A/N: This is just my crazy mind at work people, this idea was brought on by the latest Harry Potter movie, when I was done watching part 1 I thought of what might happen if they wanted to start the sequence AGAIN! And so birthed this story…..enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not in any way or form own all or part of the Harry Potter series, and y'all should thank God I don't coz if I did wacky stuff like this just might actually happen…for realz….
THE I.T(The Incredible Three)
CHAPTER 1: Harry Potter
List of judges
Professor Severus Snape….or P.S
Dr Allison Cameron…or A.C
Harry Potter…..or H.P
Ronald Weasely…..or R.W
Hermione Granger…..or H.G
List of contestants per chapter:
Its year 7 at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Harry Potter and the wonder crew are graduating, who will take their place and fight against the forces of eeeeviiiil….who will save the world from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named…who will be "The Incredible Three" or shortly put T.I.T.
Scene opens on a stage not unlike American Idols, with a banner of the very first Harry Potter movie only slightly different because it seems in this particular picture Harry, Hermione and Ron are rock stars, holding on to their brooms with the usual careless abandon of Linkn Park holding his guitar and their uniforms and hairstyles are very different. Harry is rocking a Mohawk, his scar is for some reason really, really obvious and glittering, he has the standard white shirt, tie and pants of Hogwarts only that his shirt is torn in some places all rock star like, his tie is skewered to the right and his pants are now skinny-jeans cut and really tight, his usual school boots are all military style like with the laces untied and he has on a lot of chains, a spiky collar on his neck, 4 earring holes on each ear rimmed just like Linkin Park's and he has on dark emo make-up as well. Hermione who is standing in the middle is no different from Harry Potter only that her hair is all froofed up and she now has dangerous razor sharp looking bangs, she also has on the dark make-up but hers is heavier, a nose ring and a tongue ring which she is proudly showing off, her tie is down to her mid riff and her shirt is at her navel only its torn and tied not buttoned like it should be so we can see her red bra from the top of her shirt and also her navel which also has a ring, her skirt is so short we can almost see her panties and she is wearing black torn fish net leggings, her boots are exactly like Harry's. Ron who is at the right is sporting a punk rock hairstyle, his outfit is pretty much the same as Harry's only that his shirt sleeves are torn and fraying at the edges and untucked, his pants are not as skinny but they are skinny alright, he has a necklace with razor blades as the pendants hanging off his neck.
In this banner they all have the same non chalant I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-What-You-Think-So-Go-Die look on their faces and they are all tattooed up and the header of the banner says 'T.I.T' written in gothic, blood red handwriting, this is the only thing with color, the rest of the picture is in black and white.
…... The judges are all seated when contestant 1 walks in
P.S: Your name
CONT 1: Harry Pinter
H.P: (in a thick British accent sounding doped up) That's not really your name is it?
CONT 1: (looks down at the floor in shame) No
P.S: (shouts angrily) Well then what is it?
A.C: (in a calming tone) Snapes please, you're going to make him cry (looks at CONT 1) what's your name sweetheart, your real name.
CONT 1: Benjamin Pope
P.S: O.k. Benjamin, let's see what you got
CONT 1: (arranges self and pulls out a stick that's supposed to be a wand) This is from Harry Potter and the Prisoner Of Azkaban(tries to make voice deep but fails miserably) 'You Volde- uh I mean he-who-must-not-be-named leave here uh this instant (flings 'wand' as if throwing a curse but wand falls out of hand, turns and stares expectantly at judges)
P.S: (removes hand from under chin) What? That's it?
CONT 1:Yes sir
P.S: That was by far the most horrendous, outrageous, lily-livered…
A.C: Snape please! Mind your tone, he's just a kid
A.C: Benjamin…Benny, can I call you Benny?
CONT 1: (nods head)
A.C: I'm sorry Benny, I really am but I don't really think you're really suited for this part, maybe you can come back next year?
H.P: I'm sorry bloke I'm gonna have to give you a no, that was sodding un-believable, you didn't even have the accent for God's sake, I'm sorry but it's a NO
CONT 1: (bows head picks up stick/wand and leaves)
The next contestant walks in
CONT 2: Thomas Gudman
P.S: Gudman? Is that with a 'u' or a double 'o'?
