for the embarrassing part.
Thinking about it definitely wasn't helping. He sighed and glanced down, looking at his Head Boy badge, and forgot completely that he had to do rounds. He groaned and stood, walking out the compartment door and slamming directly into Hermione Granger.
"Watch it, will you?" he asked coldly.
"Nice to see you too, Malfoy. What're you doing out of your compartment?" she retorted. He looked down at the badge on her robes.
"I suppose I'm doing the same thing as you, Granger," he sneered, looking her up and down. She was about to question his statement, but then noticed his Head Boy badge. She immediately went pale, wondering why this little detail wasn't included in her letter. Maybe she was so excited that she had skipped over it? That can't be, she scoured the letter over and over again every chance that she got. "Although I can't imagine why a mudblood would be allowed to hold such an prestigious title."
Maybe they didn't include it in the letter because they knew she would turn down the position if she knew about Draco being her male counterpart.
"You're the new Head Boy?" she asked, ignoring his dry comment. Although she probably should have seen it coming. Even if he was a lowly bastard to her and her friends, he was rather (annoyingly) studious.
"Who else did you expect? Your sad excuse for a boyfriend?" he asked, snorting at her. "If you haven't noticed, he's got the IQ of a fruit fly."
"Shove it, Malfoy," she muttered, while turning on one heel and walking down the thin passage. Unfortunately, he was right behind her, dragging his squeaky shoes against the floor. They made their way towards the last compartment on the right, the prefect compartment. In just a few minutes, all of the new prefects would be piling into the small cubicle and listening to the instructions that Draco and Hermione would explain.
It had been a very long train ride, one that Hermione would have loved to endure with anyone besides her arrogant male counterpart. For the rest of the night, he poked and prodded her with ridiculous comments that not only insulted her status as a witch, but her friends, her parents, her hair, the zit on her forehead, the smell of her perfume, and anything else he could possibly observe. Hermione was seething with anger by the time she finally caught up with Ron and Harry at the Great Hall.
"I can't stand that bugger," she told them as she picked apart her buttered biscuit and scattered in around her plate. Her anger had completely suppressed her appetite. Ron and Harry looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "I mean, honestly, the boy is mental. He hasn't stopped insulting me since the second we bumped into each other."
"What do you expect?" Ron asked her, forking a piece of meat into his mouth. "He is a Malfoy."
Draco ate silently with his cronies, his head filled to the top with neurotic thoughts. Meanwhile, Pansy Parkinson was busy scooting her chair closer and closer to his, calling him "Drakey" and asking him why he was being so quiet. He grunted and shrugged her off of his shoulder. Crabbe, Goyle and Zabini were too busy flinging biscuits at each other to notice his behavior, or the fact that he stood from his chair and stormed out of the Great Hall.
He picked his brain for the coordinates of his new dormitory, already horrified by the thought of having to share it with that Granger mutt. He remembered that the letter had instructed him to go "fifteen paces right of the alcove across from the Ravenclaw dormitories". He was to tap his wand against the wall, whisper the password and the door would appear.
Sure enough, there it was. The door was thick and wooden, with a gargoyle knocker that peered at him as he pushed his way inside. The common room was rather exquisite. Plushy blue chairs sat around the fireplace, with a shined wooden table standing in front of them. A bookcase sat tall in the corner of the large common room, looming over the rest of the furniture. Draco walked over to it, observing the multitude of books on its shelves. He pulled a couple out of their places and thumbed through them before heading towards what he believed to be his bedroom.
The room was donned with green and silver decorations, along with the Slytherin house crest hanging above his bed. Several dressers were provided for clothing and school supplies, along with a few picture frames that already contained photographs. One was of a beautiful landscape, with singing birds twirling around the sky. Another was a family portrait. Lucius and Narcissa stood tall and stern, both with one hand on either of Draco's shoulders. No one smiled.
He attempted to stop the shaking, but it overcame him anyway. His hands were barely controllable as he took the frame off of the wall and placed it face down on a dresser as calmly as he could. Without another thought, he flopped backwards onto his bed and resisted the urge to throw up, or worse, cry. After lying down for just a few minutes, he felt a little better. He had to. There was no way he could go about his day being a shaky, disgusting mess. What would people think?
After a few moments, he decided to go to the common room and get his trunk to unpack his belongings. He opened the door only to find Hermione sitting on a plush couch, reading.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here, Granger?" he sneered. She peered up at him from behind her book and glared.
"What do you mean? If you don't recall, I live h-"
"I was actually trying to forget that little detail. I mean, what're you doing here so early? The feast doesn't end for another half an hour," he replied, presenting her with his first civil sentence for her since they had bumped into each other on the train.
"I don't know," she replied. "I guess I'm just tired, and I wanted to see what the room looked like and if I could even find the place, and I wanted to get a head start on unpacking, and-"
"Shit, Granger, I wasn't asking for a speech," Draco said, while over-exaggerating a wince.
"Malfoy, you are such a bloody-"
"Prat? Git? Bastard? Wow, Granger, for a person who is constantly reading, one would think you'd have a larger vocabulary."
"Will you stop cutting me off?" she yelled, placing her book down on her lap. He shrugged. No matter how disappointed he was, he always had a good time riling her up. She groaned and slammed her book down on the table, walking to her room. Draco chuckled a bit before snatching up his luggage.
Hermione flopped on her bed and groaned angrily. There was nothing worse than sharing her corridors with Draco Malfoy. Well, of course, besides sharing a room with the whiny loser. At least she was safe in the confines of her own corridors. She felt at home with her maroon and gold decorations, as well as pictures of her friends and family.
Soon, she had completely forgotten about her run-in with Draco, and was slowly falling into a daze. Only the sounds of Draco's bedroom door opening and shutting kept her awake, if only for a few moments before she slipped away into a dreamless sleep.
Draco had picked up the habit of pacing over the summer. He had no idea why, it didn't even really calm his anxiety, but he felt the need to do it. He felt productive if he walked around, if only for a little bit. At least now he had an excuse. He organized his room for a few hours, working on several things before heading to the bathroom. He meticulously shaved his face before setting up his toiletries on his side of the sink. Then to the common room he went, where he draped his robes over one plush chair.
And then he sat there. The moon shined brightly through the sole window next to the bookcase, illuminating the room if only for a few hours. His heart raced as he looked down at his calloused, scraped hands. He had spent hours over the summer, sitting there and picking at his blisters until the whole layer of skin was gone. Another habit he picked up next to pacing, a more destructive one. But somehow the soft pick, pick noise of his fingernails against the skin of his hand made his heart slow down, if only for a few minutes.
And so he picked, until he was tired. And even then, he could barely sleep when he sunk into his billowy, green comforter.
Unfortunately, Draco woke up at around 4:30 AM the next morning. Shit, he thought. Getting back to sleep was almost as hard as getting tired in the first place. Sleep was the one escape he had when he was at home, and that was the sole reason it was so hard to come by.
Sighing, he got up and stretched, before draping a robe around his bare chest and boxers. He walked out to the common room and lit the fireplace, stoking the charred logs every few minutes. He stared into the flames for a long time, feeling his eyes burn with every moment that passed. To tell the truth, he felt very lucky to be here. Even if he was surrounded by idiots and Hermione, it was a hell of a lot better then home. Home? he thought to himself. I couldn't really call it that, now can I?
Soon, he saw the sun start to seep in through the window. Sighing, he doused the fire and went back to his room, unsure if he could possibly be ready for the day ahead of him.
A/N: I know, not very eventful. But I'll get to the better parts! I hope you guys enjoyed. Let me know what you think, and possibly what you think has happened to Draco! I love to hear your theories!