Speaking of the Past

Ahmose Inarus

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Criminal Minds, but I do own Terry Posadas and Dr. Blair

Hotch/ Reid pairing, no sex



"So." Said Dr. Melinda Blair, sitting down in her chair with her clip board and smiling at her patient. "How was your first week back on the job?" She asked once her patient got settled in.

Young Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid smiled back, crossing his legs and leaning back into the sofa cushions. "It was… great." He said, and she watched his smile widen. "It was a little strange...? It's like when you go on a trip for a long time and come back… Everything feels… surreal, but it feels RIGHT. It felt like I was finally home again. And For the first time… I really felt that everything was okay. For the first time, I KNEW that I was going to alright."

"I'm glad to hear that, Spencer." Dr. Blair said with a happy nod. She watched as SSA Aaron Hotchner smiled and put an arm around Reid, and the boy leaned into him. "This was a BIG step forward. And I hear that you've already been on your first case, and it guided you into taking ANOTHER big step."

"Yes." Reid confirmed with a nod. "My first case back took the team to Vegas. Where I grew up. And… I got to see my mom."

"And you don't see her often…"

"Two, maybe three times a year…?" Reid shrugged.

"And Aaron said you did something that made him very proud of you?"

"I told her." Reid said, shrugging. "I told her everything."

"I'm glad you chose to do so."

"I'm not sure I CHOSE to." Reid snorted with a wry smile. "She took one look at me and knew something was wrong… Despite the fact that I had all but disappeared on her for four months. I HAD to tell her." Reid's smile became more genuine. "I may be a profiler, but she can profile me. I can't lie to her, or withhold information; she knows."

Dr. Blair grinned. "Mothers are like that."

"Mothers know." Reid agreed with a nod.

"This a big turning point Spencer… not just in the ordeal you've gone through. This is a turning point in your life? Do you agree?"

"Yes." Reid nodded, smiling again. "Like the first time."

"First time?" Dr. Blair asked.

"… The first time I came to the BAU. That was… probably the biggest positive life-changing event in my life." Reid confessed.

"How do you mean?"

"Well… I started a career… and I was finally… WANTED."

"Can you tell me about it?" She asked.

"About what?"

"How you came to the FBI." Dr. Blair clarified.

"I don't even know the whole story." Hotch said, speaking up for the first time. Reid blinked, then smiled and nodded.


Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon walked across the campus. The sun was warm, but the cold breeze announced the arrival of Autumn just as loudly as leaves beginning to change colors. He arrived at the building where he was to be giving a lecture.

When he walked into the lecture hall, it was almost full. The students were talking amongst themselves.

Then, Gideon heard a voice hiss, "Dude, that must be him!"

"That guy? No way. He doesn't look like FBI."

"He's got a GUN." Argued the first voice, and slowly, a hush spread through the room. Mildly amused that this same scene played out no matter where he went, the man reached the front of the room and mounted the small stage, turning and facing the room. A few stragglers slipped in and scurried to their seats.

Slowly, Gideon looked over the students gathered. They were the typical kind of students that attended the lecture, sitting in groups. With one exception… In the middle of the front row was a young man who looked much younger than the other students… and the other students seemed to be purposely avoiding the boy, a barrier of three empty seats in every direction separating him from all the others. Bu the boy didn't seem to notice, or care. Gideon frowned slightly… was this kid even eighteen yet? Maybe he was a local High School student who had snuck onto campus for the presentation… it had happened before.

He watched the boy, who had his nose buried in a book. He was skimming a finger rapidly down the pages, and then turning them. Gideon's first reaction was "what is he doing?" But only a moment later he was sure of it… the boy was actually READING. Amazing…

"Good afternoon." Gideon announced, and everything went silent as the students looked at him. The boy in the front row lifted his head, looking slightly surprised, and then closed the book and set it aside, fixing an eager look on Gideon through his disheveled chestnut hair and horn-rimmed glasses.

"I'm Supervisory Special Agent Jason Gideon, Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI Academy in Quantico Virginia. More generically, I'm what you would call, a Profiler." Silence met this announcement. "Does anyone know what profiling, or more accurately, Behavioral Analysis is?"