CONT 2: A 'u' sir
P.S: (head bowed, writing the name on a piece of paper) Gudman with a 'u', ok let's see what you got
CONT 2: This is from when Draco and Harry Potter are having an altercation (pulls out a heavy looking cloak that looks exactly like standard issue Hogwarts cloak and puts it on, also pulls out a 'wand', clears throat and points 'wand' in the air indicating the position of Draco Malfoy) Draco you son of a bitch get the fuck out of here you damn motherfucker and don't ever call Hermione a bitching mud blood else I'll make you wish you were never fucking born you fucking asswipe shit head (turns to judges)
(All the judges excluding Harry Potter are wearing different expressions on their faces but one thing was common they were all shocked)
P.S: What was that?
CONT 2: That was Harry defending Hermione
A.C: But...but sweetie all I heard were cuss words, didn't you get the memo, NO CUSS WORDS!
CONT 2: Oh about that, I noticed that every time Harry has to defend any of his friends to any Slytherin member, there's no feeling, so I decided to add mine (smiles at A.C)
H.P: Blimey, I've never heard so many cuss words in one sentence, big ups bruv' (smiles dopishly at CONT 2)
A.C: Oh I'm sorry, it's a NO from me, too much cussing, too much.
(Snapes is still staring at CONT 2 with a barely disguised look of disgust and anger)
P.S: It's a NO from me, what did you really think I'd say, yes?
H.P: No man, I give you a no on the performance but yes on the cussing
CONT 2: (contorts face angrily and spits on the floor) well fuck you, you all don't know real talent when you see it, you'll see…motherfuckers, I'll fucking show all of you (storms out with cloak billowing behind him)
(Snapes calls in maintenance to wipe off the offensive spit from the ground)
P.S: Boy that was eventful, NEXT!
(A short, fat kid with red hair wearing a tight red T-shirt 3 sizes too small and pants way too tight to be legal walks in)
A.C: (stares at the fat kid incredulously) Oh…oh, that has to be uncomfortable.
P.S: Son, what's your name?
CONT 3: Henry Pinter
H.P: Blimey, aren't you a tad bit uncomfortable in those clothes?
CONT 3: (looks down at clothes and shakes head) No
A.C: Ok Henry, show us
CONT 3: (reaches into his impossibly tight pants pocket and pulls out something like a piece of paper, rips off a part and sticks a stick-on tattoo resembling Harry Potter's scar on his fore head, in a monotonous voice he begins his audition) This is from Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets when Harry is talking with Professor Dumbledore at the pensive bowl (brushes invisible hair away from face) 'Sir I don't think we should dredge up old memories, we should just leave things the way they are (finishes, looks down and then looks up abruptly with what might have been his most dramatic look)
H.P: No...just no, you're not creative, my sodding cat acts better than you.
A.C: Henry, honey (smiles encouragingly) I'll give you a yes ok?
CONT 3: (pumps fist up and down) Yes!
P.S: Why're you so happy, I'm giving you a NO your creativity was zero, you didn't have any feeling in your voice, what…were you reading from a book? Un-believable
CONT 3: But… (eyes brimming with tears) but I have the scar…
CONT 3…and the pants…
H.P: Whoa whoa what, the pants? my pants were never that tight, ever.
CONT 3: (bursts into tears and runs blindly for the door) …MOMMY! (slams into the door, gets up and leaves still crying)
P.S: I'm sick and tired of all these weirdoes, really… (sighs) NEXT!
(a tall lanky boy with brown curly hair dressed in all black walks in)
CONT 4: Good afternoon
A.C: (smiles at the respect of the contestant) and a good morning to you too, what's your name?
CONT 4: Frankie…Frankie Jermaine
H.P: Alright Frank, let's see what you got
CONT 4: (clears throat and arranges self and does a near perfect rendition from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, finishes and turns to face judges) So?
P.S: (blows out breath) Thank goodness
A.C: (smiles brightly) It's a yes from me
P.S: Yes oh yes
H.P: What can I say, yes
CONT 4: (jumps up and goes forward to collect his Parchment of Acceptance) thank you, thank you so much.
(after contestant leaves)
P.S: Thank goodness, we found someone, I was beginning to think we might not have, my brain was about to explode I tell you that was awful.
A.C: (smiling at nothing in particular) it wasn't all bad
(H.P & P.S stare at her incredulously)
P.S: See you tomorrow, Allison, Harry
(They all clear the stage and it all goes dim)
A.N: Ok there's other chapters of other characters but you got to tell me if you want it, also I was thinking of doing one for Twilight but for me to know you got to review so keep 'em coming…peace out.