A/N: From ColdHeartSnake: I would love to see a chapter about Blaine telling Kurt about Cooper, because Cooper is home, visiting.
This should be fun. I apologise for anything that's about to come up.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Blaine: Help me. Kurt, please, I'm begging you.
Blaine: He's reading Sylvia Plath.
Blaine: Cooper is reading Sylvia Plath out loud to get me talking to him.
Blaine: And it is depressing the hell out of me. Please help.
Kurt: Well, he's got a point.
Blaine: That was the wrong thing to say. Why, Kurt? Why?
Kurt: He lives in LA, yes?
Kurt: And you live on the other side of the country, in Ohio.
Blaine: Your point being?
Kurt: You don't see him very much. You should be spending time with him, not with your phone that's with you always.
Blaine: But he's being crude! And I don't want to spend time with him while he's like this!
Kurt: Like what?
Blaine: Annoying. He's just being really really annoying.
Kurt: You're really really annoying lots of times, and I don't text someone else complaining about you.
Blaine: But that's because I'm not afraid to tug the phone out of your hand and kiss you senseless. Cooper, as my brother, will not do that.
Kurt: Blaine. Your brother is obviously not going to make out with you.
Blaine: Not that. Obviously he won't do that. He rarely sees me, so he's a little cautious around me and so won't pull my phone away from me.
Kurt: He might be a bit nervous around you, then. Why don't you just talk to him, and not to me, for a bit? You never know – you might enjoy it. You might reconnect. Anything could happen.
Blaine: I doubt it.
Kurt: Blaine. Just do it.
Blaine: But I don't wanna.
Kurt: Stop acting like a petulant child and man up.
Kurt: Deal with it. I can get a lot meaner if I want to. I'm not afraid of you.
Blaine: Yes. I'm well aware of that fact.
Kurt: So just talk to him.
Blaine: Okay, I will.
Kurt: Good boy.
Blaine: Kurt help help me please.
Blaine: Kurt he's stripping I don't know what to do.
Kurt: Appreciate it?
Kurt: What? Your brother's hot.
Blaine: Great. I'll let him know that you're objectifying him.
Kurt: That was not objectification!
Blaine: Don't lie, Kurt. We both know what you're thinking.
Kurt: Fine. If it makes you feel any better, I objectify you mentally too.
Blaine: It doesn't really, although I am flattered.
Kurt: Good. But I still would like a photo.
Blaine: Kurt. I am not taking a photo of my half naked brother for you, when you're dating me.
Kurt: Not seeing the connection.
Blaine: We come from the same gene pool, Kurt. I am more than willing to strip for you.
Kurt: Yeah, but…
Kurt: You do know that I'm joking, right?
Kurt: You're infinitely hotter, you do know?
Blaine: Yes, I know.
Kurt: OK, good. I'm really sorry if… I can get excited sometimes.
Blaine: Kurt, calm down. It doesn't matter. I really don't care.
Kurt: I don't know that. Sometimes you really do and sometimes you couldn't care less.
Blaine: I'm aware. Sorry for being high maintenance.
Kurt: Please, darling. If we're having a high maintenance competition, I win on all fronts.
Blaine: Do you?
Kurt: Yes. Do not argue with me on this.
Blaine: OK. Kurt Cooper's trying to teach me how to act again.
Blaine: He tends to do that a lot. I guess it's some weird protective older brother thing that he has.
Blaine: It doesn't really make that much sense, though.
Kurt: How is that a protective older brother thing?
Blaine: I don't know. Everything that he does is governed by that, though.
Blaine: Trust me.
Kurt: OK. I trust you. I trust your judgement.
Blaine: As you should.
Kurt: Though the patronising could be greatly reduced.
Blaine: Whoops. Sorry. Cooper tends to bring out a patronising side in me. :(
Kurt: It's fine. I'd still like a picture of Cooper though.
Kurt: Or you. Either goes.
Blaine: You're not going to get – in the foreseeable future – a naked picture of Cooper. I'm not sexting via my brother. Do you realise how weird that is?
Kurt: I don't care how weird it is. It's Cooper Anderson – anything goes.
Blaine: Oh my God. Why am I even going out with you again?
Kurt: Because you love me and I'm forever the light of your life?
Blaine: That's one way of putting it, certainly.
Blaine: The time is 9:38 pm, Cooper has gone to bed and there is peace at last.
Kurt: Peace at last? Isn't that a little overdramatic, even for you?
Blaine: Nope. You wouldn't think that, not if you'd been here today.
Blaine: You wouldn't.
Kurt: Well I wasn't, because you and your brother were reconciling, and I had no place in that. So I guess I'll just have to trust you on that one.
Blaine: I guess you will.
Kurt: Except that you're prone to exaggeration.
Blaine: Me? Prone to exaggeration? I think not?
Kurt: I have seen it plenty of times. It's true.
Blaine: Such insults from the one sworn to love me unconditionally. It's truly hurtful, let me tell you.
Kurt: Is it? Look at how much I truly care about that.
Blaine: Ooooooh. Someone's feeling catty today.
Kurt: No more, no less than I usually am.
Kurt: Don't do that. It really doesn't work on me.
Blaine: But the puppy eyes do.
Blaine: [image attached]
Kurt: You can send me all the sad eyes you like, I won't be swayed.
Blaine: Swayed by what? What could there be to sway you?
Kurt: Nothing, I'm sure. It's late, Blaine, and you said Cooper had already gone to bed.
Kurt: I think you should go to sleep.
Blaine: I think you're becoming unnecessarily bossy.
Kurt: Bye, Blaine.
A/N: I'm very sorry for the delay. I've finally finished all of my public exams now (yay!) so when I get back there will be plenty of free time, and hopefully I'll be writing in some of it.