Gideon was surprised to see several eye rolls, and other students immediately looking at the boy in the front row, and only a second later, the boy spoke up.

"Profiling is the use of specific characteristics to make generalizations about a person, as whether he or she may be engaged in illegal activity. Behavioral Analysis is a technique involving the study of crimes from both a behavioral and investigative perspective. It involves reviewing and assessing the facts of a criminal act, interpreting behavior, and interaction with the victim, as exhibited during the commission of the crime, or as displayed in the crime scene."

Gideon blinked at the young man in surprise, then smiled. "Exactly." And he turned to write on the dry erase board behind him. As he did so, he caught a subtle commotion out of the corner of his eye. A few wadded up pieces of paper flew through the room and bounced off of the boy's back and head. The boy flushed and huddled down in his seat, as if trying to make himself either invisible, or a smaller target…

For now, he ignored it and proceeded into his lecture. Every time he asked a question, there were sighs, the rolling of eyes and looks of annoyance at the boy in the front row, who spouted off the answers like a text book. Gideon soon found himself tossing in questions he usually didn't ask, having a bit of fun trying to stump the youth, but not managing to do so… and it delighted him. Especially when the boy started asking questions right back. But after a while, Gideon held up a hand, shaking his head with a smile.

"Look, uh… why don't you save the questions for end." He suggested to the boy. "Otherwise we'll never get through the presentation." The boy blinked, then flushed and ducked his head, sinking down in his seat at the titters around the room. When Gideon turned to write on the board again, his keen hearing picked up a malicious hiss…

"Nice one, Reid… even FBI Agents have to tell you to put a sock in it…"

"Freak." Came another snort. Gideon just sighed…

The lecture continued for an hour, and then Gideon concluded the talk and asked if there were any questions. Immediately, the boy's hand shot up. Groans went around the room. But Gideon just smiled and accepted the boy's question… and the one that followed it… and the one that followed the follow up question. After fifteen minutes, Gideon again smiled and held up a hand, saying "Uh, look son, you have really good questions, but why don't we let someone else ask something?"

And again, the boy flushed and ducked his head and sunk into his seat, wincing as another wadded up ball of paper bounced off of the back of his head.

"Alright, who else has a question?" Gideon asked, looking around.

"… You ever shoot anybody?" Gideon inwardly sighed. Why did they always have to ask THAT one?

Twenty minutes later, the Q&A session ended and Gideon gathered up his things. He noticed several more wads of paper being thrown at the boy, who quickly gathered his own belongings and fled the room. Gideon silently waited until the room was empty and then found himself staring at the paper wads on the floor. It looked like there was writing on one of them.

Frowning, Gideon walked across the room and knelt, picking it up and carefully smoothing it out.

Do us all a favor and just shove this down your throat so we don't have to hear you.

Gideon glared down at the paper, then picked up another.

This one had a doodle of a skinny kid with glasses performing fellatio on another man with the words cock sucker scrawled across the top.

Eyes darkening even more, he picked up another and another…

Just go home… you're from Uranus, right?

You seem to have trouble sitting still… what's wrong? Got a yeast infection in your cunt?

Gideon felt furious at the abuse this boy was suffering at the hands of his "peers". But the last paper that had a note was the worst by far.

This FBI guy could be a great opportunity for you. They could use you as bait to catch the guy raping and killing kids around town! You'd be perfect!

Gideon scowled. There was indeed a case here in the town in which a man was raping and killing pubescent teenage boys. His team had been following the case, and were just waiting to be invited in on it…

Making up his mind, Gideon shoved the cruel notes into his satchel and left the building, looking around. And to his delight, he saw what he was hoping to find. The young man was walking across the grounds, clutching several books to his chest with one hand, and carrying a fresh cup of coffee in the other.

And as Gideon watched, several young men, bigger and taller than the boy, passed by. Two of them, one on each side of the youth, jostled him with their shoulders, knocking him off balance. His coffee slipped from his fingers first, followed by his books. And then the boy stumbled and fell to the ground as well, his leather messenger bag slipping from his shoulder and spilling open. The young men just laughed and went on their way as papers from the messenger back began to blow away with the falling leaves.

