What's Waiting For Me.

Summary. . . . . . . . . . . What would you think of if you knew your end was about to near? One of the boys gives us his perspective.

A.N. . . . . . . . . . . This is a weird one. Have you ever had one of those moments where you wonder what awaits us when we die? Is there a heaven and a hell? Or is there just nothing? I had one the other day, and the thought of there being nothing fills me with panic, so I thought I'd put my thoughts into one of the boys. This is set before Sam left, so John's still alive, neither boy has visited hell yet, and angels are a thing of the future. It's also left open for you to decide which Winchester is bleeding out. I hope this works. Peanut x

"Oh God, please let someone find me soon, I just don't know how much longer I can hold on." He pushed his hands even further against his side, igniting a fire of agonizing pain to flare out from his torso and shatter every nerve within his body. He tried to ignore the stickiness of his own blood as it poured from his wound, coating his fingers and dribbling down his hands before being caught by the cuff of his shirt, or trickling down to pool about the shattered pieces of glass and the cold harsh concrete of the disused warehouse below him; tried to ignore the smell of copper as it seemed to permeate the air, blocking out all others smells, and tainting the oxygen that, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to pull enough into his starved and straining lungs. "Please, I don't want to die yet." His voice now no more than the merest whisper.

"Please don't make me go yet." He tried to force open his eyes; eyes that seemed too heavy, eyes that seemed to have a will of their own, eyes that had seen too much death within his short years, eyes that he now felt were bearing witness to his own. He tried to think of his family, his life, anything to stop himself from thinking of what he was about to face, yet no matter how hard he tried his mind kept on dragging him there, and each time it did a little bit more of his spirit, his fight, his life drained away; the blood pumping slower now between his digits. "Please let them find me; even if it is too late, please let them find me." He shuddered as he tried to imagine what would happen if they didn't.

"I don't want to die here; I don't want to die at all." His body shook with tremors as the chill of the night seeped into his very being. His traitorous delirious mind betraying him, showing him images of what was to become. His body, undiscovered, wasting away here. The circle of life continuing as carrion and rodents and insects feasted away at his flesh and innards until all that was left was stripped away bones and rotting garments. But would it be better if he was found by others? Would they choose to destroy him by throwing him into the one thing he hated, fire? Or would he be unlucky enough to be buried in a cheap wooden box within the earth, where if he was lucky he would slowly mummify, if not wait even longer for the carnivores to find him. Would he feel it? Would he feel the scorch of the first flames burn him? Would he feel the first nibble of teeth on his flesh? Or did your soul truly leave you when you died? "I don't want to find out yet, I'm not ready."

"Hurry, please, it's not hurting anymore." His body vibrated with panic as his mind took him further into a place he didn't want to venture. What would happen if he died here? Was there really an afterlife? Was there really a heaven? Did your soul truly leave for a better place? A place where everyone was happy and carefree and loved? Would someone be waiting for him at the gates? Would his Mom be there, welcoming him with open arms? What would happen if God thought he'd been bad? What if God thought he'd killed too many creatures, even if those creatures were evil themselves? Would he be sent the other way? Would he spend eternity in the fiery pits of hell? Or was there really just nothing? Did you just pass away into this long deep dark void, your soul still intact and nothing to look forward to but an eternity of blackness? He began to cry even more, began to pray that there was at least some sort of afterlife. He was gonna die here if nobody came soon, he had to believe there was something afterwards to go to, the thought of there being nothing hurt too much. "If I have to go, please let me see her waiting for me."

"Make them live without me, let them be happy." His thoughts drifted, as the end crept closer, drifted away from the doubts and the panic about what lay ahead, but the fear remained; only this time the fear was for those he was about to leave behind. He prayed that they would have the strength to recover from yet another loss to their small family; prayed that they wouldn't do something stupid through grief and anguish and sorrow, like try and find a way to bring him back from the dead. He prayed that they would be there for one another, that they wouldn't mourn his death, but instead celebrate his life; that they wouldn't drown away their sorrows in malt and rye. He didn't want to go, didn't want to leave them, didn't want to hurt them, but he couldn't hold on any longer, could feel his body shutting down. "I'm sorry, I tried, but I'm just too tired. I love you both. Goodbye."

"Son? Son? Don't you leave us, don't you leave us alone. You fight now, do you hear me, you fight now. Daddies here and he's gonna make you all better, you just have to fight now. Anything? Just keep on pressing. Where the hell is that God damn ambulance? Did he just breathe? Did he just breathe? Oh, thank God, thank God. He's gonna be fine, you'll see he's gonna be fine. We can't lose him. I won't lose him."

A.N. . . . . . . . . . . Did it work? Please let me know. On a side note, I just wanted to let you all know that until I can find my way again on my Supernatural chapter fics, I'm going to take the unfinished ones down, I'm so sorry, but what I'm producing concerning them just reads like crap to me so I'd rather go away from them for a while and come back when I've found my way again. Thank you so much for taking time out to read this, catch you soon. Peanut x