Gideon hurried across the grass and managed to catch a couple of papers before they were caught up in the breeze and carried out of reach. Then he and the boy scrambled around, catching the others and gathering them up.

"Here." Gideon said, and the boy stared at the papers in surprise. Then he looked up and identified Gideon… and he looked shocked.

"Oh… Um… thank you. I.. Thank you, Agent Gideon." He stammered. Gideon smiled, watching the boy tuck the papers back into his bag and pick up his books. Then he stood, clutching them close to his chest. Gideon observed the hunched posture, the lowered eyes and the way the boy seemed to hide his face behind his longish hair.

"Jason." Gideon corrected, and offered his hand. The boy blinked, looking startled, then accepted it. Gideon made note that the boy simply placed his hand within Gideon's, allowing the man to grip and shake their hands. Reid didn't take hold of HIS fingers at all. They remained limp in his hold, and even seemed to tremble slightly. Gideon frowned a bit. This was a skittish individual with NO self confidence whatsoever, the victim of constant bullying and abuse, probably for most of his life. Gideon was willing to wager that there was no father figure in his life, and he didn't have a support system. And he was also pretty sure that this boy was NOT the usual college age.

"… And you are?"

"Oh. Um… S-Spencer… Reid." The boy offered.

"Well, Spencer… have you eaten lunch?"


"Lunch. Have you eaten?"

"Oh… N-No, sir."

"Good. Neither have I." And Gideon placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and guided him across the grass.

Reid's mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he asked, "W-What are—"

"Lunch." Gideon said calmly.

"… I have a class!"

"I'll write you a note. I'm sure one from an FBI Agent will suffice."

"Um… uh… o-okay…" Stammered the boy, and stopped resisting. Ten minutes later saw them sitting in a booth at a local restaurant, drinking coffee. Gideon was looking over the menu and the boy, Reid, he reminded himself, was staring at his coffee.

"Order what you want." Gideon said. "My treat."

"Oh, I… I couldn't, I—"

"I insist." Gideon said.

The waitress walked over. "Can I take your orders?" She asked.

"I'll have a cheeseburger, all the fixings, with onion rings and a lemonade… and a house salad to start off with, Ranch dressing please." Gideon said.

"Alrighty. And you?"

"… Um… Just some… uh… broccoli cheddar soup." Reid mumbled quietly.

"Cup or Bowl?"



"That's it." Reid said, and Gideon sighed.

"He'll have a turkey club and fries with that soup." He said, and Reid jerked his head up, eyes wide in surprise. "You like avocado?"

"I… Um… Yes…"

"Then add some avocado to that sandwich." Gideon said with a smile.

"Alrighty." The waitress said with a smile, and she walked away.

"You DO like turkey clubs, right?"

"… Yeah." Reid gulped, still looking stunned.

"What's wrong?"

"I… I'm just a bit uh… confused?"

"I'm willing to wager that doesn't happen much." Gideon chuckled. "You seem… VERY intelligent. I mean, even for a Cal Tech student." Reid shrugged and dumped a large amount of sugar into his coffee. "So… How old ARE you?"

"… Nineteen." Reid said, softly.

"Freshman?" Gideon asked, watching Reid closely.

"Um… Actually… I'm here for postgraduate work…" Reid said.


"… Um… I'm uh… just starting work on a PhD in Chemistry."

"What was your undergrad work?" Gideon asked.

"I uh… I have BA's in Psychology and Sociology." Reid said, and Gideon slowly set down his coffee cup, fixing the boy with an intense stare. "And a PhD in Engineering and Mathematics."

"You already have two BA's and PhD's?" Gideon asked, now looking tense.


"… You said you're nineteen?"

"Um… I will be next week."

"Incredible." Gideon breathed, and slowly smiled at the boy. His salad was delivered then, and so was Reid's soup. "So… did you came to the lecture because you're genuinely interested in joining the FBI, or just for the heck of it?"

"… Um… I attended a lecture last year." Reid said softly. "David Rossi." Gideon snorted with a wry smile. Ah… Good ol' Dave… "That was for the heck of it…" Reid continued. "But I was interested and I've done a lot of research and I wanted more information from the source." And he shrugged, sprinkling pepper into his soup and stirring it before crumbling some saltine crackers over it too.

"Well, your research was obviously very thorough. And you were asking some REALLY good questions."

"Thank you, sir." Reid said, sipping his soup. Gideon smiled.

"I could tell you still have a lot more questions."

"I guess."

"Well then… Ask away."

"Sir?" Reid asked, looking startled.

"I have nothing else going on." The Agent said with a pleasant smile and a shrug. "You have questions, I have answers. So… fire away." Reid stared at the man for a moment, and then slowly, a smile spread across his face and lit up his eyes. And Gideon felt a swell of satisfaction as the boy relaxed and opened up before his gaze. The boy's eyes darted about, shining eagerly as his mind spun with questions. And then he finally settled on one and the pair leaned forwards, falling head over heels into a conversation that would last for seven hours.

It wasn't until Gideon's phone rang that they stopped.

Reid went to the bathroom while Gideon paid the bill for lunch, AND dinner, and took his phone call.


"Hey Hotch."

"California has finally called us on the serial rapist and murderer. Just stay put, we're flying out first thing in the morning."

"Alright. I'll see if I can get you rooms in my hotel." Gideon said. "And Hotch… Remind me to tell you about this kid I've found out here."


"He's perfect Hotch. I want him on the team."

"… Alright. Tell me later. I've got to brief the others."

"Alright. See you in the morning." And Gideon hung up as Reid returned from the bathroom. The pair walked out of the restaurant, and Gideon looked at Reid.

"Listen. I'm going to be in town for a few days, my team has been called in to help out on the serial rapist that's been killing kids in the area."

Reid nodded. "I'm familiar with it." He said. Gideon eyed the boy.


"And what?"

"What do you think?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're interested in being a profiler… so give me a profile."

"M-Me? But, I—"

"There's no right or wrong answer. Just try." Gideon told him.

Reid stared at the man for a long moment, his heart pounding.

"… He's a male in his late twenties." Reid finally said. "He's been doing this for a long time. Probably started with molesting kids who were… alone. No support system. Boys who were isolated. He would have befriended them… groomed them… appealed to their longing for friendship and their naivety. Probably made them watch porn… drink with him… and eventually, he would drug his victims and then… he would touch them. It's likely that the first murder was a result of rage, maybe when a victim didn't respond the way he wanted them to. And he found a release in the kill, as well as added security; no living witness. He may even go back to kill past victims."

"What makes you say that?" Gideon asked, sharp eyes staring at Reid in a bazaar intensity.

Reid hunched over, ducked his head and shrugged, toeing the ground.

"Just a guess?" He mumbled. Gideon narrowed his eyes.

"Alright." He nodded, deciding not to challenge the young man, despite the fact that he was lying. "Well, listen. I've enjoyed talking with you and… I think you're exactly the kind of mind the FBI would want to have on their side." Reid jerked his head up and looked at him. "Hell, you're exactly the kind of mind I want on my team." Reid look stunned. "Think about it. And when you finish your PhD, if you want to try for the Academy, call me." And he offered Reid his card.


"Really." Gideon said, and smiled when Reid took his card. "Call me, and I will do whatever I can to get you in, and through the Academy. Or… even if you ever need anything. My e-mail is there, too."

"… Thank you, sir. I won't abuse this… privilege."

Gideon chuckled, shaking his head. "I mean it, Spencer. Keep me up to date on everything. I want to see you succeed. You have more potential than most. Don't squander it."

"I won't, sir!" Reid gasped, looking delighted.

"Good. It was a privilege meeting you and talking with you."

"It was an honor, sir." Reid said in the most forceful tone he had used all night.

The pair shook hands, and then parted ways, Gideon calling over his shoulder, "I mean it, Spencer! Keep in touch!"

And Reid did. And when he had completed his PhD, he called Gideon and announced his desire to enter the FBI Academy. And when the time came to enroll, Gideon was right there by his side, getting him through the paperwork and the obstacles that popped up regarding his age. He was there to help Reid through his studies, and many times he managed to talk Reid out of giving up when he struggled in all of his physical classes, often failing them, or struggling with bullying at the hands of the other cadets…

And when Reid found himself dressed in the black coat and blue pants with the red stripe up the side for his graduation ceremony, Gideon was still there. Just as he was when Reid received his first assignment; the BAU. And it was Gideon who first walked him through the doors and to his own desk in the bullpen for the first time.

Hotch smiled, running a hand up and down Reid's back. "I didn't know it at that time…" Reid said. "But I had come home. The BAU became my life, and the team my family."

Hotch leaned over and gently kissed Reid's cheek. The boy smiled.

"And you're still in touch with Gideon?" Dr. Blair asked.

"I see him ever couple of months. He drops in." Reid nodded.

"I'm glad to hear it. It sounds like he was a big part in your new life with the Bureau."

"He was." Reid said.

"Until he left." Hotch growled.

"Left?" Dr. Blair asked. Reid shook his head.

"I think that's a story for another day." He said, and Dr. Blair nodded.

"Alright." She said. "Well, I guess I'll see you next week."

"As long as I'm in town." Reid assured her, and she bid him goodbye, watching him leave hand in hand with his lover, heading home to their new house.

In the car on the way home, Hotch looked at Reid.

"So… tell me about the profile."


"Of that child rapist and murderer Gideon had you construct on the spot."

"What do you want to know?" Reid asked, tensing.

"… Gideon told me about it." Hotch said. "He said that… he got the sense that you knew more than you were letting on." Reid was silent. "… That wasn't a profile, was it?" Reid looked away. "Spencer… You knew who it was." Hotch stared at Reid in shock. "Didn't you?"

"… Yes." Reid whispered. "I knew Terry Posadas."

"you knew he was the killer?"

"… I had my suspicions."

"Why didn't you got to the police?" Hotch cried, upset. "Why didn't you tell Gideon! Children were DYING, Reid!"

"Don't yell at me!" Reid shouted back. "I was a kid!"

"You were nineteen!"

"I was still a kid, Hotch! Remember? Alone at college? Emotionally damaged and stunted? Any of that ring a bell!"

"Spencer… just tell me why…"

"Because… I still wasn't ready to admit what… he had done to me."

Hotch's blood ran cold.

"… Tell me."

Reid was quiet for a long time, then took a deep breath and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "I was fifteen, almost sixteen. And I had just started my senior year. Because of my age, I had a private room. Right next door to the Resident Assistant. And the House Mother checked up on me routinely. For the most part, I was alone. I only had one friend… Terry. We would study together. Hang out together in our dorm rooms. And… sometimes… he would… let me drink with him."

"You were fifteen… that would have made him… twenty three?" Hotch asked, his tone dark and cold.

"… Yes." Reid admitted, and Hotch winced. "One night… after Ms. Saenz had checked on me for the night, he came to my room. We watched TV. I didn't have one when I went to college, he had bought it for me as a gift… But… we watched TV… Sometimes he would bring his own DVD's… this time he brought some Rum… some Vodka… some Jack Daniels… He had me try a shot of the Jack… I didn't like it. He ended up letting me have the Rum… I got dizzy and… I think I passed out. I had never been drunk before. But I have since then. And that first time was different. I think he drugged me.

Hotch grit his teeth and gripped the steering wheel tightly, staring at the road.

"I woke up to the touches. Hands on my thighs. Lips on my chest. I was naked. I… tried to speak. But I couldn't. He… told me to be quiet… that I would like it… And he… he touched me… fondled me." The boy squirmed. "He… commented on my body. I was just barely beginning to enter puberty. He told me not to worry… it would… it would get bigger. And then he… groped my… my backside… I think I started to cry. He said it was okay… I don't know how long it was. But he just… felt my body. All over. And he looked at me while… pleasuring himself. Then he… covered me up with my blankets… and he kissed my cheek and… said he would see me tomorrow. Then he told me to sleep well, and he left.

"The next day I went to class even though I felt horrible. I didn't want to be alone. He was in one of my classes, and he said he would come by my room that night and we could hang out again… And I was so scared. I stayed at the library until it closed at midnight. And even then I was too scared to go to my room. I… I went to my RA. He was a good guy. He really looked out for me. He could tell something was wrong, but I wouldn't tell him what. He uh… He let me stay in his room that night.

"Apparently, after I fell asleep, he heard Terry banging on my door. And he went out into the hall and told him to stay away from me. He didn't know what had happened, but he would alert the House Mother and the Dean of Students if he thought Terry had done something to me. He… protected me. I never told him what happened… but… he knew Terry had done something. Terry moved to another dorm after that. And he dropped the class that we had together. He dropped out of school completely at the end of the semester."

"… You never reported him.".

"I was scared to."

"Why? Did he threaten you?"

"No." Reid replied, shaking his head. "Hotch… I went to college at age twelve. There were a lot of people who didn't think I was old enough to be in that kind of environment. I was afraid that if I reported it… the school would change their mind and send me away until I was older."

Hotch was silent for a long time, but finally, he just nodded his acceptance. "Well… it was years ago. No use crying over spilled milk."

"Did you know that phrase—"

"Spencer… please?"

"Sorry." Reid mumbled, grinning.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. When they got home, Hotch pulled into the garage and Reid let out a sigh of relief. Hotch closed the garage and headed inside with Reid, who headed up the stairs to take a shower.

When Reid got out of the shower, he found Hotch pacing in the sitting room area just outside of the bedroom. He was carrying a case file, and looking nervous.

"Aaron? What is it?" Reid asked. Hotch paused, then turned.

"I was going to send Dave and Derek to do this one… but…" He trailed off. Blinking, Reid took the file and opened it.

"… Terry Posadas has agreed to be interviewed…?" Reid breathed, eyes widening.

"I thought you had the right to know."

"When is the interview being done."

"It hasn't been scheduled." Hotch said.

"… I want to go."

"I was afraid of that." Hotch sighed. "But… Like I said… you have the right to know." Reid closed the file and stared at the man, then walked over and curled his arms around his neck, kissing him.

"… Thank you, Aaron. I really appreciate that." He said, and Hotch just nodded. "I… have to admit that I'm surprised you told me, though."

"… These last few months have taught me some things." Hotch confessed, and Reid cocked his head. "No matter how much I want to, I can't protect you from everything. And if I let myself get too over-protective, you'll only resent me for it. We're in a relationship. And relationships are largely built on honesty. I don't want to damage what we have by hiding things from you. You came clean to me about this. It's only right I do the same."

"… Thank you." Reid said with a nod, and closed his eyes as Hotch kissed his forehead. He smiled. "Take a shower. I'll make dinner." And Hotch nodded, smiling as Reid walked away from him. He held on to the boy's hand. Reid blinked and looked back over his shoulder at the man. Hotch smiled at Reid and squeezed his fingers briefly before releasing them. Reid smiled back and slipped out of the room.


Just so everyone knows, I am STILL writing! I know it's been FOREVER since I've uploaded everything. And I am SO sorry! I've been working diligently on 'Alas, Babylon' and 'Knights of the Old Republic'. The prior is in chapter 10 and the latter is in chapter 19 (Holy freakin God…) and they're still not really close to being done.

I'm SORRY you guys have been waiting for so long, and that you're gonna be waiting longer still, but I PROMISE! IT WILL BE WORTH IT! Honestly… 'Knights of the Old Republic' is looking like it may be so long, I'm considering splitting it up into a few smaller fics for a series. Speaking of 'Knights of the Old Republic', I have a dilemma on something... I can't decide whether or not to include a certain canon event in the fic, so again I am turning to me readers to decide. Please check out the poll on my profile!

I'm also still working on 'Wild Wild West' (I want a new title for that one… ideas, anyone?) and I've started a new fic (I couldn't help it!) in which the team are Angel/Human half-breeds, aside from Reid who is hiding a big secret. Don't have a title for that one, either... I've put a little teaser for that one up on my profile, though!

And as always, please review! It lets me know you still love me despite my horrible neglectfulness of my wonderful readers!

Much love, Inarus